Naruto Primer
by Link and Luigi
Summary: Ever read Chicken Soup for the Soul? Well, this isn't really like it. But it has the same format filled with all sorts of short stories. You're BOUND to find something for the whole family! COMPLETED!
1. Rock Lee: Girl Troubles

Naruto Primer: Rock Lee

Girl Troubles

Rock Lee is sad.

You see, Rock Lee is an extremely sensitive fellow and he is also very sweet.  However, when it comes to looks, Lee falls very short.  VERY short.  The problem is, girls usually turn him away before they can come to know just how wonderful he is.

Here comes Sakura, the girl of Lee's dreams.  Lee dreams of Sakura every night but Sakura doesn't even know he exists.  Well, she does, but she thinks he's as ugly as a butt.  In a way, she is right, but beauty is only skin deep.  If only there was some way Lee could get her to see that before she turned him away.  Unfortunately, when Sakura sees Lee coming, she usually turns and runs in the other direction, leaving Lee to cry all alone.

"There must be a way I can get her to notice me!" said Lee.  "Then again, maybe I should focus on her NOT getting to notice me!  That's it!  If she didn't know who I was and didn't see my horrible face, then she'll find out just what a nice guy I am!  Then, when I reveal my true self to her…"

Lee looked around the corner to see Sakura slowly approaching him, unaware of his presence.

"Oh man…" said Lee.  "If only I could do something other than taijutsu!  If I could, then I'd be able to change my shape to look more appealing!"

At that moment, Lee spotting a paper bag blowing by.

"I know!" said Lee as he grabbed the bag and punched out two even holes about eye width apart.  "With this bag over my head, she'll have no idea it's me!"

With that, he shoved the paper bag over his head and jumped out into the open just as Sakura came up to where he was.  "Good morning, fine lady!" he said, trying somewhat to disguise his voice.

"Why, who are you?" asked Sakura.

"I'm just…er…" stuttered Lee as he quickly thought up a name.  "I'm Sasuke…'s brother…not the evil one!"

"Sasuke has another brother?" wondered Sakura out loud.

"He doesn't speak of me much because I wear this bag over my head and because I'm not evil and he doesn't need to kill me." Lee lied.

"Oh!" said Sakura.  "Okay!  Well, anyone who's related to Sasuke must be beautiful!  May I see your face?"

"No." said Lee.  "Not yet.  You are not ready.  May I treat you to a milkshake?"

Sakura accepted.  The two went out for a milkshake.  They went out the next day as well.  The same for the day after that, and the following days.  Pretty soon, they found themselves spending all their free time together.

Lee was very happy.

…For a little while.

He was troubled.  "I'm living a lie!" he said.  "Sakura may like my personality but she doesn't love me for who I am!  She loves me for being Sasuke's not evil brother."

As he waited for Sakura to arrive, (for they were going out again) he debated with himself on whether he should show Sakura his face.  But then, as he saw her coming down the street, he realized that it was the only thing he could, and should, do.

"Good morning Sasuke's not evil brother!" sang Sakura.

"Good morning, fair Sakura." Said Lee.  "I believe you are finally ready to see my face."

Lee slowly began to pull the paper bag off his head as Sakura looked on in awe.  However, she was shocked to only see Lee's hopeful face looking back at her.

"You're not Sasuke's not evil brother!" she gasped, slapping her cheeks.  "You're not even his evil brother!  You're not related to Sasuke at all!  You're just Rock Lee!!"

She threw her arms in the air and ran away screaming in terror.

Poor, poor Lee.  Even though she finally got to know him, it was his looks that killed him in the end.  Though what else is new?

And the moral of the story is: Don't judge a book by its cover.


	2. Uchiha Sasuke: I'm Better Than You

Naruto Primer: Uchiha Sasuke

I'm Better Than You

Sasuke has a problem.

He doesn't think he has a problem, but he does.  And that problem is his superiority complex.  He feels that he either is, or should be, better than everyone else in the entire world.  Now, some people may call this a good thing that he has high enough self-esteem to believe in himself so strongly, but opinions as such could get him into trouble occasionally.

Sasuke believes he's better than his teacher, Kakashi.  On his very first day, before he was even a genin, he was positive that he could take on a mighty jounin all by himself while doubting the skills of his teacher.  Sasuke also knows that he is a true member of the Uchiha clan with a REAL Sharingan… TWO real Sharingans.

Sasuke believes he's better than his teammate, Sakura.  He finds her to be positively obnoxious and doesn't think she can really ever achieve at reaching even the chuunin level.  He thinks she's always holding him back and, even though he's sort of right, he knows he's better.

Sasuke believes he's better than his rival, Gaara.  He didn't mind keeping Gaara waiting for a ridiculously long time.  Screw Gaara.  Sasuke KNOWS he's better than Gaara.  He knew that if he just put in a little bit of effort and used his brand new moves that he had just learned, he could easily put Gaara away while other people could never even touch him.

Sasuke believes he's better than his other rival, Rock Lee.  He knows that he was able to learn the attacks in a month that Rock Lee took years to learn.  Lee managed to catch him off guard that one time, but everyone knows that Sasuke was just letting him get the best of him so that he could copy all of Lee's moves with his Sharingan.  Also, Sasuke could defeat Gaara and send him into a state of instability, whereas Lee could not.

Sasuke believes he's better than another one of his rivals, Neji.  He doesn't give Neji the time of day.  He doesn't deserve it.  He's not worthy.  Neji isn't even good enough on Sasuke's scale to even have the honor of learning his name.

Sasuke believes he's better than his enemy, Orochimaru.  Little did Orochimaru know, but Sasuke just gained power from Orochimaru's stupid experiments and curses.  Sasuke knows that he'll just get all he can from Orochimaru and then defeat him.  It may hurt, but not that much.

Sasuke believes he's better than his brother, Itachi.  After only a few months of training, Sasuke felt that he was ready to take on his infamous brother, the one who killed the entire clan of legendary Uchihas.  He knows that Itachi is weak, because only someone so weak would have to kill other weak people in order to prove to himself that he is strong.

Sasuke believes he's better than the entire pre-genin class.  Three-men teams?  That just slows him down.  Sasuke felt that he should get a team all to himself with a one-on-one teaching sessions with a jounin.  He doesn't talk to any of them during class.  He sits by himself.  They're below him.  He graduated at the top of his class.  He doesn't think he's better than them, he is.

Sasuke believes he's better than the entire pre-chuunin group.  All of the genins who wished to be chuunins were below Sasuke.  It was easy to see that during the two different tournaments that were conducted.  Absolutely no one was up to par with Sasuke.  And all the spectators were dying to see him fight.  He figured he'd show up late just to hype the crowd up and prove to Gaara that no one was on HIS side.

Sasuke believes he's better than his teammate and rival, Naruto.  He believes that…

"No." said Sasuke.  "I don't BELIEVE I'm better than Naruto.  I AM better than Naruto.  Why?  I just am."

In short, Sasuke knows that he is better than everyone else.  Unfortunately, this makes him extremely cocky during battle, which makes him very sad when he loses.  Very sad.  Then he falls into his inferiority complex.  But we'll cover that complex another day.


	3. Yamanaka Ino: Ino's Evil Plot

Naruto Primer: Yamanaka Ino

Ino's Evil Plot

Ino has a plan.

We all know that Ino is a girl who gets what she wants, or wants to get what she wants.  It's obvious to see that she wants Sasuke.  And, considering Sasuke is the most popular boy around, despite the fact that he thinks he's better than everyone, all the other girls want him as well.

This means that Ino has many rivals.

However, her biggest rival would be her former friend, Sakura.  Now, since Sakura is on the same team as Sasuke, she has more time to get to know him and he has more time to learn to like her.

Ino knows this to be true, and secretly, she also knows that there might be a little shred of something deep down inside Sasuke that may hint at the fact that there's a possibly be a bit of doubt that he probably shows a little bit of interest in Sakura.  With only that much, that could potentially put Sakura above Ino, and Ino can't have that.

That's when Ino hatched her plan.  If she were to use her Shintenshin no Jutsu on Sakura and borrowed her for a little while, she might be able to meet up with Sasuke and sway him away from her.  For even if Sasuke only liked Sakura a tiny, tiny bit, that was still reducing Ino's chance to score with him.

Creeping up on Sakura wasn't too hard for Ino.  Creeping up on Sakura wouldn't be too hard for anyone, for that matter.  Skillfully, Ino used her jutsu and invaded Sakura's mind.

"This time, Sakura," laughed Ino as she hurried off to find Sasuke in the guise of Sakura.  "Sasuke's all mine!"

She spotted Sasuke sitting all by himself on a rock somewhere, eating his lunch with his name written on the paper bag with black Sharpie.  "Hi Sasuke!" she called, trying to sound as ditzy as possible.

Sasuke looked vaguely in her direction and then acknowledged her existence.

"You know, Sasuke," said Ino as she sat down next to him.  "I actually hate you!  I hate you so much!!  This whole time, I was only pretending to love you because I thought that since all the other girls did, I would be left out of the loop if I didn't love you too!"

Sasuke took a bite of his peanut butter and fluff sandwich and didn't look in the least bit phased.

"Okay…" Ino said with a frown.  "Well, that's it!!"  She sprang up and quickly hurried away, leaving Sasuke all alone to just sit and ponder.  "What was that all about?!  It looked like he didn't even care!!"

Then a light bulb went off in her head.

"That means that he actually doesn't like Sakura at all!" she deducted happily as she ran back to her body.  "All I have to do now is to keep it that way!  But…how?"

Then Ino got an idea.

An AWFUL idea.

Yamanaka Ino got a wonderful, AWFUL idea!

"I'll just convince Sakura that Sasuke hates her so she won't even bother anymore!" Ino chuckled to herself as she used her jutsu to put herself back in her own body.  While Sakura was still in her state of discombobulation, Ino sprung up and ran back over to where Sasuke was now trying to get the plastic wrap off the straw of his Junior Juice.

"Now's my chance!" Ino whispered to herself, realizing that Sasuke was far too preoccupied with the now bent straw to notice that she was standing right there.  So, once again, she skillfully used her Shintenshin no Jutsu on Sasuke and put her soul in his body right then and there!

Ino couldn't help but cackle to herself as she ran off to go back where she had left Sakura.

Sakura, by now, had regained her composure and was wandering around, trying to figure out what exactly had just happened.  Then, she caught sight of her beloved Sasuke.  Little did she know that her beloved Sasuke was actually Ino.

"Hi Sasuke!" she said cheerfully.

"Hi Sakura." Said Ino, enjoying herself far too much.  "Before you say any other stupid things, Sakura, I want you to know that I hate you!  I never liked you!"

"What…?" said Sakura dramatically as tears started forming in her eyes.

"That's right!" said Ino.  "I felt that you should be the first to know that, out of all the girls I've ever known, you are by far the most annoying!  When I found out that we were on the same team, I cringed!  I mean, I could have been on a team with anyone else, but no.  I had to get stuck with you!"

"Don't say that, Sasuke!" cried Sakura.  "After all we've been through."

"Never speak to me again, Sakura." Said Ino as she barely held back her laughter and turned to run away.  She ran off faster than the speed of light back over to where Sasuke's discarded lunch still sat, waiting for him, and then released him from the jutsu.

Overjoyed with her happiness, Ino decided to wait for another day before she made her first moves on Sasuke.  And, even though Ino seems to have been very successful in her mission, I'll have you know that cheaters never prosper.  Except for right here.


	4. Akimichi Chouji: The Diet

Naruto Primer: Akimichi Chouji

The Diet

Chouji is a large boy.

A mere glance in his direction will confirm that statement.  No one will ever deny that his size is abnormal and the fact that he probably weighs twice as much as any of the other boys his age.

Many people have told him he is overweight and Chouji usually responded that it was because of his bloodline that he was so big.  But the more Chouji thinks about it, the more he realizes that he won't be able to use that excuse forever.

How could he possibly become a great ninja like Shikamaru if he couldn't even feel great in his own skin?  Chouji knew that if he was going to become a chuunin like his best friend, there would have to be some changes.  The changes wouldn't be easy for him.  In fact, they would prove to be ridiculously difficult, but he also knew the end result would be worth it all.

"I won't eat at all today!" Chouji announced as he woke up on the first of the month.  "Starting this morning, I'm on a diet!"

The members of the Akimichi clan aren't ones for diets or concerning about their weight, so Chouji didn't bother seeking advice or support from his family.  It's not like they would look down upon him or chastise him, they just wouldn't know how to help him, for Chouji had very caring parents.

The first urge to eat was when he swung his feet over the side of his bed and jumped onto the floor.

"I must not give in!" Chouji said, trying to ignore the growling sounds from his stomach.

The second urge to eat was when he reached out for the doorknob to exit his room.  His stomach was now unbearably rumbly.

"The more I think about not eating, the more I want to eat!" Chouji realized, getting distressed.  "I have to do other things so I can distract myself from food!  But…what?"

With every step down the tall stairs of his house, Chouji could feel his feet underneath him weakening.  "How great it would be to just have a small bite to eat…" Chouji said as he longingly looked in the direction of the kitchen.

_"No!" _a voice inside him yelled.  A small angel that looked remarkably like Shikamaru appeared on Chouji's shoulder.  "You mustn't give in!"

"But I'm so hungry!" Chouji whined to the mini-Shikamaru with a chipmunky voice.

"It'll get easier once you walk out that door." The angel Shikamaru assured Chouji, pointing at the front door that led to outside.  "When you get out there, you won't even think about food."

"Yeah, you're going to believe that?" came another deformed sounding voice as mini-sized Ino appeared on Chouji's other shoulder.  She was dressed all in red and was carrying a pitchfork.  "Come on.  Who needs to go on a diet?  You're defined by your size.  If you lose that, you'll just be another loser like Shikamaru."

"Shikamaru's not a loser!" said Chouji.

"Just ignore her, Chouji." Said the little Shikamaru.  "Go outside and forget all about food."

"Don't listen to him!" said Ino.  "Listen to me!  I say; splurge!  There's nothing wrong with it!"

"Man, you guys are confusing me!" Chouji said as he flicked both of them off his shoulder and stood there by himself.  He gave a heavy sigh and reached for the door.  Maybe he should listen to his psychopathic visions caused by his delirious state.  But which one?

Why was he even wondering?  Shikamaru, of course.  Shikamaru had never steered him wrong before.  If there was one person in this world that Chouji could rely on, it was Shikamaru.

Feeling a new strength, Chouji flung open the door and jumped out into his front yard where the sun was shining, the birds were singing and the grass was greener like never before!  He felt like a new man already and knew that he could probably go another forty-five minutes feeling like this before he would have to distract himself again, consulting his mini Shikamaru.

But, just then, the real Shikamaru stood in front of Chouji.

"Hey, Chouji, do you want to get something to eat?" Shikamaru asked.

Chouji paused.  "Aw, I give up!" he groaned.  "Yeah, let's go!"

And then Shikamaru and Chouji walked off into the sunset.  Even though it's morning.


	5. Nara Shikamaru: A New Look

Naruto Primer: Nara Shikamaru

The New Look

Shikamaru is a chuunin now.

Being the only genin to pass the exam, Shikamaru knew that he commanded a certain amount of respect among the others, as well as a certain amount of envy.  And, like Chouji, Shikamaru also wanted to change himself.  But Shikamaru need not concern himself with weight, more with appearance.

"Hm…" Shikamaru said to himself as he lied down on the grass, watching the clouds go by.  "A chuunin should be strong and buff."

He sat up and looked at himself up and down.

"But…that's far too troublesome…" he sighed, lying back down.

What was he supposed to do?  He needed to change his look because he had already changed who he was.  Hundreds of different things crossed his mind, but he dismissed them one by one as too troublesome.

He needed something that would define him as a new person but also take little effort in doing so.  Something that would change him, but someone else would have to take care of all the troublesome aspects of changing oneself.  What sort of thing is possibly like that?

"Maybe I need to grow a beard." Said Shikamaru as he put his hand on his chin.  After all, that took no effort since that sort of thing happens on its own.  In fact, if he grew a beard, it would actually be less troublesome than if he didn't because then he wouldn't have to shave in the morning.  However, who knows how long it would take until his hormones finally kicked in and decided to give him a beard?  He knew he would get one eventually, because his father had one, but when, he did not know.

"I need something to change me now." Shikamaru decided.

He put his hands behind his head and watched all the clouds.  Perhaps if he were to just leave his hair down when he got up in the morning, he would have an entirely new image.  And, as a bonus, he would never have to put it up in the morning anymore.

"Then again," Shikamaru said out loud.  "Even though not putting my hair up would take away the troublesome act of putting it up, managing it and dealing with it all day being down would just be even more troublesome."

Maybe if he were to simply cut it?  Then he would not have to bother putting it up or dealing with it if he didn't put it up.  But then he would have to go and get his hair cut.  He would have to go and wait in line and pay.

Shikamaru gave another heavy sigh as all the clouds continued to go by.

Why do anything else when he could simply watch the clouds go by?

"Perhaps I will save changing my image for another day." Shikamaru decided.  "Another day when I'm not feeling quite so unbearably lazy."


	6. Inuzuka Kiba: The Dynamic Duo

Naruto Primer: Inuzuka Kiba

The Dynamic Duo

Kiba loves his dog.

He and Akamaru have been the best of friends since before either of them can even remember.  They do everything together.  They train, fight and win together.  Both would risk their own life to save the other.  One might say that they have a special bond.

But one thing that Kiba chooses not to share with his comrades is his one problem with Akamaru.

Akamaru is not housebroken.

Despite their many years together, something just never clicked in Akamaru's head that he was to do his business outdoors.  He may be one of the smartest dogs known to mankind, capable of many things that regular dogs can only dream about, but even seemingly perfect dogs have their flaws.

This issue with Akamaru is very embarrassing for them both.  How would you feel if your best friend wet the bed?  It's not only frustrating for Kiba, but frustrating for Akamaru.

"Akamaru!" Kiba exclaimed as he came into the kitchen to see that Akamaru had done his business all over the floor.  "If you can't even go outside, could you at least use these newspapers so I don't have to clean up after you?"

These sorts of lectures are hard on both friends.

Today was like every other day.  Akamaru would have his accidents and Kiba would have the misfortune of cleaning up after him.  After all, Akamaru was his little friend and his parents told him that if he could not properly take care of Akamaru, then he could not keep him.

Kiba and Akamaru did not want that to happen.  So, one day, Kiba thought up a great idea.

"Akamaru, I thought up a great idea!" said Kiba.  Kiba took Akamaru into the bathroom and over to the toilet area.  "You see, Akamaru.  This is a toilet.  It's what we humans use to er…relieve ourselves."

Akamaru looked at Kiba curiously.  Even though the two were inseparable, they weren't quite inseparable that Akamaru had to follow Kiba into the bathroom and watch him…relieve himself.

"So, I've come to a conclusion!" Kiba announced.  "If you can't go outside and you can't go on the newspapers, I'll have to teach you how to use the toilet!"

Kiba then proceeded to give Akamaru a short tutorial on the proper use of the toilet, right down to the correct way to use toilet paper to its fullest extent.  Why, that Akamaru even learned how to wash his hands after he was finished!

Thus, Akamaru became the first toilet-using dog.

"Remember, Akamaru, when you're finished, you have to put the lid down and flush." Said Kiba.

Akamaru barked happily.  Not only was he able to stay with his greatest friend in the world, but now he could use a toilet.  That put him even more above all the other dogs that he knew.  Even the other dogs in the house couldn't use the toilet.  But now Akamaru could.

So the moral of the story is: If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.  Even though… technically… actually, we'll just leave it at that.


	7. Uzumaki Naruto: Glasses?

Naruto Primer: Uzumaki Naruto

Glasses?

Naruto needs help.

When throwing the shuriken, Naruto would always fall short of Sasuke and Sakura.  Sasuke could hit every target with exact precision.  Even Sakura could hit the targets with no problem!  But, for some reason, every time Naruto threw his weapons, they missed.  Not even just by a little bit.  They would often miss by great distances.

This, of course, frustrated Naruto, especially since he wanted to beat Sasuke and it was just shameful to be worse than a girl.  Especially if it was Sakura.

After one session, Kakashi asked Naruto to stay after he had sent Sasuke and Sakura home.

"Naruto, I can't help but notice that your aim is…well, getting worse." Kakashi started off, getting right to the point.

"I don't know what it is!" Naruto said angrily, punching his palm.  "Am I really all that bad?"  

Kakashi didn't know exactly how to respond to that.  Sometimes the truth shouldn't be spoken.

"I just can't see the targets…" Naruto whined.

"Can't see them?" Kakashi said.  "They're clear in front of you.  Everyone else can see the targets just fine.  It's not like they're concealed."

"I don't know what it is!" Naruto explained.  "It's like…I see them, but then I don't.  And then I throw the kunai and they're not where I thought they were."

"Hm…" said Kakashi, rubbing his chin.  "Perhaps it is not a problem with the targets.  Maybe it's a problem with your eyes."

"My eyes?" said Naruto.

"Have you ever considered glasses?"

"Glasses?!  Me?!  No way!!"

"If you truly need glasses then not having them is going to truly handicap you when it comes to being a ninja.  Just think of what it'll be like to fight and be able to see everything clearly."

With that, Kakashi decided to leave.  Naruto was left there to ponder about whether or not he would actually follow through.  He didn't want glasses because he didn't want to look like a dorky ninja, but if he didn't get glasses then he would never become more than a genin.  A ninja must have aim!  

But he didn't always remember having bad vision.

Maybe he was part of an advanced bloodline and he didn't even know it!

He quickly dismissed that thought from his head almost as fast as it entered…

So Naruto started on his way home only to stumble across Sasuke and Sakura.  "Hey!!" yelled Naruto, angry that they might have potentially heard about the fact that he may need glasses.  "You guys were spying on me!"

"No, we just decided to wait up for you for some inexplicable reason." Sakura replied.  

"What did Kakashi say?" asked Sasuke but you could tell he didn't care.  But then again, he could have just been making sure that Kakashi wasn't planning to give Naruto any private training sessions or telling Naruto that he was better because Sasuke knows that he is all around so much better than Naruto… so much better than everyone for that matter…

"It's none of your business!" said Naruto.

"Does it have anything to do with the fact that you missed every single target in the training session today?" asked Sakura.

Naruto has a very bad poker face.  "No." he said.

"I was thinking…" Sakura continued.  "If you just opened your eyes while you were throwing the shuriken, maybe you'd be able to hit the targets every now and then."

"Open my eyes?" said Naruto.  "…Were they closed?"

"…Yeah." Said Sasuke.

"Oh." Said Naruto.

And the moral of this story is: Don't…don't run with scissors…with your eyes closed.  In general, don't close your eyes unless you're sleeping.  Or if someone is telling you to close them because they have a special surprise for you.  Or if you're playing hide and seek.


	8. Aburame Shino: Ants in the Pants

Naruto Primer: Aburame Shino

Ants in the Pants

Shino is very uncomfortable.

It might be because he really isn't all that sociable and can't really call very many people his 'friends'.  Maybe it's because he never really got a chance to show of his mad skills in the chuunin exam.

However, the most likely reason of all is the ten billion ants that are within Shino. Specifically, his pants.  You see, Shino has ants in his pants and I can only imagine how incredibly uncomfortable that would be.  To constantly have creepy crawlies hanging around in the lower regions, skittering up and down his legs and causing all sorts of unnatural feelings.

"That's not true." Said Shino with a frown, though one can never really tell unless it's a shot from an upper diagonal view.  "That's all normal to me."

If Shino enjoys having the ants in his pants, then what could possibly be making him feel so gosh darned uncomfortable?  I think this causes for a reflective journey.  Shino shall travel far and wide to discover the true source of his unhappiness.

Of course, to save time, money and provisions, his journey will be limited within the village.

In fact, his journey shall merely be a stroll around the block, discussing with his peers why they think he is so uncomfortable.

During his journey, he met up with one of his teammates, Hinata.  Now, one thing that will make this journey so reflective is that Shino's not exactly the personable type, so he'll have to actually talk to people.

"Hinata." Said Shino.  "I feel uncomfortable."

"With what?" asked Hinata.  "With me?"

"I don't think so." Shino replied.  "I can't figure out why.  Do you have any idea?  It's kind of a shot in the dark."

"Uh…no." Hinata said.  "In what way do you feel uncomfortable?"

"You know that feeling when your foot falls asleep?" Shino asked.  Hinata nodded.  "That."

"Oh." Hinata said.  "Um…don't get offended or anything…but could it be because you have bugs crawling all over your body and in your body?"

Shino paused for a moment.  "I…don't think that's why."

"Well…I don't know then…"

Shino had to continue his journey.  And continue it he did.  Until he met up with Sasuke.  "Sasuke, I know we don't know each other very well…" Shino started awkwardly.  "But I have a somewhat personal question to ask.  I feel extremely uncomfortable and I don't know why."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow.  "And…?" he said.

"I can't explain it." Shino admitted.  "But do you think you could help?"

"With your uncomfortable feeling?" Sasuke asked, raising the other eyebrow.

"I don't know why I'm uncomfortable." Shino said.

"And how am I supposed to know?" Sasuke questioned.

"I was hoping to get an outsider opinion." Shino replied.

"Uh…sorry, then." Said Sasuke.  "I don't know why you're uncomfortable."

Thus, Shino continued his journey to find the source of his uncomfortable feelings.  Shino initially had an idea when he had come across Hinata, and that was to ask her to use her Byakugan to discover why he could be uncomfortable, but he thought it would only make himself feel even more uncomfortable and probably make Hinata feel quite uncomfortable as well.  Perhaps he was feeling uncomfortable because he had just acted like a fool in front of two people.  But then again, he was feeling uncomfortable before that.  Now he was just feeling more uncomfortable.

He knew this feeling would never go away unless he found the source of the original discomfort.  He still thought the Byakugan was a good idea, but he didn't have any interest in having a girl looking in his lower regions.  That's when it hit him.

Neji!

And wouldn't you know it?  Neji just so happened to out for his morning stroll and therefore was right there.

"Neji, I have an awkward favor to ask you." Shino said.

Neji had to stare at Shino for a minute before finally remembering who he actually was.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Could you use your Byakugan to find out why I'm uncomfortable?" he asked.  "I hear your Byakugan can see everything.  I know it's my only hope to find out why I'm uncomfortable."

Neji didn't say anything.

"Um…I'm really uncomfortable." Said Shino.

"Fine." Said Neji.  Then, Neji proceeded to use his Byakugan to inspect Shino thoroughly.  "So…should I look around the ten billion bugs that are in your pants?"

"Yes." Said Shino.

"Call me crazy but I have a feel that that's why you're uncomfortable." Neji said.

"No, it's normal for me." Shino said.

"Are you sure?  Because that is so not normal."

Shino thought about it for a minute.  Was it really the ants in his pants that was making him feel so uncomfortable?  It couldn't be.  He had had ants in his pants ever since he was just a furling.

Perhaps they were just reproducing too quickly and now there were far too many ants in his pants so it was making him uncomfortable.  Perhaps Shino should try emptying out his pants.  Perhaps we shall end this chapter before he does so.****


	9. Tenten: The Turkey

Naruto Primer: Tenten

The Turkey

Tenten is on vacation.

After many, many weeks of vigorous training, Tenten finally got her first vacation.  There was only one thing that she wanted to do; go to the beach!  While being a ninja was good fun, she rarely got to do things that a normal girl her age would do.

So now was her chance to do something fun.  She was going to invite Rock Lee and Neji, but both insisted on training through their vacations.  Tenten didn't really care because she knew that she was only the 'girl' of the group so she'd never really get any better than them anyway.

When she got home, she pulled out her long forgotten beach bag.  She had to search through all her drawers to find her bathing suit and, hoping that it still fit her, she folded it nicely and placed it in the bag.  She planned on going swimming so it would be silly if she didn't pack her bathing suit.  After all, she needs a bathing suit to go swimming.

Next she packed her towel.  After she went swimming, she would definitely need something to dry off with.  And what better thing to dry off with than a towel?  She made sure to find a towel that didn't clash with her bathing suit just in case she wanted to wear it around her waist while she searched for shells.

Sunscreen was next on the list.  Considering she didn't go to the beach very much, Tenten wasn't particularly tanned so she would need sunscreen to keep herself from burning.  Of course, it was waterproof sunscreen since she planned on going swimming, after all.

She needed her sunglasses that went hand in hand with her best selling novel.  Either after or before swimming, she would want to read.  How could she read without a book?  And the sun would most likely be bright so she would need something to shade her eyes so they wouldn't hurt while she read the book.

Another thing she simply had to have was a beach chair along with an umbrella.  While reading her book with her sunglasses on, she would prefer it if there was something to lean on so she wouldn't hurt her back.  The umbrella would shield her from the sun because it could certainly get hot out there on the beach.

When her bag was all packed, she started to make her way to the beach where she would spend her vacation.  Whether or not she would spend her entire vacation there was still up to her, but she certainly knew that a large chunk would be spent down there.

She reached the beach and went to the lady's room to put on her bathing suit.  Thankfully, it still fit her.  Then she found a perfect spot on the beach and set up her beach chair and umbrella.  Unfortunately, as the sun moved across the sky, the umbrella would have to be readjusted but it's better than having no umbrella at all.

Next it was time to put on her sunscreen.  Even though she was being blocked from the sun by the umbrella as of now, she didn't want to have to put it on later when she was relaxed.  It was better to get everything out of the way while she was still setting herself up.

She put on her sunglasses and placed her novel down on the beach chair.  Then she pulled out the towel and folded it nicely besides the chair, but out in the sun so that it would be nice and warm for when she wrapped herself in it after coming out of the water.  But, oddly enough, just when she was about to stretch and start reading, she noticed there was still something at the bottom of her beach bag.

Whatever could it be?

She reached down and pulled out a large brown mass of something.

"A turkey?" she wondered, holding it up.  "That can't be.  Turkeys don't belong at beaches and they most certainly don't belong in my beach bag!"

Little did Tenten know, Rock Lee and Neji were back at the training area laughing their heads off.  Actually, Lee was laughing his head off and Neji was only looking at him with a confused expression.

"She's probably pulling the turkey out of her bag right now!" laughed Lee.

"I don't get it." said Neji.  "What's the pun?  What's so funny about a turkey?"

"It's a turkey!" Lee said.  "At a beach!  Turkeys don't belong at beaches!  And she has one!  At a beach!  And it doesn't belong there!"

"Um…" said Neji.  "That's…not really funny."


	10. Hyuuga Neji: Hey Macarena!

Naruto Primer: Hyuuga Neji

Hey Macarena!

Neji is bored.

Today, Tenten is at the beach and Rock Lee is trying to get Sakura to go on a date with him.  Yes, it is true that Neji could go out and train by himself, or potentially get someone else to train with him, but something compelled him not to do so.

He could train every day.  Without someone to train with, he was just punching and kicking the air.  The Gentle Fist style of combat really did require the presence of another person.

So, Neji was very bored that day.  Whatever could he do?  It's not like he had any friends so he couldn't go and 'hang out' like most of the genins did when there wasn't any training to be done.  Neji was all alone in the woods, not really doing much.

But really, what could he be doing with no friends?

A life of solitude can only work for someone for so long.  It was time for Neji to make some friends.  "Hm," Neji thought out loud.  "Perhaps if I learn some of the popular dance moves of today, I might be able to meet some people.  Plus, I could also improve my footwork subconsciously."

Neji knew that his teacher, Gai, kept a radio handy at all times and knew just where to find it.  So, after bringing it to a secret place in the woods that he was sure no one knew about, he sat it down on the ground.  He didn't want anyone to see him while he was only learning the moves.  He wanted them all to see him after he had learned them.  After all, he had this image of always seeming to know what he's doing and if he looked silly in front of a bunch of people, he would probably ruin that image.

Luckily, Gai had a Dance Mix CD.  As Neji waited for the CD to rev itself up in the player, he took a look at the back of the case.  "Cotton Eyed Jyou…" he said to himself.  "That could improve my footwork greatly.  Macarena, that's almost perfect to help me with the Gentle Fist technique.  Hand Jive?  Electric Slide?  YMCA?  So many choices.  I suppose I will end up having to learn them all if I want to improve my skills and make friends.  I guess I'll just start with the first track."

He pressed 'play' on the CD player and got himself ready as the intro music to the Macarena echoed throughout the woods.  Just as the part came up where he would have to start getting it down, he found himself completely stuck.

"…I don't know this dance…" he said to himself.  "That's something I never took into account.  How am I supposed to learn how to do them well if I don't even know how to do them?"

Neji couldn't very well ask someone for help, for they would find out his secret.  Besides, he would look awfully strange if he walked up to someone and said, "Say, how do you dance the Macarena?"  Besides, who would he ask?  Who would show him?

Just then, Gai came walking over.  "Neji, I thought you said that you were above training to music." Gai laughed.

Neji quickly turned the music off.  "I am." He said quickly.

"Right…" said Gai as he was about to continue on his merry way.

"Wait." Said Neji.  "I have a favor to ask.  Will you…" Neji paused.  "Will you teach me the Macarena?"

"Hm…" said Gai, scratching his chin.  "Not the thing I would expect to hear from you, but sure!  Why not?"

Then the training began.  It was surprisingly vigorous, and Neji eventually gained more respect for dancers who had to learn these things for a living.  He was also becoming unexpectedly good at shaking his booty and jumping in circles while clapping his hands at the right time.

"READY NEJI?!" yelled Gai.  "NOW COMES THE PART WHERE YOU SHAKE YOUR BOOTY LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW!!!"

Neji did just that; he shook his booty like there was no tomorrow because this was the last time before the song ended.  He jumped and clapped his hands only to be faced with everyone.  Every single person he knew.  Standing there.  Watching him shake his booty like there was no tomorrow.

"I used to have some respect for you." Said Sasuke, crossing his arms and scoffing.  He now had another reason why he was better than Neji.


	11. Haruno Sakura: Who Loves Who?

Naruto Primer: Haruno Sakura

Who Loves Who?

Sakura is confused.

While she is confused about her life and what it is to be a ninja, she also is confused about what's going on in her love life, that is, the normal life that a teenage girl should have.

 Since Sasuke recently confessed that he despised her, she was now experiencing an all time low.  She had loved Sasuke for years and years and when she had been put in the same group as him, she was so happy.  Not only that she could be with him, but so that no other girl could.

One thing that had made her angry, though, was being stuck with Naruto.  She got to be with her beloved Sasuke, but had to deal with Naruto as well.  It was like; such a positive positive cancelled out the most negative of all negatives.  Naruto had the hugest crush on her ever, perhaps even bigger than the one she had on Sasuke, and he was so very annoying about it.

Maybe that's why Sasuke didn't like her!  He must have thought that she liked Naruto.  Sakura had to find someone who liked Naruto so that Naruto would leave her alone so that Sasuke wouldn't think that Sakura loved Naruto.  But who in the world could possibly love Naruto?

"Oh, that's right!" Sakura said out loud.  She had just remembered that Hinata had a secret crush on Naruto.  Of course, Hinata had never said so, but Sakura could just tell because of her female instincts.

However…there was a slight problem with hooking up Hinata and Naruto.  What about Kiba?  Kiba seemed to have some interest in Hinata.  So, as not to leave Kiba out in the cold, he would have to be paired up with someone else as well.

But who, though?  Who, indeed?  What if she were to get Ino and Kiba together?  That way, Ino would stop going after Sasuke and give Sakura a bigger chance of getting Sasuke.  Plus, that would mean that Hinata doesn't have to feel guilty about liking Naruto who would stop liking Sakura if he had Hinata and then Sakura would be free to love Sasuke!

Then again…what about Rock Lee?  He was so very kind and sweet.  But she didn't like him as any more than a friend.  Perhaps if Ino went out with him instead, Lee would get a girl in the end and would stop aiming towards Sakura.  The same with Ino; she would leave Sasuke alone.  Hooking up Ino and Lee would eliminate both of Sakura's trouble with getting Sasuke to love her.

But does Sasuke love her?

"He just so recently said he hated me…" Sakura said sadly.

It had just come out of the blue.  It's not like she had done anything to him.  She hadn't asked him to go out with her for a while.

She gave a heavy sigh.  How could Sasuke not love her?  Well, at least he didn't like Ino.  Or any other girl for that matter.  Whenever a girl would come up to him, he would ignore her and wouldn't even give her the time of day, so I guess that's better than him showing interest in another girl.  The only people he really dignified with anything were Naruto, Gaara, Lee, Neji, Kakashi…

"Wait a minute." Sakura said, sitting up straight.

No, it couldn't be true.  Could it?

"Is Sasuke…" started Sakura.  "…Gay?"

It was all making sense now.  That was the reason he always acted cold towards girls and the only times he would ever act happy or mildly amused was when he was in a tussle with another guy.

"That's not going to stop me!" Sakura announced, standing up on a rock as a wave crashed behind her.  "I'll get around it!  Sasuke will love me whether he's gay or not!!"


	12. Hyuuga Hinata: I Guess I'll Be A Ninja

Naruto Primer: Hyuuga Hinata

I Guess I'll Be a Ninja

Hinata's always wanted to be a good ninja.

Unfortunately for her, she's not.  Yes, she is a reasonable ninja, just not one that will ever stick out.  Sure, she'll probably eventually reach the level of chuunin after a long while, but probably never any further than that.

Hinata originally became a ninja because she figured that she wasn't good at anything else.  Now, she realizes, it wasn't such a great idea.

"Maybe, I could become an artist." Hinata said to herself.  "I could draw pictures and paint beautiful sunsets!  And sell them all around the world!"

Hinata thought this would be fun.  Having people knowing about her work and knowing her name would be a great feeling.  Maybe, if she got good enough, she would be able to paint a picture of Naruto and show it to him.  And maybe, just maybe, he would be impressed with her.

"Then again, I'm not very good at art." Hinata sighed.  "Oh!  I could always become a doctor!"

That would take smarts, and that's something that Hinata excels at.  She could heal the wounds of all the people that came to her door.  Then, if Naruto ever came to her, she could make him all better.  Maybe, just maybe, that would impress him.

"Then again, I'm kind of squeamish." Hinata said sadly.  She thought for a moment or two.  "I know!  I'll be a cook!"

If Hinata could write her own cookbook or even have her own show, she would be world renowned as having the tastiest dish!  People would line up to come to her show and want her to sign their books.  And then, just for Naruto, she'd make some ramen.  She knew just how much he loved ramen.  And maybe, just maybe, if she made it well enough, he would be impressed.

"But my food never really comes out all that great." Hinata concluded.  "So I guess I shouldn't even bother."

What else could Hinata be?  What does Naruto like?  Naruto wants to become Hokage and Hokage is a ninja.  Perhaps if Hinata became a really great ninja, Naruto would notice her.  And maybe, just maybe, he would be impressed.

"I guess I'll be a ninja!" Hinata decided.

But then again, she couldn't become all that great.  Even though it was out of the question for her to be better than, oh say, Naruto, she still must not aspire to do so.  For if she ever became better than him, he would not be first choice as the Hokage.  It would devastate Hinata if it was her fault that Naruto wouldn't be able to become the Hokage.

"I have to be a ninja, but not a very good one." Hinata said.

What followed then was a session of warm chuckling as Hinata realized that that's exactly what she was.  I feel the rest of this story can be conveyed only through song.

_Just be yourself!_

_Don't try to be someone different!_

_Cause no one will appreciate the change!_

_Just be yourself!_

_I don't remember the rest of the song!_

_Lalalala!_

_I swear this is a real song!!_

_Be yours~~~~~~~~elf!!!_


	13. Sakura n Sasuke: Please Don't Say You're...

Naruto Primer: Sakura and Sasuke

Please Don't Say You're Gay

Sakura needs to hear the words directly from Sasuke's mouth.  All he needed to do was say that he loved at least one girl, preferably her, and she would be satisfied, for if it turned out that Sasuke "The Stud" Uchiha was actually interested in people…er…of the same gender as himself, she would be devastated.

Sasuke was unaware that Sakura was having these troubles concerning his sexuality preference.  He was sitting by himself atop his favorite thinking spot while dunking the delectable chocolate cookie into the vanilla icing of his package of Dunkaroos.

Just as he was finishing the last cookie, he looked up to see Sakura standing there.  What was this?  Why did _she _know about his favorite thinking spot?  Perhaps because he was there all the time.  Perhaps because she stalked him.  There were a number of reasons.

Sakura took a good look at Sasuke sitting by himself.  There was no way someone that attractive and popular could possibly be gay.  But then again, usually all the attractive and popular guys ended up being gay.  The more she thought about it, the more she wished the idea had never come to her.  Now she had to know for sure if it was the truth.

"Sasuke…" she said, approaching him as he put the empty Dunkaroo package into his paper bag.  "I have to ask…do you…have a crush on anyone?"

Sasuke gave a heavy sigh.  If he had a dollar for every time someone asked him that, he'd have enough money to hire a hundred thousand jounins to kill his brother FOR him.  "Not this again." He said.

"You have to answer me!" she said.  "I have to know!"

"And why is that?" asked Sasuke.

"Uh…it's kind of embarrassing." Sakura said, avoiding looking at him.

"Are you looking for me to say that I'm in love with you?" Sasuke questioned, though he knew it was true.  All the girls wanted him to be in love with them.  But he was better than that.  He was better than them all.

Sakura felt a little weird about telling him that she didn't care who he was in love with, as long as it was a girl.  Of course, she would love it if he was in love with her even though he had previously said that he hated her, she figured she'd have a fighting chance if he at least loved a girl…

"I don't get you." Said Sasuke, crumpling up his paper bag.  "First, you come up to me and say that you've hated me ever since before you can remember, and now all of a sudden, you're asking me who I like."

"What?" Sakura said hesitantly.  "I didn't say anything like that!  Is that why you said you hated me?"

"I don't hate you." Said Sasuke.  "I just don't love you."

Sakura couldn't hold it in anymore.  She had to just say it or they would keep going around in circles.  "Then who do you love?!"—Sasuke expected her to name off a few girls here, like Ino—"Naruto?!  Shikamaru?!  Gaara?!  Neji?!  Who?!"

This caught Sasuke off guard a bit.

Sakura could see the shocked look on his face.  That either meant that she had wrongfully accused him or embarrassed him by discovering his secret.  Either way, she knew it would be a difficult relationship between the two from now on.

"…What?" Sasuke said finally.

"You ARE gay, aren't you?" Sakura said quietly.

Sasuke took a deep breath.  "No." he answered.

"Then how come you don't like any girls?" asked Sakura.  "The only time you ever seem to be mildly happy is when you're with guys!  Should I tell all the girls to stop bothering?!  Should I tell all the guys that you're actually gay?  Maybe they're gay too!"

"Stop." Sasuke interrupted.  "I'm just an anti-social person.  I don't like company.  The only reason I'm happy with guys is because I'm fighting them and that makes me happy."

"So if I asked you to fight then you'd be happy?" Sakura asked.

"No." Sasuke answered.

"Oh, you ARE gay!" whined Sakura.  "I wish you had told me sooner!"

"I'm not gay." Sasuke said.

"Then prove it." Sakura insisted.

"How?" asked Sasuke.

"You have to go on a date with me." Sakura replied.

As soon as she said that, Sakura realized that it sounded way too much like she had been trying to trick him into dating her this entire time.  And, even though she liked the idea that Sasuke would be dating her, she didn't like the fact that he'd be dating her just to prove that he wasn't gay.  Because, not only would that be extremely artificial, but he could still be hiding it and actually be gay.

"I don't think so." Sasuke said.

Now that she was in this deep, Sakura realized that she could potentially get a date out of this.  She was convinced that Sasuke wasn't gay… for the most part… or at least, she tried to tell herself that he was telling the truth.

"Then I might as well go tell someone you might be interested in dating…" Sakura said slowly, turning around.  "Maybe…Naruto?  Or would you prefer someone else?"

"Wait a second." Sasuke said, standing up and walking over to her.  Sakura cheered on the inside.  "Maybe we could get something to eat.  But that's it."

"All right!" said Sakura happily.  Why hadn't she thought of this sooner?

Sasuke was rather frustrated now.  It's not like he cared that girls wouldn't be chasing after him anymore.  In fact, he would like that a lot better, but he definitely didn't need guys chasing after him and he knew that would happen if word got out that he was gay.  Even though he wasn't.

"So where do you want to go?" Sakura asked.

"Now?" Sasuke asked.

"Yeah!" Sakura answered.  "I've got nothing else to do and there's no way I'll be able to make it through the afternoon."

"I just ate." Sasuke reminded her, even though it secretly annoyed him that it was so obvious that she had planned all of this all along.

"That's okay, you can get something small." Sakura said.

The two departed Sasuke's favorite thinking spot on their way to a place where they could eat lunch.  Considering they were only twelve years old, they didn't have that much pocket money so they ended up settling on McDonald's.

"What are you going to get, Sasuke?" asked Sakura eagerly.

Sasuke didn't say anything, he only scoffed at her.  He knew what he was getting and didn't need to share it with this conniving girl who had used the worse possible way to trick him into going on a date with her.  Threatening him with a date with Naruto…oh man, Sasuke was just… _so much better than him!!_

After ordering their food and drinks, they sat down at a table.  Sakura had her McSalad, and Sasuke sported his Happy Meal.

_At least some good came from this ludicrous date,_ Sasuke thought as he fished around in the bag and pulled out the Hamburglar.  _I finally got the Hamburglar…_

Sakura, on the other hand, was feeling slightly uneasy.  She got the feeling that Sasuke wasn't exactly enjoying their little outing.  What could she do to make him have some fun?  That thought went through her mind more times than she could count.  _I guess taking him out to eat right after he ate wasn't a very good way to get him to have a good time, _Sakura sighed to herself, realizing her mistake.

She probably should have taken him to see a movie.

He probably should have suggested seeing a movie.

"Um…Sasuke?" said Sakura.  "Do you wanna…go see a movie after this?" she asked.

"I told you that I was only going to get something to eat with you." Sasuke answered.

"But you're not having fun at all!  Is it because I'm a girl?!"  She knew she was taking it too far now.  He would definitely hate her after this, even though he already did.

He gave her a cold stare.  Why did she have to be so persistent?  How long would she keep up this 'I think you're gay' act?

"I think I'm done eating now." Said Sasuke as he took his bag and stood up.

Sakura didn't say anything.  She figured he had a right to be mad.

He left McDonald's and went back to his house where he set up his Hamburglar on the table right next to all his other toys.  He wondered if Sakura was going to try to spread the word that he was gay.  It wasn't true, but maybe, in the long run, it would work in his favor.  But then again, she wouldn't do that.

Sakura finished her McSalad since she had spent all her allowance on it and then walked outside.  She still didn't know positively for sure if Sasuke was gay because all he had really done was walk next to her to McDonalds, buy something and then quickly leave.  For all she knew, gay guys did that with their girls that are friends all the time.


	14. Neji n Lee: The Greastest Prank

Naruto Primer: Neji and Rock Lee

The Greatest Prank

Rock Lee is a prankster at heart.  He can't help it when a situation so perfect arises itself so that he can get a laugh at it.  You see, while it thrills him to be a ninja, sometimes, it can get a little repetitive and boring so he has to spruce it up to keep it exciting at the downtimes.

Neji, on the other hand, is completely the opposite.  He doesn't have a funny bone in his body and would rather spend the downtime training, even if he gets bored.  Being put in the same group as Lee has proved to make their personalities clash.  

Usually, with Tenten there, she kept some sort of hold on both of them so that nothing would get out of hand.  But Tenten was on vacation today so it was only Lee and Neji.

"Hey Neji, guess what?" said Lee.

"What?" Neji asked.

"Tenten's on vacation." Lee replied.

"I knew that." Neji said.

"But what you DON'T know is where she's going."

"Why does it matter?"

"Because.  We might have some fun if we found out where she was going!"

"What do you mean?  What sort of fun could we possibly have if we found out where she was going?"

"We could prank her or something!"

"Prank her?"

Neji wasn't particularly familiar with this phrase.  He had heard it before but had never considered ever doing something with it.  He assumed it involved pulling a prank on someone.

Neji was completely right, of course.  Lee was planning to pull a prank on Tenten, but what sort of prank?  He would have to first find out where she was going so he could make the prank appropriate to the occasion.  For example, if she was going to the salon, he could paint her toenails a silly color so that all the people there could get a good laugh.

Mind you, Lee may be a prankster but he's not a very good one.

"So let's go!" said Lee as he grabbed Neji and ran off at fast Lee-like speed without his weights on.

Neji had considered trying to lighten up his personality a bit and try to make some friends.  He figured that this might be a good way to bond a little with his teammates, so he didn't protest.  Plus, he figured it might be a little "fun" to pull a prank on Tenten.

The two looked in the window of Tenten's room to see that she was putting her bathing suit and towel in a bag.

Lee grabbed Neji's arm and pulled him away from the window.  "She's going to the beach!" he said.

"I noticed." Neji replied.

"Okay…what sort of prank can we pull on her?" wondered Lee.

Wouldn't it be silly if Tenten arrived at the beach to find that someone had removed her towel from her bag?  No, no.  That could have potentially been mean because she wouldn't have anything to dry herself off with after she went swimming.  It would have to be something that would surprise and confuse her, but not ruin her time at the beach.

So he could always put something into the bag!  That way, she would be confused but still be able to go swimming.

"Hey, what is the least likely thing that someone would bring to a beach?" Lee asked Neji who was only sitting idly by.  "We could hide something in her bag for when she gets there."

Neji thought for a moment.  He had never been to the beach before, but he could imagine that animals would not be allowed there.  But it's not like they could sneak a live animal in her bag without her noticing that it was moving around.  Then a dead animal would be the way to go.  He didn't want to do anything that would frighten her, so the animal should be in the form of something that people see all the time.

But what kind of animal?  Neji had always been sort of fond of the flying type.  He didn't want to have to kill anything that flew though.  Well, what about something with wings that couldn't fly?  A penguin would be out of the question.  An ostrich was far too large.  Well, what about a chicken?  Or better yet, a turkey?

"How about a turkey?" he suggested.

"A turkey?" was Lee's only reaction.

He considered it.  Wouldn't it be hilarious if Tenten was at the beach setting up her beach chair and then, all of a sudden, there was a big roasted turkey sitting at the bottom of her bag?

"Sorry, I've never done this before…" Neji started.

"That's a great idea!!" Lee announced.  "That would be so funny if Tenten pulled a turkey out of her bag!"

"Where are we going to get a turkey, though?" Neji asked.  "He hadn't really considered something like that.

"At the grocery store." Said Lee as if it was THE most obvious thing in the world.

"You mean we're just going to buy a turkey and hide it in Tenten's bag?" Neji questioned.  "Turkeys aren't cheap."

"We must get a turkey." Said Lee.

"No, we can put something else in there." Neji said.

"Now we NEED a turkey." Lee said.  "How much money do you have?"

"Not enough." Neji replied.  "And even if I did, I wouldn't spend it on a turkey just so we can play a practical joke on someone for no reason.  Especially a stupid practical joke like this one."

"Maybe Tenten has a turkey." Said Lee.

"So now we're going to not only sneak into Tenten's house and steal a turkey from her, but we're going to put that turkey in her bag?"

"Yeah!" said Lee.  "It'll be great!  Use your Byakugan to see if Tenten has a turkey in her refrigerator."

Neji sighed.  First ants in the pants, now a turkey?  What would his amazing skill have to go through next?  Sometimes he wished he didn't have X-Ray vision.  But he used the Byakugan to look within Tenten's house and her refrigerator to, much to his surprise, see a turkey.

"Wow, she DOES have a turkey." Neji confessed.

"Ha!" said Lee.  "If you really didn't want to do this practical joke, you would have lied to me and told me that she didn't!  Let's go!"

Neji slapped his forehead.  He had forgotten about lying.

Lee was glad Neji had forgotten about lying because, while it would be great to put a turkey in Tenten's beach bag, he definitely didn't have enough money to squander foolishly like that.

So, as Tenten continued to pack her bag, Neji and Lee sneaked into her house and took the turkey out of her refrigerator.

They grabbed the turkey and ran as fast as they could out of the house.  Then, while they held the turkey triumphantly in their hands, it occurred to them that they really didn't have any sort of logical way of getting the turkey into her bag.

"Yes we do!" said Lee.  "Use your Byakugan to look at her bag and see if there's anything at the bottom of the bag that we could switch this turkey with!"

"How do you plan on doing that?" asked Neji.

"With the Kawarimi technique!!" Lee announced.

"That's only used to switch your body with another thing." Said Neji.

"But I'm sure it'll work with switching some other thing with another thing." Lee assured Neji.

"I don't think it works that way." Neji said.

"Let's at least try it!" Lee begged.  "Look in the bag and see if there's anything we can switch the turkey with."

"You know, you really wouldn't have been able to do this joke without me." Neji sighed as he used his Byakugan to look at the bag since Tenten was now outside and Neji and Lee were hiding in a tree.  "She has a key on the bottom of her bag.

"Switch it with that!!" Lee said.

"What if it's her house key?" Neji asked.

"We can leave it at her front door so she'll think she just dropped it." Lee said.

"What if _I _end up in the bag?"

"You won't."

"How about you just do it?  I don't want to."

"You know I can't do it, Neji."

"Oh right.  Sorry about that."

Even though Neji was afraid that there was the chance that he might end up switching places with the key in the bag, which would cause for a very awkward exchange between himself and Tenten, he also wanted to see the outcome of their prank.  So he concentrated on the key in her bag and then on the turkey.  Suddenly, there was a poof sound and he looked down to see the turkey missing and a key sitting there.

"IT WORKED!!!" cheered Lee.  

"Well who would imagine?" Neji said.

"Come on, let's go!" Lee said.

The two hurried off to go somewhere secret where they could laugh about it without being questioned about why they were laughing so that someone could potentially find out that it had been them who put the turkey in Tenten's bag.  At least, that's what Lee said.  Neji didn't find it particularly funny.  He was still waiting for something amusing to happen, but Lee was laughing.  Apparently he had missed something.

"She's probably pulling the turkey out of her bag right now!" laughed Lee.

"I don't get it." said Neji.  "What's the pun?  What's so funny about a turkey?"

"It's a turkey!" Lee said.  "At a beach!  Turkeys don't belong at beaches!  And she has one!  At a beach!  And it doesn't belong there!"

"Um…" said Neji.  "That's…not really funny."


	15. Shino n Kiba: Shino's Crush?

Naruto Primer: Shino and Kiba

Shino's…Crush?

Shino could definitely be considered the loner type.  He's not one for friendly hellos or calling up a friend to sent up a play-date for the afternoon or go over for a sleepover.  It doesn't bother him like it has begun to bother Neji, though, because he always has his little bug friends to keep him company.

Kiba is rather outgoing and has sort of a brutish image.  Deep down inside, however, he has a soft spot for Hinata and is actually very caring and sensitive.  Most people may not see that aspect of him because of his loud and abrasive nature that rivals that of Naruto's.

Since Shino isn't very personable, he is very good at making observations.  He has come to know Kiba since they're on the same team and all.  So, of all the people Shino knows, we can assume that he considers Kiba the closest to a friend so that's why he feels the most comfortable (he's comfortable this time) talking with him about personal matters.

"Kiba, I have something to ask you." Said Shino one day to Kiba.  Hinata had gone home a little while ago because she had started hacking up blood again and they figured it would be best if she just took the rest of the day off.

"Sure, what is it?" asked Kiba.

"Well, saying this is pretty hard for me." Said Shino.

Kiba chose not to mention that saying ANYTHING was pretty hard for Shino.  Or at least he had assumed that considering Shino never really spoke.

"What?" Kiba said.

"There's this person I like." Shino replied.

"That's good." Said Kiba.  "You're showing signs of being at least SLIGHTLY normal."  It was silent for a minute.  "So…why did you randomly decide to tell me that?  Who is it that you're interested in?"

"I don't know if I should say." Shino confessed.

"Why is that?" asked Kiba.

"You probably wouldn't be too keen on the response." Shino replied.

Kiba stared at Shino long and hard.  Now Shino had piqued his curiosity to the point in which he HAD to know.

As Shino looked at the slightly perturbed expression on Kiba's face, he began to realize more and more that maybe it wasn't a great idea to just express himself like that.  After all, he had done so previously and made a fool of himself in front of a few people concerning his discomfort in his lower regions.

"Never mind." Said Shino.  "Forget I said anything."

"Come on, Shino, I won't tell anyone." Kiba promised.

"But…I don't really care if anyone else knows." Shino said.  "I just felt that you should know before I started to try to make my moves."

"Make your moves?" Kiba said with a raised eyebrow.

"You know, try to make it mutual." Shino explained.

That's when something occurred to Kiba.  "Oh geez…does this involve me in any sort of intimate way?" he asked uneasily.

Shino pondered for the correct response.  "You could say that." He said finally.  "It depends on YOUR opinion of my feelings."

"I don't think I like where this is heading."

"Yeah, I figured you'd probably be angry and probably resent me.  After all, I've been watching you and Hinata for a while."

"So you should know that I'm not… THAT WAY." Kiba said.

"Oh I know." Said Shino with a sigh.  "It would be better for me if you were.  Then this would be a lot easier."

"I wouldn't say that."

"You don't think so?  Then you wouldn't be very interested in Hinata."

"I guess I wouldn't be.  But I'm not like that."

"Well I don't expect you to be."

"Then what's the point of his conversation?"

"I guess what I'm trying to get at is this; are you really all THAT interested in Hinata?"

"These questions are a little personal!"

Kiba didn't really know how to answer these questions, honestly.  After all, he hadn't really come to that conclusion yet himself.  He wasn't sure!  He was only twelve so his mix of hormones and emotions were shooting off in all sorts of crazy directions.  But not as crazily as Shino's, apparently.

"Is that a yes or a no?"

"It's not either…"

"So technically, she's free."

"Technically."

"Okay, that's all I wanted to know."

Shino turned to go as Kiba stood there looking confused.  Finally, Kiba pursued Shino and jumped in front of him.  "Hey, so does that mean that YOU'RE interested in HINATA?" he asked.

"I thought I already established that." Shino replied.

"Well that's a relief." Said Kiba happily.  But then he stopped and realized what had just happened.  "Wait!  No!  It's not!  How can you just all of a sudden be interested in her?"

"I don't know." Shino shrugged.  "I've been hanging out with her a lot lately and I feel that we just have a lot in common.  I like her personality and maybe she likes me too."

"No!  Wait, no!  No!" said Kiba frantically.

"You said she was free." Shino said, looking slightly confused.

"I said she was TECHNICALLY free…that doesn't mean she actually is." Said Kiba.

"You realize, of course, that that doesn't make any sense whatsoever." Shino pointed out.

"Fine then, she's NOT free." Kiba said.

"We'll just have to ask Hinata who she'll prefer." Said Shino.

"I don't know if that will prove anything." Kiba said.  "I think Hinata likes Naruto."

Shino paused.  "Naruto?"

"I don't know why…"

"Then we should ask her who she likes better out of the two of us."

"Couldn't you just randomly start liking some other girl?" Kiba requested.

"I don't know any other girls." Shino said.

"You could get to know other girls." Kiba suggested.

"Face it, Kiba.  You're not even sure if you like Hinata or not.  I know I do."

Just then, Akamaru came frolicking back over to Kiba and jumped up into his jacket, poking his head out of the top.  "There you are, Akamaru!" said Kiba since the presence of his best friend always makes him so very happy.  "Where were you?"  Akamaru barked in response.  "Did you remember to put the seat down when you were done?"  Akamaru barked again.  "Good boy!"

Shino cleared his throat.  Kiba then looked up from his conversation with Akamaru and remembered that he was in a conversation with Shino.

"I guess there's only one way to settle this." Said Shino.

"You don't mean…" started Kiba.

"That's right." Shino answered.  "Rock, paper, scissors."

"Best two out of three!" said Kiba, getting in his ready position.

Eventually, it made its way up to three out of five, then four out of seven, then five out of nine and so on and so forth.  They were, apparently, completely evenly matched.  Hours went by and the tournament continued on and on until the sun finally set so they couldn't even see each other's hands anymore.

"It appears as though we are evenly matched." Said Kiba, out of breath.

"So it seems." Shino answered.

"We can continue this battle another day." Kiba announced.

"Naw, I don't really care." Said Shino.  "I'm over her."  With that, Shino turned to leave, leaving Kiba to only stand there, bewildered.


	16. Chouji n Shikamaru: I'll Be A Chuunin To...

Naruto Primer: Chouji and Shikamaru

I'll Be a Chuunin Too

Chouji was reasonably happy with himself.  After a failed attempt at dieting, he realized that that was just who he was and if he didn't accept it then he was doomed.  So now, he aims to improve the one thing that truly bothered him; his ninja skills, or lack there of.

Shikamaru never actually went through with anything to change his look.  He was still the same ol' Shikamaru and the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he didn't really need a new look.  He was only being Shikamaru for himself and anything other than that was just troublesome.

Chouji and Shikamaru were the best of friends for many years so they had a lot of trust in each other.  This meant that they weren't afraid to tell each other about their problems or current issues in life.  They tried to meet for lunch on a regular basis and tell each other about the things going on and Chouji frequently had questions about what it was like to be a chuunin.

"It's really nothing all that special." Said Shikamaru.  "It's just a name."

"But it means that you're above all us genins!" said Chouji.  "Isn't that awesome?"

"It's awesome at times, troublesome at others." Shikamaru confessed.

"What I would give to be a chuunin!" said Chouji.  "Hey, do you think you could give me a little extra training?"

"I don't know." Said Shikamaru.  "I don't even know what I did to make them like me so much to make me a chuunin."

"Then I'll just have to do whatever you do!" Chouji declared.  "You have to teach me the Kagemane no Jutsu!"

Shikamaru looked surprised at first.  "It's not something you can just LEARN." He said.  Secretly, he just thought it was too troublesome to take time out of his life to try and teach someone a difficult technique.  Even though it WAS his best friend, it was still…oh so troublesome.

"But YOU did!" Chouji pointed out.

Shikamaru sighed.  If he taught the Kagemane no Jutsu to Chouji then what would be left to make Shikamaru special?  Then again, if they had Chouji to do the Kagemane no Jutsu then they would never bother to ask Shikamaru for anything else and he could live the rest of his life in peace.  But it all comes back to the fact that he'd still have to teach the jutsu to Chouji.

"It would take a lot of work." Said Shikamaru.

"I don't care!" said Chouji.  "If I could become a chuunin, it would all be worth it in the end!"

"Chouji, it took me YEARS to learn that technique." Shikamaru said.

"Then I'll have to try harder!" Chouji said, getting even more pumped than before.

Shikamaru really didn't want to have to teach a technique to Chouji, or ANYONE for that matter, that would take years to teach.

Chouji was getting more excited by the minute.  If he could do an impressive attack like the Kagemane no Jutsu, perhaps by the next chuunin exam, he could dazzle the judges with his skills and become a chuunin just like Shikamaru did!  It would take a lot of work, just like Shikamaru said.  But then again, what exactly is 'a lot of work' in Shikamaru's book?  'A lot of work' is picking up a pencil to take a test.

That made Chouji feel like maybe it wouldn't be quite as difficult as his friend Shikamaru was making it out to be.  It probably took him years to complete because he just thought it was too troublesome to train on a certain day.  Chouji had seen Shikamaru train a lot, and he'd usually give up after about an hour, only after taking a few brakes in between.

Shikamaru could see the excited expression on Chouji's face.  Using his ridiculously high IQ, he knew exactly what Chouji was thinking and figured that he just made the training so vigorous and intense that Chouji would just give up.

"Fine." Said Shikamaru.  "I'll teach you the Kagemane no Jutsu."

"All right!" cheered Chouji as he jumped up to punch the air.  "Let's go!"

Shikamaru paused and looked at Chouji vaguely.  "Now?" he asked, sounding somewhat whiny.

"Obviously!" said Chouji.  "When else?"

"Um…tomorrow?" Shikamaru suggested.

"Yeah right." Chouji said.

"How about in a few hours?"

"No!  Right now!  I have to train as much as I can so I'll have the technique down for the next chuunin exam!"

"…How about an hour?"

"NOW!"

"Five minutes…"

"What's the point of only five minutes?!" Chouji demanded.

Shikamaru shrugged.  As far as he was concerned, ANY sort of delay was worth it.  "This sure is troublesome…" Shikamaru uttered as he stood up, figuring he'd get it over with.

"I have to learn and perfect this technique in time for the next chuunin exam in a few months or else I'll have to wait an entire year until I can take the test again!" Chouji said, trying to motivate Shikamaru.

"Sure." Said Shikamaru with a sigh and a shrug.

The two went to their favorite training area.  Shikamaru wasn't exactly excited to teach Chouji his best and only move, but Chouji was more than psyched.

"Okay," said Shikamaru as he sat down on a stump and Chouji sat down on the ground.  "If you're going to perfect this technique in a few months like you said, we're going to have to work non-stop, only pausing to sleep."

"And eat." Chouji added.

"No, we'll probably end up having to skip meals." Shikamaru said.

Chouji didn't answer for a minute.  "What if I can eat while I train?" he suggested.

"It doesn't work that way, Chouji." Shikamaru said.  "If you really want to learn the Kagemane no Jutsu, not only are you going to have to skip meals, but you're going to have to listen to every word I say.  Without question."

"I'll try!" said Chouji even though he longed for a snack right about then.

Shikamaru tried to think of the best way to start.  He had never taught anyone how to use a technique before and he didn't quite remember how he had been taught.  Then again, he didn't really plan to actually teach Chouji the move, so he would probably have to discourage him from the technique.  After all, Chouji was willing to _skip meals_, so Shikamaru had to pull out the heavy artillery.  No problem for Shikamaru, though, since he's a super genius.

"In order to perform this technique, the user must be in perfect shape." Shikamaru preached.  "So the first thing we have to do is run some laps and do some push-ups and sit-ups and all sorts of other vigorous things."

"But I never see YOU doing that stuff!" Chouji complained.

"That's because it's far too troublesome to do all the time." Shikamaru admitted.  "Besides, once you learn the technique, you don't have to be in shape in order to do it.  It's really only so it'll be easier the first few times."

"Aw man…" whined Chouji.

"So…let's see…" Shikamaru said, looking around.  "How about you run back to the town and back and I'll time you?  Hm…I need a way to prove that you actually did the running…"

"What?  You're not going to run with me?" Chouji demanded.

"As I've already explained, it's too troublesome." Shikamaru said as if he was speaking to a two year old.  Shikamaru figured that if this simple lap to the town and back didn't completely discourage Chouji from learning the technique then nothing would.  For Shikamaru knew that if there's one thing Chouji hates more than skipping meals, it's conditioning.

Chouji was now beginning to seriously doubt if he really actually wanted to learn the Kagemane no Jutsu.  After all, there's only one thing he hates more than skipping meals.  And that's conditioning.  

"Okay, I know." Said Shikamaru.  "First, empty all your pockets."

"Why?" asked Chouji but, after a little glare from Shikamaru, he quickly emptied all his pockets of their contents.

"Now I'm going to give you the exact amount of money to buy a flower from Ino's flower shop." Said Shikamaru, handing Chouji some money.

"Ino's flower shop is on the way other side of town!" whined Chouji.

"I know." Said Shikamaru.  "It's good for you."

"But why'd I have to empty my pockets?" Chouji asked as he put the money in his pocket.

"So I could be sure that you wouldn't buy something to eat while you were in town." Shikamaru said.  "Now, I'll give you one hour and if you're not back by then with the flower, then I won't teach you the Kagemane no Jutsu."

"All right!" said Chouji as he took a deep breath, turned around and started jogging.

Shikamaru could still see Chouji when he took his first break.  Shikamaru gave a sigh of relief.  He was glad that he now had the rest of the day to look at the clouds because a flower at Ino's store cost the same a bag of chips from the store right next store.


	17. Sasuke n Naruto: Shindainishin no Jutsu

Naruto Primer: Sasuke and Naruto

Shindainishin no Jutsu

We said in Sasuke's previous chapter that we would discuss Sasuke's inferiority complex.  Well, mainly, if Sasuke has recently lost a battle and is feeling like he is not strong anymore, he does the unmanly thing and challenges someone weaker than he is to a battle.  This all roots back to his superiority complex.

Naruto is one of those guys who are weaker than Sasuke.  Even though Naruto constantly surprises everyone with his power and drive, Sasuke believes that he is still on another level than him.  But Naruto shouldn't feel bad because Sasuke thinks he's on another level than everyone.

But little did everyone know that Naruto was getting sick of Sasuke and his complexes so, all this time, Naruto has been working hard to learn a new technique to just surprise the pants of Sasuke.  He plans on using the brand new Shindainishin no Jutsu to take control of Sasuke's mind for a few minutes.  Sure, it wouldn't prove much, but it sure would be fun to see the expression on Sasuke's face once he realizes he's defeated!!

All Naruto had to do was wait for Sasuke to challenge him.  And, since Sasuke had been feeling particularly bipolar recently, it didn't take long before he began to feel the weight of his inferiority complex and announce that it was now time for their fight.

"I'm not going to go easy on you just because you're weak!" said Sasuke.  You see, he can have both complexes simultaneously.

"Just wait until you see my new technique!" Naruto exclaimed.

"New technique?" Sasuke said, his curiosity piqued.

"Yeah, just you wait and see!" said Naruto as he got ready to perform the Shindainishin no Jutsu by performing the right hand seals.  Sasuke could help but watch and wonder if Naruto could actually do it.  Half of him wanted Naruto to fail just so he could laugh at him, but the other half wanted him to succeed so he could use the Sharingan to copy it.

"I'm waiting!" Sasuke called.

"Shindainishin no Jutsu!" Naruto yelled as the two of them were engulfed in white light.  Naruto had never used the move properly so he didn't really know if it was supposed to be doing that or not, but he figured it was an improvement from when it just… did nothing.

When the light dimmed, the two of them were just standing there as if nothing had happened.  They had seen the light, but nothing as a direct result of it.  But as soon as they saw each other, both gasped and came very close to fainting.  If they were two girls, they probably would have fainted.

"What did you do, you idiot?!" yelled Naruto.

"I don't know!" Sasuke said nervously, looking at his hands frantically.  "It wasn't supposed to do this!  I was just supposed to take control of your mind!"

"That's the Shin_soura_shin!" Naruto groaned.

"Well what did _I _do then?" Sasuke wondered.

"The Shindainishin." Naruto said, sounding much like a whine.  "That's the technique for temporarily switching bodies with your opponent."

"WHAT?!" yelled Sasuke.  "I mean, I sort of gathered that from what happened to us but is there any way to…I don't know…turn it off?!  You know, make us go back to the right place?"

"I said temporary, idiot." Said Naruto, pacing.

"How long is temporary?" complained Sasuke.

"I'm sure there's a way to reverse it." said Naruto.  

"I'll just try using the technique again." Said Sasuke as he started making the seal for the Shindainishin.

"You won't be able to in my body." Naruto said.  "My body's not trained for that technique."

"We'll have to go and ask Kakashi to fix it then." Sasuke said.

"No way!" said Naruto.  "There's not a chance I'm going to go around walking in your body and telling people that I'm stuck in here all because you couldn't learn how to do a stupid technique right!"

"I don't like this anymore than you do!" Sasuke said.  "We don't have to go around telling people that we've switched, just Kakashi."

"You can't tell ANYONE." Said Naruto.

"Come on, who am I going to tell?" said Sasuke with a roll of his eyes.  

Just then, Ino popped out of nowhere and jumped on Sasuke.  "Good morning, Sasuke!" she sang.  "How about we go on a date tonight or something?  I promise it'll be fun!"

"Oh, I'm not Sasuke." Said Sasuke.  "I'm actually Naruto.  Me and Sasuke switched bodies by accident and he's right over there in my body."

"NARUTO!!" yelled Naruto.

"Oops…" said Sasuke.

"Wait…what?" said Ino, confused.

"It's nothing!" Naruto said quickly, grabbing Sasuke's arm and pulling him in the other direction.  "Come on, SASUKE." Naruto angrily dragged Sasuke around the little village, in search of Kakashi.  He didn't know exactly where to find Kakashi, so the two ended up wandering around aimlessly for a while until they crashed into Sakura who was just walking around foolishly.

"What are you two doing together?" she asked.

"Er…nothing." Said Sasuke, remembering that he wasn't supposed to tell anyone about the predicament.

"Good god, Sasuke!" gasped Sakura, slapping her cheeks.  "Why did you lead me on to believe that you weren't gay when you're going out with Naruto behind my back?!"

"WHAT?!" yelled Naruto AND Sasuke.

"You could have just told me the truth." Sakura said, a tear forming in her eye as she ran off.

"You're gay?" said Sasuke to Naruto.

"No, I'm not." Naruto answered.  "And even if I was, there's NO way I would go out with YOU."

It was then that Naruto and Sasuke spotted Kakashi with Asuma, Kurenai and Gai having a, "We're jounins and teachers, isn't that grand?" party, which consisted of having a pleasant little cup of tea.

"Your student, Neji, was actually a lot better at the Macarena than I would think." Said Kurenai as she drank some of her tea.

"Of course!" said Gai.  "He had ME as his teacher!"  He smiled and his teeth went; PING!!

"I think I want to teach my students the Macarena…" said Asuma, sounding wistful.

That's when Naruto and Sasuke decided to interrupt before Kakashi announced that he would be teaching his students the Macarena as well.

"KAKASHI!!" yelled Sasuke.  "WE HAVE THIS AWFUL PROBLEM!!  WE HAVE ACCIDENTALLY SWITCHED…"

Naruto threw a hand over Sasuke's mouth.  "Do you have to be so loud about it?!" he demanded, looking around.

"Switched what?" asked Kakashi quizzically.

"Switched bandanas?" said Asuma foolishly.  "Simply take them off and exchange them."

"Then put them back on of course." Said Kurenai.

"Of course." Laughed Asuma.

"What's your problem?" asked Kakashi, ignoring the others.

"I don't think I want to say with everyone else here." Said Naruto.  "Now I know that you guys don't keep anything secret because we just heard you talking about that time Neji was caught doing the Macarena."

"EVERYONE saw that." Said Kurenai.  "It's no secret."

"You still don't need to talk about it." said Naruto.

"Let's just say it." said Sasuke.

"Not in front of THEM!" Naruto said.  "They'll just go and tell all their students and then EVERYONE would know!"

"Why do you care?" asked Sasuke.

"What's the problem?" Kakashi repeated again.

"Fine, just say it." Naruto said, crossing his arms.  "You say it though, since it's your fault."

"We accidentally switched bodies." Said Sasuke.

"No you didn't." said Kakashi as if he KNEW.

"…Yeah we did." Said Naruto, looking offended.

"I can tell these things." Kakashi assured them.

"Why would we lie about something like this?" said Naruto angrily.

"Fine, if you're in each other's bodies, prove it." Kakashi said.

Naruto and Sasuke looked dumbfounded.  "How would we do that?" asked Sasuke.

"If you don't know the answer, how do you expect me to?" said Kakashi.

"Wait, is this a test or something?" asked Sasuke.  "This is another one of those weird test things that you do just to mess with our minds for a little while!  You were the one who gave me that Shindainishin no Jutsu after all!"

"No, I gave it to Naruto." Said Kakashi, pointing at Naruto.

"So you DO know!" said Naruto.  "Why would you do that?!"

"BOO!!" said Gai suddenly.

"Uh…" said Naruto uneasily.  "Seriously though…"

"BOO!!" Gai yelled again.

"Don't bother, Gai, they've figured it out." Said Kakashi.

"Of course we figured it out!" yelled Naruto.  "We figured it out the moment it happened!!  What I want to know is why you would do something like that to us!"

"BOO!!" yelled Gai for a third time.

"Gai, please, these are my students." Said Kakashi.

"Is that how you train your students?" Sasuke asked.  "Just try and surprise them so they forget what they asked?"

"BOO!!" Gai yelled.

"It doesn't work." Said Sasuke.

"You sure?" said Gai.

"Well, Naruto and Sasuke, there's only two ways to turn back." Kakashi said, folding his hands pleasantly.

"What are they?" they both said eagerly.

"One, you can come to a mutual understanding of each other's differences and become the best of friends!" Kakashi announced.

"I…don't think that's going to happen." Said Naruto AND Sasuke AT THE EXACT SAME TIME!!!  THEY EVEN PAUSED AT THE SAME POINT TOO!!

"Or, you could trick the Jutsu into thinking that you two are the best of friends by embracing each other tightly and yelling, 'I love you!!' as loud as you can." Kakashi finished.  They stared at Kakashi with murderous glares.  "It's only one moment of horror and then it's all over."

"Besides, it's not like you're actually hugging the other person!" said Asuma.

"Yeah, it's like you're hugging yourself!" said Kurenai.

"Instead of the other person!" Asuma said.

"Yeah!  It's just yourself!!" said Kurenai.

"As much as it pains me, I don't want to have to be YOU any longer." Said Naruto to Sasuke.

"I don't know…" said Sasuke.  "I've always been ostracized because I was possessed by the fox demon but now, if I'm YOU then I won't have that problem!  Plus, I'll have the Sharingan so it'll be a lot easier to become Hokage!  And, above all else, Sakura will love me!  Besides, I bet you just want to hug me because you're gay just like Sakura said."

"I'm not gay, and you can't do that." Said Naruto, trying not to lose his temper.

"I'll just be you for a little while longer." Said Sasuke.  "Just for fun!"

"Kakashi!" whined Naruto.  "Make him give me my body back!"

"I can't very well force him." Said Kakashi.

"Sure you can!" said Naruto.

"No, can't do it." Kakashi said.  "If you really want to get back in your own body, you'll have to convince him yourself.  You better go find him or something."

Naruto turned around to see that Sasuke wasn't there.  "NARUTO!!!" yelled Naruto.  "GET BACK HERE!!!"  With that, hurried off to find himself.  Literally.


	18. Sakura n Ino: Bitch Fight

Naruto Primer: Ino and Sakura

Bitch Fight

As you know, Ino has been performing a few extremely evil deeds recently, like taking over the bodies of Sasuke and Sakura and having them tell each other that there are hatred vibes.  Ino is not usually like that, but when it comes to Sasuke, she is.

Sakura has been experiencing a few strange events, mostly concerning Sasuke for a little while.  First, Sasuke just came out of nowhere and declared that he hated her.  Then he said that she said that she hated him first when no such event happened.  And, just when she was starting to believe that Sasuke was swaying THAT WAY, she found he and Naruto walking around, clinging to each other.

The more she thought of it, the more she realized that everything was just far too…ODD.  Why did Sasuke just randomly tell her that he hated her AND say that she told him she hated him?  She never did such a thing.

Unless…

The idea probably would have never occurred to her if Ino didn't just so happen to walk by at that very moment.

Ino had tried to make her move on Sasuke a little earlier but she wasn't exactly sure what had transpired when she had sneaked up on him.  All he had said was that he had switched bodies with Naruto.  Even though she didn't really want to believe it, it's not like she wasn't going to believe it.  After all, she had seen stranger jutsus before.

"And where are YOU going?" said Sakura.

Ino looked up.  "No where." She replied.  "What's it to you?"

"Well I've been thinking about what Sasuke said to me…" Sakura began.

"Yeah, it's really too bad." Ino said without thinking.

"AHA!" said Sakura.  "So you WERE using his body at the time!  Did you think I wouldn't find out?!"

"Uh…" started Ino.  "What are you talking about?  I just guessed what you were going to say because you looked sad while you were saying it!!"

"Yeah right!" said Sakura angrily.  "And have you been the one walking around making Sasuke look gay?"

"I have not…" started Ino but she trailed off.  "What?"

"Don't bother hiding it, I KNOW that truth." Said Sakura.

"What do you mean?" Ino asked.  "Sasuke's gay?  Stop saying these horrible lies!  You're just trying to make me think he's gay so that I'll stop going after him!  Well, it's not going to work!"

"Ino, I think we need to settle this once and for all so we'll stop arguing over something so stupid!" Sakura said.

"What do you mean?" asked Ino.

"I think we need to fight it out." Sakura said.  "After all, we're ninjas."

"So we're going to literally fight over a guy?" Ino said skeptically.

"I can understand if you're afraid." Sakura said, using reverse psychology.  "That's okay.  I win by default."

"Yeah right." Said Ino.  "If you want to fight me, then fine!"

"Fine then!" Sakura said.  "Let's meet back here in an hour!"

"Fine by me!" Ino replied as both girls stormed off.

Sakura was never angrier at Ino.  How could she do such a horrible thing?  Or a series of horrible things?  She would have to train as hard as she could so that she would able to beat Ino this time and not just end up in a double knockout like last time.

She was about to start training…when she stumbled across Sasuke.  "Sasuke!!" she called, running over.  Sasuke looked at her quizzically for a minute and then looked quite happy.  "I know that you're not gay, Sasuke." She said to him.  "I know it was just Ino all along trying to make you LOOK gay, so I'm sorry if I ever said that I thought you were gay to the REAL you."

"Oh no, I AM gay." Said Sasuke.  "So very gay.  I think you should love Naruto instead."

Sakura was, at first, surprised.  Then she realized that it must have been Ino possessing Sasuke again.  "Yeah right, Ino!" she laughed.  "We still have fifty minutes until we have to start fighting so cut it out with the stupid jokes!"

And with that, she stormed off again.  Sasuke just shrugged and continued going about his business.

Meanwhile, Ino was strolling along.  She hadn't planned on doing any extra training because she knew that she wouldn't be able to pass any sort of barrier and unlock a secret power in an hour so she figured she'd just walk around to fill her time.  But that's when she found Naruto.

"Are you Naruto or are you still Sasuke?" Ino asked in a joking voice.

"Yes." Said Naruto angrily, crossing his arms.

Ino was, at first, surprised.  She wasn't expecting him to say that since she had originally assumed that they were just kidding that they had switched bodies.  But she could tell from the annoyed, cruel glare in Naruto's eyes that he actually was Sasuke.  "Oh, that's unfortunate." She said.  "Well, me and Sakura are fighting over your love in about an hour!  You should come and watch us."

"I have to find Naruto and force him to give me my body back!" Sasuke said, pushing past Ino and stomping off.

Ino watched him go and decided that she would help Sasuke get his body back.  After her fight with Sakura, of course, since the fight was all sort of meaningless if her beloved Sasuke was inside Naruto's body.

One hour later…

Sakura and Ino met at the appointed place.  Both stood there ominously with their forehead protectors where they belonged as the wind blew.  The fight could have started any minute, when all of a sudden…

"You know…Sakura," said Ino.  "I accidentally had something to eat before I came to fight you…I don't feel very ready for a fight."

"Actually, I promised myself I'd do a little training to brush up on my skills but I kept getting distracted…" Sakura admitted.

"Besides, I just met up with Sasuke and he's stuck in Naruto's body and I wanted to help him out." Ino said.  "So our fight's off?"

"Wait, what?" said Sakura.  "Sasuke's stuck in Naruto's body?  Does that mean that Naruto's in Sasuke's body?"

"...I guess." Ino said with a shrug.

"So it was NARUTO who was making Sasuke look gay this whole time?!" Sakura said angrily.  "I DEFINITELY have to help.  We have to find those two…"

Ironically enough, Naruto walked over at just that minute.

"I have been stuck in Naruto's body for almost half a day!" he said, sounding annoyed.  Then he realized that he had just announced that to the entire world and was about to walk off feeling stupid when Ino and Sakura both ambushed him, demanding that he let them help.

"Exactly how did you get this way?" asked Ino.

"It was kind of a joint effort between Kakashi and Naruto." Naruto explained.  "And Kakashi says that the only way for us to turn back to normal is to hug each other and yell, 'I love you'."  He paused.  "And, I don't want to, because I'm not gay, but I'd rather do that than stay Naruto."

"Oh, I know you're not gay." Said Sakura with a laugh.

"So, mainly, Naruto refuses to do it?" Ino asked.

"Pretty much." Naruto replied.

"How do we fix it?" wondered Sakura.

They all sat there pondering for a minute.  "I've got it." said Ino.

"What?" asked Sakura and Sasuke.

"I'm going to ask Shikamaru for a plan." Ino finished.  "And you guys go and find Naruto."

"Sounds good." Said Sakura with a shrug.

"Let's split up." Naruto said to Sakura.  "It'll be faster that way."  With that, they all split up in different direction and walked off, doing their various tasks.


	19. Hinata n Neji: Build A Bear

Naruto Primer: Hinata and Neji

Build-A-Bear

Ever since the Macarena incident, Neji promised himself that he'd never get bored with training again.  So there he was, training by all alone in his favorite training spot (everyone seems to have one of those, don't they?) since he couldn't seem to find Tenten or Rock Lee.  It's not like he wanted to face them, though, since he was still feeling rather embarrassed.

Hinata, unlike Neji, had slowed down her training.  She, instead, spent her time walking outside and going places.  Over the past few days, she had even done a little bit of Naruto stalking.  Currently, she was hot on his trail.

The day was pretty normal for Neji so far.  He was doing he regular training exercises when, all of a sudden, he heard some people coming.  He looked up to see Sasuke skip by while singing, "I'm going to the mall where I will go and be a happy fellow!"  As if Neji wasn't already confused enough, Naruto soon followed Sasuke while yelling, "HUG ME AND SAY YOU LOVE ME!!!"

Neither of them seemed to have noticed him and, considering they were obviously smoking something, Neji wasn't all that unhappy about it.  Just as he was about to go back to his training, Hinata came strolling by as well.

"Hi Neji…" she said nervously because she had seen him and would have felt bad if she didn't say hi to him.

"What are you doing out here?" Neji asked, sounding a bit resentful, which is okay because he's only part of the branch house and she's part of the main one and that just sucks.

"I was just…um…" Hinata started.  She didn't want to say outright that she was stalking Naruto.  "Following Naruto."

"Why?" Neji asked.

"Um…I don't know." Hinata replied.  "But I guess I lost sight of him now."

"He said he was going to the mall." Neji said.

"Really?" Hinata said, but then got embarrassed that she had sounded so excited.  "Well, I wanted to go there anyway.  I heard about a new store that opened up!  It's called Build-A-Bear!"

"And?" said Neji.

"Well…I thought it might be fun to build a bear…" Hinata said.

Neji turned around so he wasn't facing Hinata anymore.  Even though she felt slightly hurt, she also felt bad that he was out there all alone just training all day.  Neji frightened her beyond all reason, but she didn't think it was a good thing to always be so anti-social and lonely.  She knew that he wanted friends because why else would he do the Macarena?

"Uh…do you want to come with me?" she asked nervously.

Neji was just about to launch into a forty-five minute long rant about the Branch House and the Main House and how much it sucks to be him, that would all end up with Hinata injured and coughing up blood… when he realized that he wanted to make friends.  The Macarena must have worked!

"…Fine." Said Neji.

Hinata had definitely not expected him to agree.  She had expected him to launch into a forty-five minute long rant about the Branch House and the Main House and how much it sucks to be him, that would all end up with Hinata injured and coughing up blood…

They walked to the mall area in complete silence.  It was hard for them to actually talk about anything, but at least they weren't killing each other.

By the way, the mall is right outside of the town so that's why you never see it in the show or the manga.  It's because the only time you see the outside of the town is when it's from an angle that hides the mall from view.  It's really there.  Actually, there is one pointing the show in which you can see some of it peaking through the trees, but I forget which episode it is.

"So…um…we're here." Said Hinata.

"Yeah." Said Neji.

"Uh…let's go to Build-A-Bear now." Hinata said quietly.

Neji sighed.  "Do we have to go to Build-A-Bear?" he asked.  "Can't we go someplace else?"

"I suppose…"

Neji thought about it.  No matter how much he resented her or her father, she had originally come to the mall because she wanted to go to Build-A-Bear and had invited him along.  Besides, maybe there would be some people there he could potentially make friends with.  After all, if people saw him doing the Macarena one day and then at Build-A-Bear the other, they might think that he's more of a sociable person than they thought.

"Never mind…" said Neji.  "We can go to Build-A-Bear…"

Hinata didn't know whether Neji ACTUALLY wanted to go to Build-A-Bear, or if he was just trying to be nice.  After all, he had been acting rather strange lately.  But she wasn't about to argue since she wanted to go to Build-A-Bear anyway, so they went there.

"This is it." she said.

Neji was a bit disappointed when he entered Build-A-Bear because everyone there was probably under eight years old and, therefore, he couldn't possibly make friends with them.  So now he was at Build-A-Bear and his main reason, to make friends, was not ever going to be put in effect.

"Actually, could we not go to Build-A-Bear?" Neji asked.

Hinata looked in the store to see Neji's reasoning for not wanting to be there.  After all, she could tell that he was striving to make friends and, if no one was there to make friends with, what was the point of him being there?  Even though she really did want to Build-A-Bear, she was also aiming to make peace with Neji as well.  Honestly, she had to stand there and weigh to herself which was more important.  Building a bear or making peace with Neji?

"Um…what would you want to do instead?" Hinata asked.

Neji hadn't really ever been to a mall before.  To be frank, the only time he ever went to any kind of shopping place was to get clothes.  He didn't know what kinds of things were available to him or what kinds of things he would potentially find at a mall.

"I don't know." Said Neji.  "Where do YOU want to go?"

Hinata didn't know exactly how to answer that.  He knew that she wanted to go to Build-A-Bear, so she figured he must have meant, 'Where do you want to go BESIDES Build-A-Bear?'  It really was the whole reason she had come to the mall, besides the fact that Naruto was there but she couldn't very well say, 'How about we stalk Naruto?'  She didn't even have to ask to know he probably wouldn't want to do that.

"Have you eaten lunch yet?" she tried.

Neji gave a heavy sigh.  Eating out was also another thing that he had never truly done before.  He knew he would get around to it someday, but he never thought he'd get around to it with a member of the MAIN FAMILY!!!  (Insert dramatic music.)

"Uhh…it's not really lunch time…" Neji said finally.

"Then we can always get something to drink." Hinata said.

"Where?"

"I don't know." Hinata confessed.  "Don't you have an idea?"  Neji still scared Hinata beyond all reason, but she was starting to get annoyed with him shooting down every one of her attempts and then not even trying at all.

"Not really." 

"Okay, then how about instead of staying at the mall, we could go for a short walk and then go out to lunch when it's lunch time?" Hinata tried.

"…Where would we walk?"

"…Around…"

"What's the point of that?"

"Just to kill time."

"Couldn't we kill time some other way?"

"Like how?"

"I don't know."

Hinata was becoming more and more frustrated.  She was getting the feeling that maybe Neji just didn't want to be spending time with her JUST BECAUSE SHE WAS IN THE MAIN HOUSE!!!!

Neji was also getting frustrated because he could tell that Hinata was getting frustrated.  He didn't MEAN to annoy her so much but he honestly didn't really want to go on a walk and didn't know where they could eat or drink or what else they could do at a mall!!

"Let's get ice cream then." Hinata decided.

Neji didn't really mind the sound of that.  "Okay." He said.  "Where?"

Luckily for them, there was only one ice cream place around them so Hinata didn't have to go crazy trying to choose one that might have been the best.

As they were getting their ice cream, it was one of those classic scenes with the sun shining down and the characters blocking their eyes from the sun while looking up to it and then they turn into a drawing and little flower petals fly by with inner monologue that says something like, "So this is my life now!"


	20. Shikamaru n Ino: Shindainishin Reversed!

**At popular request, we changed the summary.  Gee whilikers!!  It's not nice to judge a book just by its lame summary.  I would HOPE (if you abide by the rules) that you have read Lee's chapter by now so you should know it's not nice to judge things just because they're as ugly as a butt.  Your moms, everybody!!  Your moms!!**

**Love, Link and Luigi**

Naruto Primer: Shikamaru and Ino

Shindainishin Reversed!!

Shikamaru is known for believing that everything is troublesome.  When possible, he will try to avoid any sort of situation that would require effort to perform.

Ino has just that sort of situation.  She loves her Sasuke, but as of right now, Sasuke is stuck in Naruto's body and Naruto is stuck in Sasuke.  She can't think up a plan, but she knows that Shikamaru is a super genius so she figures he can help her out.

"Shikamaru, do you know anything about the Shindainishin no Jutsu?" Ino asked Shikamaru who was just lying there…staring at the clouds.

He looked up at her.  "No, why?" he asked.

"Well, it's used for switching bodies with your opponent." Ino said, sitting down next to him.  He sat up and listened, even though it was troublesome and he could tell that a favor was going to come out of this.  "You see, Naruto cast this Jutsu on Sasuke and now they're stuck in each other's bodies!  The only way to undo the Jutsu is to have them hug each other and yell, 'I love you!!'  But Naruto is refusing."

Shikamaru waited.  "…And?" he asked.  "Why are you telling me this?"

"We need you to come up with a plan." Ino replied.

"It's pretty obvious." Shikamaru sighed.  "All you have to do is FORCE him to do it."

"How about a more strategic plan?" Ino suggested, sounding somewhat annoyed.  "And don't try to tell me that you don't have an answer because I KNOW you do."

"Very well." Shikamaru said.  "I'm starting to wish I had taught Chouji that Kagemane no Jutsu now…"

"Oh!" said Ino, catching on.  "You could just use that Jutsu to make him do it!  Great idea!"

"But I can't make him SAY 'I love you'." Shikamaru reminded her.

"Oh…" said Ino sadly.  "So what's the point?"

"Because, I could stop him and then you could take control of his body." Shikamaru said.  "But I have confidence enough in you to do it by yourself."

"Shikamaru!" said Ino, standing up excitedly.  "You're a genius!  But I DO need your help because I'll miss…"

"You'll be fine." Shikamaru said.

"PLEASE, Shikamaru?" begged Ino.  "Please, please, PLEASE?!"

"It's so troublesome…" Shikamaru complained.

"I'll do anything you ask!" Ino said.  "Anything at all!"

"Anything?" said Shikamaru.  The look on Shikamaru's face kind of made Ino wish that she hadn't made that offer.  She was half expecting him to ask for some sort of outrageous request, when he suddenly turned around and plopped a large board with pieces on down in front of them.  "Play a game of shougi with me." He said.

At the sound of THAT request, Ino became slightly disappointed.  "That's all you want?" she asked.  "And then you'll help me?"

"Yeah." Said Shikamaru.  "I've had the strangest need to play recently but Asuma's too busy with his 'Teacher and Jounin' party and Chouji, while perfectly willing to play, is, frankly, not very good at all."

"Well I'm not very good either." Ino confessed.

"Really?" Shikamaru asked, getting his famous perturbed face.

"No one's good at that game except for old men." Ino said.  Shikamaru looked at her strangely.  "And you of course."

"Then there's really no point to this…" Shikamaru sighed, putting the board back behind him.

"Could you help me anyway?" Ino requested.

"No." Shikamaru said.  "You said you'd give me in return."

"What if you thought of something else?  I'm sure you can!"

"No.  I don't feel like doing anything else except play shougi."

"Well then…you don't have to do anything!" Ino said.  "I'll…um… lie around with you!"

"No, I could easily just lie around by myself."

"Then I could go and get you something so you won't have to move!  Are you hungry?  Thirsty?"

"It doesn't matter because I'll have to get up and move to help you with your problem anyway." Shikamaru pointed out.

"How about an IOU then?" Ino tried.

"IOU?" said Shikamaru with a raised eyebrow.  "I don't believe in IOUs."

"I'm sure there's something else you can think of that you want!" pleaded Ino.

"Fine, I want you to take off all your clothes and dance around." Shikamaru said.

Ino paused.  "…What?" she said.

"I'm just kidding." Shikamaru said, rolling his eyes.

Just then, Sasuke came running out, closely followed by Naruto and Sakura who were both, obviously, attempting to catch him.

"I just want to use the Sharingan once!!" Sasuke called back to them.  "Just give me that!  And then I'll switch back!  I promise!"

"No way!!" yelled Naruto.  "Cause I know you'd just use it on something stupid!  And I want my body back now!!"

"Well, I guess you weren't lying." Said Shikamaru to Ino.

"You thought I was?!" Ino yelled.

"Man, this is really troublesome…" said Shikamaru as he did his little hand seal for his Kagemane no Jutsu and his shadow extended out and attached onto Sasuke, halting him in place.

"Hey!" whined Sasuke.  "That's not fair!! You guys are like… quadruple teaming me!"

"All right, my turn!" said Ino as she did HER hand seal and successfully implanted her mind into Sasuke's who was actually Naruto.  Then Shikamaru let her/him go.

"Let's get this over with." Naruto grumbled, approaching Ino.

"Yay!" cheered Ino from Sasuke's body.  "I get to hug Sasuke and he's going to tell me that he loves me!"

"Technically you're hugging Naruto!" said Sakura.

"But it's Sasuke saying that he loves Ino." Shikamaru said.

"Actually, Sasuke's saying that he loves himself." Sakura said, crossing her arms.

"So Sasuke in Naruto's body is telling his body which has Naruto in it while being possessed by Ino that…wait…I'm confused…" Shikamaru said slowly.  "This is too much."

"Can we just do this?!" Naruto demanded.

"Let's do this!" said Ino, punching the air with horseshoe eyes.  It looked extra silly because it looked like it was Sasuke performing those deeds.

Then followed the most peculiar embrace in the world.  Not only did APPEAR that it was Sasuke and Naruto hugging, it really wasn't.  I can't even begin to explain what's going on now.  And then, at the same time, they both yelled, "I LOVE YOU!!!!"


	21. Kiba n Hinata: Stuffed Animal

Naruto Primer: Kiba and Hinata

Stuffed Animal

Ever since his battle with Shino, Kiba has been exploring his sensitive feelings for Hinata.  If he was willing to play Rock, Paper, Scissors with someone for hours, he figured there must be something there.

Hinata was oblivious to all reality.  But it's not like she knew that Shino and Kiba were battling over her love for hours.  She was still getting over her little outing with Neji and looking for Naruto and hacking up a little more blood.  But she planned on going back to Build-A-Bear…

Kiba knew that Hinata expressed interest in Build-A-Bear so, being the sensitive, caring guy he is, he decided to explore her interests.  While he was there, he built himself a bear since it would be kind of senseless to just go there and NOT build one.  Of course, it was actually a dog, but as he walked out of the store with his little box and adoption certificate for his dog that he built, he realized that maybe he should give it to her.

He just so happened to cross paths with Hinata on his way home.  Of course, he had planned on this suave little greeting with her that would eventually end up with him giving the bear to her that went a little something like this:

_"Hey Hinata!"_

_"Hi Kiba."_

_"I was thinking of you today."_

_"Really?  That's so sweet!"_

_"I made you this because I heard you loved Build-A-Bear so much."_

_"Wow!  It's so cute!  You're such a great guy!"_

_"I know.  I know."  (Insert kiss here that is quickly followed by a date.)_

Of course, it went a little more like this.

Kiba stood there and raised his hand to wave to her.  "Hey Hinata…" he started but, all of a sudden, Akamaru popped out of his hood and grabbed the box out of his hand.

"Hi Kiba…" Hinata said nervously.

"Hi Hinata!" Kiba said as he tried to wrench the box out of Akamaru's mouth.  Finally, he did, and Akamaru barked a few times.  "No, Akamaru!  It's not YOURS, I thought we already went through this!"  Akamaru barked some more.  "Well you can't have this one!!"

"Is this a bad time?" asked Hinata.

"No!" Kiba yelled.  "I mean…uh, one second."  He looked back at Akamaru who was still barking.  "I'll make you one some other time!  This one isn't for you!"

"Did you make that bear for Akamaru?" asked Hinata, pointing at the box.  "Those things are expensive.  Can I see it?"

"Oh, sure!" said Kiba, taking it out of the box and showing it to her.  "It's not Akamaru's though, even though he thinks it is."

Akamaru barked.

"No, no it's NOT!" Kiba said angrily.

"It's so cute!" said Hinata.

"You can have it if you want…" said Kiba.

"I couldn't take Akamaru's!" said Hinata.

"But it's not his…" Kiba started but Akamaru barked in interruption.  "No, how many times do I have to tell you that it's not yours?!"

"I was actually just on my way to Build-A-Bear." Said Hinata.  "And I would ask you to come, but you already went…"

"I NEVER pass up an opportunity to go to Build-A-Bear!" said Kiba.

"Oh, okay then!" said Hinata with a smile.

The fact that Hinata was still carrying the Build-A-Bear dog that Kiba had made offended Akamaru so he barked something to Kiba.  "What do you mean it's not fair?!" Kiba demanded.  "It wasn't yours in the first place!  It was originally for…" Kiba caught himself quickly.  "Uh…not you…"

"I'll make Akamaru a bear!" offered Hinata.

"He doesn't need one, he's just being a brat." Kiba said, glaring angrily at Akamaru, who started to bark again.  "Don't try to kid yourself, Akamaru.  You wouldn't last one day without me!"

Akamaru barked one more time and then jumped out of Kiba's hood and ran off in a random direction.  "Don't use that sort of language in front of a lady!" Kiba yelled after him as he turned around and crossed his arms.  "That selfish little dog.  All over a stuffed animal!"

"Uh…" Hinata said tentatively as she looked behind her to see Akamaru disappearing in the distance.  She could tell that Kiba was trying not to care.  "Is it really only to let him go off like that?"

"It's his fault." Said Kiba.

"Well I can't go to Build-A-Bear knowing that Akamaru is off all alone." Hinata said.  "He sounded awfully angry.  Maybe we should go after him."

Kiba was secretly crying on the inside because, as we have told you many a time, he is very sensitive.  Plus, he's been through so much with his Akamaru that even when they were only in a little tiff, he felt very sad.  "Fine, but only because you want to so much." Kiba said.

Hinata Kiba and Akamaru were ever so close and that he truly wanted to go off and look for him.  "Where do you think he went?" she asked.

"How should I know?" Kiba said stubbornly.

"Well, I guess I could use my Byakugan to look in the general direction of where he went and then we can follow him…" Hinata suggested.  Kiba chose not to answer so Hinata shrugged and did JUST THAT!!  "He's over there." She said.

"Like I care." Said Kiba.  "He can stay there for all I care!"

Thus the search for Akamaru began.  At first, Kiba was rather reluctant, but a few hours passed by and it began to get dark outside.  That's when Kiba started to worry about his poor puppy.

"It's getting kind of late…" Hinata said.

"We can't leave until we find Akamaru!" Kiba said passionately as he continued to search for Akamaru.  "AKAMARU!!  WHERE ARE YOU?!  I'M SORRY I CALLED YOU A BRAT!!!"

"I don't know if he can hear you." Said Hinata.  "I mean, if I couldn't find him with my Byakugan and you can't sniff him out then he's probably not near…"

"What if a bear got him?!" Kiba stressed.

"Are there any bears around here…?" Hinata asked quizzically.

"I'm not going home without Akamaru!" Kiba said.

Hinata felt a little bad that all this was happening.  She didn't know exactly HOW it had happened, because one minute they were all there hanging out and then there was a stuffed animal and now this is where they were.

"What if he went home?" she tried.

"Right!" said Kiba.  "That's where I told him to go if we ever got separated!  We have to hurry!!"

Kiba practically sprinted home as Hinata tried her best to keep up.  He WANTED to believe that Akamaru would be waiting for him on the front step, but a piece of him told him that Akamaru was gone for good.  And even yet, another piece of him said that he was eaten by a bear.  Kiba would have to beat up that piece of him later.

Akamaru wasn't outside on the front step, but Kiba still had hope.  He swung the front door open.  "Akamaru!" he shouted.  "I'm sorry!"

But Akamaru wasn't there.

No one greeted him at the door.

Hinata came running over to where Kiba was still standing in the doorway looking depressed.

"He's not here…" Kiba said sadly.

All of a sudden, a little white puppy came strolling nonchalantly around the corner of the house.  He barked twice.  "Akamaru!" Kiba yelled happily.  "You've been here the whole time?!"

Akamaru barked a few times and then leapt into Kiba's arms.  Once again, Hinata was there to witness the scene change into a drawing with sunlight and flower petals and all that other stuff.

But then the scene ended.  "You're going to get it later when I'm not so overwhelmed with happiness." Kiba said to Akamaru.


	22. Ino n Lee: The Set Up

Naruto Primer: Rock Lee and Ino

The Set-Up

Ino loved Sasuke with all her heart.

Rock Lee loved Sakura with all his heart.

Ino was waiting by herself in front of a café area.  She had gotten a letter signed 'S' in beautiful, pink, cursive penmanship.  The letter asked her to come to that café at that exact time.  She figured that the letter must have been from Sasuke, after all, S is for Sasuke, and she had recently helped him with an embarrassing predicament.  He probably wanted to pay her back with a date.

"Come on Sasuke…" she complained to herself as she leaned over, trying to see further down the street.  She couldn't see her beloved approaching her with a giant bouquet of flowers.

Instead, she could see the familiar face of Rock Lee approaching her with a giant bouquet of flowers.

"Um…what are you doing here?" Ino said nervously.

"I'm waiting for someone." Lee replied dreamily.  He, too, had gotten a letter from a mysterious person signed with a pink, cursive 'S'.  He assumed it was Sakura because…well…just because.  Who else would it be from?

"Who?" Ino asked.

"A secret admirer!" Lee said.

Ino looked at Lee with both her eyebrows raised.  "…Right." She said.  "It's not, by any chance, Sakura?"

"Well, I don't know for sure, I think so." Said Lee.

Ino cleared her throat a few times.  "Well, I'm waiting for Sasuke." She said when she realized that he wasn't going to ask her while she was there.

"Really?" Lee said, surprised.  "For a date?  Did he ask you?"

"Sort of." Ino replied.  She looked down the street again.  Suddenly, she caught sight of Shikamaru out in the distance.  Walking in her direction.  She blinked a few times.  Shikamaru?  Could he be the 'S' in the letter?!  It couldn't be!  It was supposed to be Sasuke!!

Her heart skipped every other beat as Shikamaru got closer and closer and then…just… walked right by her.  Ino let out a heavy sigh of relief but suddenly, Shikamaru turned around.

"Oh right, Ino!" he said.

"NO!!  GO AWAY!!!" she yelled.

"It doesn't matter what you do." Shikamaru said.  "You still owe me that game.  I helped you out."

Ino paused.  "Is that what this is all about?" she asked.

"What do you mean 'this'?" Shikamaru said.  "I don't feel like playing right now, so I'm going home."  With that, he turned and left.

Ino gave ANOTHER sigh of relief.  "Okay, so it's not Shikamaru…"

"What was that all about?" asked Lee since he was STILL there.

"I got a little worried that it was actually Shikamaru who asked me to come on this date." She said.

"You don't know who asked you out?" Lee said in an almost patronizing tone since it didn't occur to him that he didn't know who asked him out either.

"I do KIND OF." Ino said.  "Who else could it be?  Sasuke's the only one who would ask me out on a date.  I had always thought that Shikamaru kind of liked me but he would never do something as 'troublesome' as a date."

"Oh right." Said Lee as if he understood.

"It's kind of weird that both of us were asked anonymously to the same place at the same time." Said Ino.

"Yeah, weird the way the world works." Lee agreed.

They stood there in silence for a minute.

"My date is late…" Ino said, looking at the clock.

"So is mine…" Lee answered.

It was silence for another period of time in which you may decide.

"I'm kinda thirsty…" Lee said suddenly.  "Do you want to get something to drink at this place while we're waiting for our dates to come?"

"Um…sure… this isn't a date or anything though…" Ino assured him.

"Of course not." Lee said quickly.  "I hardly even know you!  Plus, my heart is only for Sakura."

"Right, and my heart is only for Sasuke." Ino replied.

The two went into the café area and ordered some beverage of the reader's choice.  At that moment, Sakura jumped out of a bush and stood triumphantly where the two were once standing.

"Haha!" Sakura announced.  "Operation Hook-Up-Love-Obstacles was a success!  But will it last?"

Yes Sakura, will it last?  No one can really tell with young love these days.  Then again, I doubt Ino or Lee are experiencing any love vibes between the two of them considering they both have an unhealthy obsession with someone else that is NOT each other.  So the question still stands; will it last?  Personally, I think not.  They probably entered, got something to drink, waited around for a couple more hours, got fed up and left.  Of course, both leaving and assuming that the mysterious 'S' was probably a prankster and definitely NOT their appointed crush setting them up only to crush their hearts.  For they both were convinced that their crush actually shared feelings for them.  Poor, poor misguided fools.  Oh well!  Tomorrow's a new day!!


	23. Naruto n Kiba: Uchiha Wallet

Naruto Primer: Naruto and Kiba

Uchiha Wallet

Naruto had to take a little while to recover from his field day as Sasuke.  It wasn't that the Jutsu drained him or anything, it was just everyone beating him up, especially Sasuke, after the fact.  But what did he expect?  He figured he'd get beat up by Sasuke even if he had returned the body right away.

Kiba also took a little while to recover from his feud with Akamaru.  While he was perfectly fine physically, his emotional sense was a wreck.  He had lost his very best friend momentarily to the point in which he actually didn't believe he would be getting him back.  Luckily, it all worked out in the end but he knew never to let it happen again.

So anyway, we've skipped all that boring recovery time and now they're both just fine.  So Kiba exited his house with Akamaru in his hood at 4:00 going at approximately three miles an hour.  Two miles away, Naruto exited the hospital at 4:15 going at two miles an hour.  If they both continue at that pace, where will they meet?

Why, at a wallet in the middle of the street that they both just so happened to stumble across at the exact same time!

"What's this?" said Naruto, picking up the wallet and opening it up.

"Hey, you don't have any right to look in that!" said Kiba, swiping it away.

"And you do?" Naruto said angrily.

"I wasn't going to!" Kiba said.  "I was just going to look at the ID so that I knew who it belonged to so I could return it!"

"That's no fun…" Naruto complained.

"Geez, good thing I was here." Said Kiba.  "There's no telling what you would have done with this sort of opportunity!"  He opened the wallet and fished around it for a while before pulling out an ID card.  "Here we go…Uchiha Itachi!  Now, that sounds familiar…"

"THAT'S SASUKE'S EVIL BROTHER!!!!" yelled Naruto, but then he threw his hands over his mouth and looked around.

"Oh right!" said Kiba as if he found Sasuke's evil brother's wallet every day.  Then he closed the wallet.  "I guess the little Uchiha fan on the front should have clued me in."

"Don't you get it?" said Naruto, taking the wallet.  "We found Sasuke's evil brother's wallet!  Do you know what this means?"

"…Sasuke's evil brother will eventually claim it?" Kiba tried.

"Exactly!" Naruto said.  "Sasuke's been looking for his evil brother for only HE knows how long!"

"You actually think Sasuke's evil brother will just waltz in and claim his wallet?" Kiba said with a raised eyebrow.

Naruto put his head down.  "You know what?" he said finally.  "You're absolutely right.  That's why we shouldn't even bother to turn it in."  He opened the wallet back up and looked inside.  "Look, a credit card and at LEAST a hundred dollars."

Kiba paused.  Then Akamaru barked a few times.  "We can't spend HIS money on Kibbles and Bits!" Kiba scolded Akamaru.

"There's all sorts of crazy things in here!" Naruto said.  "Look, a phone number!  And here's his address."

"We should show it to Sasuke." Kiba said.

"Look, a frequent buyer's card!" Naruto said.  "Only one more stamp and we could get…A FREE NINJA STAR!!!"

"Once again, we should show that to Sasuke." Kiba said.  "I think he would want the address."

"Why?" said Naruto skeptically.  "So that he can find his brother, lose to his brother and then be sent to Angstville again?"

"Maybe he'll be smart and wait until he's strong enough." Kiba shrugged.

"Sasuke already thinks he's strong enough." Naruto said.  "Strike that, Sasuke KNOWS he's strong enough."

"We can't hold onto something like that." Kiba said since he's not one to just stand there bashing people.  "Let's say Sasuke's evil brother comes back to get it and finds out that we have or have used the stuff in it.  He'll probably want to kill us!  Considering he's…well, evil."

"Let's at least use this frequent buyer card!" said Naruto as he started walking in the direction of Shuriken R Us.

"Wait," said Kiba, grabbing his arm.  "How about we pretend that just for one second that I'm going to actually let you go off and spend Sasuke's evil brother's wallet?  What do you think he'll do once he finds out that you spent his money and his frequent buyer's card?"

"Come on, Kiba!" said Naruto.  "You always struck me as the cool one!  Why are you so wussy all of a sudden?"

Kiba looked more offended than he should have been.  "I am NOT being wussy." He said.

"Then come on!" said Naruto.  "We're going to get two ninja stars after all.  One we'll pay for, and the other one will be the free one.  You can have one if you want."

"I don't use ninja stars." Kiba pointed out.

"EVERYONE uses ninja stars." Naruto said.

"I don't." Kiba replied.

"Well, it's never too late to start." Naruto said.

Kiba eventually gave into peer pressure and followed Naruto into Shuriken R Us where they purchased a brand new ninja star and then received their free one.  They were marveling at their new purchases; HOW SHINY THEY WERE!!  Akamaru started to bark a few times.

"Geez, Akamaru, it's not always about you." Said Kiba, rolling his eyes.  "Naruto, can we use some of the leftover money to buy Akamaru some Kibbles and Bits?"

"Some of the leftover money?" said Naruto.  "Kiba, we have a credit card.  We can do whatever we want."

"You're not serious." Said Kiba.  "We're not going to use the credit card.  I thought we decided that we were only going to use the cash."

"Fine, fine!" said Naruto.  "But let's at least buy ourselves some new clothes and THEN we'll stop!"

Kiba battled with some turmoil within him.  But with a few extra words from Akamaru, he finally agreed.  "As long as we can get some Kibbles and Bits for Akamaru." He said in that 'under one condition' tone.

"No problem!" said Naruto as he and Kiba frolicked into a clothing store.  After purchasing one set of nice clothes, they became shopaholics and couldn't stop!  They started to buy everything they ever wanted!  Akamaru even got a brand new set of matching chew toys!!

"Where did Sasuke's evil brother get all this money?" Kiba wondered as they got in line of another store.

"Well, probably when he wiped out his entire clan, he took all their money." Naruto concluded.

"That makes sense." Kiba said.  "I would do that.  If I wiped out my entire clan, that is.  But I would never do THAT."

When they got to the front of the line and presented the credit card to the cashier, she couldn't seem to make it work.  "Sorry, this card is maxed out." She said, handing it back to them.

"MAXED OUT?!" gasped Kiba and Naruto as they slapped their cheeks and each turned into that screaming person from that weird painting.

They exited the store looking very depressed.  "I can't believe we just maxed out Sasuke's evil brother's credit card!" said Naruto.

"Man, I would be terrified if we maxed out Sasuke's credit card…" Kiba said hopelessly.  "But to make out his evil older brother's…!  What are we going to do now?!"

"Nothing!" said Naruto, getting an idea.  "We could just…wash our hands of this whole mess!  We could take all our new stuff, leave the wallet somewhere and pretend as though none of this ever happened!"

Akamaru suddenly started barking madly.  "Calm down, Akamaru!" said Kiba.  "Speak more slowly.  I can't understand a word you're saying!  What's that…?  Sasuke's evil brother is…?"  Kiba slowly turned around to see SASUKE'S EVIL BROTHER STANDING RIGHT THERE!!!

Just kidding, he was actually really far away but you could tell that it was him.

"Naruto, we have to get out of here!" said Kiba.  "Drop the wallet and let's run!"

"No arguments!" said Naruto, dropping the wallet.  They picked up all their new merchandise and sprinted off as fast as they could.

Itachi slowly walked over to where they were before.  He bent over and picked up the wallet.  "Oh, here it is!" he said, sounding mildly happy.  "Don't worry, Kisame.  I found it!"

"Let's go now." Said Kisame.  And then the two of them walked off into the sunset.  Even though it's morning.  Again.


	24. The Teachers: Competition

Naruto Primer: The Teachers

Competition

"So what have your students been doing during this vacation that we have randomly given them?" Kakashi said randomly as they drank tea and ate scones with his three friends, Asuma, Kurenai and Gai.

"I don't think many of them are training." Said Asuma.

"Well I know MINE are!" said Gai.

"No way, Neji's too busy doing the Macarena." Said Kurenai.

"And isn't Tenten at the beach?" questioned Kakashi.

"And I saw Lee the other day standing around in front of a café for a couple of hours doing nothing." Asuma finished.

"Well I saw Kiba AND Naruto on a shopping spree the other day." Gai retorted.  

"I know this is kind of a jab on myself but I have seen Hinata at Build-A-Bear WAY too much…" Kurenai admitted.

"And every time I see Sasuke, he's either sitting around thinking or eating something." Asuma said.

"You're one to talk about your student eating too much." Said Kakashi.  "Or sitting around doing nothing for that matter.  You've got Shikamaru AND Chouji."

"Shikamaru is a chuunin." Said Asuma.  "I must have missed it when your students passed the chuunin exam."

Everyone gave Asuma a cold stare.  That was going WAY too far.  That was like a personal jab.

"I don't need to PROVE that my students are better." Kakashi said finally.

"Yes you do." Said Gai, clearing his throat.

"Hey, I know my students are worthy." Said Kakashi.  "They are the first three I have ever passed in my history of being a teacher.  That's got to mean something."

"Well Shikamaru is a chuunin." Asuma repeated.

"I think we need to settle this a different way." Said Kurenai.  "This is just like talking to three brick walls."

"Yeah, YOU guys are the brick walls." Said Gai.

"Maybe we should have some sort of competition to prove that my group is by far the best." Said Kurenai finished.

"I think that's a little unfair considering I've got a chuunin on my team." Said Asuma in a cocky tone.

"Well I have a Hyuuga genius on mine!" said Gai.

"I have a Hyuuga on my team too!" said Kurenai.

"And I've got the only member of the Uchiha family that's NOT evil." Kakashi said.  "And the possessed fox demon child.  Oh, I own you guys."

"Well your girl does nothing." Asuma pointed out.

"Neither does yours." Kakashi replied.

"All right, we're just going in circles again." Said Kurenai.  "We should just ACTUALLY throw this competition instead of hanging around here all day trying to decide whose team is the best.  And, actually, I have an entire plan written out since I've been wanting to challenge you all to one of these for the longest time but the situation has never presented itself!"

With that, she pulled out a huge piece of paper with diagrams drawn on it.

"You see, this competition will test all sorts of skills!" she explained.  "It's composed of five events, two of which will be completed by the entire team and the other three which will have two people from each team perform in.  Meaning one DIFFERENT person will sit out of one of the last three events."

"What sort of events?" Gai asked curiously.

"First of all, there's the triathlon to test their endurance." Kurenai began.  "That's the first race.  Second, it's a brain test to see how well they know each other.  The third is an obstacle course and then, the fourth and fifth events, are surprises!"

"Surprises?" said Kakashi.

"Yes!" Kurenai said.  "So what do you guys say?  You in?"

"Well, even though I don't NEED to prove that my team is the best considering I have a chuunin, I suppose I shouldn't lose the opportunity to kick your butts!!" said Asuma passionately.

"Yeah, but your chuunin…well, never mind." Said Kakashi.  "I'm in."

"So am I!" said Gai.

With that, they all jumped up and punched the air.


	25. Triathlon

Naruto Primer: All

The Triathlon

"So those are the rules of the Triathlon!" Kurenai finished up.  "To sum it all up, you will have a swimmer, a biker and a runner.  The swimmer will swim the given distance and pass off the shuriken to the biker who will bike the given distance.  The biker will then pass off the shuriken to the runner who will finish up the race.  It's pretty self explanatory, but whoever passes the finish line first wins."

"Okay, you can all decide amongst yourselves who you want to do each event." Kakashi said.

They had already finished their complaining and whining and pointing out that the teachers had recently given them a short vacation.  But we're past all that in which they are over their disappointment and anger and now pumped to beat each other in a triathlon race.

"I'll do the running event." Said Sasuke.  "I don't care what you two do but I've been training a lot with my speed lately."

"Fine." Said Naruto because, even though he didn't want to admit it, Sasuke was faster than he was.  "Sakura, do you have a preference?"

"I'd rather not swim." Sakura admitted.

"All right, then I'LL do the swimming!" Naruto decided.

"And I'll bike!" said Sakura.

Shikamaru turned around from watching that group easily come to that conclusion while they all sat there and argued about who would have to do what.  "All right, I've got it." he said.  "Chouji, you do the swimming and half the biking.  Ino, you can finish up the biking and then do the running part.  I'll cheer you guys on from the side and come up with strategies."

"Shikamaru, no." said Ino.  "How about you do the biking?"

Shikamaru sighed as if they were asking an unreasonable thing from him.  "That's so troublesome." He said.

Things were going mostly easily for the other groups as well.

"I'M DEFINITELY RUNNING!!" Lee announced, punching the air.

"I was just at the beach all day yesterday, so I'm all pumped for swimming!" Tenten announced.

Neji was half glad since he didn't know how to swim but wasn't ABOUT to say that!  "Fine, then I'll do the biking." He said.

And the last group was a bit indecisive…but not really…

"I don't do water." Said Shino.

"I don't either!" said Kiba.  "Akamaru doesn't like swimming.  He doesn't really like getting wet.  He smells bad too.  And, ironically enough, so do I."

"I'll swim then!" said Hinata cooperatively.

"Akamaru and I will run." Said Kiba.  "That's our forte."

"Really?" Shino asked.  "Since when?"

"Since now." Kiba replied.  "You can bike."

"Is everyone ready now?" Asuma said out of nowhere.

"No, we have to get to our posts." Said everyone.

So then everyone got to the posts.

"Is everyone ready NOW?!" Asuma bellowed.

"OKAY!" said all the swimmers as they gave the thumbs up to Asuma.

"Ready…GO!!" Asuma said dramatically as Naruto, Chouji, Tenten and Hinata dove into the water and began their swimming event.

Naruto was pumped to prove to everyone that he wasn't a loser.  He was going to win this event even if it killed him.  He might have started off a little too fast, though, because he got tired after a minute and had to rest shortly.  Then he figured he'd pace himself better and actually managed to get out in front of the other three.

Chouji didn't know what the hell he was doing in the swimming event.  He wasn't a very good swimmer and there was no way he was going to be able to swim the given distance.  He was already so far behind that he couldn't see any of the other swimmers.

Tenten was a pretty good swimmer, but nothing special.  She had been swimming at the beach a lot so she was all in the motion and everything so that made it easier.  She definitely couldn't keep up with Naruto's mad swimming skills but, whenever he took a break, she was able to fill in most of the distance.  She was pretty good at pacing herself, something Naruto was not doing very well.

As for Hinata, she was just swimming along and a reasonable pace.  She was behind Tenten, but could still vaguely see her off in the distance.  She knew she wasn't going to win the race, but she also knew that she couldn't let her team down.  After all, the race wasn't over when she finished swimming and the more time she could fill in, the better chance Shino and Kiba had in their events.

Naruto reached the shore and nearly collapsed from exhaustion.  He found the strength to make it up to the beach where Sakura was waiting ever so impatiently for him to pass of the shuriken to her.

"YAY!" she cheered, looking at the other bikers.  "We're first!"

Neji used his Byakugan to see how far along Tenten was.  "Tenten will be here any minute." He said.

Sakura mounted her bike as Naruto got closer and closer to where she was.  "Remember, you can't leave until you have the shuriken." Said Kakashi since he was there at that starting are.

"Like I'm going to leave without it!" said Sakura.

"And you better win." Kakashi said, trying to hide his excitement that his group was first.  That's when Naruto came running over and handed off the shuriken to Sakura, and she sped off.  Everyone knew that she wouldn't be able to keep that pace for very long.

Naruto then collapsed and died.  Luckily, the term 'died' is an overstatement for he did not REALLY die.  And, as Neji spotted Tenten coming up the beach as well with the shuriken, he mounted his bike as well.  It didn't take Tenten nearly as long to run up as it took Naruto and Neji was off, Sakura with only a few minute's head start.

"Man, this is troublesome." Said Shikamaru as he shielded his eyes from the sun and looked out at the water.  "I wonder how long it'll take Chouji to get here.  I hope it takes a while because I don't feel like biking."

Shino only just stood there and stared at him.  He was waiting for Hinata.

A while later, Hinata came up on shore with the shuriken.  She passed it off to Shino and he was gone within only seconds and then she started hacking and choking but, thankfully, there was no blood this time so there was no need for a hospital visit.

"Oh Chouji, I knew you weren't good at swimming…" Shikamaru narrated to himself.

"Why did you put him in that event then?" asked Tenten.  "It seems ludicrous."

"This doesn't really matter that much to me." Shikamaru replied.

"It matters to me!!" yelled Naruto.

So, about ten minutes later, Chouji came up on the beach.  It took him even longer than it took Naruto to get up to Shikamaru and pass off the shuriken.  Shikamaru gave a heavy sigh and mounted his bike ever so slowly, as if every muscle of his body ached and then turned the pedals once or twice, gliding the rest of the way.

"That is the lamest thing I have ever seen." Said Kakashi.

Meanwhile, Sakura was completely out of breath.  She was in pain as she moved the pedals but she wasn't about to give up.  Even though Neji had passed her going at top speed a LONG time ago, she was going to keep going until she reached the marker where she could hand off the shuriken to Sasuke and impress him!

It was then that Shino passed her.  He was going at a reasonable speed too, but it's not like he was killer fast like Neji was.  He had reached his goal of getting ahead at least one place from where he had started, but that didn't mean he was just going to STOP trying!

Neji, on the other hand, was leaps and bounds ahead of everyone else.  He was biking THROUGH the pain as if it wasn't even there.  He was determined to beat everyone else!  Frankly, he was so in the zone that he didn't even realize that he had passed Sakura already, so he was determined to pass her.  I guess that's better for him because if he knew he was in first, e probably wouldn't be so ridiculously ambitious.

Well, as for Shikamaru…yeah, he got tired of biking and dismounted.  He started WALKING his bike.  Every once and while, he would stop to look up at the sky and then keep going if he managed to jerk himself back into reality after about five minutes.  Once he got past five minutes, there was no saving him.

Neji used his Byakugan to see how much further he had to go before he reached his destination.  He was happy to see that it was merely right around the corner.  When he reached in the general area of the runners, he practically dove off his bike and threw the shuriken to Lee who jumped up and caught it and then ran off before anyone could even react.

Neji tumbled to a stop right in front of Gai who was standing at the starting line for the runners.  "Nice job, Neji!" said Gai as he put his thumb up and his teeth went 'PING!!'

He sat up from his lying down position and looked at the runners.  "I thought Sakura was ahead of me." He said.

"No." said Gai, looking at the runners.

"So does that mean Sakura's in second?" Sasuke asked.

"I don't know." Neji said.  "I thought she was ahead of me."

Suddenly, they could see a figure off in the distance.  "That must be her now!" Sasuke said.

As the figure got closer, they all came to realize that that was most definitely NOT Sakura.  "Yahoo!  Even better!" cheered Kiba.  "All right, Akamaru!  I'm going to start running and you stay behind to catch the shuriken!  Then catch up with me, got it?"  Akamaru barked in response as Kiba started running off.

"Hey!!" said Sasuke.  "That's not legal!"

"Sure it is." Said Gai with a shrug.  He knew that Kiba couldn't beat Lee so he wasn't worried.  Now, if Sasuke had a little dog friend, and had done the same thing, maybe he would have said that it wasn't legal.

"Aw man…" said Ino.  "I wonder where Shikamaru is!  I bet Chouji hasn't even gotten to shore yet…"

Almost as soon as she said that, another figure came around the corner.

"It's Sakura!" Sasuke said immediately before he even got a good look.

"No, it's GOT to be Shikamaru!" Ino argued.

"You wish." Said Sasuke, getting all into the heat of the 'battle'.  And it's a good thing it WAS Sakura or else Sasuke would have looked pretty silly.  She passed the shuriken to him and then he tore off with crazed speed.  It would be very difficult to pass Lee but he knew he could do it because he was better than him.

"Aw…should I even bother?" complained Ino, sitting down.

Neji looked at Ino and then at where Shikamaru SHOULD have been biking around the corner any minute.  He used his Byuakugan to check on him.  He couldn't even FIND Shikamaru!  "I don't think he's going to be coming any time soon." Neji said to Ino.

"I figured so much." Ino sighed.  "Even if he DID come, there's no way I'd be able to catch up with Lee or Sasuke or Kiba.  I wonder who messed it up?  Chouji or Shikamaru?  Or both of them…"

"I'll say this much; he didn't look like he was in the mood to ride a bike when I left." Shino said.

Lee was making good time.  He wasn't tired at all but he knew that if he were to keep this lead, he would have to take the weights off.  So he jumped up into the air and removed them as fast as he could, dropping them on the ground and destroying the path.  Then he took off even faster than before.

Kiba was making good time too, relative to a normal person who wasn't as insanely fast as Lee.  Akamaru had caught up with him with the shuriken and now they were together again!  And he loves that.

Sasuke was frustrated that he wasn't in first, but when he caught sight of Kiba off in the distance, he only sped up faster and eventually passed him.  He started feeling really great and special, that now he had a chance of winning, but then he came across the huge hole with the weights at the bottom of it, which sent him into his inferiority complex because he knew that Lee had taken off his weights and now there was NO way he had a chance of winning.

Kurenai was standing at the finish line, hoping against hope and wishing against wish that some kind of force of nature allowed Kiba to be the victor and that she would see him come up and cross any second.  She wasn't expecting much from her team in this event, not with Lee and Sasuke completing the running part of it.  But that's why there were four other events!

Then she saw Lee coming up.  She was very sad, but Lee crossed the finish line.  "I'M THE WINNER!!!" Lee yelled, doing a victory dance.

"Congratulations!" said Kurenai but she secretly resented him.

Then they looked up to see a giant cloud of dust off in the distance.  Sasuke was in front of it, looking more in the zone than anyone else in the entire world as he sprinted as fast inhumanly possible.  He crossed the finish line and stopped on a dime.

Then he saw Lee standing there triumphantly.

"That's it!" he said.  "Fight me now!!"

"What?" said Lee.

"There will be NO fighting!" said Kurenai.  "Settle it in the next event if you have to!"

What followed then was a lot of waiting around.  But then Kiba came up and crossed the finish line in third place.  "Was I really that far behind?" Kiba said noticing how bored Lee and Sasuke looked.  Well, Lee looked bored.  Sasuke looked murderous.

"You did GREAT Kiba!" said Kurenai.

"What about Akamaru?" Kiba said, looking at her in a disappointed fashion as Akamaru barked angrily.  "He did a lot!"

"Oh right, sorry." Said Kurenai.  "Nice job Akamaru."

Ino never did cross the finish line.  She actually never even started.  Everyone had to go on a scavenger hunt and the only thing on the list was 'Shikamaru'.  They found his bike about a mile from where they found him, lying in a field that branched of from the path.

"What are you doing?!" demanded Ino.  "We were supposed to be in a race!"

"Oh right." Said Shikamaru, sitting up.  "Well, I WAS biking, but that got too troublesome, so I started walking my bike.  But that was even more troublesome so I just left it behind me and figured that as long as I crossed the finish line…"

"I don't even want to hear it." said Ino, rolling her eyes.

"Some chuunin." Said Gai to Asuma.

"That's Shikamaru's style!" said Asuma, though you can assume that if this was all in Japanese then he would have said 'style' in English while adding a 'u' at the end.

"Well, don't let that get you down!" said Kurenai.  "There still four more events that you could potentially win!!"

"Let's go to the next one then." Kakashi said.


	26. The Brain Challenge

Naruto Primer: All

Brain

"Don't worry, Shikamaru, this event doesn't require much work." Whispered Asuma to only Shikamaru.  "But I REQUIRE that you do well in this event because I have just been bragging to the guys that you're a chuunin and you kind of killed me in the last event and they're giving me crap about it…"

"Okay, we're going to start the event!" said Kurenai.  "This one tests how well you know your teammates!"

There was a collective groan right then and there.

"We will go to each group and ask a question that is about one of your teammates." Kurenai explained.  "The one who it's about is, obviously, not allowed to answer.  Each team will get three questions, one about each member of the team.  Who ever gets the most questions right wins!  If the first place team is tied, we'll do a tiebreaker!"

"Can I explain the next event?" asked Asuma.

"Sure, I was just doing it because I didn't think you guys wanted to." Kurenai replied.

"Just to make sure there's no favoritism, we're having the teachers ask the questions to a team other than their own." Said Kakashi to the genins.  And Shikamaru.

"Let's get things rolling!" said Gai.

"Okay, Team Kakashi," said Asuma, turning to Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura.  "Your first question is about Sasuke."

"Yay!" cheered Sakura.  "I know EVERYTHING about Sasuke!!"

"All right, here's the question…when is Sasuke's birthday?" Gai asked.

"I don't know…April?" said Naruto with a shrug.

"NO, you idiot!!" Sakura yelled, hitting him on the head.  "That wasn't our answer.  It's July 23rd."

"CORRECT!!" Gai cheered as he pulled a rope and streamers and confetti dropped down on the happy team.

"That question was WAY too easy." Said Kurenai.  "You have to make them harder and more personal."

"I thought it was perfectly fair." Said Kakashi with a shrug.  "I don't know when Sasuke's birthday is and I'm his teacher.  But I'll ask the next question to this Chouji, Shikamaru and Ino team."

He turned to that team he just mentioned.

"All right, this one is about Shikamaru." Said Kakashi.  "What sort of fruit does Shikamaru's head most resemble?"

"Well, I've never seen a more pineappley shaped head before." Said Ino with a shrug.  "I think we should go with that…"

"No!" said Chouji.  "Wait.  He said Shikamaru's _head_.  His hair is NOT his head!  He was trying to trick us.  Therefore, his head is more…cantaloupe shaped."

"Is that your final answer?" asked Kakashi.

"A cantaloupe?" said Shikamaru with a 'this is so troublesome' expression.

"That's correct." Said Kakashi.  "I'm very impressed.  You were able to look underneath the underneath.  I also would have accepted watermelon, melon, orange…pretty much anything that was round and NOT a pineapple."

"That question was open entirely for opinion!" argued Gai.  "I don't think that should count."

"It was FINE!" said Asuma.  "It's my turn anyway.  I'll ask this Shino, Kiba and Hinata group."  He cleared his throat.  "This one is about Shino."

"Just go on to the next group." Said Kiba.  "We don't know anything about Shino at all."

"It's true." Said Hinata sadly.

"Good!" said Asuma because he wanted his team to win!

"Way to just give up." Said Kurenai, shaking her head.  

"I understand." Said Shino.  "I never tell them anything.  I'm more anti-social than Sasuke."

"No, I am." Said Sasuke as he tried to be even more anti-social.  Sasuke knew he was better than Shino.  Even at something so ludicrous of who was more anti-social.

"But anyway, it's my turn to ask the last group!" Kurenai announced.  "That would be you three."  She pointed at Neji, Tenten and Lee.  "It's about Tenten.  At what age did Tenten go through her first menstrual cycle?"

"Oh geez!" said Neji and Lee at the same time as they backed away as if they were vampires exposed to the light.

"Don't you think that's a little personal?!" Tenten said angrily.  "Do you really think I would share something like that with the males on my team?!"

"You should tell your teammates EVERYTHING about yourself!" Kurenai announced.  "So can I assume that you two don't know when Tenten had her first period?"

"Oh, no way!!" yelled Neji and Lee as their faces turned red and they continued cowering.

"That is too hard of a question!" said Gai.  "I doubt even Tenten knows the answer to that one!"

"Oh stop complaining and continue the competition." Kurenai said.  She was probably just bitter because if that team had answered the question correctly then her team would be the only one that got a question wrong.

"So far, Team Kakashi and Team Asuma have a question right and the other two teams…well, don't." said Gai.  "Ready for the next question?  It's about Sakura.  When…when is Sakura's birthday?!"

"…April?" said Sasuke.

"No!!" yelled Naruto.  "It's March 28th!!"

"RIGHT!!!" Gai cheered as he pulled another rope and more streamers and confetti dropped down from the sky.

"I thought I told you to make them harder!" said Kurenai.

"I forgot." Said Gai.

"Okay, Team Asuma." Said Kakashi.  "This one is about Chouji.  Say you're in Chouji's kitchen.  You talk to four people and then you walk in the other room and talk to six more people.  Afterwards, you go downstairs and talk to four more people.  Then, finally, you talk to eight more people.  How many people have you spoken to?"

"That's not about Chouji at all!" said Gai.  "They don't even have to know him to know the answer!!"

"Well…" Ino said, counting on her fingers.  "If I added everything up correctly…"

"Hang on." Said Shikamaru.  "There's a problem with the story."

"A problem?" Kakashi said mysteriously.

"Yes." Shikamaru replied.  "It started out normally, in Chouji's kitchen.  He speaks to four people and then walks into the other room and then speaks to six more people.  It all makes sense then."

"Obviously!" said Ino.  "Let's just answer the question!"

"Wait," Shikamaru said.  "Then, when we are supposed to go downstairs, there's one problem.  We are already downstairs.  Once on the floor with the kitchen, you can't go down any further in Chouji's house.  That's why the twelve people that we could have potentially spoken don't even exist because they're on some sort of weird floor in some other dimension that's not real.  So the answer is really only ten."

Everyone stood in silence for a moment.

"Very good." Said Kakashi.

"Wow, I didn't even catch that." Said Chouji.

"Well, at least you caught the pineapple thing." Shikamaru said.

"I bet you caught it too." Chouji said.

"Naturally." Shikamaru replied.  "It was obvious."

"Now I feel stupid…" Ino whined.

"Nice job, Shikamaru." Said Asuma, wiping a tear from his eye.

"Look underneath the underneath." Said Kakashi randomly.

"ANYWAY!!" said Asuma.  "As for you three…this one is about Kiba.  When did Kiba get Akamaru?"

Akamaru barked.  "No, Akamaru, we're not allowed to answer." Said Kiba to Akamaru.

"I have no idea." Said Shino.

"Oh, I do!" said Hinata.  "He's had Akamaru ever since he was born!  They've been together forever!"

"Actually, no." said Asuma, pretending to look sad.  "That is incorrect."

"Does Akamaru look like he's twelve?" said Kiba, kind of annoyed.

"Oh, I was SO sure!" said Hinata.

"Well, considering those two teams have already gotten two questions right, there's no point in this team staying in the competition." Kakashi said.

"Aw man." Said Team Kurenai.

"I guess that's good because I couldn't think of a question for Hinata." Asuma confessed.  "I was gonna say…oh wait, never mind.  I wasn't going to say anything.  I couldn't think of a question."

"So if Team Gai gets this next question wrong then they're eliminated." Said Kurenai.  Everyone could tell that she was bitter that her team got eliminated first.  ESPECIALLY Team Gai.  "Your question is about Neji.  Where is the location of Neji's horrible birthmark?"

"Why do you know that?" Neji questioned.

"Uh…his ass?" tried Lee.

"Under his armpit?" suggested Tenten.

"Why are you guys only saying embarrassing things?" Neji said.  "Whose to say it's not on my back or something?"

But then he paused.  "Wait a second, I don't HAVE a birthmark!" he said.

"Too bad, they've already answered!" said Kurenai.  "And, since you've gotten both questions wrong, you're eliminated!!"

"That was unfair!" said Gai.

"They were supposed to look underneath the underneath." Said Kakashi.  "By saying that he DIDN'T have a birthmark."

"Uh…yeah, that's why I meant!" said Kurenai even though you could tell that it actually wasn't.

"Remember to make it harder, Gai." Said Asuma since it was a race between his team and Team Kakashi and if Gai asked the team when Naruto's birthday was…oh, there would be blood.  Besides, Kakashi could ask some sort of HORRIBLE impossible question just so that his team would be able to win.

"I know, I know!" said Gai with a laugh.  "All right, team!  When… is Naruto's… HALF birthday?!"

Asuma slapped his forehead.

"I don't even know when Naruto's real birthday is…" said Sakura.

"Come on guys!" said Naruto.

Sakura and Sasuke looked at each other and then back at Gai.  "Uh… April?" they said at the same time.

"WRONG!!!" yelled Gai.  But then he looked at the remaining confetti ball and decided to pull it anyway.

"They haven't lost yet." Said Kakashi.  "If this team answers my question wrong then we'll have to do a tiebreaker question."

"I think that someone else should ask the question because I don't think it's very fair!" said Asuma.

"Oh, be quiet." Said Kakashi.  "Ready Team Asuma?  This is for the win.  And it's about Ino.  There are two doors.  One has a throng of warriors behind it.  The other has many very hungry Corythosaurus.  If someone was forcing Ino to go through one of the two doors, which one would she most likely choose?"

"I don't think I even know…" said Ino slowly.

"I have no idea…" said Chouji.  They both looked at Shikamaru.  "We have a 50/50 chance, Shikamaru.  Which one do YOU think?"

"Ha." Said Shikamaru, crossing his arms and looking all cocky.  "I was expecting a difficult question.  If Ino had to choose one door, it would have to be the Corythosaurus."

"That's correct." Said Kakashi.

"WHAT?!" yelled everyone else.

"Care to explain?" Kakashi asked.

"It's troublesome, by why not?" Shikamaru said.  "There's no way Ino would be able to defeat the throng of warriors.  NO ONE can defeat a throng of warriors. Now, a few hungry beasts, perhaps.  Whose to say they'd even attack her?  But I didn't draw my conclusion from that.  Any cognitive person would know that a Corythosaurus is a plant-eating dinosaur so, while they maybe be very hungry, it is very doubtful that they would choose to pursue her.  Not to mention the fact that dinosaurs are extinct so, once again, unless this is a door to some other dimension, the dinosaurs aren't even there so she'd just be walking into an empty room."

"TEAM ASUMA WINS!!!" Gai yelled, pulling down the largest of all the confetti balls.

"Nice job, Shikamaru, you have redeemed yourself." Said Asuma.


	27. Three Legged Race

Naruto Primer: All

Three-Legged Race

"The next is an obstacle course." Asuma explained to everyone.  "There will only be two people from each team participating in this event so you'll have to choose.  The catch, however, is that it's a three-legged race!  If you don't cross the finish line attached to your partner, then you lose.  You may now choose your two participants."

"A race!!" said Lee, getting all pumped.  "I'm definitely in this event!!"

"No, think about it." said Tenten.  "If you are attached to one of us, it won't make a difference how fast you are.  Your speed will probably end up hurting us in the end."

"No way!" complained Lee.

"So I suppose Neji and I will do this event." Said Tenten.  "Is that all right Neji?"

Neji didn't really agree with Tenten's reasoning, but he was rearing to go so he wasn't going to argue with her.  "Sure, sounds fine." He said.

"Sasuke, you and I should go!" said Sakura just because she wanted to be attached to Sasuke for an extended period of time.

"No, you'd just slow me down." Said Sasuke.  "We haven't won an event yet so it's crucial that we win this one.  And, even though Naruto will slow me down too, he'd probably be a better choice than you."

Sakura sighed.  Kakashi had explained to her about Sasuke's extreme superiority complex so she didn't bother getting offended or angry.

"We are definitely going to win!" said Naruto, getting pumped.

"I just want to say one thing before we choose, and then I'll allow you two to work out the rest," Ino said to Shikamaru and Chouji.  "Personally, I think that after Shikamaru's abysmal performance in the triathlon, he probably shouldn't be in this event."

"I agree." Said Shikamaru.  "It's ever so troublesome."

"But I don't want to be in this event either!" complained Chouji.

"It's better to have someone who's at least WILLING to try hard when we're in the middle of the race!" said Ino.

"So you two can go." Said Shikamaru.  "I'll cheer you on from the finish line."

"Well, Akamaru and I are definitely participating." Said Kiba as he pet Akamaru's head.  "All that's left to decide is which one of you two is doing it with us."

"It doesn't matter to me." Said Shino to Hinata.

They did a quick round of Rock, Paper, Scissors and it was decided that Shino was to join Kiba and Akamaru in the three-legged race.

The teachers tied the legs of their own pupils together as they stood at the starting line.

"Whatever you do, don't slow me down." Said Sasuke to Naruto.

"YOU don't slow ME down!" said Naruto, at a loss of anything else to say.

"I don't feel much like running." Chouji confessed to Ino.

"Don't say that…" said Ino sadly.

"Let's try to keep in step," Neji said.

"No problem." Tenten replied.

"This'll be a piece of cake!" Kiba said to Shino.

"…Yeah." Said Shino.

"On your mark…get set…GO!!!" yelled Gai as he did some kind of crazy starting pose.

Sasuke and Naruto were off, immediately getting a commanding lead.

Ino and Chouji started off VERY slowly.

Kiba and Shino had previously thought up a plan and put it into action.  Kiba simply lifted up Shino and began a-runnin'.

Neji started with his left foot, and Tenten started with her right foot.  They both fell on their faces.

"Hey, I said to say in step!" Neji said.

"I was in step!" argued Tenten.  "YOU weren't in step!"

"Come on, we have to get started!" said Neji as he attempted to stand back up.  But Tenten was also standing up but they were, once again, not in step and just ended up falling down again.

Meanwhile, Shino and Kiba were catching up with Naruto and Sasuke.  Actually, they were more just kind of KEEPING up with them.  Both teams were maintaining a steady speed.

"Are you sure what we're doing is legal?" Shino asked.

"No, but none of the teachers have said anything so they obviously don't have any objections." Kiba replied.

"Okay." Said Shino.

Ino and Chouji were going at a rather slow speed.  It's not like they were crawling, but were definitely not as fast Shino and Kiba.  They knew they weren't going to win.

"I think I need to rest…" gasped Chouji.

"We're almost there!" said Ino even though she was lying just so Chouji would keep going.  She didn't want to finish LAST!  Knowing that Neji was behind her was not a comforting thought because, even though they were having a bit of trouble, she knew that they'd eventually be able to catch up.

"I NEED to rest!" Chouji said.

"Just a little further!" Ino pleaded.

Naruto and Sasuke were continuing on their way.  "They're catching up," said Naruto, looking at Kiba and Shino behind them.

"You're slowing me down." Said Sasuke.  "I told you not to slow me down."

"I'M slowing YOU down?!" demanded Naruto.  "I'm practically pulling you along!!"

"Yeah right," said Sasuke.  "I'm probably going at one tenth my regular speed so that you can keep up."

"That's not true!" said Naruto angrily.  "Everyone can see that you're slower than I am!"

"Me slower than you?!"

"Yeah, you're slower than me at everything!!"

With that, Sasuke suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, causing Naruto to stop as well.  "What are you doing?!" demanded Naruto.

"That's it, we're racing right now." Sasuke said.

"Yeah, no kidding!" said Naruto as he watched Kiba and Shino pass them.  "And they just passed us!"

"No, we're not racing as a team anymore." Said Sasuke as he untied their legs so they weren't connected anymore.  "It's me against you.  I'll show you who's the fastest."

"You just disqualified us from the race!!" Naruto yelled.

"It's obvious to see that you are all talk." Said Sasuke just as Ino and Chouji passed them.

"NOW we're in third." Sighed Naruto.

"Screw the race, fight me now!" commanded Sasuke.

"No, no, a race will be fine." Said Naruto.

"So now you're scared to fight?" Sasuke said.

"No, I'm just saying that a race will be fine." Said Naruto.

Sasuke glared at Naruto.  He was so much better than him.

Meanwhile, back at the starting line…

"Right…left…right…left…" narrated Tenten as she and Neji went at a walking speed.

"At least we're moving…" said Neji.

"No, left, LEFT!!" Tenten yelled but they both toppled over before their mistake could be fixed.  "What possesses you to take two steps with your right leg and just NOT with your left leg?!"

"Because I took sort of a small step so I was going to step again to make up for the lost ground!" Neji said.

"You can't do that in a three-legged race!" said Tenten.

"Okay, I know that now!" Neji said.

Shino and Kiba were well on their way.  They could see the finish line off in the distance.  "There it is!" Kiba declared.

Shino quickly looked behind him.  "And no sight of any other team." He said.

"What do you think Naruto and Sasuke were doing back there?" wondered Kiba.

"Doesn't matter." Shino said.

Seconds later, they passed the finish line first.

"Yay!" said Hinata.  "My team won!  Great job!"

"Oh man, I thought we had this race in the bag…" said Sakura half to herself.

"I wonder where my team is." Said Lee, looking off in the distance.

Suddenly, there was a huge cloud of dust that got bigger and bigger.  The figure of Sasuke was in front of it.  Sprinting alone.

"This looks rather familiar." Kurenai said as Sasuke ZINGED past the finish line.

"YAY!" cheered Sakura.  "Too bad you came in second though…"

"…Where's Naruto?" said Kakashi.

"I beat him." Said Sasuke as if that answered the question.

It was then that Naruto came running up and crossed the finish line.  "That doesn't mean that you're faster than I am!" Naruto was yelling.

"Ha!" said Asuma.  "That means you two are disqualified for crossing the finish line UNATTACHED!!"

"It was worth it." said Sasuke.

"Why did you two do that?!" demanded Sakura angrily.

"Believe it or not, it was ALL Sasuke." Said Naruto.

"Yeah right." Said Sakura.

Glare, glare, glare, from Sasuke.

A few minutes later, Chouji and Ino crossed the finish line.  Chouji collapsed from exhaustion as Ino threw herself a victory party.  Even though they came in second, (because Sasuke and Naruto were disqualified) she still felt it to be a personal victory for her to complete an entire race attached to Chouji.

They waited around for about ten more minutes and then decided to go on yet another scavenger hunt for Tenten and Neji.  They were found about twenty feet away from the finish line covered in scratches, dirt and bruises.

"This is…the hardest thing…I've ever done…" Neji gasped.

"Tell me about it!!" Tenten said angrily.  "Are you dyslexic or something?!"

"It's not all MY fault!" Neji argued.

"Well…to save myself anymore embarrassment, we'll just say you guys finished third." Said Gai.

"We didn't lose?" said Tenten.

"No, Naruto and Sasuke were disqualified." Said Gai.

"Wow, so even though we are still in view from the finish line, we came in third." Tenten said to Neji.  "That's not too bad."


	28. Cooking

Naruto Primer: All

Cooking

"This is the fourth event!" announced Gai.  "Now, every team has won at least once…except for Team Kakashi."  He cleared his throat a few times.  "That means that if they don't win this event then they are eliminated from the rest of the competition.

"I'm counting on you guys." Said Kakashi.

"This event is simple; a cooking contest!" said Gai.

"Cooking?" said everyone.

"Yes." Said Gai.  "You all have one hour to gather materials and then meet back here where we will begin.  If you're not back by the end of one hour then you are disqualified.  Whoever makes the tastiest dish will be declared the winner!"

"Keep in mind that each group is only allowed to have two members compete." Said Asuma.  "So choose carefully.  The third member will stay here.  The same person cannot sit out twice, so that means that whoever sat out of the three-legged race MUST participate."

"I'm certainly not doing THIS event." Said Shikamaru.

"Did you NOT hear what Asuma JUST said?" said Ino in a dumbfounded tone.

"…I chose not to listen." Shikamaru confessed.

"You HAVE to." Ino said.

"Well I want to do this one!" said Chouji.  "I'm pretty good at cooking."

"But I'm a girl." Said Ino.  "I must cook."

"You two can be in this event." Said Shikamaru.

"No, you HAVE to be in it." Ino said, sounding annoyed.

"All right, me and Chouji then." Shikamaru sighed.  "I've tasted Chouji's cooking before and it's better than yours, Ino."

"Well fine." Said Ino, looking offended.

Sakura called her group into a huddle.  "Guys, I have this really great idea of how we'll be able to win this event since we have to and all." She said.  "It pretty much involves one hundred percent from Sasuke.  I'll go along too just because I thought of the plan."

"You just want to be alone with Sasuke!" said Naruto.

"No, it's just that I have the plan!" Sakura said.  "Besides, I wasn't in the previous event so I have to be in this one!"

"Well how come you can't use me in the plan?" Naruto demanded.

"Because you don't have the Sharingan." Sakura replied.

"What's this plan anyway?" Sasuke decided to ask since it involved one hundred percent him and all.

"Here, let me explain…" Sakura said as the camera panned away and went to the next group.

"Well I have to be in this event…even though I can't really cook…" Lee said.  "Man, I wish I was in the three-legged race event!  We would have definitely won if I was in it!"

"I think we would have won as long as Neji wasn't in it." said Tenten in a resentful tone.

"It wasn't ALL me." Said Neji.

"So who's going to sit out THIS one?!" said Lee since he was SO very happy to be alive.

"Let's let Neji sit out this one." Said Tenten, crossing her arms.

"Fine, I want to be in a REAL event anyway." Neji said in response.

As for the Hinata, Shino and Kiba group…

"Well, I HAVE to be in this one…" said Hinata.

"I can't cook." Said Kiba.  "I just can't do it.  At all.  Trust me, I could burn salad if given the opportunity.  Ask Akamaru if you don't believe me."  Akamaru started whining.

"It's okay, we believe you." Said Shino.  "It doesn't matter to me."

"I can cook just fine." Said Hinata.  "So you can just help me gather supplies.  It'll be like Supermarket Sweep!"

"I love that show!!!" said Kiba even though he might have very well not even seen it.

"Me too!" said Hinata excitedly.  "Let's go!!  Oh wait, it's me and Shino.  You have to stay here, Kiba.  Shino, do you like Supermarket Sweep?"

Shino shrugged.

"All right, the hour time limit starts NOW!!" Gai yelled as all the teachers synchronized their watches.

With that, the groups of two split up to get supplies.  Kiba, Neji, Naruto and Ino all stood there and watched them go.  "We have an hour to kill before they get back." Said Neji.

"My team as the stupidest plan in the world." Said Naruto angrily.

Neji was still feeling a bit perturbed about his performance in the three-legged race.  He was also angry because Tenten wasn't accepting any of the blame.

"I'm the only girl not participating in this event!" whined Ino as if that sort of thing REALLY mattered.

Meanwhile, Hinata and Shino had made it to the supermarket and decided that they were going to make a cake and was now looking at the side of the box.  "All right, the recipe says that we need eggs, milk and frosting.  We're also going to need a pan and utensils."  She paused and looked over the list.  "You ready Shino?  We have thirty seconds to find the eggs, milk, frosting, a pan, a mixing bowl, a stirring utensil and a frosting utensil!  Let's go!"

With that, she sprinted off down the isles, playing Supermarket Sweep.  Shino shrugged again and just…sauntered off.

Other groups weren't having NEARLY as much fun as Hinata.

"Okay Sasuke, you sit here and watch this entire episode while I go out and get the stuff." Said Sakura, changing the channel to the cooking channel.  "You remember the plan, right?"

"Yeah…" said Sasuke.  "This is so lame."

"We have to win or we'll be eliminated!" Sakura reminded him.

"I know…" Sasuke said as he used his Sharingan on the crazy cooking guy as Sakura dashed out the door.

Shikamaru and Chouji, meanwhile, had just gone on back to Chouji's house.  "We're going to make the BEST dish by far!" said Chouji as he went into his huge pantry.

"I believe in you, Chouji." Said Shikamaru as he sat down in Chouji's kitchen, which was DOWNSTAIRS.

"But what should we make?" Chouji wondered aloud.

"You can decide." Shikamaru said, putting his head down on the table.  He had an hour.

Finally, Tenten and Lee were at the 'Specialty Cake Store'.  "We could make the best cake ever…" said Tenten as she looked at the shelves at the store.

"Why make one?" said Lee as he looked at all the cakes that were pre-made and pre-frosted.  "We could just buy one and fool them into thinking that we made it!"

Tenten came over to where Lee was standing.  "You know what?" she said.  "That's a really good idea." She said.  "We could just buy all the stuff and hide the REAL cake in the oven.  We'll put in the stuff and then take out the real cake!  Great idea, Lee!"

"Let's personalize it too!!" Lee said excitedly.  "It can say, 'Gai Rules!!'"

"Yeah!" said Tenten as the two of them punched the air.

An hour later…

"Well, thankfully everyone made it back here within the time limit so no one is eliminated!!" cheered Gai, throwing his arms up in the air and wiggling his fingers crazily.  "So when I give the word, you all start cooking!!"

He paused, waiting for just the right moment.

"GO!!!" he yelled finally.

With that, everyone immediately began furiously cooking.

"Our cake is going to come out so deliciously!" said Hinata to Kiba since the third member of the team was allowed to watch, but not help.  "Because we found all the stuff in under thirty seconds each!"

"I wish I could help you guys!" said Kiba.

"That's okay!" said Hinata.  "We're going to play Iron Chef and you can pretend to be the audience!"

"All right!" said Kiba.

"…Whatever…" said Shino.

Sasuke, meanwhile, was putting on a grand show that all the teachers couldn't help but stand around and watch.  Sakura's job was mainly to just preheat the oven, grease the pan, boil some water and then hand all the stuff to Sasuke as he called for them.

The teachers all oohed and ahhed when he chopped up the carrots and threw them up in the air, having them land in a perfect line.

"Wow, I had no idea you were such a great cook." Said Kakashi, looking awfully skeptical.

"There's a lot of stuff you don't know about me." Said Sasuke as he peeled a potato all in one peel in under ten seconds.

"This plan is so stupid…" Naruto said.

"Hey, we're doing great!" said Sakura to Naruto.  "How can you say this plan is stupid?!"  Naruto only scoffed.

Chouji was cooking as well, though most certainly not as impressively as Sasuke was.  His dish of choice was a loving stir-fry.

"What are you making, Chouji?" asked Shikamaru who was only sitting idly by and watching.

"Here, cut this broccoli." Said Chouji.

"I don't like broccoli." Said Shikamaru.  "It shouldn't be in our meal."

"It has to be!" said Ino since she was watching as well.

"I refuse to cut the broccoli." Shikamaru said.

"Then cut the chicken, I'LL cut the broccoli." Said Chouji.

"I don't want to cut the chicken either." Shikamaru said.

"Don't bother with him, Chouji!" sighed Ino.  "You're not going to get any help from the mighty chuunin!"

"That's for sure." Said Shikamaru AND Chouji at the same time.

Lee and Tenten were discretely trying to put their pre-made cake in the oven.  "Remember not to turn it on." whispered Tenten as she mixed random stuff in a bowl and Lee slipped the cake in the oven.

"I know that!" said Lee, offended that she thought he was so stupid.  That's when Neji walked over because he had been tying his shoe.

"What are you guys making?" he asked.

"A cake!" said Tenten as she put some salt in the mixture.

Neji stood there for a minute.  "A salty cake?" he asked.

"Yes." Tenten said.

"I don't think that'll taste very good." Neji said.

"Look, Neji, I've been making cakes since I was a kid so I know how to make them." Tenten assured him.  "How many cakes have YOU made before?"

"…None…" Neji confessed.

"Okay then." Tenten said as she put some soy sauce into the cake without even bothering to look at what it was.  "So leave me to my work."

"Yeah Neji, go away!" said Lee.  "You'll mess up our cake just like you messed up the three-legged race and that birthmark question!"

"Why are you guys ganging up on me all of a sudden?" Neji asked, looking genuinely hurt.  "Have you already forgotten that it was practically all me that won us the triathlon?"

"Neji, just go away for a little while." Said Tenten.  "We're trying to win a cooking contest here."

"How come I can't watch?" Neji asked.

"BECAUSE!!!" yelled Tenten and Lee.

Approximately…er…a little while later…

"Okay everyone, place your dishes on the table in front of you so that we may taste your food!" said Kurenai since she hasn't said anything in this whole chapter yet.

First, they went to Hinata and Shino's cake.  It wasn't UGLY, it just wasn't the prettiest thing they had ever seen.  But that didn't mean that it couldn't be delicious none the less!

"I guess we'll just cut ourselves a slice…" said Asuma as he took an unnecessarily large knife out and cut a slice.  He was just about to take a bite almost as big as the huge knife he had when he caught sight of a small black thing in the cake.  "Err…does this cake have chocolate chips in it?"

"Um…no?" Hinata said.

"Ew, it's moving!" said Kurenai.

"That is a bug." Said Kakashi.

"They're all over the cake!" Gai said.

"Throw it away!" said Kurenai.  "This cake is not edible.  Sorry."

With that, they moved on to the next table.

"Oh Shino, why didn't you tell me that some of your bugs fell into the cake batter?" asked Hinata.

"I didn't notice." He said with a shrug.  "It's a shame…"

"Yeah, we lost." Said Kiba angrily.

"No, I don't mind losing all that much." Said Shino.  "It's just that… so many lives were lost…"

The teachers were now at Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura.  Before them was a huge three-course dinner complete with soups, salads, main dishes, deserts AND beverages!

"Wow, not only could this feed a third world country but we got a neat show!" said Gai.

"The question is, however, does it taste good?" said Kurenai since she was, once again, bitter that her team was eliminated.

The three of them sat around and began eating as Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura stood by and watched nervously, hoping that it wouldn't occur to the teachers that Sasuke had used the Sharingan to copy the moves of a professional cook on the television and then used those moves to have mad cooking skills.  So they ate and ate and ate and couldn't stop eating!!  They actually go to the point of exploding, but stopped right before it happened, thankfully.

"Well, that was exquisite." Said Asuma, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

"It's going to be hard to follow up that act!" said Kakashi as the teachers moved onto Shikamaru and Chouji.  They knew that they couldn't compare with a full meal with only a dish of stir-fry.

The teachers tasted the stir-fry and found it to be scrumptious.  However, it was not up to par with Sasuke's amazing dish.

"Well, we tried our best." Said Ino with a shrug.  "Except for Shikamaru.  He didn't do anything as usual."

"Aw man…" said Chouji sadly.

"Don't worry, there's still another event we can win." Said Shikamaru.  "I'll redeem myself again there…vicariously through you guys."

"No, you have to be in that one too." Ino said.  "It'll be you and me."

"That's so troublesome…" said Shikamaru with a sigh.

The teachers moved on to Tenten and Lee who were standing with huge smiles plastered on their faces with their beautiful store bought cake on the table in front of them.

"I hope you guys don't think that we didn't see you put this store bought cake in the oven." Said Kurenai.

"I'm so ashamed!" said Gai as he looked like he was going to start crying.  And then he did.

"What do you mean?" said Tenten.  "We MADE this cake!  See?  It's personalized and everything!"

"You can easily get a cake personalized at a store." Said Kakashi.

"Plus, I can see the bowl of batter right there behind the table." Said Kurenai, pointing at the bowl.

"And your oven isn't even plugged in." said Kurenai.

"And I don't even see any frosting containers around." Asuma continued.

"Okay, okay!" said Lee.  "We admit it!  We bought this cake!  We're sorry!"

"Neji, why didn't you stop them?" Gai demanded.

"I didn't know." He said.  "I thought they just made a really awesome cake."

"So it's a competition between the stir-fry and this huge, extremely delicious meal." Said Asuma.  "I think I'm going to go with the stir-fry."

"No." said Kurenai.  "While the stir-fry was delectable and made with love, I still found the huge meal made by Sasuke and Sakura was better."

"I agree." Said Kakashi.

"I like the store bought cake." Said Gai as he took a big bite.  "It's very yummy!"

"But they didn't make it." Kurenai said.  "You all are just favoring your own team!  I'm the only one NOT doing so!"

"That's because your students had bugs in their cake and it would be ludicrous to say that it was the best." Said Asuma.

"It doesn't matter anyway because there are two votes for the huge meal." Said Kakashi.

"So Team Kakashi is the winner!!" said Gai as he pulled a confetti ball out and blew it up.

"YAY!!" cheered Team Kakashi as they threw their arms up in the air as a declaration of happiness.  "WE'RE NOT DISQUALIFIED!!"

"I still think the idea was stupid though." Said Naruto.

"Shut up Naruto." Said Sasuke and Sakura.


	29. Dancing

Naruto Primer: All

Dancing

"Now for the final event!" said Kakashi.  "Unsurprisingly enough, each team has won one event so whoever wins this one wins it all.  Now, only two people can be in this final event so that means, whoever hasn't sat out yet will sit out for this one."

"Okay, so that means it's just you and me, Sakura!" said Naruto.

"I knew this was going to come sooner or later…" Sakura sighed.  "Why did I have to waste my pair with Sasuke on the cooking contest?  We didn't get to hang out at all!"

Sasuke knew that his team would lose without him.

Keep in mind that he's feeling superior right now so he failed to remember the other three events that they had lost even though he was there.

"So…good luck you guys." Said Shikamaru to Ino and Chouji.

"Shikamaru…" Ino said, looking very, very annoyed.  "You _MUST _be in this event because you have already sat out one!"

"Do you think they'll notice if I sit out again?" Shikamaru asked.

"Yes." Said Ino.  "But maybe if you're lucky, you won't have to do anything so you won't have to change your pace at ALL!"

"I did something in the brain challenge." Shikamaru pointed out.  "I did almost everything in that one."

"I'm glad to finally sit out…" sighed Chouji.  "I'm tired…"

"You think YOU'RE tired?" said Shikamaru, sounding exasperated.  "Just think of how _I _feel!"

Ino and Chouji stared at Shikamaru.  "…Why?" they said at the same time.

Shikamaru sighed.  "How troublesome…" he said.

The Neji, Lee, Tenten group was experiencing a group break down at the moment.

"I can't believe you guys BOUGHT a cake." Neji said, shaking his head.

"I can't believe you can't tell the difference between your left and right." Tenten said.

"Yeah!" said Lee.  "Go team!!  Come on, Neji!  It's you and me now!!"

"A minute ago you couldn't wait to get rid of me." Neji reminded him.

"That's only because we didn't want you to find out that we bought a cake." Tenten said.

"Ooh…" said Neji.  "Well, I guess I feel a little better then.  I thought you just were mad at me for screwing up the three-legged race."

"We are, but that's not the reason why we were shunning you." Tenten said.

"Yeah Neji!!" said Lee.  "Yeah!  We're gonna win!!  YEAH!!"

Hinata, Kiba and Shino were also senselessly discussing the fact that Shino would be sitting out during the event since he hadn't sat out yet.

"Well, I guess you and me and Akamaru will be doing the next one, Hinata." Kiba said.

"Yeah!" said Hinata.  "I wonder what it'll be!"

"Hm…maybe they'll need us to do some kind of survival training…" Kiba said, scratching his chin.

"So!" said Kakashi.  "Sasuke, Chouji, Shino and Tenten will be sitting out for this final event.  I guess we should tell you what the event is now.  It's going to be a dance-off.  Whichever pair can dance the longest, WINS!  This is all stamina and endurance."

"DANCE OFF?!" yelled everyone.

"PAIRS?!" yelled Neji and Lee.

"It's a good thing _almost _every team is male/female." Laughed Asuma in Gai's face.

"Go Lee and Neji!" cheered Gai.

"Asuma, you're one to talk with a member on your team that can't do ANY amount of physical activity for more than five minutes without getting bored with it and quitting." Said Kurenai.

Asuma stared at her.  "That wasn't nice." He said.

"My only hope is that Sakura will be able to dance with Naruto." Sighed Kakashi to himself.  "Sakura!  If you dance with Naruto and win, I'll let you dance with Sasuke!"

"…What?" said Sasuke.

"Do you want to win or not?" Kakashi said to Sasuke.

"I don't want to dance with Naruto…" whined Sakura.  "But I want to dance with Sasuke…"

"All right, Shikamaru, all you have to do is stand there and sway back and forth." Said Ino.  "That's dancing, right?  You can even look at the clouds while you're doing it too.  You just have to keep swaying."

"I know, I know, it's troublesome." Shikamaru said.  "But I guess I could do at least that."

"You okay with this, Hinata?" Kiba asked.

"Yes, I'm fine!" said Hinata.  "Let's try our best!  We could even use some moves from Saturday Night Fever!"

"I love that movie!" said Kiba even though he never heard of it.

"Is it…okay for us to just drop out now?" said Neji.

"I don't want to disappoint Gai!" said Lee.  "But…"

"But it's too weird." Neji said.  "Look, I'll say we want to drop out and you can act like you still want to do it just so you don't disappoint Gai."

"But what about you?!" Lee said, his eyes turning into fireballs.

"I don't care that much if Gai is disappointed with me." Neji said frankly.

"You're such a great friend!" Lee screamed.

"You all ready to boogie?!" said Gai to all the dancers.

"Actually, we want to drop out." Said Neji.

"WHAT?!  NO!!" said Lee but it DEFINITELY sounded like he was acting.

"It's just too weird." Neji said.

"Oh Neji, you've convinced me." Said Lee.  "If it is something you are uncomfortable with, I don't want to push you in any sort of unnatural direction."

"But we've all seen your incredible dance moves!" said Gai, but he was quickly silenced by a death glare from Neji.

"So, I guess its only these three teams." Said Kurenai.  "Let's get this thing started!  Don't disappoint me, Hinata and Kiba!"  She leaned over and pressed the play button of the radio and 'Tequila' started playing.

"This is painful…" said Sakura as she tried to get jiggy with Naruto.

"This is a blast!" Naruto yelled.  He was happy because he was dancing with Sakura.

"Um…" said Ino said she and Shikamaru were only holding onto each other and swaying.  To a song like Tequila.  It didn't look right.

"You guys have to dance more." Said Kakashi.  "Shikamaru should be picking Ino up and swinging her around crazily to the music."

"How come I don't get to dance with Sasuke just because I'm dancing with Shikamaru?" Ino wondered, thinking about the deal Sakura got.

"I think they should be disqualified if they don't dance more." Said Gai, pointing to Ino and Shikamaru.

"Come on, guys!" said Asuma.  "Dance more!"

"It's too troublesome." Said Shikamaru.

"Fine then they're eliminated." Said Kurenai.

"What?!" said Asuma.  "That's not fair!"

"It's three against one!" said Gai.

"So now it's just my team and Kurenai's team!" said Kakashi.

"Come on, Hinata, just one more team to beat!" said Kiba.

"Must…dance…with…Sasuke…" said Sakura.

The two teams danced and danced.  After all, the whole competition was to be decided by whichever team could dance the longest so neither team was about to drop out.

On one of the slow songs, Kiba looked at the teachers.  "Hey, are we allowed to attack the other team?" he asked.

The teachers looked at each other and then back at Kiba.  "Yeah." They said.

"Oh!" said Asuma.  "I just thought of a good new rule!  We'll keep it on a slow song and whoever lets go of their partner first loses!  How's that?"

"Sounds good!" said Gai.  "Cling onto your partner with all your might and never let go!"

"You just hang onto me, Hinata, I'll take care of separating the other team!" said Kiba.

"Okay!" said Hinata as she wrapped her arms around Kiba tightly.  Kiba was secretly in heaven and didn't mind this position.  He wouldn't have minded it if it was required to hang onto the partner this tight during the WHOLE dance competition.

"Yeah, same to you, Sakura!" said Naruto.

"Uh…um…how about we just hold hands?" Sakura tried.

"We'll get separated easily that way!" Naruto pointed out.

"No, because that way, we'll both be able to attack!" Sakura said.

"Oh right!" said Naruto dumbly.

"The teams both have completely different strategies!" said Gai into a microphone as if he was an announcer.  "Team Kakashi has a weak bond but a strong attacking position!  Team Kurenai plans on holding on until the end but limited attack power!  Which will triumph?!"

To put it simply, we are really bad at writing out battles.  In the end, all Kiba had to do was sick Akamaru on Sakura and Naruto.  Akamaru easily just bit the hands that were holding onto each other and both Sakura and Naruto drew back to tend to their wounds.  Thus resulting in a victory for…

Team Kurenai?

What the hell?

"YAY!!" cheered Kurenai.  "MY TEAM IS THE BEST!!!  In your faces!!"

"Your team is not the best." Said the three male teachers as rain clouds formed above their heads and they scoffed like Fox.

"Well, team, I expected more from you." Said Gai sadly.

"We gave it our all!" said Lee.

"No we didn't." Tenten said.  "You guys dropped out.  Nice job, Neji.  You ruined almost EVERY event you were part of."

"I do NOT suck." Said Neji.

"I'm a bit disappointed that the only event you guys won was one as meaningless as cooking…" Kakashi said to his team.

"I tried to tell them that the idea was stupid." Said Naruto.

"But we won it by a long shot!" Sakura pointed out.

"We never came in last." Sasuke said.  "Except when we were disqualified, but I don't even call that a loss because I beat Naruto."

"At least I know that you guys all know each other really well…in a deformed sort of way." Said Asuma.

"I'm glad I didn't have to dance." Said Chouji.

"If I was with Sasuke, we definitely would have won!" said Ino.

"That whole competition was so troublesome." Said Shikamaru.  "Except for the Brain one.  That was mildly fun."

"Once again, I'm proud of you all!" said Kurenai to her team.  "Even though we are the most random team of them all with no prominent characters in it, we managed to pull through and beat out everyone else!"

"Yahoo!!" said Kiba.  "Bragging rights!!  You did well too, Akamaru."

"I hope Naruto doesn't resent me…" Hinata said mostly to herself.

"…I like bugs…" said Shino.


	30. Team Kakashi: April?

Naruto Primer: Team Kakashi

April?

Out of all the potential genins Kakashi had received in his lifetime, he had never passed a single one.  Then, all of a sudden, he finally got a group that he was able to pass because they demonstrated during the test the one thing he valued most; looking underneath the underneath.

However, now that he had begun to train them and such, he was starting to wonder if maybe he should base his passing standard on something else.  After all, the competition he had just had with his fellow teachers had just humiliated him and proved that his group was good at coming in at number two.  The only event they had managed to win at was the cooking one, and Kakashi knew very well that their win was not genuine.

"Listen up, team." Said Kakashi as he paced in front of Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura who were all sitting attentively.  "Here I was thinking that I had a superior team.  But the only thing you managed to excel at was cooking, and it was only because you cheated."

"We didn't cheat!" said Sakura immediately.

"I told you the plan was stupid!!" yelled Naruto.

"You all just settle for being Number Two." Kakashi continued as if they hadn't said anything in their defense.  "You came in second in the triathlon, second in the brain event, second in the dancing event… you WOULD have come in second in the cooking one if you hadn't cheated…"

"It wasn't cheating!" Sakura insisted.

"But the thing I was most disappointed in was your disqualification in the three-legged race." Kakashi finished.  "You could have won that."

"It was all Sasuke's fault!" Naruto insisted.

"Psht." Said Sasuke.

"So let's start with the triathlon and figure out what we did wrong in that." Kakashi said.  "All right, Naruto, you did the swimming event.  You did a good job swimming but you started too fast so you got tired towards the end.  Especially that leg from the water to the start of the biking area.  You have to learn to pace yourself better."

"All right!" said Naruto, looking determined.

"Sakura, you did the biking event." Kakashi continued.  "There's not much to evaluate from that.  To put it simply, you're not very good at biking.  You tried your hardest but it just wasn't good enough."

"…I know…" said Sakura.

"Finally, Sasuke finished it off with the foot race." Kakashi said.  "I can see that your position was a bit difficult since Lee had such a commanding lead on you but, frankly, I think that if you had tried harder, you would have been able to beat him."

"You're right!" said Sasuke, getting all inferior.  "If I had just gone faster then we could have won!"

"Moving on," said Kakashi, unfazed.  "I found it a bit ludicrous that you three lost the Brain competition when your questions were simply knowledge of each other's birthdays.  Come on… April?  Whose birthday is in April?  Honestly."

"How were we supposed to know something as random as that?" said Sakura.

"It wasn't random." Said Naruto, crossing his arms.  "No one knew MY birthday."

"No, we just didn't know your half birthday!" Sakura said.

"Don't bother, Sakura." Said Kakashi.  "It was obvious that neither of you even knew how old Naruto was.  If you're going to be a successful team, you have to open up to each other more."

"Well at least we didn't pass on a question before it was even asked." Sasuke said.

"Good point, but we're talking about THIS team." Said Kakashi.  "During the three-legged race…" Kakashi sighed and shook his head.  "I could go on forever.  What exactly happened?"

"Sasuke DEMANDED to race with me right then and there!" Naruto said.

"Sasuke, is this true?" said Kakashi.

Sasuke chose to not dignify that with an answer.

Kakashi figured it was pointless to try and probe him.  "Well, obviously you both know that that was definitely the wrong place and the wrong time to try to prove that you're better than each other."

"I don't need to prove I'm better than Naruto, I AM." Said Sasuke.

Kakashi stared at Sasuke for a moment.  "Right…" he said, just to humor him for a while.  "Let's move on to the cooking contest.  Considering you were able to use your skills to help you win…I guess we don't have to dive deeper into that one."

"It was such a stupid plan." Said Naruto.

"Will you stop saying that?" said Sakura in an annoyed tone.

"Finally, the dancing competition." Kakashi said.  "Because you two were unwilling to cling to each other tightly, you were easily separated…by a dog.  I'm going to assume you knew that a link by only a mere hand would be severed easier than the bond between Hinata and Kiba had."

"I knew that but Sakura refused to hug me like Hinata was hugging Kiba!" Naruto announced.

"Now that we have discussed the events, I hope you know what I am going to base our training around for today." Kakashi said.

"Aww…" the three of them moaned.

"Our first training exercise will be based around the triathlon and the three-legged race." Kakashi said.  "Considering Naruto and Sasuke were fairly successful for their events, they will merely be attached to each other at the wrist and the ankles until I say otherwise.  As for you, Sakura, you will be biking until I say otherwise."

With that, he whipped out a bike and two pairs of handcuffs from behind his back.  In one, swift motion, he handcuffed Naruto and Sasuke together so that not only were they a three-legged monster, but they were three-ARMED monster as well!!

"I'd rather run a hundred laps…" complained Naruto.

"What a good idea!" said Kakashi.  "You two have to run a hundred laps together and then report to me when you're done."

"Naruto, this is all your fault." Said Sasuke.  "Did you notice that the only event our team won in was the only one you didn't participate in?"

"Your mom, Sasuke!" said Naruto.  "Your mom!!"

"I said RUN!" yelled Kakashi.  "And make sure you get to know each other because I'm going to quiz you when you get back!"  With that, they ran off before Kakashi killed them.  Kakashi turned around to tell Sakura her task but saw her trying to tiptoe off.  "As for you," he said.  "You will bike a hundred laps alongside them getting to know them.  More than just Sasuke though."

"Oh…am I going to get quizzed too?" Sakura whined.

"Yes." Said Kakashi.

Sakura took the bike and left while moaning to herself.

Kakashi then took this opportunity to do all the things he could never do because he was training the tykes or having a party with his jounin friends.  That included his physical, a dentist appointment, he checked his vision and hearing and visited his mom and long lost brother, Babashi.

Then, after all that stuff happened, he went back to where he started to find all his pupils standing there looking tired and irritated.  "Hey, I thought I told you to go until I said stop!" he said.

"No, you told us a hundred laps." Said Sasuke.

"Where have you been this whole time?!" demanded Sakura.

"All kinds of places." Kakashi replied.  "I went to the eye doctor's and he said that I might need glasses.  I guess gouging out my own eye and replacing it with someone else's wasn't one of my greatest ideas.  But anyway, we have to continue the training!"

"CONTINUE?!" yelled Naruto.

"Yeah, don't think you're done." Said Kakashi as he unlocked the handcuffs between Naruto and Sasuke.  "I told you I was going to quiz you on how well you knew each other.  So let's get started.  Naruto, go and get that shuriken over there."

"Uh…okay." Said Naruto as he frolicked over to the shuriken that was lying there innocently.  As soon as he was within a step of it, a rope wound around his leg and launched him up into the air so that he was dangling by an ankle hanging from a tree by the rope.  "HEY!!" he yelled.  "THAT WAS A TRAP!!  THAT WASN'T FAIR AT ALL!!"

"I wouldn't have fallen for that." Said Sasuke.

"It doesn't matter if he fell for it." said Kakashi.  "He was SUPPOSED to.  It was just my creative method of getting him up there."

"Well it's a good thing you didn't ask me then." Sasuke said.

"It's your turn Sakura." Said Kakashi, ignoring Sasuke.

"Um…if you want me to go anywhere, you can just tell me instead of thinking up a creative sort of way of doing it…" Sakura said nervously.

"No, I'm going to ask you to climb that tree and then shimmy down that rope and cling onto Naruto." Kakashi said.

"YAY!" cheered Naruto.

"No!!" gasped Sakura, except they were both at the same time.

"Yes, you must." Kakashi demanded.  After only a bit of complaining, Kakashi finally got her to climb the tree and then grab onto Naruto.  "Good.  That's perfect.  Just hang on there for a minute."

Kakashi chuckled to himself about the funny he just made.

"Is Sasuke going to have to come up here and cling to me?" Sakura asked all-too-hopefully.

"No, not yet at least." Kakashi said.  "You two must remain in that awkward position until Sasuke is able to answer two questions about you both.  Meaning he must answer a total of four questions."

"No problem!" said Naruto.  "I think I pretty much said everything about my self in the world while we were running!"

"Me too!" said Sakura.

"Let's hope you were listening!" said Kakashi to Sasuke.

"Of course I was listening." Sasuke fehed.

"Then we'll start out with an easy one." Kakashi said.  "When is Naruto's birthday?"

"Oh, that's easy." Said Sasuke.  "October 10th."

"Right!" said Kakashi.  "Sorry I don't have a confetti ball to rain down upon you for getting the question right but my approval should be rewarding enough."

"This is great!" said Sakura to Naruto.  "We won't have to stay up here very long at all!"

"Aw man…" sniffed Naruto.

"The next question is about Sakura." Kakashi said.  "And in case you haven't noticed, the questions are more straight forward than my usual ones that force you to look underneath the underneath."

"I HAVE noticed." Sasuke said, slightly offended that Kakashi thought he didn't notice.

"What is Sakura's favorite color?" Kakashi asked.

"That one's easy too." Sasuke said.  "Sakura's favorite color whatever MY favorite color is."

Kakashi paused and waited for Sasuke to continue.  Finally, when it looked as though he wasn't going to, he tried, "Would you…elaborate?"

"Every time I heard Naruto ask Sakura a question on what her favorite of something or least favorite of something, it would always match mine."  Sasuke began.  "I figured that this was not coincidental and that Sakura actually knew everything about me and was just saying those things so she would think that I would be more interested in her just because we had the same interests."

Sakura turned red.

"And…the color?" Kakashi asked.

"Yellow." Sasuke replied.

"YELLOW?!" Naruto gasped as if he was offended.

"Yes." Said Sasuke.  "You have a problem with yellow?"

"I was expecting something like black…or dark blue… but YELLOW?!"

"Yes.  I am also partial to orange and red and other summer colors."

"That is something I did not know about you." Said Naruto.

"I knew!" Sakura announced.

"It looks like this training exercise was beneficial after all!" Kakashi said.  "But now we must move on to the next question which will be about Naruto!  But I'm sure you already knew that.  Okay, here's the question; how many shuriken does Naruto own?"

"Uh…" Sasuke started.  "Well, he said that he just bought a new one… but I don't know how many he had before that…"

"How did you come across enough money to buy a new one?" Sakura asked Naruto.

"Well…um…Kiba loaned me the money?" Naruto tried.

"I didn't know you were good friends with Kiba." Sakura said skeptically.

"That's what this training is all for, isn't it?" laughed Naruto.

"Not really." Said Kakashi.  "While I do care if you get to know other people, the point of THIS particular training is to get to know your teammates."

"Oh." Said Naruto.

"So am I correct in assuming that you have no idea how many shuriken Naruto owns?" Kakashi asked.  Sasuke nodded.  "It's very important that you know how many weapons your teammate has just in case they run out.  You need to know BEFORE your enemy."

"Come on, Sasuke!" Sakura cheered as she continued to latch onto Naruto unhappily.  "Just two more questions!  Answer them quickly, please!"

"Um…ten?" Sasuke tried.

"No." Kakashi replied.

"Fifteen?" Sasuke guessed.

"No."

"Twenty?"

"No."

"How about you say higher or lower?"

"No."

"I have no idea how many shuriken he has.  It never really came up in our discussion."

"Then we'll have to move to a new question!" Kakashi declared.  "It doesn't matter to me since I could ask questions all day.  It's all a matter of how long Sakura can hold onto Naruto."

"All the blood is rushing to my head!" Naruto complained.

Two hours later…

"Okay, you only have to get one more right." Said Kakashi.  "So that makes three you've gotten right and…er…about sixty-four that you've gotten wrong."

"They're way too specific." Sasuke said.  "I'd rather it if you just asked a question that I would have to look underneath the underneath to answer.  I'm good at that."

"That's why I'm asking you this type of question." Kakashi said.

"I think Naruto passed out." Said Sakura, waving her hand in front of Naruto's face.  "All the blood rushed to his head."

"Okay, from now on, if you get a question wrong then…uh…you have to run a hundred laps." Kakashi said.

"Will we have to stay up here while he does that?" Sakura called.

"Well obviously." Said Kakashi.

"Then hurry up and ask the question!" said Sakura impatiently.

"Hm…" said Kakashi, scratching his chin.  "Oh!  What color are Naruto's eyes?"

"…I don't know, he always has them closed…" Sasuke said.

"Sasuke!!" whined Sakura.

"Hang on, let me think." Sasuke said.  "Er…um…is this a trick question?  Does he have some sort of weird advanced bloodline that I never noticed before?  Like…are they purple with green stripes or something?  _Sometimes_?  Um…"

"Sasuke, I'll give you a hint." Said Kakashi.  "…No."

"Okay, so it's something natural." Said Sasuke, thinkin' hard.  "I guess I'm going to take a shot in the dark.  He's got blond hair, so I'll go with blue eyes."

"Is that your final answer?" said Kakashi.

"…Um…" Sasuke stuttered.  "Uh…yeah…?"

"Then you are…" Kakashi said, going for the dramatic pause.  "CORRECT!!  HURRAY!"  He looked at Sakura.  "You can get down now."

"Finally!" she said, jumping down from the tree and just LEAVING Naruto there.

Kakashi gave her a hard stare.  "Haven't you learned ANYTHING?" he asked sternly.

"What?" she said obliviously.


	31. Team Asuma: That Restaurant

Naruto Primer: Team Asuma

That Restaurant That Has the Grill in the Middle and We Get the Food and Put it on the Grill and Then We Cook it Right There on the Table

Asuma is…well, he's pretty random.  He's just another one of those teachers that ISN'T Kakashi.  Nothing's particularly known about him except for the fact that he practically worships Shikamaru and his great IQ and his chuunin-ness and his skills at playing strategy games.

Asuma had been hoping to prove to everyone that his team was more powerful than they originally thought.  You see, Asuma was usually at the butt of most jokes for having a lazy, weak team and was hoping that this competition would prove otherwise.  Unfortunately for him, it only seemed to reinforce everyone's assumptions because the only event his team managed to win was the one concerning no physical motion or fighting.

"Well, it's good that you guys were able to look underneath the underneath and answer a few random questions about each other." Said Asuma.  "But overall, no one really excelled in that competition."

"Especially Shikamaru." Said Ino bitterly.

"No." said Shikamaru.  But he wasn't going to argue further.

"Since it seems to be the most logical thing to do, we're going to go through the entire competition step by step and discuss what we could have done to improve ourselves!" said Asuma.  "The triathlon, you guys were…to put it simply… ABYSMAL."

"Hey, I didn't even do anything!" Ino argued.

"Well, I guess I can't hold you at fault there." Said Asuma.  "But, Chouji, you really need to get in shape and Shikamaru…uh…I won't even go there."

"It was really annoying that you just decided that you didn't want to do the race anymore." Said Ino.

"I didn't decide I didn't want to do it, I just forgot about it." Shikamaru said.

"Even after I swam that ridiculous distance!" whined Chouji.

"I'm sorry Chouji." Said Shikamaru.

"I forgive you, Shikamaru." Said Chouji since Chouji ALSO worships Shikamaru.

"The Questionnaire Challenge…well, I was impressed." Asuma continued before they strayed from the topic too much.  "You three were all able to answer questions that even _I _couldn't figure out the answer to!  Except for that dinosaur one.  I knew that one."

"Sure you did." Said Shikamaru.

"You're right, I didn't know that one either." Said Asuma, lowering his head in shame.

"That's all right." Said Shikamaru.

"I expected Shikamaru to do an excellent job in that event but for Chouji to have a come from behind answer…wow!" said Asuma, completely over the fact that he was shamed.

"What about me?" asked Ino.

"You would have gotten them wrong." Asuma said truthfully.  "So why should I commend you?"

"I suppose…" Ino sighed.

"As for the three-legged race…" Asuma said.

"We came in second in that one!" cheered Chouji.

"But you only bettered a team that was disqualified and another team that was having some…er…directional difficulties." Asuma pointed out.  "You finished almost five minutes after the first place team."

"So?" said the entire team.  "At least we finished unlike some OTHER teams…" They started clearing their throat and uttering, 'Neji and Tenten' under their breath.

"But you didn't even finish the triathlon so don't even start with not finishing." Asuma said.  "And, while we're talking about you guys NOT finishing, you also failed to complete the dancing competition.  You were eliminated simply because you wouldn't dance more!"

"Why do we ninjas need to know how to dance?!" demanded Ino.

"It was a test of stamina and endurance described as a dance contest." Asuma explained.  "So you guys technically came in last in THAT one too."

"No because we actually started the competition but the Lee and Neji team didn't start!" Chouji argued.

"Finally!" said Asuma, not wanting to admit that he was wrong.  "The cooking contest!  You did very well in that.  If you had just made rice with your stir-fry then I am confident that you would have won!"

"Shikamaru said that he was going to do that." Chouji said.

"AND YOU BELIEVED HIM?!" yelled Ino and Asuma.

"Fine." Said Asuma.  "Well, you guys obviously need some more physical training to work on your stamina and endurance.  We'll start with a hundred laps."

Shikamaru cleared his throat and fluffed the collar of his chuunin vest.

"Oh all right guys." Said Asuma.  "I'm kind of in the mood for barbeque.  How about we go to that restaurant that has the grill in the middle and we get the food and put it on the grill and then we cook it right there on the table?"

"YEAH!!" cheered the team, but Chouji was the loudest.

With that, they proceeded to go to…you know, that restaurant with the grill in the middle where they could cook the food right then and there.


	32. Team Gai: Twister

Naruto Primer: Team Gai

Twister

Gai's TRUE rival is Kakashi.  Everyone knows this, of course, because it's not like he goes around keeping it a secret.  All he wants to do is prove that he's better than Kakashi for whatever reason he may possess, even at something as silly as Rock, Paper, Scissors.  Kinda reminds you of Sasuke's superiority complex, don't it?

He had been expected…HOPING that his team would have done a little better in the competition.  However, in his opinion, he believed that his team won the most important event, the triathlon, which made him better because Kakashi's team won by far the LEAST important event; the cooking one.

"Team, I feel obligated to discuss the competition with you." Gai said to Neji, Tenten and Lee.  "I feel that we could have potentially won all those events if fate had not been teasing us!"

"How so?" asked Tenten.

"Well, you three showed your obvious superiority during the triathlon." Gai began.  "In case you didn't notice, our team was the ONLY team that did well in all three legs of the race.  And, anyway, I believe that that one should have counted for more than one point.  Maybe three points since there were three parts to it.  Or maybe even one and a half."

"That wouldn't matter, though, because we still would have lost by a half a point." Neji pointed out.

"Yes, but it would have only been a half a point that we lost by instead of a FULL point!" Gai said.  "Continuing, I found the process of the Brain competition to be unfair.  Kurenai SAW that we were clearly the superior team and purposely gave you obviously rigged questions!"

"Not to mention the fact that they were embarrassing!" said Tenten.

"You're right Gai!!" said Lee.  "If we had a more fair teacher asking us the questions, we would have got them all right because we have known each other for a year longer than everyone else!!"

"That's correct Lee!!" said Gai.  "Concerning the last three events…if we had simply paired everyone up differently then the outcome would be completely different!  For example, if we had put Lee and Tenten in the three-legged race, then we would have won."

Lee and Tenten coughed in Neji's general direction.

"It's not ALL my fault." Neji kept telling himself but he was in Denial City.

"But that's all in the past now!" Gai said.  "Now, for the cooking contest, I can see why you purchased the cake.  It was because you couldn't cook.  So, if it had been Neji and Tenten in that event then you would have cooked something!!"

"But I can't cook either." Neji said.

"Yes, but it was Lee who suggested buying the cake and, had he not been there, that suggestion would have not even come up!" Gai said.

"I'm so sorry, Gai!!" cried Lee.

"Besides, it's not like you had a chance anyway since Kakashi's team DEFINITELY CHEATED!!" yelled Gai passionately.  "That Kakashi, he can't beat me legitimately.  He has to CHEAT!"

"Here here!" said Lee.

"Though, I don't even count that event since it wasn't important at all." Gai finished up.  "As for the dancing competition…well, even though I changed the groups around, it still worked out to be Neji and Lee.  So I guess we could have put Lee in the cooking contest with Neji so that Neji and Tenten would have been in the dancing one."

"But then wouldn't Lee suggest the store bought cake?" Tenten said.

"Yes but Neji wouldn't have necessarily listened like you did." Gai said.  "And we would have won the dancing competition, even though that one is also irrelevant, because of Neji's MAD dancing--"

He stopped because he valued his life.

"But moving on!" he said.  "If everything had worked out THAT way then we would have positively won every single event.  So, in my book, we're the winners!"

"Yeah, how come we didn't split the groups up like that?!" said Lee.

"I don't know." Said Neji.

"Now, since we're the best team EVER, I will only force you to do TWO HUNDRED LAPS!!!" Gai announced.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!" cheered Lee.  "And if I can't do the two hundred laps, I'll do five hundred push-ups!!  And if I can't do the five hundred push-ups, then I'll kick a log five thousand times!!!"

"And, when you come back from doing the two hundred laps, I have a special surprise for you!!" Gai said, giving them all a dramatic thumbs up.

With that, they all took off to do some laps.  Two hundred to be exact.  And, within a reasonable period of time, they returned from those two hundred laps to the spot in which Gai was waiting for them with a giant white blanket-type thing with red, yellow, blue and greet dots on it.

"Hi there, students of mine!" said Gai.  "Can you guess what this is?"

"A…Twister board?" tried Tenten.

"EXACTLY!!!" he yelled, lying it down on the ground.  "We're going to play a few rounds of Twister!!"

"Is that your idea of a reward?" Neji asked.

"Whoever said it was a reward?!" laughed Gai.  "I just said it was a special surprise!!  Besides, this is a funducational way of improving your ninja skills!!"

"How?" questioned Lee.

"Well, it helps with your flexibility, reaction time, ability to find openings… and, of course, helps you remember the difference between left and right." Gai replied, saying the last part really quickly.

"I can tell the difference between left and right!" Neji yelled angrily.

"Not from where I was standing." Gai said truthfully.

"Me neither." Tenten agreed.

"Same here." Lee said.

"I was just temporarily brain dead." Neji assured them.

Gai cleared his throat.  "So anyway, we'll start the game." He said.  "Ready guys?  I'll play too!"

"Then I'll be the spinner." Said Neji, picking up the spinner.

"No!" Gai yelled, swiping it from him.  "I'm mostly gearing this training exercise around you!"

"This is NOT a training exercise, it's a game of Twister!" Neji argued.

"Who's the jounin here?" Gai said.  Neji crossed his arms and scoffed.  "Am I talking to myself?!  That was a question!!  It requires an answer!!"

"Gai's mad now." Lee whispered to Tenten.

"Fine, you are." Neji said.

"And who's the genin?" Gai asked.

"Me." Neji replied.

"And who can't tell the difference between his right and left?" Gai said.

"I CAN." Neji insisted.

"Then I phrased it incorrectly." Gai admitted.  "Who needs whose tutelage?"

"Tutelage?" said Tenten, Lee AND Neji.

"Yes!!" Gai yelled.  "The process of being tutored!!"

"WE DO!!" yelled Lee, punching the air.

"RIGHT!!" Gai said.  "Therefore, if I say that a game of Twister is a training exercise, then a game of Twister is a training exercise!!  GOT IT?!"

"Yes, Gai!!" Lee said, saluting Gai and getting fireballs in his eyes.

"So anyway." Gai said as he flicked the spinner.  "Left hand blue."


	33. Team Kurenai: Jedi Master

Naruto Primer: Team Kurenai

Jedi Master

Kurenai is a bitter woman on the warpath.  Who would have ever thought that she would end up with all three of the least important genins with the exception of Tenten?  She had never expected to win the competition in a zillion years but now that she had, she now felt that her students were THAT MUCH better than everyone else's.

"CONGRATULATIONS TEAM!!!!" Kurenai HOLL-ered as she hugged each of her students individually.  Except for Shino.  That would be gross.  "I'm so proud of all of you!"

"Yay!" cheered Hinata.

"YAHOO!!" cheered Kiba.

"Hoo-rah." Cheered Shino.

"However!" she said, putting her finger up in the air.  "In case you didn't notice, the competition that we won was the dancing one.  Also, the three-legged race but ONLY because the other teams all had some technical difficulties whether it be turmoil between them or just the fact that they don't know their directions very well."

"So what?" said Kiba.  "We still won."

"Yes, but as a teacher, it is my duty to discuss the things you did wrong in every event!" Kurenai said.

"Can't we discuss the things we did right?" Hinata requested.

"We COULD, but first we discuss the things we did wrong." Kurenai replied.  "That way, we can learn from our mistakes and improve on them!  First of all, I did find that all of you put only a mediocre effort into the Triathlon.  Hinata finished her leg third, Shino finished his second and Kiba finished his third.  Since the Asuma team sort of dropped out, that means we finished LAST!  LAST!  Is that good?"

"We still won in the end…" said Kiba.  "I mean, I was against Sasuke and Lee.  They were BORED when I got to the end.  Can you even begin to imagine how heartbreaking that was for me?"

"That's no excuse!" said Kurenai, crossing her arms.  "Then, what's worse, you ALSO came in last during the Questionnaire challenge!"

"No, we tied for last!" Kiba argued.

"Yeah but…you passed on a question…before you even heard it." Kurenai reminded them.  "I was SO ashamed."

"Pretty much the only thing we know about Shino is his name." Hinata confessed.  "He just doesn't tell us anything."

"It's true." Said Shino with a shrug.

"We figured we'd just keep the challenge going and not bother to take up any time!" Kiba finished.

"You realize, of course, that that doesn't work for me at all." Kurenai said.  "But, if that's your excuse, I'll have to go with it.  But you two had NO excuse for not knowing how long Kiba's had Akamaru!  Even _I _knew that!"

Akamaru barked a few times.  "Well, they know that NOW, Akamaru." Kiba said to him.  "Unfortunately, they didn't know at the time."

"Onward to the Three-Legged race!" Kurenai said.  "Well, I can't say anything bad about it.  You guys won!  You had a good strategy.  It might not have been entirely honest, but you can't get by in life being completely honest!"

"YEAH!" said Kiba, raising his hand for Shino to slap him five.  Shino only stared at his hand for a moment before Kiba took a hint and lowered it.

"Now for the cooking contest…" Kurenai said.

"That was dumb." Said Kiba.

"Slightly." Kurenai admitted.  "I'm a bit unhappy about the fact that there were bugs in the cake, though, and you managed to come in last place again."

"Didn't we place above the store bought cake though?" Hinata asked.

"Er…that's besides the point!" said Kurenai.  "If they had made something, they would have placed about you guys because their food, even if it was gross, would have still been edible!  I think only one team legitimately made anything in that event because, frankly, you'd have to be pretty stupid not to know that something fishy went on with Team Kakashi."

"What?" said the three of them obliviously.

"Anyway," said Kurenai, clearing her throat.  "The dancing competition… I'm proud of you, Kiba and Hinata!  Not only were you able to hold out for a long time, but when it came down to whoever could hold onto each other longer, you two proved to be better than Naruto and Sakura!  And then you were able to separate them!"

"Hurray!!" cheered Hinata and Kiba.

"Well, that's it for my synopsis." Said Kurenai.

"What now?" asked Kiba.  "Do we celebrate?"

"Uh…you guys can do whatever you want, I guess." Kurenai said.  "I have a Jounin and Teachers Party to go to."

"Didn't you just have one of those?" questioned Shino.

"…No…" said Kurenai suspiciously as she waved her hand in front of Shino's face like a Jedi Master.

"…Right…" said Shino uneasily.

"So, enjoy the rest of your day off!" Kurenai said, waving to them as she walked off.


	34. Naruto n Kiba n Neji: Alternative Punish...

Naruto Primer: Naruto/Kiba/Neji

Alternative Punishment

Kiba now had another day off since his teacher was having yet another one of those Teacher and Jounin Parties.

Naruto now had the rest of the day off since his teacher felt that hanging upside down for hours after running a hundred laps handcuffed to Sasuke was enough for one day.

Neji now had the day off because he had sneaked off from playing Twister with the rest of his team.

These three met suddenly at some crossroads.

It was slightly awkward.

"So…Naruto…have you used that new Ninja star yet?" Kiba asked.

"No, not yet." Naruto replied.  "You?"

"I already told you, I don't use ninja stars." Kiba replied.

"What are YOU doing here, Neji?" asked Naruto.  "Shouldn't you be off training or something?"

"I should as the same question." Neji replied.

All three of them cleared their throats and were just about to continue on their merry way when, suddenly, the skies became dark and cloudy and lightning struck the middle of where they were standing.  When the lightning cleared, Itachi was standing there!!  Itachi being, of course, Sasuke's evil brother.

"GASP!!!" gasped Kiba and Naruto because they knew of Sasuke's evil brother's existence and the fact that they had so recently splurged all his money.

"…" said Neji since he wasn't enlightened on the previous two things.

"I just got my credit card bills back yesterday and boy am I angry!!" said Itachi, shaking a mile long paper around.  "And, besides the fact that I KNEW that I hadn't bought all these things, I can't help but notice that these signatures don't match mine!"

"What's that got to do with us?" said Kiba nervously.

"Well, at first I was going to randomly accuse my brother of doing so but then I figured that he wouldn't buy the things on the list." Itachi said, pulling out a pair of glasses and looking at the paper.  "So I got samples of all his little friends' writing and found that the style of writing matches that of a certain NARUTO!!"

"GASP!!!" gasped Naruto.

"And, only one person of his little friends would ever buy such an enormous amount of Kibbles and Bits!" Itachi said.  "And that's KIBA!!"

"GASP!!!" gasped Kiba.

Itachi looked at Neji.  "As for you…" he said slowly.  "You can just leave."

"Don't leave us, Neji!!" pleaded Kiba and Naruto as they jumped over to Neji and hid behind him.

"What exactly did you guys do?" Neji asked.

"We found his wallet and used his credit card!" confessed Naruto.

"And money." Kiba added.

"AND my frequent buyer's card to Shuriken R Us!" Itachi reminded them angrily in a certain tone of resentment.  "Those are things I just can't forgive!  I will have to smite them both senselessly and if you don't get out of the way, you shall taste my wrath as well!"

"Now, now, I'm sure there's an agreement that we can come to so that no one must be smote." Neji tried to negotiate.

"Oh?" said Itachi, crossing his arms.  "And what would that be?"

"Well…for example…they could give you all the stuff they bought!" Neji suggested.

"You think I want that much Kibbles and Bits?!" demanded Itachi.

"How much Kibbles and Bits did you guys buy?" Neji asked.

Akamaru barked in response.  "You can say that again, Akamaru!" Kiba agreed.

"Well, how about they pay back all your money?" Neji tried.

Itachi waved the paper around again.  "Do you have any idea just how much money they spent?!" he demanded.  "I don't think they'll be able to pay it off in this lifetime!"

"Come on, Neji, think of something else!" whined Naruto.

"I don't see you guys brainstorming." Neji said.

"We're too shocked and distraught to do so." Kiba said.

"I think the only way to settle this is a fight to the death!" Itachi decided.  "Fight me together, fight me alone!  It's your choice!!"

"Will killing them really solve your money problem?" Neji asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well…no…" Itachi admitted.

"So then what's the point?" Neji said.

"I'm MAD." Itachi replied, stomping his foot.  "They used all my money without my permission."

"That was certainly wrong of them." Neji agreed.  "But killing them, as you have admitted, is not going to do you or anyone else any good.  Is there an alternative punishment that you can think up for them?"

"Alternative punishment?" said Itachi, rubbing his chin.  "Like what?"

"Like…uh…they could…um…mow your lawn!" Neji tried.

"Mow my lawn?" Itachi said with an interested looking face as he nodded in slight satisfaction.

"And do your dry cleaning." Neji continued.  "Pull the weeds in your flower beds.  You could pretty much make them slaves for an allotted amount of time!"

"Hey, you're going a little too far now, Neji." Kiba whispered.

"That is a very tempting proposition you're making." Itachi admitted.  "I'll need some time to think about it.  Until then, stay out of trouble because I wouldn't want you to die if I wanted to kill you later or if I just wanted to make you both my slaves."

With that, Itachi just kind of…faded out and disappeared.

"YAHOO!!" cheered Kiba.  "Yeah, Neji!  You're the man!!"

"You're our savior!!" Naruto admitted.

"Well, what can I say?" Neji said slightly nervously.

"Even though you're kind of weird when it comes to everything and dance the Macarena at inappropriate times and can't tell the difference between left and right, you're pretty cool!" said Kiba.

"Hey." Said Neji.  "I can tell the difference between left and right."

"No you can't." said Naruto as he and Kiba started walking away.

"Yes I can." Neji said after them.

"We ALL saw it, Neji." Kiba called back to him as he and Naruto got further and further away.

"…Yes I can." Neji insisted to himself.


	35. Chouji n Hinata n Ino: Blah Blah Blah

Naruto Primer: Chouji/Hinata/Ino

Blah Blah Blah…

"I can't believe Shikamaru left early!" said Ino as she and Chouji sat at the table of that awesome restaurant that you can cook the food right there on the table because there's a grill there.  "And Asuma too.  Where is Asuma anyway?"

"Doesn't matter!" Chouji said.  "More for us!"

"This isn't exactly how I wanted to spend my day though…" Ino sighed, leaning back in her chair.

Hinata had just returned from her discussion with her teacher.  Kiba had gone off to do his thing, and who knows exactly what Shino did?  So now Hinata was alone so she was just wandering around.  That's when she entered the restaurant where you can cook things right at the table because there's a grill in the middle of it.

"Hey, isn't that Hinata?" said Ino, leaning over to get a better look and noticing that Hinata was all alone.  "We've got more food than we need and she's not with anyone else.  Hinata!  Over here!"

Hinata looked up and came over.  "Yes?" she said timidly.

"You want to sit down with us?" Ino said, moving over.

"Oh, I don't want to intrude." Hinata said.

"It's no trouble." Said Ino.  "Otherwise, Chouji will eat it all and he doesn't need it."

"Okay then." Said Hinata with a smile as she sat down next to Ino.

"Hey, congratulations on winning the competition!" Ino said.

"Thanks!" said Hinata.  "Though, I didn't really do much to help us win."

"Don't say that!" said Ino.  "We're girls!  Girl power!  We have to stick together and can't just lie back and let the guys take all the credit for our victories!"

"No, I'm not just saying that." Hinata confessed.  "I honestly didn't do much at all.  At times, I felt as though I was slowly down my team, in fact.  Then again, I feel like that most of the time."

Hinata then became all angsty.

"Why do you feel that way?" Ino questioned.  "That's so weird because Chouji and Shikamaru are always the ones slowing ME down!"

"That's not true!" said Chouji, slamming his fist on the table.

"Isn't Shikamaru a chuunin?" Hinata asked.

"Yeah but he doesn't really deserve it." Ino replied.  

"That's not true!!" Chouji argued.  "Shikamaru was awesome in the chuunin exam so he deserves to be one!"

"I think Sasuke deserves it before anyone else!" Ino continued.

"Not before Shikamaru." Chouji insisted.

"What about Naruto?" Hinata asked.  "I think he did really well in the final part of the exam…"

"It was really amazing that he could beat Neji and all, but I think it was just a fluke though." Ino answered.

"You think so?" Hinata asked.  "I don't know…"

"It doesn't matter how well anyone did in the chuunin exam because Shikamaru was the only one that passed and that's all that matters!" Chouji said.  "It doesn't matter who WE think should have passed."

"Yeah, especially since all three of us didn't even get passed the preliminaries…" Ino agreed.

"We still gave it our all though!" said Hinata.

"Yeah!" said Ino.  "And that's all that counts!"

"Right." Said Chouji sarcastically.

"Hey, if you have something to say, say it." Ino threatened.  "Don't mutter it under your breath!"

"All I said was 'Right'!" Chouji argued.

"Sure, sure." Said Ino, sitting back in her chair.  Then, all of a sudden, she sat back up and looked all excited.  "I forgot all about this but I think Lee asked me out on a date the other day!!"

"Lee?  Rock Lee?" said Chouji.

"You think?" Hinata asked.

"Yeah!" said Ino.  "We both showed up at a café area.  I had gotten an anonymous letter from someone and Lee JUST SO HAPPENED to be at the same place for the same amount of time as I was.  He had flowers and everything.  Then he fabricated some story out of nowhere that he was waiting for someone too but I think he just wanted to spend time with me."

"I thought he liked Sakura." Said Chouji.

"Apparently not anymore." Ino replied.  She didn't know whether or not to be happy about it.  It didn't matter who liked her because her heart was only for Sasuke.  "I just thought it was a little TOO coincidental that my potential date never showed up and his potential date never showed up."

"Maybe someone set you up." Hinata suggested.

Ino laughed.  "Yeah right!" she said.  "Who would set me up with Lee?  That doesn't make any sense at all!"

"Yes, I suppose that would be weird…" Hinata admitted.

"If you could go out with anyone in the entire world, who would it be?" Ino said, but it was more like a question to herself.  "That's a pretty easy question.  I would go out with Sasuke of course!!  What do you think he would say?  If Sakura was here, she would say, 'I think he would want to go out with Naruto!'  Sakura is such an idiot!"

"Why would Sasuke want to go out with Naruto?" Chouji asked.

"Sakura's trying to convince me that Sasuke's gay so that she can have him all to herself once I give up on him." Ino replied.

"But Naruto's not gay, is he?" Hinata asked nervously.

"Who cares?" said Ino.

"Oh…right…" Hinata replied.

"But, I don't believe her!" Ino said.  "Even though Sasuke's never shown interest in another girl.  And he's kissed Naruto.  And he really only hangs around with other guys.  But ALL guys do that, right?"

She paused.

"Right?" she repeated when she got no response.

"Oh right." Said Chouji and Hinata quickly so that the reply wasn't really all that reassuring to Ino.

"So…what are you two doing here anyway?" Hinata asked, trying to change the subject.

"Well," Ino replied immediately since she wanted to get off the topic of Sasuke's sexuality preference as well.  "Asuma took us here for whatever reason he has and then he took off after a few minutes.  So we hung around and ate for a while but then Shikamaru said, 'This is FAR too troublesome!' quote unquote, and left a little while ago." She even added a crazy voice impression of Shikamaru and everything!

"We were just finishing up and then we were going to leave." Chouji said.

"I actually planned on leaving but then I saw you and decided to strike up a conversation!" Ino explained.

"Oh, that's so nice!" said Hinata.

"So how about we go off and do something else since I'm bored with just sitting around here watching Chouji eat!" Ino said, standing up.

"LET'S GO!!!" said Chouji, Ino and Hinata as they jumped up and punched the air.


	36. Sakura n Lee n Sasuke: If You Mean

Naruto Primer: Lee/Sakura/Sasuke

If You Mean…

I'm better than him.  I'm better than that guy too… 

Sasuke walked aimlessly through his little village.

Where's Sasuke gone off too…? 

Sakura was in search of Sasuke.

Skip-a-dee-doo-DA!  Skip-a-dee-day!  My oh my what a wonderful day… 

Lee was frolicking through the village, happy to be alive and kicking.

Then, they all crashed into each other at the same time.

"I'm better…?" Sasuke said in his discombobulated state.

"Sasuke…?" Sakura said in her discombobulated state.

"Skip-a-dee-doo-da?" Lee said in his discombobulated state.

They all took a moment to collect themselves.

"Hi Sasuke!" said Sakura as Sasuke stood up and brushed himself off.  "I was just looking for you!"

"Fancy that." Sasuke said with a sigh.

"Hi Sakura!" said Lee.  "Hi Sasuke!  FINE weather it is, don't you think?"

They both looked at him as if he didn't really belong.  When you think about it, though, he really didn't.  After all, he was part of GAI'S team, while Sakura and Sasuke were both part of KAKASHI'S team.  And, most importantly of all, their names started with an 'S' and his…well, his didn't.

"So I was thinking that maybe we could go on another date." Said Sakura.  "Maybe this time, we could go and see a movie instead of just going to McDonald's!"

"Maybe, but I don't really want to right now." Sasuke replied.

"Maybe?!" Sakura said, sounding hopeful.  "Right now?!  That means you would like to on a future date?!"

"I'd like to go right now, Sakura!" Lee said.

"What?" said Sakura.  "I thought you liked Ino!"

"Ino?" said Lee, looking confused.  "No!  I don't!  Sorry if you got that idea.  It's YOU I like!"

"But I like Sasuke!" Sakura whined.  She looked at Sasuke and half expected him to profess his love to Lee right then and there only to make things even MORE complicated, but luckily for her, he did not.

"Out of all honesty, Sakura, what do you like about him?" Lee asked.

"He's so handsome and he's born with so much talent and I just LOVE that about a guy!" Sakura answered in a very ditzy tone.

Lee thought about that for a minute.  "Well then I'm the perfect guy for you!" he said finally.  "I mean, of course, that if by 'handsome' you mean 'has a great personality' and by 'born with so much talent' you mean 'worked really hard to get where he is today'!"

"Just give it up, Lee." Said Sasuke.

"Gasp, Sasuke, you're standing up for me to make sure no one else takes your girl?" Sakura said happily.  "I could just melt!"

"That's not what I'm doing at all." Sasuke replied in such a way that it seemed that he was TRYING to crush every bone in her body with his harsh words.  "I'm just annoyed by his incessant babbling."

"Then how about you and I fight for Sakura's love right now?!" Lee said.

"You can have it." Sasuke replied.

"HURRAY!!!" cheered Lee.

"Sasuke!" yelled Sakura angrily.  "You can't just GIVE my love to Lee when I gave it to YOU to hold sacred!"

"I just did." Sasuke pointed out.

"Then I DEMAND that you fight Lee for my love!" Sakura said, crossing her arms.

"As fun as it would be to fight Lee, I don't want to have to do it if I'm fighting over your love." Sasuke admitted.

"Then fight me just for fun!" Lee said.

"Fine." Sasuke said.  "I accept."

"…And the winner gets Sakura's love!" Lee said quickly.

"No then." Sasuke amended himself.

"TOO LATE!!" yelled Lee.  "YOU ALREADY AGREED!!!  YOU HAVE TO NOW!!!"

"All right, I have a new contract." Said Sasuke.  "If you win, you can get Sakura and her love and all that other stuff that you want.  But, if I win…"

"Then you'll have to give up trying to get my beautiful lady!" Sakura said, filling in the words for Sasuke.

"Um…no." Sasuke said.  "If I win, you can get Sakura and her love."

"WHAT?!" demanded Sakura.

"So, technically, I can't lose!" Lee said.  "AND I get to fight!  It's a deal!!"

"No, it's NOT a deal!!" Sakura yelled.

"If I don't win this fight then I have to challenge three more people to a fight and BEAT THEM!!" Lee announced.  "And for every person I lose to, I have to fight three more people!!"

"You don't have to do that." Said Sasuke.  "Because, even if you lose, you'll still get Sakura and you'll have to fill your time with going out with her."

"YOU'RE RIGHT!!!" Lee yelled as his eyes turned into fireballs and a wave crashed behind him.

"Sasuke, you're so MEAN!!" wailed Sakura.

Then, the battle commenced.  Actually, it didn't.

Both Lee and Sasuke's stomachs growled at the exact same time at the exact moment it was supposed to start.  "I guess I forgot I was really hungry!!" Lee said.

"Yeah, I was on my way to Papa Gino's when I crashed into you two…" Sasuke admitted.

"PAPA GINO'S?!?!" Lee yelled.  "YEAH!!!!  I LOVE THAT PLACE!!!!"

"How about we eat first and THEN we fight?" Sasuke suggested.

"YEAH!!!" cheered Lee.  "NOW I GET PAPA GINO'S, A FIGHT WITH SASUKE _AND _SAKURA'S LOVE!!!  THIS IS A GREAT DAY!!!"

"Wait…what?" said Sakura since she had temporarily zoned out.

"Lee and I are going to Papa Gino's." Sasuke said as he and Lee started walking off.  "You can stay here if you want."

"No, I want to come!!" Sakura yelled, chasing after them.


	37. The Girls: The Slumber Party

Naruto Primer: Girls

Slumber Party

Considering Ino and Hinata had been doing a little bit of bonding lately and they had such good fun, Hinata figured that she had started making friends and she threw a slumber party!  The first person she invited was Ino, and then she figured that it wouldn't be much of a slumber party if it was just the two of them.  And she thought that Ino and Sakura were just the best of friends so she invited Sakura as well.  Of course, she couldn't just IGNORE Tenten no matter how obscure and pointless she was, so it was the four girls!

"I've never really thrown a party before…" Hinata admitted to the other three girls as they all sat around in a circle with their pajamas that just so happened to be completely identical except the colors were different.  Hinata was blue, Sakura was pink, Ino was purple and Tenten was green!  But it's not like that will come into play later so let's move on!

"It's really easy!" said Sakura.  "Once we get a round of Truth or Dare going, the night pretty much takes off on its own!"

"Let's play truth or dare!" said Ino.

"YEAH!!!" said the others.

"Okay, Hinata can go first since it's her party." Said Tenten.

"But…oh, I don't know what to ask!" said Hinata.

"All you have to do is pick a person." Ino said.  "Then the other three people have to get together and decide the question we're going to ask."

"But I thought this was truth OR DARE." Hinata said.

"Oh right." Said Ino.  "Well, that's just the name.  "No one ever REALLY picks dare!"

"Okay…" said Hinata.  "All right!  Ino, uh…truth or dare?"

"Truth!" said Ino as if it was a surprise that she was going to pick truth.

"I've got the perfect one!!" Sakura gasped as she leaned over to Hinata and started whispering stuff to her.

"Um…" said Hinata.  "If you were stuck on a desert island with Sasuke and your mom, who would you eat first?"

"That's easy!" laughed Ino.  "My mom of course!"  All the girls then giggled right then and there as if it was funny at all.  "Okay, now it's my turn.  Tenten, if the entire world…"

"You have to ask truth or dare." Tenten interrupted.

"Oh right.  Truth or dare?"

"Truth!"

"Okay, if the entire world population got wiped out and you could ONLY repopulate the human species with either Neji and Lee, who would it be?!"

"Oh, that's a hard one." Said Tenten, thinking.  "Lee's nice, but he's really ugly and I wouldn't want all my children to look like that.  But…I can't see Neji to really be the FATHERLY type.  I don't know!  Neither I guess."

"You know who I would want to repopulate the human species with?" said Sakura with a smile.

"Sasuke?" said Tenten.  Sakura nodded.  "Me too!!"  Then they all giggled insanely again.  Hinata didn't really want to say it, but she didn't see Sasuke as being much of the fatherly type either.

"Well, we KNOW that we all like Sasuke here so it's kind of ludicrous to play Truth or Dare; Truth Style." Ino said suddenly.  "So let's play it Dare Style!"

All of the girls giggled…AGAIN.

"That sounds like fun!" said Tenten.  "Sakura, since you're the only one who hasn't gone yet, truth or dare?"

"Dare!!" said Sakura.

"I dare you to…" said Tenten, looking around.  "I dare you to call up Sasuke and tell him that you love him!!"

"Oh I couldn't do that but if you insist!" said Sakura all in one breath as she picked up the telephone and easily dialed Sasuke's phone number in one swift hand motion.  They all giggled as the phone rang a few times and Sakura hushed them to be quiet.

"Hello?" said Sasuke's monotonous voice on the other end.

"Hi, is this Sasuke?" Sakura asked.

"Yeah." Replied Sasuke.  "Is this Sakura?"

"Wha?!  Oh!" Sakura got so surprised that he knew exactly who she was that she slammed the phone down on the receiver.

"You didn't say it!!" Ino yelled.  "You have to say it!!"

"He recognized who I was!" said Sakura.

"You HAVE to do it." said Tenten.

"All right, I'll just disguise my voice." Said Sakura as she dialed Sasuke's number again.

"Hello?" came Sasuke's voice again.

"Hi, is this Sasuke?" said Sakura in a really low voice as the other girls muffled their laughter.

"Yeah." Said Sasuke, sounding kind of annoyed.

"Well, I just wanted you to know…I LOVE YOU!!"  With that, she slammed the phone down again and they all started laughing as if that sort of thing was just SO crazy and couldn't possibly happen in real life!!

"So now it's my turn." Said Sakura once everyone had calmed down.  "So, Hinata, truth or dare?"

"Um…truth?" Hinata said.

"No, you have to say dare." Ino said.

"Oh…dare then." Said Hinata.

"I dare you to…um…take a Polaroid camera, go over to Sasuke's house and take a picture of him while he's changing!!" Sakura yelled.

"What?" Hinata said, turning red.

"You have to go!!" said Tenten.  "She dared you!!  You have to do it!!"

"We'll come with you!" said Ino.

"How do we know he'll be changing?" Hinata asked as the other three dragged her outside while they were all wearing the jammies.  They had, of course, also grabbed a Polaroid camera and took it over to Sasuke's house, which was, coincidentally, right next door!

They all crowded around a tiny window that they could only see the curtain a tiny crack.  "It's almost eight thirty." Ino reported.

"What happens at eight thirty?" Hinata asked.

"Sasuke always gets changed into his pajamas at eight thirty because he goes to bed at nine o'clock!" Sakura answered.

"How often do you spy on him while he changes?" Hinata said uneasily.

"Um…" said all three girls, averting their eyes.

"Here he comes!!" Tenten said.  "Get the camera ready!"

Just then, Sasuke entered his room with a glass of chocolate milk in one hand and a fruit roll up in the other.  He placed both items on his table and searched around his dresser drawers for his pajamas.  He finally pulled them out; black with little Uchiha fans all over them.  He started to unbutton his shirt and then reached for his chocolate milk.  While he was taking a drink, he slowly turned his head and looked in the direction of the window that the girls were right outside.

"HE'S LOOKING THIS WAY!!!" they all screamed at the top of their lungs.  "RUN!!!"

All four girls darted off as fast as they possibly could all the way back into Hinata's room where they collapsed onto the floor on their appointed sleeping bags that matched their pajamas.  "Oh my god, that was the funniest thing ever!" said Ino.  "Hinata, did you get a picture?"

"Uh…I think so." Said Hinata, shaking the Polaroid.

"While we're waiting for the picture to come out, Hinata, you have to ask another person!" said Tenten.

"Okay.  Er…Tenten, truth or dare?" Hinata asked.

"Dare!!" Tenten said as if she was bold.

"Um…" Hinata started.

"I've got one!" said Sakura.  "Go up to Sasuke's house and ring the doorbell!  Then you have to run away before he comes to the door!!"

"Good one!" said Ino.

"That's so embarrassing!!" Tenten said, turning red.

"Don't you think we've harassed Sasuke enough tonight?" Hinata asked.

"NO!!" yelled the other three as they all got up and ran out the door.  Ino, Sakura and Ino all hid in the bushes by Sasuke's house as Tenten crept up to the front door and hesitantly pushed the doorbell.

"HURRY!!!" yelled Ino as Tenten ran back and dove in the bush.

A few seconds later, Sasuke opened the door in his pajamas.  "Hello?" he said, looking around.  He waited for a second.  "Geez, I can always tell when girls are having a slumber party…" With that, he slammed the door.

"That was SO funny!!" giggled all the girls as they ran back to Hinata's house.

"Well, it's almost 8:45 now…" said Sakura, looking at the clock.  "We should probably leave Sasuke alone.  He'll probably want to be winding down and going to bed now."

"Look, the picture is developed!" Tenten gasped.  The girls huddled around the picture and looked at the extremely foolish picture of Sasuke drinking chocolate milk with his shirt half unbuttoned.

"This would be the best 'Got Milk?' add ever!" Ino exclaimed.

Suddenly, there was a knock at Hinata's bedroom door.  "Um…who is it?" Hinata called.

The door opened and in the doorway was Neji's evil uncle, AKA Hinata's dadoo.  Or it's Hiashi…or Hizashi…or something that stars with a 'Hi' and ends with an 'ashi'.

"Sasuke just called and he told you to leave him alone because he's trying to go to bed." Neji's evil uncle said.

"How did he know we were here?!" Sakura gasped.

"Okay father…" said Hinata as he shut the door.

"So what should we do now?" sighed Tenten.

"There's nothing fun to do if we can't play Truth or Dare." Said Ino.

"Can't we do other things with Truth or Dare?" Hinata questioned.

"No." Ino answered.  "If we can't make everything revolve around Sasuke anymore then there's no point in playing Truth or Dare."

"Can't we still talk about him though?" Hinata asked.

"No." said Sakura.  "At this point, we might as well just go to sleep."

"Good night Hinata.  Good night Sakura.  Good night Ino." Said Tenten as if she was in that stupid 'Good Night Moon' Book.

"Good night Tenten.  Good night Hinata.  Good night Sakura." Said Ino.

"Good night Sakura.  Good night Ino.  Good night Tenten." Said Hinata.

"Good night Ino.  Good night Tenten.  Good night Hinata." Said Sakura.

Then they all went to sleep.

Yes, JUST like that.  Who ever heard of a slumber party that went to sleep at 8:45?


	38. Gaara: Eyebrows

Naruto Primer: Gaara

Eyebrows

Gaara is quite the psychopath.

You can ask just about anyone he has ever come in contact with and he will tell you what he thinks of Gaara.  Most would probably reply that he's evil and mean and mean and scary.  Others wouldn't be able to answer because they would already be dead.

Gaara really doesn't have a reason to hate most people.  Sometimes, he just hates them because he feels like it.  Occasionally, he just doesn't like the way that person has looked at him, or something that that person has said simply offended him in reasons that couldn't possibly be explained!  However, sometimes people keep him waiting at tournaments for a long time and don't even care that he's been itching for a battle!!  COUGH COUGH!

But anyway, we can understand why Gaara would want to kill and hate Sasuke.  Though, what's his reason for hating Lee?  

You could say that he hates Lee because Lee was the first one who EVER hit him.  EVER.  But we think it's deeper than that.

I can't think of any OTHER reason to why Gaara would want to kill Lee so much other than the relation between their eyebrows.  He sees Lee standing there with his monstrosity of a set of eyebrows and it just sets him off into psychoville.  After all, in case you have failed to notice, Gaara possesses NO eyebrows AT ALL.  Not even a little line where they used to be or where they would potentially be.

I would say that maybe they were burned off or plucked off…but that wouldn't make sense because his sand would protect him from such events.  So that means he must have been BORN without eyebrows.

Or maybe he had them before he was born, but they were stolen from him.

When the high and mighty Gods of the Brow were handing out eyebrows before everyone was born, Gaara received his and Lee received his right on schedule nice and early. However, Lee probably beat up Gaara and stole his eyebrows and then ran off to be born before Gaara could take them back. 

Remember, this was BEFORE Gaara was born so that means that he didn't have his sand to protect him from Lee's wrath.  Because Lee was so cruel and mean BEFORE he was even born, that's why Lee can't use anything except for taijutsu and why he's so gosh darned nice NOW but that's a whole 'nother story!

Now Gaara harbors a deep resentment toward Lee that he can never forget. It's not so much that Lee stole his eyebrows. It's more the fact that that memory is the earliest thing he can remember.  And it's BAD.

One might think that we completely fabricated this entire story up out of nowhere.

We choose not to touch on that subject.

But remember when Gaara said, "I don't know why I want to kill him.  I just want him dead."  Or something to that extent.  But this is why.  How else could you possibly explain Gaara not knowing why he wants to kill Lee?

Every time he sees those eyebrows, he's thinking, "…Those are mine."  Even though killing Lee will prove nothing, it will give him the revenge he craves!!


	39. Itachi: You Offend Me

Naruto Primer: Uchiha Itachi

You Offend Me

Itachi is evil.

No Gods of the Brow can explain why Itachi is so evil.

"I've thought it over!" Itachi said, slamming his hand down on the table.  "No amount of slave work could pay back all the debts that Kiba and Naruto owe me!  I'm going to go back and kill those two!  And I'm going to kill that stupid OTHER person too just because he wasted my time and I didn't like the way he looked at me!  It's almost as if he thought he was better than me.  But he's not.  I'm much better.  So much better."

With that, Itachi donned his flowery cloak and went off to find the three he wanted to smite ever so pointlessly.

It just so happened that Kiba and Naruto were hanging around at the time.  They've been doing a lot of hanging around lately just because they figured that there was safety in numbers just in case Itachi just so happened to appear out of nowhere like he had done so previously.

And then, Itachi appeared.  "I've decided that I would rather have you two dead than be my slaves!" he announced.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" yelled Naruto and Kiba as they grabbed onto each other.

"Now, because I wish to make this as short and painless as possible for me, call your white-eyed friend so I may dispose of all three of you at once." Said Itachi.

"Oh, you mean Hinata?" said Naruto.  "HINATA!!"

"Yes?" Hinata said, jumping out a bush since she had been, after all, spying on Naruto.

"…No…" said Itachi, looking Hinata up and down.  "Not her.  But I dislike how she was so readily available so I will have to kill her as well."

"What?" said Hinata.

"Now call that other white-eyed friend of yours!" Itachi commanded.

"You mean Neji?" asked Kiba.  "He's not really our friend.  He's kind of weird and does the Macarena."

"CALL HIM OR I SHALL KILL YOU!!" yelled Itachi.

"Aren't you going to kill us anyway?" asked Naruto.

"THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT!!!" screamed Itachi.

"Fine…NEJI!!" yelled Kiba.  "Wow, he's not coming.  Just as I predicted."

Just then, Lee came running up.  "I heard you call for Neji because I just so happen to be doing two hundred laps." He said.  "We were running laps together and then he tripped on something and hit his head so he had to go and take a nap.  So I told him that I would run his hundred laps for him so I'm running two hundred laps!!"

"I don't like the way you just came in and completely wasted my time by telling the entire story." Itachi said.  "And I don't like your eyebrows either.  So you shall die too!!"

"Who are you?" asked Lee.

"That's Sasuke's evil brother." Kiba said.

"My name is Itachi!!" yelled Itachi.

"Did somebody call me just now?" said Shikamaru as he walked around the corner.

Everyone stared at him.

"No, I said Itachi." Said Itachi.

"Oh." Said Shikamaru.  "I thought you said…Shikamaru."

"Then I will kill YOU as well!!" said Itachi.

"Why?" said Shikamaru.

"BECAUSE I WANT TO!!!" Itachi yelled.

Just then, Tenten, Sakura and Ino came walking by talking about Sasuke.  Then they turned around and looked at the huge group of people standing around, recognized all of them and then saw Sasuke's evil brother.

"WOW!" said Ino. "He looks just like Sasuke!  Only older and hunkier!"

"Well…" said Itachi, clearing his throat and adjusting his collar.  "What can I say?  Very well, I shall spare you three."

"YAY!!" cheered the girls.

"Let's go find Sasuke and tell him that his evil brother is here!" said Sakura.

"Yeah!" said Tenten.  "He'll be so happy!"

"What?!" demanded Itachi.  "You can't tell Sasuke!!  That's the last straw.  I can't let you live now.  Come over here so I can kill you as well."

"Aww…" said Sakura, Tenten and Ino sadly as they trudged over to where everyone else was standing waiting to be killed.

Just then, Shino came strolling by carrying a small, glass case and a magnifying glass.  He was looking at the ground.  He bent down, picked something up and then dropped it again.  It was then that he looked up and noticed the enormous group of people standing there.

"Er…" he said.  "Did I miss something?"

"What do you think you're doing?!" demanded Itachi.

"Collecting bugs…" said Shino.

"That's it!" said Itachi.  "You officially offend me too!  You will die along with all these other random people that I have decided to smite for petty reasons!"

"…Whatever." Said Shino as he continued looking for bugs.

"What exactly are we waiting for?" asked Shikamaru.  "I mean, why is he just WAITING to kill us?"

"He's waiting for Neji to get here." Kiba answered.  "His main intent was to kill me, Naruto and Neji."

"But Neji's sleeping." Said Lee.

"So as long as Neji doesn't RANDOMLY walk by this area, we're fine?" said Shikamaru.

"Yeah because for some reason, Sasuke's evil brother wants to just kill everyone at once so he doesn't have to…I don't know, do something twice." Explained Naruto.

All of a sudden, they heard footsteps.

Itachi got all ready and started pointing dramatically in the direction in which the footsteps were coming in.

"I bet that's Neji right there." Sighed Shikamaru.  "How troublesome."

"I don't want to die!!" cried Sakura.

Around the corner came…

CHOUJI!  HURRAY!!

"Hey guys!" said Chouji obliviously.

Itachi gave a heavy sigh and gestured for Chouji to come over to him.  Chouji was ignorant to the situation so she shrugged and walked over.  "Um… you aren't Neji." Itachi said.

"No, no I'm not." Chouji answered.

"Then why are you here?" Itachi asked.

"I'm going for a walk." Chouji replied.

"Wrong answer." Said Itachi.  "I'm going to have to kill you too."

"Aw man, what would have been the right answer?" Chouji asked.

"Maybe…'I was on my way to get Neji right now'?" Itachi suggested.

"Oh but I was!" said Chouji.  "I was going to Neji's house."

"NOW you're just lying to me." Said Itachi.  "For that, you shall be the first to die."

The huge group of everyone except for Neji and Sasuke waited around in a very bored fashion for Neji to come walking up without a care in the world.  

Suddenly, Akamaru started barking.

"Why is that dog barking?!" demanded Itachi.

"Cause someone's coming and he probably wants to warn that person before they accidentally offend you too." Kiba answered.

"SILENCE!!" yelled Itachi.

"It's not Neji, though, it's just Sasuke." Kiba said.  "You want to kill him anyway, don't you?"

"SASUKE?!" gasped Itachi.  "No!  I couldn't possibly face him!  It is far too embarrassing!  Especially after I, you know, killed the whole clan and all.  It's hard to face him after that.  I'm not ready yet!  You guys have to hide me!  I'm too frazzled to get away on my own!"

"Come on, guys, we have to hide him!" said no one in particular as they all lined up and formed a human wall.  Itachi crouched behind them just in time for when Sasuke came in to view.

He looked at the line suspiciously.  "What are you guys hiding?" he asked.

"NOTHING!!" they all chimed.

"What are you guys hiding?" Sasuke repeated.

"NOTHING!!" everyone chimed again.

"I know you're hiding something." Sasuke said.

"WE'RE NOT!!" said everyone.

"Then what's behind you all?" Sasuke asked.

"BOO!!" yelled Lee.

"Just go!!" yelled everyone else.

"Fine…" said Sasuke, glaring at everyone.  Then, under his breath, he added, "I'm better than you all anyway."

Everyone gave a sigh of relief once Sasuke was out of earshot.

Itachi stood up straight.  "Hey guys, thanks a lot." He said pleasantly.

"Sure thing!" said everyone, giving him the thumbs up.

"Well, I've decided that since you all mutually decided to help me without any thought of reward, I will NOT kill any of you!" Itachi announced.

"REALLY?!" said everyone.

"Nope, I'm still killing you." Said Itachi.

"Aww…"

"Just kidding!" Itachi laughed.

"Oh good…"

"Actually, I am killing you."

"Which is it?!"

"I will kill you…EVENTUALLY.  I'll come back some other time.  As my reward to you, you can live for another amount of time until I feel it is good time for you all to die."

And that was the last Itachi said before he disappeared.

"Well that was weird." Said Naruto with a sigh.

Just then, Neji walked around the corner.

"Neji, I thought you suffered a mortal wound to your head!" said Lee.

"I just fell, Lee." Said Neji.  "There was no need to rush me to bed."

"Well, it's a good thing you weren't there because you'll never believe what happened to us a few seconds ago!" said Lee.

"After today, I'll believe ANYTHING!" said Neji.

"You weren't even there." Said Kiba as if Neji's comment offended him.  But not to the point in which he needed to kill him.

"I hate being left out of the loop." Neji sighed.


	40. Teacher: More Competition?

Naruto Primer: Teachers

More Competition?

Kurenai wasn't the ONLY one at the second Jounin and Teachers Party.  In fact, there were many jounins there who were also teachers, including Asuma, Gai and Kakashi.  All the other ones were irrelevant and left early.  Except for Iruka but he was kicked out a minute later because he's actually just a chuunin.  He was in for the teachers portion of it.

"So, what have you guys been doing all day?" said Kurenai in a cocky voice.  "Training your…AHEM…loser teams?"

"Yeah." Said Kakashi.

"Um…me too!" said Asuma quickly.

"We went through some intense training!" Gai announced, and in his book, it probably was intense training.  "I even joined in!"

There was a slight pause.

"Hey, my team aren't losers." Said Asuma.

"If I had just switched my team around then we surely would have won!" Gai announced.

"Switched the team around?" said Kakashi.  "That wouldn't exactly make it your own team, now would it?"

"No, I mean…" started Gai.

"Wouldn't that be funny if we had switched the teams around and then forced them to compete like that?" laughed Asuma.  "Or, even better, if we put all the most powerful students on one team and then all the least powerful on another!  I would love to see that!"

Merely seconds later, the four of them were huddled around a drawing board, trying to decide which students were the best.

"Well, obviously my three students would be on the best team." Said Gai, writing all the names of his students in the 'Number 1' category.

"Uh…no." said Kurenai, crossing all the names out.  "Keep in mind that it was MY team that won the last one.  That means that my team all belongs in the most powerful group."

"I nominate Sasuke and Naruto for the most powerful group." Said Kakashi.

"Naruto?" said all three teachers because, even though he proves them wrong every time, they always doubt him.

"What about Shikamaru?" said Asuma.  "He's a chuunin."

They looked at all the cross outs and names that were written in the 'Best' category.

"How about we just start out with the worst ones and work our way up from there?" suggested Kurenai.  "We can each name our least contributor and put them in that group."

"If you word it 'least contributor' then I think Sakura takes the cake." Kakashi said with a sigh.  "Talk about someone who just got lucky in her group assignment."

After much, much deliberation and negotiation, the teams were set.  There were only three teams of four this time around instead of being four teams of three.  Now it was time to go and tell the students about the new plan.  Of course, they wouldn't be telling the students just HOW they had come with the groupings.


	41. The New Teams

Naruto Primer: All

The New Teams

"I thought you said we could do whatever we wanted…" complained Kiba to Kurenai now that they were all standing around together once again.

"I lied." Kurenai said.

"This competition is very similar to the triathlon we had in the first competition." Kakashi said, pulling a diagram out and hanging it up on a tree.  "First, there will be a swimming event.  Then, a brain event.  Then a biking event.  Then a running event.  Then it's over."

"I just want to say that if you participated in the swimming event in the first triathlon, you can't swim again." Asuma explained.  "Same with the biking and the running." 

"And, another twist!" Gai said.  "After the swimmer has finished he or she must continue onward to the brain competition.  Then, those two people must continue onward to the biking and then those three must finish off the running event with the fourth person."

"Everyone understand?" Kurenai asked.

"Wait…you just said fourth person." Said Shikamaru.  "There's only three people in each team."

"Oh yeah, yet ANOTHER twist!" Asuma said.  "We switched the teams around just for fun and to see what would happen to test how well you would perform if you got separated from your regular group and had to group up with a different one!"

"Here's another diagram," Kakashi said, pulling out ANOTHER diagram.  "These are your teams.  And we gave them team names too."

There were three columns on the new diagram.  Under the huge underlined words, 'The Hornets' were the names Sakura, Tenten, Chouji and Ino.  'The Pink Team' had the names Hinata, Naruto, Kiba and Shino.  Finally, 'The Puppy Team' had Lee, Neji, Shikamaru and Sasuke.

"Are we allowed to change the team names?" Naruto asked.  "I don't want to be The Pink Team."

"Tough." Said Kakashi.

"Um…am I the only one who noticed how incredibly unbalanced the teams are?" Sakura asked.

"Well, it's gotta be balanced because Shikamaru's on the team with Lee, Neji and Sasuke." Said Kiba.

"Hey, he's a chuunin!!" said Asuma.

"Yeah, I'm on the bad ass team because I'm a chuunin." Said Shikamaru.  "Then again, I don't think I want to be on the ambitious bad ass team.  I'd rather be on the girl and Chouji team.  Chouji, do you want to switch?"

"THERE WILL BE NO SWITCHING TEAMS!!!" screamed the teachers.

"Wait, how come I'm not on the ambitious bad ass team?" asked Naruto.  "How come I'm on this mediocre Kurenai-ish team?"

"How come my entire team is on the mediocre team?" Kurenai asked, looking at the diagram.

"We went through this already, Kurenai." Said Gai.

"So, you DID purposely unbalance the teams!" said Ino.

"Uh…no…we didn't?" said Asuma extremely unconvincingly.

"All right, go decide who will be doing which event and we'll just sit here idly by until you're done." Said Kakashi, changing the subject.

On the ambitious, bad ass team AKA The Puppy Team…

"Aw man, I'm not allowed to run!!" said Lee angrily.

"Neither am I." Said Sasuke.  "And Shikamaru, you're only on this awesome team to do the brain challenge so that leaves Neji to do the running one."

"But I think I want to do the running one." Said Shikamaru.  "That way, I'll have to do the least."

"What are you talking about?" Sasuke said, looking annoyed.

"You obviously weren't listening." Sighed Shikamaru.  "If I do the brain challenge then I'll also have to do the biking and the running so I might as well JUST do the running.  All that other stuff is just too troublesome."

"But we NEED you to do the brain challenge." Said Neji.  "When it comes to knowing things about my teammates, I'm ridiculously anti-social so I have no idea about any of them."

"Fine, I'll do it." said Shikamaru.  "It's too troublesome to try and argue with you all.  Besides, you could all probably kill me."

"Well, if I can't do the running challenge then I want to at least do the biking one!" Lee said, punching the air.

"And I'd rather do the swimming one so I can be in the entire race." Sasuke said.  "Just to make sure you guys don't do anything stupid.  Especially you, Shikamaru.  There will be no just WANDERING off just because you don't feel like racing anymore."

On the Pink Team…

"I deserve to be on the ambitious bad ass team!!" complained Naruto.

"Well, me and Naruto already swam so we can't do the swimming event." Said Hinata, trying to be productive.

"I don't do water." Said Shino.

"That leaves you, Kiba." Said Hinata.

"I can't do water either!" Kiba said.  "Me and Akamaru smell!  Well, actually, it's mostly Akamaru but still…" Akamaru started barking.  "What's that supposed to mean?!  Of course it's mostly you!!  You're the dog!!"

"Um…we don't really have any other choice…" Hinata said.

"Oh fine." Said Kiba.  "But you guys are the ones who are going to have to deal with…Akamaru…smelling."

"I can't bike again." Said Shino.  "And I'm too anti-social to know about any of you so I'll run."

"I guess I'll do the brain challenge!" said Hinata.  "After all, you're all my teammates so I'll have a better chance of knowing about you than Naruto would.  Naruto, is it okay with you to do the biking event?"

"Aw man…I want to be on the bad ass team…" Naruto continued to whine.

On the Hornets…

"I SO do not belong on this team." Said Tenten.

"Neither do I!" said Sakura.

"Neither do I!" said Ino.

"…I do." Said Chouji.

"Well, then I guess the only thing we can do is prove them wrong!" Tenten announced.  "So I can't do the swimming event…and neither can you, Chouji."

"And I can't do the running one." Ino said.

"And I can't bike." Sakura finished.

"Well, I want to go first since I didn't get a chance to go last time!" Ino said.  "I want to make sure I get to do something so I'll do the swimming event."

"I don't want to do biking or running." Chouji confessed.

"So you do the brain one." Sakura said.  "And since I can't do biking again, I'll be the runner."

"I guess I'll bike then." Tenten shrugged.

"Okay, I take it by that slight pause from every group that you have finished deciding who goes where!" said Gai to everyone.  "Your positions are now slated in stone because we were listening and wrote down everyone's names where they will be participating."

"It's not like we're going to change them." Kiba Kibaed.

"You might want to when you hear this next twist we added!" Asuma said.  "Once you finish your leg of the race, you will be blindfolded upon reaching the next event of the race and shall remain that way until the runner crosses the finish line!  If anyone at any time takes off their blindfold during the race, that team shall be disqualified!!"

"Oh that's easy, Neji could just use his Byakugan…" started Lee.  "Oh wait.  Never mind.  You HAD to be the runner, didn't you, Neji?"

"You guys assigned me that place." Neji reminded him.

"You hear that, Hinata?" Kiba whispered to Hinata.  "Just use your Byakugan while you're blindfolded!"

"I never would have thought of that!" Hinata said out of all honesty.

"And I'll use my sense of smell!" Kiba said, looking all determined.  "Our team will hardly have a blindfold disadvantage!"

"Okay, so let's get you all at your posts so we can start this race." Said Kakashi.


	42. The Race Again

Naruto Primer: All

The Race (again)

"Swimmers, on your mark!" said Asuma since he just LOVES watching swimmers take off.  

"I'm racing against you, Sasuke!" said Ino, even though she half regretted it because she knew she'd never be able to beat him.

"I'll beat you." Sasuke said.

"All right, Akamaru, you just stay up here." Said Kiba, putting Akamaru on his head.

"Get set…GO!!" Asuma yelled as the three swimmers jumped into the water.

Sasuke didn't bother looking behind him at any point in the race.  He took off and ignored the other two, trying to focus only on winning the race, even though it was pretty apparent that he would.  He still had to prove to everyone that he was THAT much better than both Kiba and Ino and didn't bother to let up on them so they could catch up.  Even though no one in the right mind would do that except for…er… The Hare.

Kiba was doggy paddling.  Haha.  What, were you expecting him to be doing anything else?  Doing the crawl would just be silly and the breaststroke would be even SILLIER!!  If he had someone to tell right then and there, he would have said, "I HATE SWIMMING!!"

It just so happened that he DID have someone to tell since he and Ino were pretty much neck and neck.  Ino was going at a good pace, but she couldn't exactly find a stroke that she was partial to so she had to keep switching around so that kept slowing her down.  Plus, she had to rest every once and a while since she is, after all, ONLY A GIRL!!!

Sasuke jumped up onto the shore and sprinted up the beach to where the three Brain People, Chouji, Hinata and Shikamaru, were standing.  Kakashi was also there, ready with a blindfold.

"Let's get this over with!" said Sasuke, stopping right next to Shikamaru who was waiting ever so patiently.  Kakashi quickly blindfolded Sasuke and decided to continue quickly since Sasuke was the only one that was on his team as of now so he wanted to favor him.

"This brain event is different than the one in the other competition." Explained Kakashi as he dropped a bunch of pieces on the table.  "The blindfolded person will have to put this puzzle together while being directed from the other one.  Then, once the puzzle is complete, a code will be visible on the puzzle.  Each letter represents another letter and then you must work together to figure out what the puzzle says."

"How am I supposed to put together a puzzle blindfolded?!" Sasuke demanded as he lamely started fumbling for the pieces.

"Just listen to my direction, okay?" Shikamaru said as he started lining up all the pieces in the order in which they belonged in only a minute or two.  "I'm going to hand you a piece and all you have to do is connect it with the piece I previously gave you."

"Is that legal?" Chouji asked.

"Yeah." Said Kakashi.  "You guys can copy them if you want.  I would SUGGEST it."

"I guess Shikamaru DOES belong on the bad ass team then!" said Hinata.

"It's the PUPPY Team." Kakashi corrected.

"Another piece any time now, Shikamaru." Said Sasuke, sounding annoyed.

"I think I figured out the phrase we have to decipher." Shikamaru said.

"How could you have possibly done that?" Sasuke asked.  "We haven't even finished the puzzle."

"Because I'm Shikamaru." Shikamaru replied.

"What's the phrase?" Kakashi asked.

"Well, I was noticing as I handed the pieces to Sasuke that each letter in the alphabet appears each time." Shikamaru explained.  "And I figured that the sentences we had to decipher were random phrases that everyone knows as long as they went to grade school.  Therefore, the only sentence that has all letters of the alphabet is, 'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog'."

Kakashi didn't say anything.

"Am I right?" Shikamaru asked.

"…" Kakashi replied.  He took a deep breath.  "Wait…um…no wait.  Just go.  Go."  He pointed off in the direction they were supposed to go.

"They should have to finish the puzzle…" said Chouji as the two got up from the table and quickly left.  Well, as quick as they could potentially go.  After Sasuke crashed into a few things and tripped over himself, he was gone.  And then Shikamaru was, of course, not really going fast in the FIRST place so it took them both a good three minutes to get out of sight.

"Well that was pathetic." Said Kakashi.  "Except for that puzzle part.  That was some serious looking underneath the underneath."

About five minutes later…

"I'm first!!" Kiba yelled as he ran in front of Ino and over to Hinata's side.

"No, I was here first!" Ino argued.

"It doesn't matter at this point." Said Kakashi as he blindfolded both Kiba and Ino and handed the two teams their puzzles.  He explained the rules to them but there's NO reason why you should need to hear them again.

"The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog!!" announced Chouji.

"Yeah!" agreed Hinata.

"Um…no." said Kakashi.  "You think you all had the same code?  They're all different."

"Aww…" said Hinata and Chouji sadly.

Just as Kakashi had advised them, Hinata and Chouji used the same technique that Shikamaru and Sasuke had used.  They finished the puzzle at roughly the same time, and now it was Hinata and Chouji's turn to show off their mad skills.

"Shikamaru figured out the code before the puzzle was even finished?!" Ino gasped.  "Well, actually, why am I surprised?"

"So not only did Sasuke finish VASTLY in front of us both, but Shikamaru figured out the puzzle before we even reached the shore?" Kiba whined.  "They're probably already finished with the biking event."

Just then, Sasuke wandered back in and tripped over something, falling on his face.  "God damn it!" Sasuke yelled, slamming his fist on the ground.  "Are we at the bikes yet, Shikamaru?!"

"Oh right." Said Shikamaru as he wandered over.  "Um…go left."

"This isn't working!" Sasuke said angrily.

"Are you willing to let me lead you now?" Shikamaru asked.

"Fine!!" Sasuke said, standing up.  

Shikamaru got behind Sasuke and put his hands on Sasuke's shoulders.  "You just walk." He said.  "I'll steer."

With that, they left again.

"…Okay…" said all the people who had just seen that.

"Wait…what?" said Ino since she was blindfolded.

"Oh!" said Hinata.  "I think I have the answer!  Is it, 'An apple a day keeps the doctor away'?"

"Correct!" said Kakashi.  

"Nice job, Hinata!" said Kiba, giving the thumbs up to no one at all.  

"Now…er…feel free to use Shikamaru and Sasuke's SECOND method as well." Said Kakashi.

"Okay!" said Hinata as she and Kiba stood up.

"Wait a second." Said Kakashi as he whipped out another mini blindfold and leaned over, covering Akamaru's eyes.  "I forgot about Akamaru."

"Told you we wouldn't get away with it, Akamaru." Said Kiba as Akamaru barked a little bit.

Hinata put her hands on Kiba (and you know he liked it) and then the two, rather, THREE of them were off!  That left only Chouji and Ino trying to figure out the puzzle.

"I just can't figure this out!" Chouji said.  "I have no idea at all.  Why am I doing the brain event?"

"Because you didn't want to do anything athletic." Ino said.

"But I have to anyway…" Chouji complained.

"All right, I have an idea!" said Ino as she used her Shintenshin no Jutsu on Chouji and possessed him right then and there even though it pained her to do so because she thinks Chouji is fat and ugly.

"Hm…" Ino said as she looked at the code.  "Uh…well…um…wow, I don't know the answer either."

Meanwhile, Shikamaru and Sasuke were rounding the corner to where all the bikers were waiting.

"ALL RIGHT!!!" cheered Lee.

"Aw man…" complained Naruto.

"Please tell me my group has at least finished the swimming event." Tenten pleaded.

"There's no time for that!!" said Kurenai as she blindfolded Shikamaru.  "You're in a race, remember?!"

"Let's go!!" said Lee as he jumped on his bike.  Now, since we didn't tell you this, this particular bike is a THREE PERSON BIKE!!  Which meant there were three seats and three sets of handlebars and three sets of pedals all connected on the very same bike.  Lee was in the front, Sasuke was in the middle and Shikamaru sat at the back.  "Come on, Neji's waiting for us in the running event!" Lee yelled dramatically as he kicked up the kickstand and immediately took off faster than the speed of light.

"I hate being on the bad team." Said Tenten.

"It's not the BAD team!" said Kurenai.  "It's the Hornets!!"

"This is the most predictable race ever." Tenten continued.

"I think they put me on the mediocre team only so that the bad ass team wouldn't KILL the other ones." Naruto said.

"There is no mediocre team or bad ass team!" Kurenai yelled.  "It's the Pink Team and the Puppy Team!!"

"Why does the bad team have the coolest name?" asked Tenten.

"They're not the BAD team!!!" Kurenai yelled.

A few moments later, Kiba and Hinata came through.  "Hey, you guys aren't that far behind!" said Naruto.  "I think we're more like…the OTHER bad ass team!"

"The teams aren't divided up by skill!!" Kurenai yelled even though they so obviously were.

She blindfolded up Hinata and then the three of them got on the bike and took off.  Obviously, Naruto in front, Hinata in the middle and Kiba in the back.

"Akamaru, you reek!" said Naruto.

"Yeah, Akamaru, I thought I told you to stay out of the water!" Kiba said.

"I think we need some Febreeze…" said Hinata.

Akamaru barked in his defense.  "You are SO not dry, Akamaru." Said Kiba.  "I can feel your wetness all over me."  And Akamaru barked.  "Yeah, I KNOW I'm wet too but that's not MY wetness, it's yours!  Are YOU accusing ME of emitting the wet dog smell?!  You have to kind of be a dog to emit that smell!!"

Akamaru barked again.

"Don't talk to me anymore, Akamaru." Said Kiba.  "If you don't have anything nice to say, just don't say anything at all."

Meanwhile, the other team was biking faster than the speed of light.  But you already knew that because we told you that a little while ago.

"Is everyone peddling?!" Lee yelled.

"Yeah, are YOU peddling?!" Sasuke demanded.

"Oh, absolutely." Said Shikamaru.  He was actually just sitting cross-legged on his seat.  Shikamaru thought that peddling was too troublesome.  Besides, at the current speed they were going at, the speed of light, Shikamaru knew that he wouldn't be able to catch up with that speed even if he WANTED to.

"Of course I'm peddling!!" Lee answered as if it was silly of him to ask such a question.  "At this rate, we'll be at Neji in no time!"

Suddenly, Lee spotted Neji off in the distance.  He peddled even faster and then put the brakes on so that the tires nearly exploded and skid marks formed on the ground.  Of course, since he hadn't mentioned the fact that Neji was right there to Sasuke and Shikamaru, they had various things happen to them.  Shikamaru was launched off the bike and into orbit.  Sasuke, since he was still peddling, merely flipped the bike 180 degrees so that he and Lee were upside down and they both smashed their heads on the pavement.

"Ow…" they both groaned.

"Um…" said everyone else who was standing there.


	43. Homestretch

Naruto Primer: All

Homestretch

Meanwhile, back at the brain challenge…

"Oh!!" said Ino, standing up.  (She was still in Chouji)  "It's um…oh wait, no, never mind."

Kakashi sighed.  "How about I give you guys a clue?" he asked.  "I want to be at the finish line to see…uh…who wins…"

"You know very well who's going to win!" said Ino angrily.

"Okay, the clue is this; Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." Kakashi said.

Ino stared at him blankly.

"Do unto others as you would have others do unto you?" she asked, trying to look underneath the underneath.

"THAT'S RIGHT!!!" Kakashi said.  "Now go."

"Wait, you just gave us the answer!" Ino said.

"…No I didn't." Kakashi said.  "You did a really good job looking underneath the underneath.  I mean, that was the clue and you looked underneath the underneath and saw that it was actually the answer!"  With that, Kakashi disappeared to go to the finish line.

"That was really cheap!" said Ino as she went back into her own body.

Meanwhile, at the biking starting line…

Tenten sighed and sat on her bike, leaning back and forth in a bored manner.  "This is really upsetting." She complained.

"Don't worry, I'm sure they'll be around the corner any minute!" Kurenai said, patting Tenten on the shoulder.

They looked up at the ominous corner that Chouji and Ino were supposed to be coming around at any minute.  And then, THEY CAME!!  THEY CAME!!!  WITHOUT PRESENTS AND BOXES AND BAGS, THEY CAME!!  Er…

"Hurry!" Tenten yelled.

"We're coming!" said Chouji.  They finally did get there and Kurenai blindfolded Chouji and at last, the bad team…I mean, the HORNETS!!  The Hornets were off!!

Back at the running event…

"I found Shikamaru!" said Neji as he came running back to the starting line while piggy backing Shikamaru.  "He's unconscious though."

"That's okay, it's not like he would have done anything anyway." Said Lee.

"All right, Lee, here's your blindfold." Said Gai as he blindfolded Lee.  "Make me proud!"

"I will, Gai!" said Lee as his eyes turned into fireballs and burned through the blindfold so another one had to be applied.

"Okay, so you will all be tied together at the waist." Said Gai as he tied a rope around Sasuke's waist and connected it to a rope tied to Lee's waist and then connected THAT one to a rope tied around Neji's waist.  "Neji's the leader so you all have to put trust in him that he's leading you the right way!"

Just as the Puppy Team left, the Pink Team arrived.

"Those guys take forever to start up!" said Naruto as Gai tied a blindfold in front of Naruto's eyes.

"If you had been there, you would understand." Shino said as Gai tied them all together and explained the conditions.

"God speed!!" said Gai as he saluted them and the Pink Team left.

Meanwhile, the Hornets had started biking…

"Are you guys even peddling?!" Tenten asked, looking back at Ino and Chouji.

"I'm just not very fast!" said Chouji.

"And I've already swam a lot!" Ino complained.  "I'm tired and blindfolded and all around unhappy!"

"I can't peddle this triple bike with you two on it all by myself!" Tenten said.

"I'm tired!" said Chouji loudly.

"Be quiet, you're not as tired as I am!" Ino said angrily.

Back with the Puppy Team…

"Guys, I'm supposed to be the leader!" Neji called to Sasuke and Lee who were both running ahead of him.  They both slowed their pace dramatically.

"Well, we're blindfolded so how are we supposed to know how fast you're going?!" demanded Sasuke.

"Couldn't you speed up a little bit?" requested Lee.

"Well, not only am I not naturally as fast as you two but I have to carry Shikamaru too." Neji pointed out.

"I wish I was the leader of this event!" said Lee.

"How about one of you carry Shikamaru so that I can go faster?" Neji suggested.  They all stopped so they could change hands.

"Wouldn't it be awesome if we could just carry Neji too?" said Lee.

It was silent for a minute.

Back with the Pink Team…

"Shino can you see them yet?" Kiba yelled from the back of the line.

"If you mean the bad ass team, then no." Shino replied.

"When are we going to catch up with them?!" Naruto demanded.

"Out of all honesty, I don't think we will." Shino answered.

"Don't say that!" said Hinata.

"Just think about it; they've got Sasuke and Lee on the team." Shino began to explain.  "They are both by far the fastest ones among us.  Then there's Neji and, while he's not as fast as Sasuke and Lee, he's not particularly slow either."

"Yeah but what about Shikamaru?" said Kiba.

"They're probably carrying him." Shino said.

With the Hornets…

"We will not give up!!" Ino yelled as she got a spurt of energy to peddle fast but then exhausted herself.

"I think we would go faster if we just ran." Tenten sighed.

"Good idea!" said Chouji.  "Then again, I don't really feel much like running though."

"Do you think there's any other sort of way we can get out of doing any work?" Ino questioned.

"And you two wonder what you're doing on the bad team?" Tenten said.  "On my REAL team, if we ever had this conversation then…wait, no.  Never mind.  We would never have this conversation."

With the Puppy Team…

"LEFT!!" yelled Neji.  "I SAID LEFT!!"

With that, they all tumbled down a ditch off the side of the rode.  Neji had been perched atop Lee giving directions while Sasuke ran along side Lee with Shikamaru on his back.

"Why did you go right?" Neji asked when they had come to a stop at the bottom of the ditch.

"I went left." Lee insisted.

"Me too." Said Sasuke.

"No, you both went right." Neji replied.

"I'm seriously starting to doubt your directional skills." Sasuke said.

"What's going on, Neji?" asked Lee.  "You did fine in Twister."

"Shut up and let's get out of this ditch." Said Neji.

And the Hornets…

Finally finished biking!!

"It's about time!!" said Sakura, sounding really irritated.  "You guys are ungodly far behind!!"

"Then what are we doing just standing around here?!" demanded Tenten.  "We have to go and catch up!!"

Then Gai blindfolded Tenten and hooked them all together.  Unfortunately, they didn't say, "ONE TWO THREE GO!!"  They all just kind of started at their own time or didn't even start at all and just ended up on their arses.

"Should we even bother?" said Chouji.

"YES!!" yelled the females.

With the Puppy Team…

"Okay, just whenever Neji says a specific direction, we'll just go the opposite." Lee whispered to Sasuke even though Neji could hear him just fine.

"But sometimes when he says left, we actually have to go left." Sasuke said.  "He's not just going the opposite way.  It's just completely random."

"Guys, stop making fun of me." Said Neji.

"I think we all just need to adjust to our handicaps." Said Shikamaru.  "Now, since our only set of eyes is completely directionally challenged, all we have to do is think up a strategy to avoid tumbling into another ditch.  For example, instead of telling us to go a certain way, Neji can simply tap Lee on the shoulder of the direction we have to go and then Lee can yell out the correct direction for Sasuke to follow."

The three let that absorb into their minds.

Then something else absorbed into their minds.

"Weren't you unconscious?" said Sasuke, sounding annoyed.

"No." said Shikamaru.

With the Pink Team…

"Do you see them yet?" Naruto whined.

"Um…is someone resisting back there?" said Shino, looking behind him.  No sooner had he said that than the entire team was jerked backwards and then preceded to…tumble into a ditch.

"What just happened?!" Kiba said, looking around.

"You pulled us into a ditch." Said Shino.

"I did?" Kiba said.  "Oh, I was trying to run without using my eyes by following the scent of the bad ass team…"

"They must have fallen into the ditch as well." Said Hinata.

"What?!" said Kiba.  "The bad ass team?!  Fall into a ditch?  Not likely."

"Guys, we are SO the bad ass team." Said Naruto.

"Well here's a bandage." Said Shino, picking up a little while bandage and handing it to Kiba.  "Whose is it?  Smell it."

"It smells like…rubber…and Lee…and sweat." Said Kiba.

"How do you distinguish between smells like that?" asked Naruto.  "I mean, what do I smell like?"

"I don't know how to describe it." said Kiba in a way that you could tell that he just thought he was SO much cooler because he could smell things better than everyone else.  "It's the same way you distinguish between things YOU smell."

"We're still in a race, guys." Said Hinata nervously.

"That's right!" said Naruto.  "We have to go!!"

With the Puppy Team…

"The finish line is up ahead." Said Neji, using his Byakugan.  "It's far away though, because I used my Byakugan."

"Are you sure it's not…just…left or something?" said Sasuke skeptically.

"I'm sure." Said Neji, annoyed.

"Somehow, I don't trust that." Sasuke said.

"I really don't like the way you guys just pick on me like that." Said Neji.  "I don't know WHY I mess up the directions, I just do."

"How much further now?" asked Lee.

"I just said that it was far away." Neji reminded them.

"Yeah but we're really fast." Lee said.

"Oh right." Said Neji.  "Then I guess we just passed it…we can stop now."

Sasuke and Lee stopped and Neji jumped off Lee's back.  "Get off." Said Sasuke to Shikamaru.

"Do I have to?" Shikamaru asked.

"Yes." Said Sasuke.

Shikamaru sighed and said something about walking being troublesome.  So he got off and they all removed their blindfolds and were blinded by the light as they went back over to where their teachers were all giving them a golf clap.

"Just as we predicted!" said Gai.  "We knew you'd win, we just needed to prove it to ourselves.  Of course, I couldn't help but notice that TWO of my students were on the bad ass team and NONE of Kurenai's were.  So, even though your students won the last competition, it doesn't mean anything now."

"It's not the bad ass team, it's the Puppy Team." Said Kurenai, crossing her arms.

"Even though we would have preferred if you four HADN'T used the piggy back technique…" Asuma said.  "Whatever works, I guess."

Then the team of four and the teachers four waited around for a few more minutes very idly.  "The only thing is…we predicted that you'd be able to do it a lot faster than you actually did…" said Kakashi suddenly.

"Well, we continuously fell into ditches during the final leg." Said Sasuke, glaring directly at Neji.

"Yes, we know that." Said Gai.  "Did you learn NOTHING from the training?!"

"Look, I don't know why I get them mixed up, I just do!" said Neji.

"Well, at least he's admitting it now." Said Asuma.

"I have a hypothesis about why he mixes them up." Said Shikamaru.  "But we'll have to wait until Hinata gets here before I can prove anything."

At that exact moment, the Pink Team crossed the finish line!!  IMAGINE THAT!!!

"We fell in so many ditches!" said Kiba as he brushed some dirt of himself.

"Yeah, that would be YOUR fault." Said Naruto.

"Hinata's here now." Said some curious person who wanted to know why Shikamaru thought that Neji mixed up his directions.

"No, we have to wait a little while." Said Shikamaru.  "It's too troublesome now.  I have to wait for the right moment."

"…Right." Said everyone else, especially all the people who had just arrived.

It was quite a long wait until the Hornets came across the finish line.  Everyone pretended as though they had just gotten there to make them feel better, but they weren't stupid and they knew better.  But that's okay!!  Because now the teachers are satisfied.

Or…are they?

"Guys, we wanted to do one final competition just to make sure that all of our original assumptions about you all were true." Said Kurenai.

"A tag team three-legged race!!" Gai announced.


	44. Tag Team Three Legged Race

Naruto Primer: All

Tag Team Three-Legged Race

"We've made some rules to make sure everything is fair in this race." Asuma explained.

"How can it be fair with these teams?" questioned Ino.

"Are you going to remake the teams?" Naruto asked hopefully.

"No, the teams still stand." Said Kakashi.

"But here are the rules for THIS three-legged race." Continued Asuma.  "Most importantly, there is no picking up the other person and carrying them along since that is just getting annoying."

"Second, you are simply NOT ALLOWED to become unattached from your partner or else you will have to run a million laps around the world." Said Gai.

"Third, you cannot run with the same person you ran the three-legged race with in the previous competition." Kurenai said.

"And the guidelines are as such:" Kakashi followed up.  "It's a race.  One group will start the race and meet with the other group half way through and pass of the shuriken.  Then the other group will finish up the race.  It's very simple."

"So now, as always, we'll give you some time to discuss it amongst yourselves." Said Asuma.

"Me and Sasuke together!" said Lee.  "We're the fastest and we'll make great time!!"

"One problem," Sasuke said.  "That would leave directionally challenged Neji and motivationally challenged Shikamaru in the same group.  It will not be a pretty sight."

"Aw man!!" said Lee in a disappointed tone as he snapped his fingers.

"I hate that I'm one of those people that has to be placed with a 'stronger' person just so it'll balance us out." Said Neji in a very perturbed tone.

"All right, being the leader of the group, I will decide the teams and point out why they would be the most strategic." Said Shikamaru.

"You?  Leader?" said Sasuke.

Shikamaru cleared his throat and fluffed his chuunin vest.

"I think enough has been said about that matter." Shikamaru said.  Sasuke couldn't very well argue with that logic and, even though he knew that he was SO much better than Shikamaru, he just didn't feel like arguing with him.  After all, it was only a pointless three-legged race.  "I believe that it's essential to split up the speed, but we have already come to that conclusion.  So it's merely a matter of which one of you two would be able to take the stress of having to deal with Neji's inability to tell his left from his right.

"That rules out Sasuke." Shikamaru finished.  "Lee and Neji are a group, Sasuke and I are another group.  But NOW, it's between who starts the race and who finishes it.  I have to ask, Sasuke, is it more important to you to start the race or cross the finish line?"

"Why are you only asking me this?" Sasuke asked.

"Because I know you're the only one who cares." Shikamaru replied.

"Fine then." Said Sasuke because he wasn't about to DENY it.  "I'd rather start the race."

"Then Sasuke and I shall start, and Lee and Neji will finish." Shikamaru concluded.  "Any objections?"

No one said anything because it made enough sense.

On the not nearly as intelligent Pink Team…

"Well, me and Shino can't race together since we did the three-legged race last time." Said Kiba.  "So that means it's either me and Hinata or me and Naruto and I think it should be me and Hinata since we're on the same team in real life and it's good for team bonding."

"I'm on the same team as Hinata too." Said Shino, just trying to be difficult.

"But I called her first." Kiba said with an evil glare.

"I really don't care." Said Shino.

"What about me?!" demanded Naruto, throwing a temper tantrum.  "I'm here too, you know!!"

Hinata was secretly thinking; I want to be on the same team as Naruto…

On the even less intelligent team, the Hornets…

"I can't be with Chouji and I REFUSE to be with Sakura so that means I have to be with…um…what's your name again?" said Ino to Tenten.

"Tenten." Said Tenten.

"Then I'm with Tenten and YOU TWO are together." Said Ino, pointing at Sakura and Chouji as if they were something disgusting at the bottom of her shoe.

Later, when the second groups of Lee and Neji from the Puppy Team, Chouji and Sakura from the Hornets, and Kiba and Hinata from the Pink Team, were at their posts, the first groups of everyone else representing all the teams were waiting for the teachers to give the word.

"All right, Sasuke…" said Shikamaru.  "As much as I hate to say it…I'm going to slow you down.  But you already knew that of course."

"…Yeah." Said Sasuke.

"So this is the plan." Shikamaru continued.  "You're going to jump.  No running.  There was nothing in the rules that said we weren't allowed to jump from tree to tree so if we do that, I won't be slowing you down because you'll be jumping and bringing me along with you."

"Is that the best you could think up?" Sasuke asked.

"Yes." Shikamaru replied.

"Are you ready to run?!" yelled Asuma because, as we've previously stated, he likes starting things in general.  "Ready?!  GO!!!"

AND THEY WERE OFF!!!

Initially, the teams were pretty much evenly matched.  But then Sasuke and Shikamaru jumped up to the treetops and began their jumping technique and eventually pulled ahead of the other teams.  The Naruto and Shino group didn't take long to get in front of the Tenten and Ino group.

"Hey, where did they go?!" demanded Naruto, looking up as Shikamaru and Sasuke disappeared into the trees.

"…The trees?" Shino tried.

"Come on, we have to beat them!!" Naruto said in a very determined voice.

"You could help you know." Said Sasuke to Shikamaru.

"No, no I can't." Shikamaru replied.  "Simply couldn't."

"But I'm dragging you." Sasuke said.

"No, no, no, I'm supporting my own weight." Shikamaru insisted.

"You could at least…I don't know, push off a little bit when we hit a tree to give us a little more momentum." Sasuke continued.

"What, you're tired?" said Shikamaru.  "Don't tell me you're tired.  You're tired, aren't you?  Sure, I understand.  Yeah, I guess I'll help."

"No, actually, that's all right." Sasuke said.

"It's okay, I mean, you've done a lot today." Shikamaru said.  "Most people can't do that sort of thing in a day.  I think you've already pushed yourself enough."

"…" Sasuke said, ignoring Shikamaru.

Meanwhile, Tenten and Ino weren't doing anything special or interesting… they were just running, trying to get ahead of Naruto and Shino.  But I'll tell you right now.  It wasn't about to happen.

At the midpoint of the race, all the second groups were waiting and trying to get themselves in the zone.

"All right, Neji, remember Twister!" said Lee.  "We're going to do our left leg first, then our right leg!  Got it?"

"Leave me alone." Said Neji.

"I think our team is going to win this event." Said Kiba, looking off in the distance where the first groups were going to show up.  "We'll own everyone else.  Right, Hinata?"

"Yeah because we're our regular group plus Naruto!" said Hinata and, in her world, nothing could possibly be better.

"I just feel as though all the odds are stacked against us." Sakura sighed.

"They are." Chouji replied.

Just then, Sasuke and Shikamaru dropped from the sky.  "Go!" yelled Sasuke.  "Hurry up!  Naruto and Shino aren't far behind!"

"Okay!" said Lee.  "Left!"

They took one step and fell on their faces.

"Damn!!" yelled Neji, pounding the ground with his fist.

"Wait, that wasn't your fault, I tripped on this rock!" said Lee, picking up a rock and laughing heartily with horseshoe eyes.

"…Oh." Said Neji.  Then they both stood up, took another step and then fell on their faces again.  "Did you trip on another rock?"

"No, that one was your fault." Lee said sadly.  "But look, we made some progress!  At this rate, we'll be at the finish line in no time!"

As soon as he said that, Naruto and Shino came running up.  "All right!" cheered Naruto.  "We've got this won!  All we have to do is keep this steady lead!"  With that, Kiba and Hinata were off at the speed of light and eventually crossed the finish line, giving them a victory!!!  HURRAH!!!

That's what would have happened if they hadn't fallen on their faces after the first step.

"Are you all right, Hinata?" asked Kiba.

"Yeah!" said Hinata.  "I think I just did the wrong leg!"

"That's okay!" said Kiba.  "Let's just start over."

They got up, took another step, and fell down again.

Shikamaru was observing the whole time and then nonchalantly walked up to where Neji and Lee were currently struggling.  "Okay, two things." He began.  "First, I think I have realized why Neji is directionally challenged since I have also observed a certain lack of a sense of direction in Hinata.  Am I correct in assuming that the Hyuuga clan as 360 degree vision?"

"Make this quick, we have to win!" said Lee.

"Don't worry, Hinata and Kiba are having the same problem and there's no way Sakura and Chouji are going to beat you after we sort this out." Shikamaru said.

"So, yes, the Hyuuga have 360 degree vision but it doesn't do any good in a race unless I want to see behind me." Neji replied.

"Neji, if I say, 'left' then which direction would you point in?" Shikamaru asked.  Neji didn't move.  "Come on, point."

"Are you trying to embarrass me?" Neji asked.

"It's like looking at a bird's eye view of a round room." Shikamaru elaborated.  "Which way is left?  It could be anywhere.  Please tell me this at least occurred to SOMEONE in your vast family."

"That makes…so much sense." Neji said.

"What's the other thing?" Lee asked.

"Oh, this one is a little more obvious." Shikamaru said.  "I think it's ludicrous to say 'Left foot first!' in a three-legged race because, if you took a good look, you would see that your left foot, Lee, is on the outside.  However, Neji's left foot is on the inside, attached to Lee's right foot.  So, saying 'Left foot first!' is only dooming you to failure.  Instead, you should say 'Inside' and 'Outside'.  That way, not only would it make sense, but we'd get around Neji's little problem.  Now hurry because you can still pass Sakura and Chouji."

"I feel a new found strength!!" said Lee, jumping up.

"Let's win this!" said Neji, getting all pumped because now he knew the answer to one of the many mysteries of life.

"Inside, outside, inside, outside, inside, outside…" they both chanted as they were soon out of sight.

"Do you always have to drag everything out so long?" Ino asked Shikamaru as he came strolling back over.

"It's what I do." Said Shikamaru.  "I MUST drag it out."

"Why can Neji all of a sudden tell directions?" Tenten asked.

"Magic." Shikamaru replied.

"That wasn't dragging it out at all." Said Ino.

"I don't feel like explaining things again." Shikamaru confessed.  "Besides, I don't want them to hear."  He pointed at Kiba and Hinata who were struggling EVER so fruitlessly.

The teachers were all standing at the finish line with their big foam fingers with the names of their students written on them.

"Which team do you think will win?" asked Kakashi.

"Probably the Puppy Team." Said Kurenai.  "Even though I want the Pink Team to win because all my students are on it."

"Then again, since the Puppy Team has Neji on it…I don't know…" said Asuma skeptically.

"No, I was training Neji on his left and right all day!" Gai said.

They paused and waited for a little while, eating the popcorn and foot longs.

"I hope the Pink Team wins." Said Kurenai again.

Just then, the figures of two people hooked together came up over the hill.  By golly…it was…it was…

Why, it was Lee and Neji!!

They came barreling through the white tape that was stretched across the finish line and broke it while going in dramatic slow motion.  Neji was happy because he had conquered his problem to some extent and Lee was happy because he just loves being alive.

"The Puppy Team wins!!" announced Gai.

Long after, Chouji and Sakura crossed in second, much to everyone's surprise.

"Where's my team?" Kurenai questioned.

"Struggling in the middle." Sakura replied.  "It appears as though Hinata is as directionally challenged as Neji is…or used to be."

So they all went on ANOTHER scavenger hunt, but this one was the easiest of them all because all they had to do was go back to the middle area where they found Hinata and Kiba only feet away from where they had started.

"Okay, we'll just say it's over." Said Kakashi.  All three teachers tried really hard for quite a long time to say, "IN YOUR FACE, KURENAI!!!" because the team that was pretty much composed of her entire team failed so very miserably.  But then they gave up and yelled it.

"IN YOUR FACE, KURENAI!!!" they yelled.

"THIS RACE DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING!!" bellowed Kurenai.  "MY TEAM WON THE FIRST COMPETITION AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS!!!"

"For some reason, I think that the past two competitions have just been a bit of superiority complexes between our teachers needing to prove to one another that they had the superior team." Said a random smart person.  It might have been Shikamaru.  It might not have been.  But it wasn't really important.  Of course, it may have been important to that random smart person who had deducted that.

Then again, ANYONE should be able to deduct something like that.  It was pretty obvious.


	45. Guys: Camping

Naruto Primer: Guys

Camping

Iruka is not a particularly CONFIDENT man.  He tends to not stand up for himself so, when the four teacher jounins requested that he take their male students out camping for a character building experience, he wasn't about to turn them down.

"Why do we have to do this?" complained Chouji as he dropped some firewood into a big pile.  "Haven't we done enough in a short span of time?"

"How come the girls don't have to?" asked Kiba as he, Naruto, Iruka and Sasuke pitched a tent.

"This is a MANLY character building experience!" Iruka replied.

"Besides, they would just make everything more complicated." Sasuke said.  The four of them stepped back to gaze upon their beautiful tent pitching skills but, all at once, it just collapsed on itself.

"Don't worry guys, we only have to pitch five of these." Iruka laughed.

"Five?" said Naruto.

"Yeah!" said Iruka.  "You'll all by sleeping in pairs and, of course, I'll have my very own."

"Hey, where did Neji, Shikamaru, Lee and Shino go anyway?" wondered Kiba randomly as he started looking around.

"Well, Shikamaru WAS getting firewood with me…" Chouji started.

"He probably got distracted." Iruka said.  "And don't worry, I told Neji and Lee to go fishing for our dinner tonight.  As for Shino…hm…I don't know where he is!  That's crazy!"

"I'm right here." Said Shino.  "I'm pitching this tent."

They looked over at Shino who had a tent made perfectly beautiful.

"When did you get back?" asked Sasuke.

"I've been here the whole time." Shino said, looking slightly annoyed.

"I guess while we're waiting for Neji and Lee to get back from getting our dinner, we can decide who sleeps in which tent!" Iruka said as he pulled out a piece of paper and a pencil.  "Does anyone have any preferences?"

"How about some UN-preferences?" said Naruto, glaring at Sasuke who only glared back.

"That too." Iruka said.

After much deliberation…

"Okay," said Iruka as he put the pencil behind his ear.  "If we ever actually find Shikamaru, he and Chouji will be in that tent that Shino has just finished pitching.  Kiba and Naruto will be in that one that Shino finished pitching a little while ago since they have recently become friends.  Neji and Lee will be in that tent that Shino pitched FIRST since they're older than the rest of you and on the same team.  As for this tent that Shino is in the midst of pitching, that is where Sasuke and Shino will be because Shino is the only person that doesn't offend Sasuke."

Then he looked at the reject tent.  "And I'll be in this one!" he announced.  "And Shino will, of course, make it look pretty just like the rest of them."

"Whatever." Said Shino.

"Should we go and look for Shikamaru?" asked Chouji.  "What if he's being eaten by a bear?"

"He's a chuunin, he'll be fine!" said Iruka ignorantly.

"Doesn't it irk you to think that Shikamaru is on the same level as you?" Naruto asked Iruka.

"No." said Iruka obliviously.

"It irks me that Shikamaru is on a higher level than me." Naruto said, crossing his arms.

Just then, Neji and Lee came tromping over completely soaked and looking all beat up as if they had just gotten into a horrible fight.  "What happened to you two?!" Iruka yelled.

"Well, we were minding our own business and were fishing and stuff, when all of a sudden, a bunch of jounin ninjas came out of nowhere and demanded to fight us and what followed was a horrible bloody battle that both Neji and I had to fight our very hardest to win!!" Lee yelled as he got more and more passionate as he spoke.  "We barely escaped with our lives."

Neji slapped his forehead.  "Lee jumped into the river but it had a faster current than he thought." Neji explained.  "So I jumped in to save him but then I realized that it faster current than _I _thought and we were both carried down the river and eventually tumbled over a waterfall."

"I like the first story better." Said Iruka.

"Me too." Said Neji.

"You shouldn't have told them the REAL story!" Lee yelled.

"You made the fake story too unbelievable." Neji said.

"So where's the fish?" asked Sasuke.  Neji and Lee didn't answer, they only bowed their heads in shame.

"All right!" said Iruka.  "Neji and Lee!  Since you two are clearly fish catching incompetent, you and Chouji will go search for Shikamaru.  Kiba, Naruto and Sasuke, you go catch us some fish!  Shino, you stay here and finish pitching the tents!"

"I did." Said Shino.

"Then…um…you have to help me make a fire!" Iruka said.

The groups then split up with their appointed tasks, except for Iruka and Shino who stayed in the same place with their appointed tasks.

"Well, I was going around in this direction when I lost sight of him…" said Chouji as he started walking off.

"I'm chafing…" complained Lee.

"I didn't need to know that." Neji said.

"You can't tell me that you're NOT!" said Lee.

"I'm not." Neji said even though he might very well be doing so.

"That's a lie!!" yelled Lee as if it really mattered.

"Guys, we're supposed to be looking for Shikamaru!" said Chouji.

"What?" came Shikamaru's voice as he poked his head out from behind a tree.

"Oh, THERE you are, Shikamaru!" said Chouji.  "Why did you wander off?"

"I didn't." said Shikamaru.  "I was here the whole time.  YOU just kept walking even when I told you that I was going to sit here for a little while."

"Oh.  Okay!" said Chouji.  "I guess we didn't need a search party then."

"I guess not." Said Shikamaru with a flamboyant shrug.  So that group went back to camp.

Meanwhile, the fishing group was having their share of troubles.

"Um…current?" said Kiba skeptically as they stood in front of a river that was completely still with no sign of running water at all, ESPECIALLY any sign of a waterfall that might have potentially existed downstream.

"I guess we can assume that Lee and Neji are a lot less competent than we originally ORIGINALLY assumed." Sasuke decided.

"I'LL catch us some fish!" Naruto announced as he jumped into the water that was about knee deep.

"No, Akamaru and I will do it!!" Kiba argued as he got in too.

"I'll just watch." Said Sasuke since he didn't have any interest in getting his clothes wet for no reason.  After all, he knew he was MUCH better than both Naruto and Kiba combined so he didn't have to prove it, especially if no one was there to watch him make a mockery of the two by catching infinitely more fish than they would.

Back at camp…

"Okay, I made a bunch of benches so we can all sit around the campfire together." Said Shino as he walked over to Iruka who was sitting idly by.

"Really?!" said Iruka.  "Wow!  I didn't even ask you to do that!"

"I felt like it." Shino replied.

"That's excellent then!!" Iruka exclaimed just as Shikamaru, Chouji, Neji and Lee all returned.

"We found Shikamaru." Said Chouji.  "He was sitting somewhere."

"What a surprise!" said Iruka.

A few hours later, when the fishing group had returned from fishing with MANY fish in their arms, the sun had begun to set.  And, with Shino's MAD fire building skills, they didn't have a problem with heat to cook their meat or light to live by.

"Well, so far, I think the only people who haven't really contributed to this trip are Neji, Lee and Shikamaru." Said Iruka randomly.

"Um…I'm a chuunin." Said Shikamaru.

"Oh right." Said Iruka.  "In that case, the only people who haven't contributed are Neji and Lee."

"What, just because he's a chuunin doesn't mean he doesn't have to contribute?" Neji said, looking shocked.

"Neji and I could beat Shikamaru in our SLEEP." Said Lee.

"Yeah but…are you two chuunins?" Shikamaru asked.

"But anyway, what I was getting at by that comment was not to start an argument!" Iruka interrupted.  "I was just saying that it should be Neji and Lee's job to prepare the food!"

"That's ludicrous." Said Neji.  "Neither of us can cook.  Ask Sasuke to do it.  After all, he won the cooking contest for his group."

"Is that so?" Iruka said, looking more excited than he should have as he looked at Sasuke.

"Uh…I'd rather not." Said Sasuke since he only knew how to make that ONE item that he had Sharinganed.

"I'll take care of it!" offered Chouji.

Chouji and Shino ended up tending to the fish.

"Well, Neji and Lee STILL haven't done anything…" Iruka said, pulling out a flashlight from his back.  "So that means that one of you has to tell a us all a super SCARY story!!"

"Lee can do that." Neji said.

"Yeah!" said Lee.  "I'm REALLY good at telling scary stories!!"

"I don't really think anyone's very good at telling scary stories." Sasuke said suddenly.  "And I'm not just saying that.  Honestly, scary stories told around a campfire are never really scary."

"He's right." Said Kiba.  "There's just no effect if there's no dramatic music."

"I'll be the dramatic music!" Naruto said, raising his hand.

"No, let's just NOT tell scary stories." Said Sasuke.

"What could we POSSIBLY do besides tell scary stories?" Iruka sighed in the 'ALAS!' tone.  "Oh!  I've got it!!" He reached for his backpack again and pulled out a bag of marshmallows, a few bars of chocolate and a box of graham crackers.  "We could make s'mores!!"

Everyone stared at Iruka as if he was an idiot, and he kind of was acting like one.

"This is really boring…" said Kiba with a sigh.

"Can we just go back?" asked Shikamaru.  "I'm not building character."

"Oh no!" said Iruka, getting depressed.  "I promised your teachers that when you got back, you would all have character built up to the sky!!  Now what am I going to do when I return and you guys have no more character than when you left with me?!"

"The girls don't have to build character." Said Sasuke.  "They just had a party.  And they get to do WHATEVER they want at their parties."

"They didn't get a party." Said Iruka.

"Oh?" said Sasuke, raising an eyebrow.

"What night was it?" Kiba asked.

"I'm not sure…maybe two nights ago." Sasuke replied.

"Aw man." Said Kiba.  "I didn't get ANY prank phone calls and no one rang my doorbell and I definitely didn't catch any girls peaking in my window and taking my picture while I was changing…"

"Yeah, they were annoying me all night." Sasuke said.  "Trust me, you didn't miss a thing."

"Oh man, I hate it when that happens." Said Naruto.  "I mean, they were just phoning me all night and every time I turned around I saw a flash from a camera."

Everyone averted their eyes from Naruto because they knew he was lying.

"All right…" said Iruka.  "Now that we're done with THAT conversation, I just remembered that it's VERY important that we have water!  Especially if we're going to eat.  So, while we're waiting for the fish to finish cooking, I'm going to have to send Lee and Neji down to get us some fresh water!"

"Aw man!!" whined Lee.

"On second thought, they might end up falling in and being swept downstream again…" Iruka said, scratching his chin.

"I'LL supervise them." Said Sasuke, standing up.

"We don't NEED supervision." Neji said, looking angry.

"What a good idea!" said Iruka.  "You three go off and get us some water!"

With that, Neji, Lee and Sasuke went off to fetch some water.  They reached the little river area they had within a few minutes and then stood and stared at it for a minute or two.

"Now that we're HERE…" said Lee, looking around and feeling his pockets.  "Um…does anyone have a bucket or a pot or something?"

"…No…" said Neji and Sasuke.

"Well that's too bad!!"  said Lee.  "You two stay here and guard the water, I'LL go and get the bucket back from camp!!!"  Then Lee ran off as fast as he possibly could.

"Yeah, guard the water." Said Sasuke.  "As if someone's going to try and take it."

"As if it's going to try and get away." Neji added.

The two stood there and laughed ever so slightly, but tried not to laugh TOO much or else they might lose their stoic exposition.

In the meantime, Lee had made it back to camp.

"Back so soon?" said Iruka as he took a big chomp of fish.

"Yeah, we forgot to bring a bucket!!" Lee said passionately as he struck a dramatic pose.  "So while Sasuke and Neji stayed behind to guard the water, I came back to get some…say, why are you guys eating without us?"

"Chouji was too hungry to wait and we didn't want to just sit here and WATCH him eat or else we'd get hungry too." Said Shikamaru.  "But we'll save you some.  Don't worry."

"There's a water jug right there." Said Iruka.

"OKAY!!" said Lee as he grabbed the jug and ran off faster than the speed of…SOUND.  He reached the river again where Neji and Sasuke were guarding it ever so…lightly.  "I brought the jug!!  Let's fill it up and head back to camp because they're eating the fish without us!"

"Well that's rude." Said Neji.

"It's because Chouji was so hungry and they weren't about to just WATCH him eat!!" laughed Lee.  "That would have been silly."

"Okay, let's hurry up then." Said Sasuke as he took the jug and dunked it in the water.  The three waited there for a few minutes for the jug to fill up and then pulled it out.

"So…who carries it back?" said Neji.

Immediately, Lee put his finger on his nose.  Sasuke followed suit after a moment.  Neji stared at them both with fingers on their noses.  "…What?" he asked, suddenly feeling self conscious that they were trying to discretely tell him that there was something on his nose.  He couldn't have THAT so he touched his nose slightly.

"Ha-ha!" said Lee.  "You were last!  You have to carry the jug!!"

"What was that?" Neji asked.

"Just carry it." said Sasuke, handing the jug to Neji.

Neji figured that since he hadn't done anything yet, it was fair ENOUGH.  So he took the jug and three of them started walking back to the camp only to find that all the other men had successfully polished off all the fish!!

"I thought you guys said you would save some for us!" whined Lee.

"Oh…well, I guess we forgot…" said Iruka.  Then he laughed as if it was funny.  The rest of the group chimed in.  Except for Shino.  He just sat there.

"But I came back and you said that you'd save some for us!" complained Lee.

"It's all right, I brought my own lunch anyway." Said Sasuke as he pulled out a paper bag from his personalized backpack with an Uchiha Fan patch sewn on it.

"It's fine." Said Neji, sitting down.  "I'll just sit here and stare at all the empty plates.  Maybe I'll drink some water."

"That's not fair!!" Lee yelled.

"Well, I think it's time we all hit the hay!!" said Iruka.

"What…?" said all the smaller people.

"You heard me!" Iruka said.  "Time to crawl into our tents and count some sheep!  Tomorrow is another BIG camping day!"


	46. Laser Tag

Naruto Primer: Selected

Laser Tag

"Well, I guess it serves them right for eating all that fish without us." Lee said as he, Neji and Sasuke came strolling out of the hospital.  He looked mildly satisfied.

"Not really." Said Sasuke.  "Because if we had been there then we would have gotten sick too."

"No we wouldn't have!" said Lee, striking a pose.  "Because we are good and awesome and would have thought twice about eating fish if not everyone was there!"

"But if we were there then EVERYONE would have been there and the situation wouldn't have presented itself." Neji pointed out.  "Then we'd all be lying out in the woods helpless and ill for who knows how long?"

"It's a good thing we DIDN'T eat that fish then!!" Lee yelled.

"Who knew it would have been poisonous?" Sasuke finished.  The three of them stood there and gave a heavy sigh.

"Well, what now?" asked Lee.

"I don't care what YOU guys do, I'm going to go off and…do stuff." Sasuke said.

"How about we TRAIN?!" Lee suggested dramatically.

"You two would just hold me back." Said Sasuke.

"No." said Neji in his defense.

Just then, the four girls came running up, each carrying a flower or two of mourning for their sick men.  But then they got distracted by Sasuke.  Except for Hinata of course.  She was just following the pack because she didn't want to walk in the hospital ALONE!

"How come you guys didn't get sick?" asked Ino.

"Because we're better." Said Sasuke.

"It's because we didn't eat the bad fish." Neji said, even though he was also partial to the simple story that they were just better than everyone else.

"Oh…well, do you want to go on a date, Sasuke?" asked Sakura in a very straightforward fashion.

"No." said Sasuke.

"Oh, so you'd rather hang around with Lee and Neji?" Sakura said.  "It's because I'm a girl, isn't it?!"  All the girls started whispering amongst themselves.

"Sakura, I'll go on a date with you!" said Lee.

"How about we all just go out TOGETHER?" Tenten suggested.

"Where?" asked Hinata.

"I've got the perfect idea!" Tenten said as the scene faded and then reopened with them all standing right outside a Laser Tag entrance room.

"This was a really great idea, Tenten." Said Lee.  "I mean…laser tag is SO much fun!!  NOBODY can hate laser tag!!"

"I know." Said Tenten.  "And even though I feel bad that we're playing laser tag while a bunch of other people are sick in the hospital, I don't really know anyone else besides Lee and Neji and you girls so it doesn't effect me as much as it SHOULD be effecting the rest of you!"

"So…we're playing team laser tag, right?" asked no one in particular.

"I want to be on Sasuke's team!" said Ino, grabbing onto Sasuke.

"No, _I _do!!" Sakura yelled.

"I have ANOTHER great idea!" Tenten announced as the scene faded AGAIN and unfaded to show Tenten holding a hat.  "Okay, the first three names I pick out of this hat will be on one team and then everyone else will be on the OTHER team!"

"ALL RIGHT!!!" cheered everyone as a huge odor.

"Okay, so the first team is…" Tenten said as she reached into the hat and pulled out three pieces of paper.  "Wow!  Me, Sasuke and Ino!!"

"HEY!!" yelled Sakura. "You SO rigged that!!"

"I did not!" Tenten defended.

"Give me the hat, we're doing that over again!" Sakura said, taking the hat and all the papers away.

"Fine by me." Said Sasuke because he didn't want to be on a team with all girls anyway.

"No way!" said Ino.  "It was fair and square!"

"No it wasn't and you know it!" said Sakura.  She dropped all the other pieces into the hat, shook it around and then pulled out three more.  "Uh… do over!  Another do over!"

"What's it say?!" Ino demanded, taking the three pieces away.  "Aha!  Hinata, Sakura and Lee!  So that means that the other team is me, Tenten, Sasuke AND Neji!  All your little redo did was lose you Neji!"

"Then we're going with the first group!" Sakura said.

"No, the first one was rigged." Said Tenten.

"No it wasn't!!" Sakura argued.  "The one I just did was rigged!!"

"Geez, you're so annoying…" said Sasuke in that 'Geez, you're so annoying!' tone that Sakura just can't handle.

"FINE!" said Sakura.  "If that's the way you feel!  FINE!!"

The Hinata, Lee and Sakura team decided to be BLUE and the Tenten, Ino, Sasuke and Neji team decided to be RED!!  They entered the laser tag area and gave the man behind the desk their crazy nicknames and got their backpacks and guns.

Then they entered the abyss and had one minute to split up and hide.  Of course, the teams split up together so they could formulate a strategy.  If only Shikamaru was there!

"Okay, our strategy is…BEAT THE OTHER TEAM!!!" screamed Lee.

"SHHH!!" hissed Sakura and Hinata.

"Oh right." Said Lee in a very quiet whisper.  "We must have stealth."

"Should we try to stick together?" Hinata asked.

"YES!!" yelled Lee.  "STICKING TOGETHER IS THE KEY!!!"

"BE QUIET!!" Sakura yelled back.

Meanwhile, with the Red Team…

"Guys, I can't see the other team winning at this point." Tenten began to explain.  "All we have to do is the buddy system and we've got this locked."

"Neji and I will go out there and you two can stay behind and hide." Sasuke tried to strategize.

"…No." said Tenten.

"No?" Sasuke said.

"That's not exactly what I had in mind." Tenten replied.

"What IS the plan?" Ino asked.

"All right, I'll go with Neji and you'll go with Sasuke." Tenten began.  "Neji, with your ultimate defense, you'll always know if someone is behind us… or in front of us for that matter.  It'll be your job to make sure no one shoots at us!"

"…Um…all right." Said Neji.  It SOUNDED reasonable enough.

"And…well, the same thing goes for over here." Tenten said with a shrug to Ino and Sasuke.

"That doesn't sound like a very good plan." Said Sasuke.

"Would you rather split the teams up so that all the defense is on one side and all the attack is on the other?" Tenten asked.

"Since WHEN am I considered defense?" Neji and Sasuke said at the exact same time.  Ino said it too, but instead of saying 'defense', she said 'attack'.

"Well, I'M the one with impeccable aim." Tenten said.  "And Neji, you have your Byakugan so when we're sniping or something you can say that there's someone behind me and I'll turn around and I'll SHOOT them!"

"But what if I want to shoot them?" Neji asked.

Just then, the alarm sounded to signal the crossfire to begin.

"Let's just try my strategy for a little while and I'll show you guys that it's the best we've got!" Tenten insisted.

"Whatever." Said Sasuke as he ran off.  Ino quickly followed behind him because SHE didn't mind following Sasuke around everywhere, whether they were playing laser tag or not!  She was just glad that Tenten had assigned herself with Neji because he was kind of creepy…and he did the Macarena.

Even though his team had previously decided that they were going to stay together, Lee had subconsciously run off without them and now he was all alone.  It kind of scared him a bit, to think that no one was watching his back, but once he started improvising a little bit of theme music for himself, all his confidence returned and he was able to carry on.

He wasn't going after anyone particular, just looking for anyone on the Red Team he could potentially fire at.  There was only thirty minutes to prove to the world how good at laser tag he was even though he had never really played before.  Still!  Even someone who can only use taijutsu had the chance at excelling at laser tag!

Hinata didn't like being alone.  Not only did she not exactly have the best aim in the world, but she wasn't very good in pressured situations, such as this one.  She didn't want to let her team down by not doing well, but she hadn't ever played before!

Suddenly, she heard the backpack she was wearing start sounding sirens and flashing bright lights.  She looked at the yellow informational bar on the gun and read, 'Eagle'.  "Shot by Eagle?" she said, looking a little distressed.  She started looking around but couldn't see anyone who would have been able to get a shot at her.  Quickly, she tried to dodge behind a corner.

Suddenly, her backpack started shooting of sirens again.  "Ah!  Shot by Eagle again!" she exclaimed.  "I'll have to lose him…or her…!"

She started running away but her backpack seemed to be constantly on and she kept looking at the bar on her gun.  "Shot by Eagle!  Shot by Eagle!" she read time and time again.  "I think Eagle is picking on me!  Eagle hit me in the arm!  Eagle hit me in the back!  My front?!  He's all around me!  Shot by Eagle!  Shot by…oh…shot by Spider Man."

She stopped and looked around.  Still, she didn't see anything.

Meanwhile, Sakura was sitting in a slightly secluded area.  There was only one opening in her entire corner and she knew that if anyone were to frolic by, she would see him before he saw her!  Then she would shoot him before he even knew what hit him.

Suddenly, a green blur just flew by and Sakura's backpack started rumbling and making all sorts of noises.  She paused for a moment and then looked at her gun to see who had shot her.  "Lotus?" she said obliviously.

Sasuke was creeping around every corner.  Ino was following him.  "Have you gotten anyone yet?" Ino whispered.

"Wah!" Sasuke jumped as he turned around and shot Ino by accident.  "Oops.  Sorry about that.  You surprised me."

"No, it's okay!" laughed Ino.  "But I get to shoot you in return!"  And then she shot him back.

Sasuke glared at her.  "It doesn't work that way." He said.  "Mine was an accident."  Then he shot her again.

"Hey!" said Ino, shooting Sasuke.  "Cut that out!"

"YOU cut that out." Said Sasuke, shooting her back.

Ino went to shoot him again, but Sasuke put his hand over the gun where the laser came out.  Then, just for good measure, he shot her and then ran off.

"HEY!" Ino yelled.  "We're supposed to be on the same team!"

Meanwhile, Neji looked up from his current mission at Tenten who was waiting ever so impatiently.  "Are you done yet?" she asked.

"Yeah, I guess…" Neji said.  They were just about to run off to find people to kill when Neji's backpack suddenly started going crazy.

"How…?" Tenten asked.

"What?!" Neji demanded, looking at his gun.  "How did…Beautiful Maiden know my blind angle?!"

"The only person I can imagine who would know your blind angle would be Lee and there's no way he would name himself Beautiful Maiden." Tenten deducted.

Then they paused.

"Actually, he probably would." Tenten corrected herself.

"Well then I have to find Lee and hit him too." Said Neji.  Suddenly, Neji spun around and shot his gun a few more times.

"What, was it Lee?" Tenten asked.

"No…I'm not sure who it was." Said Neji, looking at his gun.  "I hit someone named 'Lotus'."

Meanwhile, Hinata was sure she had finally found a safe corner.  By now, she was scared out of her mind by her stalker, Eagle, who had finally seemed to leave her alone.  It was quiet at last, now that her backpack had stopped reacting from Eagle's continuous onslaught.

She gave a heavy sigh.  "Maybe I should just stay here…" she said.  "Eagle can't seem to get me here."

Suddenly, her backpack started reacting again.  She jumped in such horrid surprise, but was almost relieved when she looked at her gun to see that it said Rose.

She tried to find the source of the shot, but she was just far too frazzled to collect herself.  She hoped that Rose wasn't planning to continuously attack her like Eagle had, but she relaxed for a moment when her backpack did.  Obviously, this wasn't a safe spot.  But it was safe from Eagle, and wasn't that all that was important?

That's when her backpack spazzed out again.  Hinata nearly started hyperventilating when she looked at the name on the gun to see that she had been shot by Eagle again.

"He found me!" she gasped.  "I have to get away!  I have to find a new hiding spot!!"

Ino was looking around for someone to shoot.  The only person she had shot so far was Sasuke and a stranger named 'Topanga'.  She hadn't seen who it was that she shot, she had just seen a figure in the distance standing still and figured she had nothing to lose.  But now she had to find someone else.  Namely, Sakura.

Sakura was in a similar boat, but she hadn't even had the grace of shooting Sasuke yet.  She had been sitting in her little corner and shot the gun off wildly at the green blur again.  She THOUGHT she got him, but the last time he had shot her, it had said that his name was Lotus and the name she got on her gun had said Eagle.  Apparently, Eagle had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

They both rounded the corner and crashed into each other.

"Sakura!" Ino yelled, jumping backwards.

"Ino!" Sakura said as well.  They both raised their guns to shoot each other, but before either pulled the trigger, something came out of nowhere and grabbed Sakura, disappearing in seconds.

Then Ino's backpack reacted.  "What?!" Ino demanded, turning around to see Sasuke standing there.

"Sorry, I was going for Sakura." He said.

"You did that on purpose!" Ino said angrily as she went to shoot Sasuke but he was far too quick for her and was soon out of sight.

Meanwhile, Sakura was just landing.  She looked up at her savior to see Lee standing there.  She had been expecting Sasuke, though no one knows why, so you can imagine her utter disappointment.  "I saved you from certain doom!" Lee announced.

"I WANTED to face off against Ino!" Sakura whined.

"Let's face off against Ino TOGETHER!!" Lee yelled as a wave crashed behind him.

Suddenly, both their packs reacted.

"Eagle?" Sakura said.  "I guess he's getting me back for earlier…"

"GOD?!" Lee yelled.  "I WAS SHOT BY GOD!!!  SAKURA!!  I WAS SHOT BY GOD!!  GOD SHOT ME!!!"

"I'm going to go and…shoot stuff." Said Sakura uneasily as she stood up and quickly ran off before Lee could pursue her since he was still in shock about the fact that God shot him.

Meanwhile, Sasuke was peering around the corner, watching Neji and Tenten.  Apparently he had managed to wedge himself in Neji's blind angle without even realizing it because Neji didn't seem to be noticing him.  All he had to do was fire from his exact position at both of them and…and then what?  Once Neji moved even an inch in any direction, he would be seen.

"The mirrors…" Sasuke said as he looked a set of mirrors that were behind Neji.  "If I shoot the mirrors, they laser will bounce off and hit Neji.  That'll confuse him for a bit.  Long enough for me to get away, maybe even get another shot in…"

Just as he was about to carry out his evil plot, he remembered that he was on the same team as Neji and Tenten.  Then he became frustrated.  "Aw man…it's such a great plan…so perfect…" he muttered to himself.  He thought it over for a good few seconds before he finally concluded that it was worth it just so he could throw Neji into an extreme state of confusion.

Taking careful aim, he shot the mirror, perfectly ricocheting it off and hitting Neji in the back.  Then he moved slightly to the left as both Tenten and Neji looked over to see how Neji had POSSIBLY been shot, and then he shot Neji again from the side and Tenten as well.

With his fiendish plan carried out, he darted off as fast as he could.

Tenten and Neji, meanwhile, were baffled.

"How did that happen?!" Neji yelled, using his Byakugan to search behind him, not even noticing the mirrors.  "My blind angle isn't THERE…"

"We'll just have to make up the points tenfold!" said Tenten.

"And I know just how to do it!" said Neji.

"No, not again." Whined Tenten.

Ino finally managed to hit someone called 'Topanga' again, but it seemed that someone named Spider Man was following her slightly.  Not obsessively, but it seemed that a majority of the shots were coming from him.  Or her.  She wished she knew who it was so she would know how to strategize against him.  Or her.

Suddenly, Lee descended from the heavens and opened fire on Ino.  "Haha!" said Lee as he finally stopped.  "Taste my wrath!"

It was silent.  No sound of Ino's backpack reacting.

"Um…is this thing broken?" Lee said, looking at his gun.

"No, I think your aim is just bad." Said Ino as she shot at Lee.

Lee's backpack exploded with lights and sounds.  He looked at the gun.  "AWK!  You're God?!" he gasped.

"…No…" she said.  "Did I miss?  Or did someone get you first?"

"God is out to get me!!" Lee gasped.  Suddenly, his backpack reacted again.  "Oh no!  Eagle too?!"

Hinata was curled up in a little ball in the corner.  She was only staring at the gun, FAR too scared to even move.  Someone was out to get her.  That EAGLE.  This would haunt her forever.

Her backpack started going more crazy than it ever had before.  She looked at the gun to see the words 'Game Over'.  "GAME OVER?!" she gasped.  "Did I get shot too much?!  They wanted to end the game for me because I was just slowing everyone else down?!"

"No, the half an hour's up." Said Sakura as she walked by.

"Oh." Said Hinata, standing up and brushing herself off slightly.

When everyone met outside, they all met around the jounin behind the counter who would announce the winners.

"The winning team is the Red Team!" announced the jounin behind the counter.

"YAY!!" cheered the Red Team.

"Now, as you know, getting hit is –100 points." The jounin explained as he stacked all the individual scorecards up.  "Hitting someone is +100 points.  Hitting your own teammate is –500."

"-500?!" Sasuke gasped.

"Good thing you hit me more!" laughed Ino.

"So, the individual winner for today is on the Red Team!" the jounin said.  "Coming leaps and bounds ahead of even the second place player is…Eagle with 8100 points!"

Everyone quickly looked around.  They had all pretty much been shot by Eagle at least once, but Hinata wanted to know the most.  Then, Neji stepped forward and received his scorecard.

"Nice job, Neji!" said Tenten.

"Oh…" said Hinata to herself.  "He must have…um…oh…I bet it's nothing personal.  Just a coincidence."

"Second place is…GOD with 2800!" said the Jounin.

"I knew Sasuke was egotistical and all but…come on, GOD?" Neji said under his breath.

"All right, who's God?!" Lee yelled.  "It's you, isn't it Sasuke?!"

"No." said Sasuke.

Tenten stepped forward and took her scorecard.

"TENTEN IS GOD?!" Lee gasped.  "Wow, Tenten!  You got me so many times!  You really ARE god of the laser tag!!  Except for Neji who practically tripled your score."

"That's because he hit Hinata a zillion times." Tenten sighed.

"He must have spotted me and just gone after me because I was a target." Hinata assured herself.

Neji chose not to comment on the matter.

"Third place is Lotus with 400 points!" the Jounin said.

"ALL RIGHT!!!" cheered Lee.  "I'M THIRD PLACE!!"  Then he turned to Neji and Tenten.  "But still, you two OWNED me!!"

"Fourth place is Beautiful Maiden with –100 points!" said the Jounin.

"Really?" said Sakura, taking her card.  "I hardly shot at all.  But at least I did better than Ino!  Haha!"

People were starting to stare at Sasuke because he was BELOW someone who had 'hardly shot at all'.

"Fifth is Rose with --2800." Said the Jounin, getting less and less enthusiastic as he got down to the lower places.

"I thought I did a little better than that…" Ino said, looking disappointed.

"I have the two final scorecards here." Said the Jounin.  "Officially, these are the two lowest scores ever recorded.  In sixth place is Topanga who didn't even fire once but got shot by pretty much everyone else, especially Eagle.  And then, in last place, we have Spider Man who managed to shoot ONLY members on his own team.  And Topanga.  Once.  Might I add that Spider Man didn't get hit a SINGLE time…except for a member of his own team, Rose, who shot him twice."

He handed the Topanga scorecard to Hinata and the Spider Man one to Sasuke.

"Sasuke came in last…" everyone whispered amongst themselves.

"-13900?" Sasuke said, diving deep into his inferiority complex.

"I only got –9000!" said Hinata happily.  "I thought I did a lot worse than that!"

"Sasuke, it's because you hit me twenty times, you know that right?" Ino said, looking at her scorecard.  She took Sasuke's and looked at it.  "And you hit Tenten three times and Neji four times.  The scorekeeper was right, though.  The only person you hit who wasn't on your own team and was Hinata!  And the only person who hit you was me!"

She looked at her own scorecard.  "And if I hadn't hit you those two times… I would have only had –1800 points." She sighed.  "And if you hadn't hit me those twenty times, I would have had two hundred points!"

Sasuke was at a complete loss for words.

"I can't believe Sasuke came in last." Said Lee to Tenten and Neji.  "I would have said that I owned him, but I never hit him!"

"He hit me four times…" Neji said, looking quite angry.  "How did he manage to do something like that?  One time…maybe.  But four times?  And what's this?  Beautiful Maiden?  That's Sakura, right?"

"I'm surprised that she could hit you in your blind angle." Said Tenten.

Hinata was standing slightly by herself.  She was looking at her scorecard to see that Eagle, or Neji, had hit her seventy-five times.  Was it just coincidence?  Yes, it had to be.  Why would he go after her like that?  She was just a moving target, that's all…

As everyone left the laser tag place, Neji pulled Sakura aside.  "Sakura, you were Beautiful Maiden, right?" he asked.

"Right!" she said.

"Well, I can understand how Sasuke might have hit me…" Neji said, looking at his scorecard.  "But I have to ask how you knew where my blind angle was."

"…What?" said Sakura.

"You hit me." Said Neji, showing his scorecard to Sakura.  "In the back.  Right where my blind angle is.  How did you know?  Who told you?  Was it Lee?"

"Uh…no…" said Sakura.  "I just shot the gun a few times.  It might have just been a random thing!"

"I would have seen it." Neji said.  "This was obviously a calculated shot if you managed to hit the one spot that I can't see."

"I think it was just by accident." Sakura assured him.

Neji glared at Sakura.  Even as he walked away, he was still glaring at her as his back was turned because he could still see her.


	47. Sexy Ninjas Unlimited

Naruto Primer: Suzume

Sexy Ninjas Unlimited

You probably don't remember who Suzume is.

I didn't.

Mainly, she's that teacher in the flashback that Sakura had about the times she had with Ino when they picked flowers and frolicked around doing pointless stuff while the male ninjas were training.  She is the teacher of all the female ninjas in training.  Like Iruka's female counterpart.

During her off time, you probably didn't know, she also runs a magazine.  It's called 'Sexy Ninjas Unlimited'.  It's not dirty or anything, it just focuses on the sexy male ninjas of the village.  Kakashi used to be the centerfold, then it was Itachi but pictures of him became scarce.  Iruka even made a few appearances.  Sadly, Gai has never shown up, not once, though he wants to ever so much.  He might some day.  Might not.

But now it was time to get some fresh, new blood.  Sexy Ninjas Unlimited needed some mascots, a few sexy ninjas that everyone would just associate with Sexy Ninjas Unlimited.

It was time to go ninja hunting.

Then, she heard voices.  She turned around to see a throng of genins… and one chuunin… coming out of a hospital, all talking at once.

"—Couldn't believe the fish was poisonous—"

"—Iruka's still sick—"

"—And we played laser tag—"

"Hi there children!" called Suzume as she came running over.  "How would you like you be in a magazine?  Have any of you ever heard of Sexy Ninjas Unlimited?"

"Have I?" said Tenten.  "I'm subscribed to that magazine!"  Then she looked around hesitantly.  "I mean…no…"

"I'm looking for some new faces for the magazine!" Suzume continued.  "And as I gaze upon all these faces here, I'm glad to announce that my search is finally over!"

"HURRAY!" cheered the more naïve people.

"First of all…considering Sexy Ninjas Unlimited is looking only for MEN…" Suzume said as she gestured for all the girls to leave.  They all looked very sad, but they left anyway.  "All right, I'm going to go down the line here and decide who NEEDS to be in my magazine and who'll I'll just…call later."

She instructed all the men to stand up in a line.

"Let's see…" said Suzume, standing in front of Naruto since he strived to be first in line.  "Hm…just not really working for me…I'll have to come back to you.  Wait here."

"How can you deny my sexiness?!" demanded Naruto.

"I haven't denied you yet." Suzume said as she moved on to Neji who was wondering why he was still waiting around there.  "Wow!  You're so gosh darned feminine that you're sexy!"

"Hey…" said Neji.

"I think this look works for you." She said.  "And a Hyuuga too.  I LOVE the Hyuuga eyes.  Frankly, it's one of my turn-ons."

"I didn't need to know that." Neji said.

"You're DEFINITELY in." said Suzume.  "Just wait there while I go through the rest."

Next was Shikamaru.  She stared at him for a while.  "You know, I don't know what it is…but something…" she looked like she was at a loss for words.  "Something about you is just so…so…I don't know the word, but I like it!  The way your face works…someone designed your face well."

"I was born with this face." Said Shikamaru.

"Even better!" said Suzume.  "We'll have to work on style and hair a bit, but there is definitely potential here.  You're in!"  Next, Chouji.  It didn't take her very long to come to her decision.  "Sorry.  Just not what I'm looking for."

"It's because I'm fat isn't it?" said Chouji sadly.

"No!" said Suzume even though you could tell it was true.  "No, not at all!"

"Yes it is." Said Chouji.

"Chouji, you're not fat." Said Shikamaru.  "Just big boned."

"Thanks Shikamaru!" said Chouji.  "I'm glad that you've been accepted!  I'll buy the magazine that you're in just so I can support you!!"

With that, Chouji skipped off happily.

"…All right." Said Suzume as she moved onto the next person in line, Kiba.  "I like what I'm seeing…" she said with a nod.  "I like the eyes…the hair… but… what are those…red things on your face?"

"…Um…?" Kiba said slowly.

"Doesn't matter I guess…" sighed Suzume.  "I guess I'll come back to you too.  Still on the fence."

Just then, Akamaru came galloping up.  "Akamaru!" cheered Kiba as Akamaru jumped into his arms.  "Did you miss me while I was sick?  Did my mom take good care of you?"  Akamaru barked in response.  "I thought so!  Time for a HUG!!  And a KISS!!  And a SQUEEZE!!  Now for a MA!"

As Kiba stood there caressing Akamaru and went to 'MA' him, he suddenly remembered that there were a LOT of people standing there watching the whole thing.

"I mean…" said Kiba, clearing his throat and putting Akamaru on the ground.  "This is my…uh, butch dog.  Sit, Akamaru!  Don't attack the lady!"

Akamaru caught on and pretended to act all guard dog and macho and started growling.

"No, Akamaru." Said Kiba in his lowest voice possible.  "She's nice."

It looked like Suzume was at a loss for words.

"Haha." Said Naruto.  "On the fence.  Now he's off the fence."

"My heart…just melted." Said Suzume, clutching her heart.  "That was by far the most precious thing I have ever seen in my entire life.  There's not a lot of guys in this world who are sexy and also so sensitive!"

"Sensitive?" Kiba said, not sure he quite understood.

"You are SO in that it's not even funny." Said Suzume.

"Yahoo!" cheered Kiba.

"I don't know how anyone's going to top THAT." Said Suzume as she got to Sasuke and added, without even taking a breath, "Wow, you topped it.  You're in."

"Thought so." Said Sasuke.

"What?!" demanded Naruto.  "Sasuke's in and I'M on the fence?!"

"Finally we have…" Suzume said as she got to the end of the line where Lee was standing with the sexiest pose he could muster.  A shiver ran down her spine as she could hardly look Lee straight in the face.

"What do you think?" said Lee.  "Impressed?"

"Just…just go." said Suzume.

"I know I might not be as sexy as some of the other guys here, but I'm ten times more sensitive!" Lee assured her.

"I'm sure." Said Suzume.  "Please leave."

"Fine!" said Lee as he stomped off, making big Lee sized footprints in the floor.

"Hey, wasn't there another guy here too?" Suzume said, looking around.  "Didn't he have sort of an afro…and sunglasses?"

"Shino?" said Kiba.  "He left."

"He was the smart one." Said Neji.

"Well that's too bad!" said Suzume, looking genuinely unhappy.  "But, now that I have my FOUR newest…" Suzume started.

"Hey, hey, what about me?" asked Naruto.

"Just go with your friend with the eyebrows." Said Suzume.

"I'M on the same level as LEE when it comes to sexiness?!" Naruto yelled, entirely appalled.

"You might as well be." Said Suzume with a shrug.

"Why'd you keep me around so long then?!" Naruto asked.

"Just in case I didn't get at least four." Said Suzume.  "But I really struck gold here."

"I need to get myself a dog." Naruto grunted as he stomped off as well.


	48. Sexy Men: Love the Camera

Naruto Primer: Sexy Men

Love the Camera

"Okay, now that I've got my four new sexy models, we just have to improve a few minor flaws among you all." Suzume said.  "First of all, the thing that's kind of sticking out to me the most is…Sasuke, did you sleep on your hair weird or something…?"

"…Yes." Said Sasuke.

"Okay, good." Said Suzume.  "Just as long as you didn't style it like that, I'm all right with it.  Second, Kiba, is there anything that can be done about those red things on your face?"

"…Um…?" Kiba started.

"I guess it's not important…" Suzume said.  "Forget I said anything.  But can you do anything else with your precious little Akamaru?"

"I can do EVERYTHING with Akamaru." Said Kiba.

"Good, I'll keep that logged in my memory banks." Said Suzume.  "Shikamaru, what screams out to me is…hair.  Something about it looks like you woke up and just tied it back in a pony-tail and ignored it for the rest of the day."

"What gave you that idea?" Shikamaru asked slightly sarcastically.

"Women's intuition." Suzume replied.  "So we'll work with that along with Sasuke and HIS hair.  Finally, Neji, I'm loving your hair, but do you think you could take off your forehead protector so I can get a good look at the big picture."

"Um…I have a horrible blemish on my forehead." Neji said.

"Oh, then I'm thinking…BANGS." Suzume said.

"No…I don't think so." Neji replied.

"How about a hat?" she suggested.

"As long as it covers the horrible blemish on my forehead." Neji said.

"It's a deal then!" said Suzume as she gave him the thumbs up.  "All right, we're going to do some warm-up shots just so I can see what you guys are all about and what I can expect out of you."

"Warm-up shots?" said Shikamaru, looking disgusted.

"Yes." Said Suzume as she got behind her camera.  "How about you go first, Shikamaru?"

"How troublesome." Shikamaru said as he sat down right where he was.  Then, from that position, he lied down.  "Here, this is my position.  I'll be right here."

"That's perfect!" said Suzume.  "Keep it up!"

"Should I stretch and reposition myself?" asked Shikamaru.

"Yes, yes!" said Suzume.  "You're a natural!"

This went on for a moment or two until Suzume announced that she was now finished with Shikamaru.  He stood up and walked back over to where the group was kind of looking at him with questionable expressions.

"Who's next?" said Suzume.  "How about you, Kiba?  Bring Akamaru."

"Right." Said Kiba as he stood in front of the camera nervously.  "Uh…what should I do?"

"First, take off your shirt and then…"

"Take off my shirt?!" Kiba interrupted.  "I'm TWELVE!"

"Fine, don't take off your shirt." Said Suzume, rolling her eyes.  "Just do that adorable Hug, Kiss, Squeeze, MA thing you did earlier."

"Do I have to?" Kiba said uneasily.

"That's why you're HERE." Suzume pointed out.

"Can't I just…I don't know…throw him up in the air or something?" Kiba asked.

"Fine, let's try that out." Suzume sighed.  "Remember to look REALLY excited and sexy.  Then, when you catch him, hold him above your head and look at him lovingly."

"I can't do that!" said Kiba.

"Come on, Kiba, you do it all the time." Said Shikamaru.

"No I don't!" Kiba argued.

"Yeah you really do." Shikamaru said.

"Very well, I didn't want it to have to come to this." Sighed Suzume as she walked over to Kiba and yoinked Akamaru out of his hands.

"Hey!!" said Kiba as he started pouting.  Suzume took a picture.  "Don't take a picture of me while I'm pouting!"  Now he was angry, and Suzume took another picture.  "Stop doing that!"

"Catch!" Suzume called as she tossed Akamaru at Kiba.  She got the surprised Kiba as Akamaru was coming towards him.  Then she got the happy Kiba when he was reunited with Akamaru.  Then, the best of them all, she got the perturbed Kiba as he looked at the camera with hatred.

"That's a wrap!" Suzume decided.  "Next up is Neji!"

"That was mean." Said Kiba as he walked out of the way of the camera.

"Um…I've never done anything like this before." Said Neji.

"That's okay, that camera LOVES you!" said Suzume.  Neji stood there and did nothing.  He looked rather tense and a bit nervous.  "Come on, do something.  Didn't you just hear me say that the camera loves you?"

"And?" Neji asked.

"So love the camera." Suzume insisted.

"Love the camera?" Neji said, kind of confused.

"Act like the camera is your FAVORITE thing in the world!" Suzume said.

"I can't do that." Said Neji.  "I'm not a big pretender."

"Work with me here, Neji." Said Suzume.  "I can't make you a famous model if you're not willing to love the camera or accept the camera's love in return."

"I don't really want to be a famous model…" Neji admitted.

"Fine, I'll just zoom into your face and take shots there." Suzume sighed as she DID JUST THAT!!!  "That was excellent.  And now, for everyone's favorite little genin!  My, I have heard so much about you from all of my lady students!  Let me see some of that magic of yours!"

Sasuke took a step forward.

"Stop, let me get that!" said Suzume as she took a picture.  "All right, keep going.  Go on!"

She spent infinitely more time with Sasuke than with everyone else, but it's not like anyone really cared.  They would have actually preferred it that way, probably.

"I'm looking at these pictures and I'm thinking…something is missing…" Suzume said as she looked at all the developed pictures.  "And I think I know what that something is…"


	49. Girls: Models

Naruto Primer: Girls

Models

Since the girls obviously have become the best of friends over the last couple of days, they were all hanging out together outside the Sexy Ninjas Unlimited Studios.  "Just think, there are all KINDS of sexy ninjas in there!" swooned Ino.

"Including Sasuke!" Sakura added.

"I can't believe Shikamaru was chosen as one of the sexy ninjas." Said Tenten, shaking her head.

"Well…I don't know…I guess I could see why…" said Sakura hesitantly.

"No way." Said Ino JUST BECAUSE she has to spend practically every waking minute with him.

"I'm happy for them all!" said Hinata.  "Especially Kiba because he's on my team!  But I feel bad for all the guys who were rejected…" She WANTED to make that specific to Naruto, but she would have been too embarrassed…

"She could have been a little nicer with the rejections though…" Tenten said.  "Lee came away from that place in tears!"

"Well, I think we all knew that Lee wasn't going to get chosen." Said Ino.

"But she could have just skipped by him." Said Tenten.  "He sure gets a lot about his appearance.  Sakura."

"What?" Sakura said.  "Would YOU date him?"

It was silent right then.  No one wanted to answer the question.

"Even if that woman came on her hands and knees and BEGGED me to do something for her, I would refuse!" Tenten announced.  "Just because of how mean she was to Lee!"

"She might have been mean to the others too." Hinata said.

"All the MORE reason!" said Tenten.

"Yeah and, since Shino's not one of the winners, I can assume she was mean to him too!" said Hinata.

"Well then I'm not going to help her because she was mean to my teammate, Chouji!" said Ino.  "Even though he shouldn't have even bothered like Lee, Chouji's a nice guy!"

"Aw man…I don't want to NOT model just because of Naruto…" complained Sakura.

"You can't just go BE a model while we're boycotting it." said Ino.

"Well, it's not going to happen anyway since it's an all guys magazine." Sakura pointed out.

"It's not like WE were turned away or anything." Said Tenten.

Suddenly, the door to the studio opened up.  "Hey girls!" called Suzume.  "Do you think you could do me a favor?  I'm looking for a few fresh female models to model with my fresh new male models!  You in?"

"Good GOD, yes!!" they all yelled as they sprinted into the studio.

"This will definitely add some fire to the shots!" said Suzume.

"I get to model with Sasuke!!" Ino announced.

"No way, you got to play laser tag with him so I get to model with him!" Sakura argued.

"That's hardly a fair trade at all!" Ino said angrily.

"Please, please, girls!" said Suzume.  "I planned on splitting all the girls up with the guys according to appearance and maybe even a little bit of personality flare.  Plus, our magazine has a theme, the seasons!  Meaning each pair will represent a season, which is prefect since there are four pairs.  So hang on while I look you all over."

"I don't think I want to do this anymore." Said one of the random guys since they WERE there.

"So let's see…oh!  Another Hyuuga!!" gasped Suzume at Hinata.  "I DEFINITELY have to put you with Neji!"

"With Neji?" Hinata said nervously.

"We're related." Said Neji.

"Who cares?" said Suzume.  "It's just for a photo."

"Apparently you don't know about the Branch House and the—" Neji started as he looked as though he was going to start a huge hour long rant about the two houses and how his evil uncle was just SO very evil.

"No, I don't, I'm just a photographer and a teacher!" said Suzume.  "Now, considering your eyes are just so WHITE, I'm going to have to assign you with the season of winter.  As for the rest of you…hm…" She paced the girls.  "This is very difficult because the boys all have dark hair and dark eyes, whereas the girls all have light hair and light eyes.  Except for you."

She pointed at Tenten.  "You have to be paired with a guy with dark features." She said.

"With Sasuke then?" Tenten asked.  "Black hair, black eyes.  I don't think it can get much darker than that!"

"I think I'm going to have to go with Shikamaru." Suzume said, nodding.

"Shikamaru?!" gasped Tenten, looking appalled.  "…Why?!"

"Because I look at you and see…SPRING!" Suzume explained.  "And I have already mentally assigned Shikamaru to spring as well…"

"Why am I spring?" Tenten questioned.

"Because you're not winter or summer or autumn." Suzume replied as if it was obvious.  "I take one look at Sakura and her pink hair and the only thing that comes to mind is…Summer!"

"Not spring with the blossoms?" Sakura asked.

"No, summer with the flowers!" Suzume yelled.  Sakura wasn't about to argue anymore since she didn't want to end up being with Shikamaru in the spring.

"Doesn't Sasuke just scream summer?" Sakura said, inching towards Sasuke.

"Well…not really." Confessed Suzume.  "Unfortunately, Neji's winter, Shikamaru's spring and I'm looking at Kiba and I can ONLY see autumn so he's going to have to be summer."

"YES!!" said Sakura, doing a little dance.

"So I'm stuck with Kiba in autumn?!" whined Ino.

"Yeah, just imagine all the adorable puppy frolicking through the fallen leaves as you two watch him scenes we'll be able to get!" Suzume exclaimed.

"Akamaru doesn't like frolicking through leaves." Said Kiba, petting Akamaru lovingly.  "He had a bad experience."

"He won't have to worry about anything with our artificial leaves!" Suzume said.

"I don't think you understand." Kiba said.  "He had a REALLY bad experience."

"Hm…then we'll have to get a different image." Suzume said, scratching her chin.  "Okay, so you can all go to wardrobe and get change into your seasonal clothing!"

Everyone was then whisked away by some attendants.  The girls were taken into the same room with a bunch of curtains.  They went into their appointed curtains and found clothing already there and ready for them!!

"I get to be summer with Sasuke!" sang Sakura.

"Shut up!" said Ino angrily.

"You're just jealous because I'm summer and you're autumn." Sakura said.

"No, I'm jealous because you're with Sasuke and I'm with Kiba!" Ino complained.

"At least you're not with Shikamaru!" Tenten added.  "Just think of how _I _feel!"

Hinata wanted to voice about how she was extremely distraught that she not only had to model with Neji, the scariest person in the world, EAGLE, the one that went after her in laser tag, but he was also her cousin!  That was just WEIRD!

They all got dressed in their seasonal clothing and walked outside the curtains to show each other.  They exited the changing room and decided that they would just wait outside the boys' changing room since they appeared to still be in it.

"That's weird." Said Sakura.  "I always thought boys were fast changers."

"I guess not." Shrugged Ino.

They waited outside the changing room for another ten minutes, wondering when the boys would emerge, when Suzume suddenly walked over.  "Hey, what's taking so long?" she asked.

"The boys." Said Tenten, pointing at the changing room.

Suzume knocked on the door.  "Boys?" she called, but got no response.  She slowly opened the door and peeked in.  "…Boys?"

Then she swung the door open to see an opened window and all the seasonal clothing still on their hangers.  "It looks like they've skipped out." Suzume sighed.  "We lose more good models that way!  Well, girls, if there aren't any boys then there isn't any reason for you all to be here!"

"You mean there's no deal?" whined Sakura.  "I wanted to model with Sasuke!"

"Can we keep the clothes?" Tenten asked.


	50. Unsexy Men: Awesome Ninjas Unlimited

Naruto Primer: Un-Sexy Men

Awesome Ninjas Unlimited

"She said that KIBA was sensitive!" Lee yelled, pounding the table at the local Johnny Rocket's.  He, Naruto and Chouji were all sitting around in a booth with milkshakes and French fries.  "Kiba!  The one who runs around like a wild beast while growling and foaming and all kinds of nasty stuff like that!!  They said HE was more sensitive than me!  All I have is my sensitivity!"

"Yeah but…chicks love puppies." Chouji pointed out.

"Obviously that woman has a weird sense of everything then." Said Naruto.  "If she was going to pass me up as a sexy person and pass YOU up as a sensitive person then she's got to have SOMETHING wrong with her!"

"That's so nice!" said Lee, crying in his hands.

"Well I didn't want to model anyway." Said Chouji.

"I sure as heck did!" said Naruto passionately.  "And I still think that I should be!"

"It doesn't matter now." Sighed Lee.  "We are what we are."

Before Naruto could start a heated debate with Lee, Shino suddenly came out of nowhere and sat down next to them only AFTER asking permission first of course.  He had probably entered Johnny Rocket's to get a delicious milkshake and just spotted some compadres of his so he decided to sit with them.

"Shino, where did you go?" asked Naruto.  "You just disappeared when the lady was deciding who would be a model for her."

"I had some errands to run." Shino replied.  "And I figured that there was no better time than while that random lady was asking people to model for her."

"But what if she thought you were sexy?!" demanded Naruto.

"Then I would have left to go and do my errands." Shino said.  "I don't need to model.  I'm only twelve."

"I'm thirteen." Said Lee.

"I didn't say YOU were twelve." Shino said.

"What kind of errands could you have possibly been running?" Chouji asked.

"I had to get a bunch of pictures developed." Shino answered, pulling a yellow Kodak folder out of his pocket.  "Do you want to see them?"

"What are they of?" Naruto asked as he took the envelope and pulled the wad of photos out.  He looked at the first picture to see a big bug face staring back at him.

"Bugs." Shino answered.

"All of them?" Naruto said, quickly shuffling through the pictures.

"Not the last one." Said Shino.  "It's of me.  I always do that with my film.  I get a little silly and take a picture of myself.  In this one, I'm sticking out my tongue and crossing my eyes."

Naruto looked at the last picture.  "Well, I'm sure the picture would be hilarious if your collar wasn't covering half your face and your sunglasses weren't covering the other half." Naruto said with a sigh.

Lee leaned over and looked at the picture.  "You look the same." He said.

"Let me see!" said Chouji as if it as a HILARIOUS picture that everyone was talking about.

"Maybe there is no career for you in modeling." Said Lee.

"That's it!!" said Naruto, dropping the pictures on the table and standing up dramatically.  "We could take pictures of ourselves and make our OWN magazine that people would buy!"

"Yeah!" said Lee.  "We can call it SENSITIVE Ninjas Unlimited!"

"No one would buy it if it was called Sensitive Ninjas Unlimited." Naruto said, looking at Lee as if he was stupid.

"Aww…" said Lee sadly.

"We could call it AWESOME Ninjas Unlimited!" said Chouji, getting excited.

"We'll be in it and those other guys won't be in it at all." Said Naruto as he sat back down and picked up a crayon and a napkin.  "And the cover would look like this and I would be right here with my thumb up and winking at the camera!  Yeah, I call being on the cover."

"I wanted to be on the cover." Complained Lee.

"…" said Naruto.  "Oh, I also call being the centerfold!"

"You can't have BOTH of them." Said Chouji.

"I'm the ninja of the month so I get to be the cover and the centerfold." Naruto decided right then and there.  "Besides, it was my idea to make the magazine."

"Can I be the ninja of the month NEXT month?!" asked Lee.

"…" said Naruto.  "So anyway!  We need to get a photographer!"

"I'll be the photographer." Said Shino.  "I'm REALLY good at taking pictures."

"How about Lee's the photographer?" suggested Naruto.

"No, I want to be a model!" said Lee, getting fiery eyes.

"I just got another idea!" said Naruto since he was on a roll.  "In the back of the magazine, we could put a bunch of reject ninjas who didn't make it into our magazine like Sasuke!  And we could show stupid pictures of him!"

"What do you mean by stupid?" asked Chouji.

"For one, we could show me beating him up!" Naruto said, drawing a little picture of himself beating up Sasuke.  "Or tripping on a banana peel!  Or falling down the stairs or something stupid like that!"

"But if he was an aspiring model and sent in pictures of himself to be in our magazine, why would he send in pictures of when he was falling down stairs?" asked Chouji.

"We could take the pictures of him!" said Naruto.

"When would we EVER find Sasuke in that sort of situation?" Lee asked.

"We'll work out the details later!" said Naruto.  "But we could get all those stupid guys who the lady picked to be in her sexy magazine!  We could show Neji being targeted by a squirty tie!  That would be so funny!  And then we could get Shikamaru when…"

"Not Shikamaru." Said Chouji immediately.

"Why?" asked Naruto.

"Because." Chouji said.  "Just because."

Speak of the devil, Shikamaru walked in just then!  He was also followed by Sasuke, Neji and Kiba who were all just walking.  Behind him.  In a single file line.  ONLY because they felt like it.

"Shikamaru!" exclaimed Chouji.  "What are you doing here?  I thought you were going to be a model!"

"It was too troublesome." Said Shikamaru as he sat down next to Chouji.

"What about the rest of you?" said Lee in sort of a resentful tone.

"Shikamaru pretty much hit the nail on the head." Said Kiba.  "It was too troublesome."  Akamaru barked.  "Well then you should have stayed behind if you wanted to model so much!  I just didn't like the way that lady handled you."

"I thought I could deal with it but once she brought in the girls…" Sasuke began, as he pulled out a banana from his lunch bag.  He peeled it and started eating.  "I didn't want them to think anything was… I don't know… THERE."

"Yeah and it just…didn't work for me." Said Neji.

"What's this?" Shikamaru said, taking the napkin away from Naruto and looking at it.  "Awesome Ninjas Unlimited?"

"Give that back!!" Naruto yelled, snatching the napkin and ripping it up into a thousand pieces.

"We were going to make our OWN magazine!!" Lee said passionately.  "And I was going to be ninja of the month NEXT month!"

"Oh?" said all of the people who had been chosen for Sexy Ninjas Unlimited as they laughed at Naruto subtly.

"Let's just leave!" said Naruto, standing up and getting out of the booth angrily.

"Oops." Said Sasuke as he dropped his banana peel on the ground.  He bent down and picked it up.  "Wouldn't want anyone to trip on this.  Especially me.  That would be embarrassing."  Then he threw the peel away.

The mass of eight men with varying sex appeal exited Johnny Rocket's while chuckling about what a CRAZY day it had been.  As they continued on their merry way, going wherever the wind was taking them, suddenly, Sasuke toppled to the ground, landing flat on his back.

"Ow." Said Sasuke.

Shino bent over and picked up a banana peel.  "How ironic." He said.

"He slipped on a banana peel!!" gasped Naruto.  "Hurry, take a picture!!"

"I don't have my camera with me." Shino said.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" yelled Naruto as he dropped to his knees and the camera panned out so that it was further and further away until we could only see the solar system but still hear his everlasting screams.


	51. Lil Shikamaru: The Laziest Baby Ever

Naruto Primer: Lil' Shikamaru

The Laziest Baby Ever

Shikamaru has always been as lazy as he is smart.  Don't believe us?  Then let's just look into our Magical Crystal Ball of the Past so you can see for yourself.  Want a Magic Crystal Ball of the Past for your own purposes?  You're going to have to talk to Orochimaru.  We had a hard enough time getting this one from him since that bastard was hoarding them all.

One fine morn, Shikato, Shikamaru's father, was at home tending to the bundle of joy.  You see, since Shikato is such a passive husband, he's one of those stay at home type of fathers.  It was time to feed the two year old baby that is known as Shikamaru.

He placed him in his booster seat and he applied the 'I Love My Grandpa' bib and then dropped some little cut up hotdogs on a little plate with the alphabet and a bear on it.  He also lovingly filled up a sippy cup filled with milk and placed it next to the plate, leaving Shikamaru to his business.

Just as Shikato was about to lounge back and catch up on his newspaper reading, he saw Shikamaru out of the corner of his eye just sitting there and not moving.  Not even LOOKING at the cut up hot dogs.

"Not hungry?" he asked.

Shikamaru nodded.

"Okay then." Said Shikato, going to his newspaper.

A few minutes later, Shikato peeked over the newspaper again to see that Shikamaru STILL hadn't moved.  "Did you say that you were hungry?" Shikato asked again.

Shikamaru nodded AGAIN.

"Then why aren't you eating?" Shikato said, folding the newspaper down and putting it on the table.

Shikamaru reached out for the mini-spork on the table and presented it to Shikato, obviously wanting him to take the spork.  "No, Shikamaru, I'm not going to feed you." Said Shikato.  "It's too troublesome and you're old enough to feed yourself."

Shikamaru sighed and dropped the fork on the table.

"I'm still not going to feed you." Said Shikato, picking up his newspaper again.  After finishing up the story in the newspaper, he looked around the paper to see Shikamaru holding his sippy cup and unscrewing the top, his hotdogs still untouched.  "What are you doing now?" he asked.

Shikamaru only looked at Shikato, but didn't answer.

Shikato only watched as Shikamaru placed the cover on the table and then lifted the cup up.  Just when he thought he would surely dump it all over the floor, he raised the cup to his lips and drank.

"So…you won't eat because I won't feed you, yet you unscrewed the top of your cup so you could drink it?" Shikato said, looking slightly confused.  Shikamaru only placed the cup on the table and waited.  "What, are you done now?"

Shikamaru nodded.

"Fine," said Shikato, lifting Shikamaru up out of his booster seat and placing him on the floor.  Shikamaru ran off out of sight.  

Shikato shook his head and went back to his newspaper, only to suddenly hear the sound of the television in the other room.  He got up and walked in the other room to see Shikamaru holding a remote control and watching television.

"No," said Shikato, taking the remote away from Shikamaru.  "You don't need to watch…"—he looked at the screen—"…CNN."  Then he turned off the television and pulled a beach ball out of Shikamaru's huge box of only child toys.  "Let's play with your favorite ball!" suggested Shikato as he sat down on the floor with Shikamaru.

He rolled the ball to him and he caught it.  Shikamaru held it for a second or two and then turned it around a few times.  He finally found the stopper in the ball and pulled on it until it came out.  Then he leaned on the ball and deflated it until it was just a flat blob on the floor.

"…Or not." Said Shikato.  "Look, if you don't want to play with the ball you should just say so.  What do you want to play instead?"

Shikamaru stood up and went over to the shelf and pulled out a box.  He brought it over to Shikato and put it on the floor.  "Don't be silly, Shikamaru!" said Shikato as Shikamaru took the top off the box.  "You can't play Checkers.  You're just a little too young."

But Shikamaru already had the board on the floor and was pulling out all the red pieces.

"I'm red." Said Shikamaru, except he said 'wed', as he placed a red piece in the corner of the board that was closest to him.

"Okay, I'll help you." Said Shikato as he pulled out some red pieces and placed them randomly on the board.  He figured that Shikamaru was ONLY playing with the pieces for fun.  Like…play HOUSE with the Checkers pieces.  Or pretend to play Checkers.

Shikamaru waited for Shikato to finish with his random placement of the Checkers pieces.  Then he leaned over and moved them around a bit so they were all line up on his side of the board in the correct fashion.

Shikato was, at first, unable to really give an intelligent reaction.

Noticing this, Shikamaru started pulling out the black pieces and placing them in the correct places on the OTHER side of the board closest to Shikato.

"I can do it." Shikato assured him as he started taking pieces.  But Shikamaru took the pieces away from him and set them up himself.  "I was only pretending to not know where they went." Shikato said.

Shikamaru only gave Shikato a questioning look as he finished setting up all the black pieces as well.

"Why do I have to explain myself to a two year old?" Shikato wondered to himself.

"Me first." Said Shikamaru.

"Okay, you can go first." Said Shikato, figuring this game wouldn't really go much further.

A little later, Shikamaru's mother, who will be known as Shikaonna, came in the house.  "I'm home!" she called.

"Shh, Shikamaru's sleeping." Said Shikato as he walked over to greet her.

"Oh, well I don't think it would really matter if I woke him up." Said Shikaonna.  "He'd just go back to sleep anyway!  So what did you two do today?"

"Well…we played…Checkers." Said Shikato finally.

"That's so cute!" said Shikaonna.  "I hope you let him win!"

"Yeah…I let him win the first game…" Shikato said.  "Then he…um… I don't know how to explain it.  He kind of… GOT ANNOYED.  Like he knew I let him win."

"How would he know a thing like that?" said Shikaonna.

"I don't know." Said Shikato.  "So he made us play again.  And then he beat me.  Legitimately."

"He beat you when you were trying?" Shikaonna said, looking slightly shocked.

"Yeah…not just once though…" Shikato said slowly.

"He beat you twice?" Shikaonna said, looking more and more surprised.

"Actually…thirteen times." Shikato corrected.  "Not counting the one where I let him win."

"Did you win at all?" Shikaonna asked.  

Shikato shook his head.  "And then, after the last game, he kind of just walked away as if he was bored with me." Shikato said.  "When I got over my shock and followed him, I found that he put himself down for a nap.  As if I had bored him SO much that he had to go to sleep, but in the comfort of his own bed."

The two stood in silence.

"What now?" asked Shikaonna.

"When he wakes up, I'm going to teach him how to play chess." Said Shikato.


	52. Lil Sasuke: Ice Cream Man

Naruto Primer: Lil' Sasuke

Ice Cream Man

Just by looking at Sasuke, one can make the inference that he's been aspiring to be a ninja ever since the day he was born.  I think we need to revisit the Magic Crystal Ball of the Past to show you just how wrong you are.

Little four-year-old Sasuke was flicking through the three channels that had animated things on them only to find that they were all shows that he didn't want to watch.  So he jumped off the couch and instinctively went in search for his awesome older brother.

He slowly opened the door to Itachi's room to find him just sitting by himself.  It's not like that was anything out of the ordinary, though, because that was usually the state in which Sasuke found his brother.  "Itachi?" Sasuke asked, hanging on the doorknob.  "Will you come outside and play with me?"

"Not right now." Said Itachi.  "I'm busy."

"Please?" Sasuke asked.

"No, I don't have time." Said Itachi as he stood up and tried to push Sasuke out of the room.  "I have to get ready for the chuunin exam.  I'm taking it in only a few days."  With that, he shut the door on little Sasuke's face.

Sasuke paused for a moment and then went down the stairs, into the kitchen where his mom was making lunch.  "Mom…" he said.  "I asked Itachi to play with me but he said no…"

"Well, Sasuke, he's very busy." His mother replied.

"But mom, I want to play with him." Said Sasuke, sounding whiny.

"If you just wait until after he takes the chuunin exam, you can play with him all you want." Said his mother.

"But mom, I want to play with him now." Sasuke whined more and more.

"Maybe if you ask him nicely, he'll play with you for a little while." His mom replied, trying to make him go away.

"I did ask him nicely but he said no." Sasuke complained.

"Fine," said his mom, sounding annoyed as she walked to the bottom of the stairs.  "ITACHI!!"

"WHAT?!" Itachi yelled from his room.

"COME OUT HERE!!!" she yelled.

Itachi opened the door to his room and stood at the top of his stairs.  "What?" he asked.

"Play with your brother!" she said.

"I don't want to!" said Itachi.

"Just for fifteen minutes." Said his mom.

"Mom!" said Itachi as he stomped down the stairs.  "I don't have time to play with him now!"

"Itachi, don't make me ground you!" said his mom angrily.

"Just for fifteen minutes then, no more!" said Itachi as he looked at Sasuke who was watching from the other room.  "Get your glove, Sasuke!  We're playing catch."

"Yay!" cheered Sasuke as he ran off to get his glove.

A few minutes later, Itachi and Sasuke were outside throwing a baseball back and forth.  Of course, Sasuke's throws were WAY LAME but that's okay.

"So what is the chuunin exam?" Sasuke asked.  "Is it a ninja thing?"

"Yes, it's a ninja thing." Itachi replied.  "Maybe if you get good enough, you'll take the exam someday."

"I don't think I will." Sasuke said.

"What, you don't think you'll get good enough?" Itachi asked.  "I think you'll get good enough if you work at it."

"I don't think I even want to be a ninja." Sasuke said.

Itachi was so shocked that, in mid throw, he just dropped the ball.

"What?" he said.  "Did you just say that you didn't want to be a ninja?  All the Uchihas are ninjas."

"But I don't want to." Said Sasuke.  "There are other things I want to be when I grow up…"

"What could you possibly want to be when you grow up BESIDES a ninja?" Itachi said as if he couldn't possibly fathom growing up to be anything except for a ninja.

"I don't know…" Sasuke said.  "A police officer… or a veterinarian…"

"You want to be a veterinarian when you grow up?" Itachi said, looking disappointed.

"Yeah, kind of." Sasuke answered.  "But only if I don't make a good ice cream man!"

"Ice cream man?" Itachi said, dropping his glove.  "All right, Sasuke, no more catch."

"But you said you'd play with me for fifteen minutes!" whined Sasuke.

"There are more important things to do than play." Said Itachi, walking over to Sasuke.  "I'm going to explain to you the wonders of being a ninja, and then teach you how to throw a shuriken.  Then I'll show you how to use the Sharingan because I KNOW you can."

"I just want to play catch." Said Sasuke, as he punched his glove enthusiastically.

"No, give me the glove." Said Itachi.

"I got it for my birthday." Sasuke said protectively.

"I'll give it back." Itachi promised as he pulled a shuriken out of his little pouch that he ALWAYS carries around.  "It's a distraction right now.  Besides, you can't throw this ninja star if you don't take the glove off."

"But I don't want to throw the ninja star." Said Sasuke.

Finally, Itachi just got fed up and yoinked the glove off Sasuke's hand and put it on the ground.  Then he replaced his open palm with a ninja star.  "All you have to do is throw it at that tree right there." Itachi explained.  "And that's the first step to becoming a ninja."

"I don't want to be a ninja though." Sasuke repeated.

"Just throw it." said Itachi, sounding angry.

Sasuke didn't want to disappoint his cool older brother so he threw the star but it didn't even reach the tree.  "I guess I'm not going to be a very good ninja." Said Sasuke.

"You'll be a good ninja, Sasuke." Said Itachi.  "Even if I have to stand out here all day waiting for you to throw this star right."

"But I'll miss Scooby Doo." Said Sasuke.

"Being a ninja is much more important than any Scooby Doo rerun!" Itachi said.

"I think I just want to be an ice cream man." Sasuke decided.

"There will be no Uchiha ice cream man!!" yelled Itachi as he took out a ninja star and threw it at the tree so hard that the tree got completely cut in half and the star lodged itself in the tree behind it.  "Okay, get it?  Like that."

"Wow!" exclaimed Sasuke.

"Now you do it." Itachi instructed.

And so they practiced through the day with Sasuke not really getting any better.  At all.  Finally, Sasuke just stopped all together.  "Itachi, I just want to be an ice cream man." He said.

"Look, Sasuke, if you become a ninja then you can do various missions." Itachi began, bending down to Sasuke's height.  "Some of them being delivering ice cream.  I delivered ice cream just the other day."

"You mean that if I'm a ninja I can throw ninja stars and cut trees in half AND deliver ice cream all in one day?!" Sasuke said, looking EVER so excited.

"Sometimes you get to deliver ice cream twice!" Itachi said.

"Wow!!" Sasuke cheered.  "Then I DO want to be a ninja!"

"Okay, good." Said Itachi with a sigh of relief.  "Now I have to go and train for my chuunin exam."

"I'll help you!" said Sasuke.  "We could train together!"

"No." said Itachi.


	53. Lil Kiba: My Perfectly White Puppy

Naruto Primer: Lil' Kiba

Shiromaru

We've previously touched on the fact that Kiba and Akamaru are the best of friends.  But how exactly did Kiba come to own Akamaru?  And why is their bond so strong?  I think it's time once again to look in the Magic Crystal Ball of the Past.

Kiba was only nine on that fateful Christmas morning.  At about five o'clock, he shot upright in bed and let out a loud gasp.  He knew it was Christmas and that it was time to go and open his presents.

He jumped out of bed clad in his favorite pajamas; the blue ones with the yellow stars on them; and holding his little puppy stuffed animal.  He went right for his parents' room, turned the lights on and quickly shook them awake while exclaiming all sorts of adorable phrases like, "Wake up, it's Christmas!!" and "We have to open the presents!!"

Kiba's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Inuzuka, were particularly excited about this Christmas morning as well because they had got Kiba the one thing he had always wanted.

He ran downstairs and was wowed by all the beautiful Christmas lights that were already on and flashing, and the full stockings and the absurd amount of presents that were under the tree!  He ran through the presents like a buzz saw, tearing open all the wrapping paper, pausing only to take a breath here and there.  That's what it's like for only children on Christmas day.

When all the presents had been opened and the new toys stacked, there was a time for a bit of Christmas reflection.

"Wait…didn't we forget to put something under the tree?" said Kiba's mother to his father.

"What?!" Kiba said eagerly.

"Why, I think we did!" said Kiba's father.

"What is it?!" Kiba asked, jumping up and down.

"See for yourself." Said Kiba's mother as she pulled a box out from the closet and handed it to him.  "Don't shake it, though."

Kiba lifted up the top of the box and looked down inside to see a little puppy sitting on the bottom with a red bow around his neck.  "A PUPPY!!!" he exclaimed happily as he pulled the happy puppy out of the box.

"We figured it was only fitting since we both had dogs and we're a very dog oriented family." Said Kiba's father as he stroked his evil dog with a patch.

"I'm going to name him Shiromaru because he's white!" said Kiba.  "Is it okay if I take Shiromaru outside to play with all my friends?"

"Of course!" said his parents.  Kiba ran upstairs to get changed in some of his brand new Christmas clothes that he just got from Santa and then took his new puppy outside where all the neighborhood boys were playing with their favorite new toys.

"Wait here, Shiromaru!" said Kiba as he put the puppy down and ran over to where all the boys were standing.

"My favorite toy is this new butterfly net." Said Lil' Shino.  "I can't use it yet because it's, you know, winter.  But later I'll use it all the time."

"I got an Easy Bake Oven!" said Chouji.  "I didn't bring it outside though because that would just be silly."

"I got a new bike but I'll never use it." Shikamaru said.

"I SO beat you in ALL your presents!" said Kiba.  "Because I got a PUPPY!"  He turned around to present Shiromaru to the three kids only to find that he wasn't standing there anymore.  "Hey!  Where'd you go?"  The four of them went on a scavenger hunt for Shiromaru until Kiba finally round the corner to find the most horrid sight that no little boy should ever have to see.  Road kill.

"OH MY GOD!!!" yelled Kiba, slapping his cheeks.  "SHIROMARU!!"

"You can have my bike." Shikamaru offered.

"HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED?!" Kiba yelled.  "I PUT HIM DOWN FOR ONLY A MINUTE!!"

Kiba ran all the way back to his house and flung the door open.  "MOM!!  DAD!!  MY PUPPY GOT RUN OVER!!!"

No sooner had he said these words did his parents have him at the nearest pet store to buy him a new one.  Every other parent in the world would scold their child for being careless and letting their puppy die within ten minutes, but not Kiba's parents.  They had way too much experience with puppies and losing puppies to be unsympathetic.

"How about this one?" suggested his father as he pointed to one of the puppies in the cage.  "It says that he'll grow up to be three feet tall!"  He turned around and found that Kiba wasn't looking at the puppy HE was looking at.

"How about one of those?" Kiba said, pointing at a big cage that had about seven puppies frolicking around in it.  "I want one of those puppies."

"Those won't get very big." Said Kiba's mother.

"But I like these puppies because they look like Shiromaru except they're red." Said Kiba.

"We could get you the same kind of puppy as Shiromaru." Said Kiba's father.

"But then I'll be reminded too much of Shiromaru and get sad whenever I look at the new puppy!" whined Kiba.

"Well…I suppose…" said Kiba's father uneasily.  He was a firm believer in big dogs.

A store clerk walked over to help out.  "Which one would you like?" he asked.

"That one!" said Kiba, pointing at the little puppy that was in the corner sitting by himself as all the other puppies jumped around and had fun.

"That one's the runt, Kiba." Said Kiba's mother.

"Yes, he's probably not going to live much longer." Said the store clerk.

"What?" said Kiba.  "Then I should definitely get that one!"

"Kiba…that's…that's the runt." Said Kiba's dad, looking slightly shocked.

"I want that one." Kiba decided.

The store clerk shrugged and pulled the runt puppy out of the cage and handed it to Kiba.  "I like this puppy!" Kiba said.  "I'm never going to put him down ever and I'm going to take care of him!  And, since he's red, I'll name him Akamaru!"

"You know, the amazing thing about that breed of dog is that they have the ability to change their color from red to white." Said the store clerk.

"Really?" said Kiba.  "So he'll be just like Shiromaru!  But if he's white then the name Akamaru seems kind of ludicrous!  Oh well!"

"Are you sure you want this dog, Kiba?" asked Kiba's dad, trying to lure him over to where all the big dog puppies were.  "It's not going to grow up to be much bigger than that."

"That's okay." Said Kiba.  "If he was any bigger than it would be too heavy to carry."

"You don't always have to carry him." Said Kiba's mother.

"Yes I do." Said Kiba. "I'm never going to let him out of my sight!  Not after what happened to Shiromaru!"

Much to the family's disappointment, Kiba's parents bought the new red puppy for him.  Kiba took him home and gave him all the loving he needed to grow into a healthy, yet still runty, dog.


	54. Lil Chouji: Cookies

Naruto Primer: Lil' Chouji

Cookies

Chouji has always been great friends with Shikamaru.  Out of everyone, the one person that Chouji could truly call his greatest friend is Shikamaru.  And, since we used the phrase 'has always been', you KNOW we're going to use our Magic Crystal Ball of the Past again.

"Dad!" said eight-year-old Chouji as he sat with his face pressed against the window.  "When is Shikamaru gonna get here?!"

"His father said he'd be here at two o'clock." Replied Chomaru, Chouji's crazy large father.

"It's almost two o'clock now." Said Chouji.

"That means that he's not late yet." Chomaru pointed out.

"But what if he doesn't come?" Chouji asked, looking distressed.

"He's going to, don't worry." Said Chomaru.

But the minutes ticked by until it was suddenly 2:05.  Now Chouji was starting to get a little bit worried that maybe Shikamaru WASN'T going to show up, that he was above going over to Chouji's house or something like that.  Just when Chouji was about to go crying to his mommy, he spotted Shikamaru and his father, Shikato, WAY off in the distance.

"SHIKAMARU'S HERE!!" Chouji yelled.

"See?" said Chomaru.  "I TOLD you he was going to come!"

Of course, Shikamaru and Shikato were making their way quite slowly and lazily up to Chouji's house that it wasn't until 2:10 that they actually got there!

"Hi Shikamaru!" said Chouji.  "I thought you weren't going to come but you DID!  I'm sorry for thinking you weren't going to."

"Chouji, you know better than that." Said Shikamaru.  "When I say that I'm going to be somewhere, I'll be there.  Even if it takes me an extra long time."

"So what do you want to do?" asked Chouji.

Shikamaru only gave Chouji that look that SO said, 'You should know better, Chouji.'

"Right!" said Chouji, taking a hint.  "How about we make cookies?"

"Okay." Said Shikamaru with a shrug.  Chouji and Shikamaru both frolicked off to the kitchen.

"First we need one egg." Said Chouji, reading a label.

"How about I read the recipe?" Shikamaru said, taking the book away from Chouji.

"Okay!" said Chouji as he ran off to the refrigerator to retrieve the eggs and set them on the table.  "What else do we need, Shikamaru?"

"Flour." Shikamaru read.

This continued until they had all the ingredients they needed.  Then Chouji pulled out a big bowl and a spoon for mixing.  "First we add one egg…" Chouji said as he cracked an egg and dropped it in the bowl.

He eventually got all the ingredients into the bowl as Shikamaru only sat and watched.  "Now we mix it!" said Chouji.  "Do you want to mix it?"

"No, you can." Said Shikamaru.

"But you look bored!" Chouji said.

"I'm not." Shikamaru assured him.

"Okay then…" said Chouji as he mixed the ingredients in the bowl.  "You sure you don't want to, Shikamaru?  My arm's getting tired!"

"You should try using your left arm." Shikamaru suggested.

"Good idea!" said Chouji as he switched hands.

"I'm full of 'em." Shikamaru said.

"Wow, I'm not as good at stirring with my left hand as I am with my right hand!" Chouji observed.

"That's because you're a righty, Chouji." Shikamaru said.

"Well I knew that!" laughed Chouji.  "I was just making small talk."

"Oh, okay." Said Shikamaru.  "I think you should add chocolate chips to the cookies.  I really like chocolate chips."

"Me too!" Chouji said, putting the spoon down and pulling a big bag of chocolate chips.  "I never would have even thought of putting chocolate chips in!  Whenever I make cookies, I always get to the cooking part and that's when I remember the chocolate chips but by then it's too late."

"What kind of chocolate chips do you have?" Shikamaru asked, reaching his hand in the bag and pulling out a handful of chips.

"We have chocolate chips and peanut butter chips!" said Chouji.  "Which one should we use?"

"Why not both?" Shikamaru said.  "You like peanut butter cups, don't you?"

"That's a great idea!" said Chouji.  "But how much of each should we put in?"

"Hm…" said Shikamaru.  "Well, I like chocolate chips more, I think we should put a 3:1 ratio of chocolate to peanut butter chips."

"Wha?" said Chouji.

"I'LL do the measuring." Said Shikamaru as he pulled the two bags and measuring cup over closer to himself.

"You're so smart, Shikamaru!" marveled Chouji.

"You're smart too Chouji." Said Shikamaru.

"Not as smart as you!" Chouji said.

"Did you remember to preheat the oven?" Shikamaru asked, changing the subject.

"No, I forgot." Said Chouji.  "I have to ask my mom, though."

Chouji ran to the bottom of his stairs.  "MOM!!" he called.  "I'M GOING TO USE THE OVEN!!!"

"OKAY!!" Chouji's mom called down from up the stairs.

Chouji ran back into the kitchen and turned the oven on.  "Are the chocolate chips all measured out?" he asked Shikamaru.

"Yeah but now you have to mix them all in." Shikamaru said.

"That's okay because I haven't even finished mixing the batter yet anyway!" said Chouji as he took the measuring cup and poured it in with all the other fancy stuff.  "I'll go and get a cookie sheet after I finish mixing the bowl."

"I'll get the cookie sheet." Said Shikamaru as he hopped off his seat at the table and went off to find a cookie sheet.

"Thanks, Shikamaru!" said Chouji.  "Do you know where they are?"

"No, but that's half the fun." Said Shikamaru, opening a few cabinets and looking inside.  He then opened the door to the pantry to find that it was even larger than the kitchen, filled with all sorts of delectable treats and fun things like that!  "Actually, could you just tell me where they are?"

"Yeah, they're on the top shelf!" said Chouji.

Shikamaru sighed.  "That's so troublesome." He said as he retrieved a chair from the kitchen and dragged it into the pantry.  As he climbed up, he got a good look at all the shining gold that was inside.  "Chouji, can I have a Rice Krispie Treat?" he asked.

"Sure!" said Chouji.  "Take anything you want!"

Shikamaru took a Rice Krispie Treat and opened the wrapping.  He enjoyed it greatly and then grabbed the cookie sheet off the top shelf and brought it back into the kitchen.  Then, since he's such a great guest, he even put the chair back and threw the wrapper in the trashcan, no matter how troublesome both of those tasks proved to be.

"All right, here's the cookie sheet." Said Shikamaru as he lied the sheet down on the table.

Chouji began putting little blobs of dough on the sheet.  Shikamaru even helped!!  Then, when the oven was preheated, he slipped the sheet inside and set the timer for fifteen minutes.

"What should we do while we wait?" Chouji asked.

Shikamaru gave him one of those looks again.

"Okay, how about we play on my jungle gym in the back yard!" Chouji said.

"As long as it has a swing." Shikamaru said.

"It has TWO!" Chouji said, sounding ridiculously excited.

"Even better!" said Shikamaru.  Then the two of them skipped outside and went to play on the jungle gym as they waited for their cookies to finish.


	55. Sasuke n Lee: Shindainishin Revisited!

Naruto Primer: Sasuke/Rock Lee

Shindainishin Revisited!

Ever since Sasuke tripped on that banana peel in front of all the guys, he just hasn't been able to control his inferiority complex.  Why hadn't he noticed that there was a banana peel under his foot?!  Why was it only HIM who had slipped on that banana peel?!

Everyone else, meanwhile, had completely forgotten about it.  Especially Lee who was out looking for Sakura to ask her on a date as we speak.

"Sakura, will you go out with me?" Lee practiced as he walked down the street.  "Or…Sakura, would you do me the honor of…no…oh, why do I even bother?  It's not like she'll ever say yes!"

Lee's speech was well timed because Sasuke just so happened to overhear him.  Mind you, he doesn't care about Sakura or the fact that Lee is having troubles getting her to date him, more so the fact that Lee was THERE instead of being somewhere else.

"Lee, I demand that you fight me now!" said Sasuke, pointing at Lee.

"I accept!" said Lee immediately.  "After all, we never really got back to our battle after we went to Papa Gino's!  I've beat you once before, I'll do it again!"

"I LET you win!" Sasuke argued as he got ready to use his Katon Ryuuka even though it never works.

"Oh, don't bother using that Katon Ryuuka." Said Lee.  "I can tell just by your hand seals just what you're doing.  It's easy to dodge and I know exactly how to read it."

"I WASN'T doing that move…" Sasuke said as he quickly changed his hand seals.

"Not the Katon Goukakyuu either." Said Lee.  "Or the Katon Housenka.  All those fire moves are all the same and equally easy to dodge!"

"Fine then I'll have too—"

"Don't tell me that you're going to use the Shishi Rendan!" said Lee.  "That is practically MY move so you honestly think that I don't know how to dodge it?"

"I wasn't planning on using that one!" said Sasuke, getting frustrated.  "If you're going to be so cocky then I'm going---"

"Didn't Kakashi tell you NOT to use the Chidori in minor fights?" Lee asked.

Sasuke quickly racked his brain trying to think of a move that Lee had never seen before so he could throw him off guard.  Suddenly, he found one that he had copied from someone.  He couldn't remember where from or when, but if he didn't even know what the move was then there was no chance that Lee could possibly know!

"Let's see how you do against the Shindainishin no Jutsu!" said Sasuke as he performed all the hand seals.  As soon as he said the name, he remembered just what it was.  "Oh crap."

But they were both enveloped in white light that soon diminished.  After a moment of silence, Sasuke looked down at himself.

"OH my god!" he yelled as he jumped up in the air.  "Look at me!!  I'm Sasuke!!  I'm Sasuke!!"

"Hurry Lee, hug me and say you love me before anyone sees us!" said Lee frantically.

"Wait…what?" said Sasuke.

"Okay, okay…" said Lee, figuring he deserved at least an explanation.  "In my frazzled state, I accidentally used a move to switch our bodies.  As you can see, you're inside me and I'm inside you.  This has happened to me before and the only way to turn us back is to hug each other say that we're in love."

"Well that's weird!" laughed Sasuke.  "But if it's the only way…"

"Yes, unfortunately, it is the only way." Said Lee.

"Absolutely then, since we can't very well have us be in each other's bodies for longer than we need to!" said Sasuke.

"You are a lot more reasonable than Naruto." Said Lee and just when they were hold each other in a warm embrace of artificial love, Sakura suddenly rounded the corner.

"SASUKE!!" she called as she ran over.

"Not yet." Said Lee, pushing Sasuke away because he didn't need Sakura pulling the, "YOU'RE GAY?!" like he knew she would.

"Are you two fighting over my love again?" she asked.

"Indeed we are, Sakura!" said Sasuke.

Sakura was just about to say something but then she paused and looked at Sasuke.  "Wha?" she said.

"Sakura, I would like you ask if you wanted to go on a date with me!!" said Sasuke dramatically as fire burned in his eyes.

"NO!!" yelled Lee.

"Of course!!" said Sakura.  "Sorry, Lee, but I only like you as a friend!"

"You can't date her!" said Lee angrily.

"I'm in heaven!" said Sasuke.

"Me too!" Sakura agreed.

"I'll see YOU at six!" said Sasuke.

"Okay!" Sakura said happily as she skipped off.

"What was that all about?!" demanded Lee.

"Please let me date Sakura JUST ONCE and then we can switch back!" Sasuke pleaded.  "I'll never EVER get another date again in my life!  Especially with Sakura!  You can do whatever you want while you're me!  You can make me look like the biggest idiot ever!"

"I'm not going to walk around making you look like an idiot." Said Lee since he KNEW he was WAY above that.

"I NEED this date!!" Sasuke said, getting down on his knees and begging.  "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!"

"FINE!!" Lee yelled.

"REALLY?!" said Sasuke, springing up.  "NO WAY!!  YOU'RE THE GREATEST GUY EVER!!  Let's be best friends from now on!!"

"Please don't act so flamboyant while you're me." Lee said, shaking his head.

"Right!" said Sasuke.  "Don't worry, after my date I'll come and find you!!"

"You won't have to look hard, I'll be right there." Lee assured him.

"OKAY!!" said Sasuke as he ran off.  Lee wondered if he really should have done that.

Lee walked off, wondering what he would until after the REAL Lee's date was over.  "Let's see…" he said to himself.  "As Lee, I don't have to worry about girls chasing after me.  I don't have to worry about guys wanting to fight me.  I also don't have to worry about random people ambushing me and trying to kill me but failing…" He thought for a moment.  "I guess I could relax all day."

He paused.

"Or I could train." He finished.

With that, he made his way to his favorite training area.

Sasuke, meanwhile, was ALSO wondering what he could do.  After all, he said to Sakura that he'd meet her at SIX, and it was only TWO now.  "Girls are going to be chasing after me, guys will want to fight me and random people are going to ambush me and want to kill me but FAIL!!" Sasuke said to himself.  "The possibilities are endless!!"

"AND," Sasuke added, pointing his finger up in the air.  "I can use ninjustu and genjutsu!"

That sunk in.

"OH MY GOD!!!" he yelled at the top of his lungs so that random bystanders were frightened.  "I CAN USE NINJUTSU AND GENJUTSU!!!  I MUST FIGHT SOMEONE!!!"

Of course, the REAL Sasuke, who is currently in Lee's body (hopefully you knew that) had reached his favorite training spot.  "Hm…I need to create a new move to use against Lee that isn't…THIS one…" he said, finishing up while sounding quite annoyed.

"But Lee's right…" he continued.  "Those fire attacks really never do work.  I need to find a way to improve on them.  Maybe if I combined one of the attacks with the Shishi Rendan… that would be cool."

So Lee splurged up some fire and combined it with the Shishi Rendan and… OH MAN, it was awesome!

Unfortunately, he didn't quite get passed the splurging up the fire.  He didn't even get that far.  "What's going on?" he wondered.  "Why isn't there any fire?"

He had to think about it for about a half a second before he figured it out.

"Oh…no…" he said.

Sasuke (the false one) was not NEARLY as upset about the switch.  He had been running at full speed to Neji's favorite training area with high hopes that Neji would be there.  Training.

He came to a stop and, when the dust cleared, he saw that Neji was standing there looking quite annoyed.  "What are you doing here?" he asked.

"FIGHT ME!!!" Sasuke yelled.

"Not right now…" Neji said.

"NO, IT HAS TO BE NOW IN THE TIMES BETWEEN TWO AND SIX!!!" Sasuke yelled.

"Well fine then." Said Neji as he got in his fighter stance.  "Even though you didn't want to fight me before."

"I'm going to use ALL my ninjutsu and genjutsu on you!!" said Sasuke.  "First, I'll use the Bunshin!!"

"…Okay…" said Neji, looking slightly confused.  "But I don't think that's going to work.  Especially since you just TOLD me what you're doing."

"Hang on!" said Sasuke.  "Back up a little bit, I need a little space to do this.  Just wait a few seconds."

"What?" said Neji, standing up straight.

"Ready?!" said Sasuke as he closed his eyes and concentrated, performing a hand seal.  There was a poof and then a horrible deformed transparent version of Sasuke appeared next to him all dead and immobile, kind of like what Naruto did in the first few chapters.  He opened one eye and looked at it.  "I DID IT!!!  LOOK AT THAT!!!"

Neji was at a loss for words.  "Did you hit your head?" he asked finally.

"This is the best thing that's ever happened to me!" Sasuke announced.  "Well, except for the fact that I'm going out on a date with Sakura.  But I guess that hasn't happened yet so being able to use ninjutsu and genjutsu is, as of right now, the best thing that's ever happened to me!"

"You're not Sasuke." Said Neji finally.

"HOW'D YOU KNOW?!?!" yelled Sasuke as he looked as though he was going to faint.

"It was a little obvious." Neji said, rolling his eyes.

"Neji, you have to teach me a move!!" Sasuke begged.  "Now that you know my horrible secret, I have to learn one of your moves!"

"How does that make any sense at all?" demanded Neji.  "And besides, I don't even know who you are, all I know is that you're NOT Sasuke.  For all I know, you're some evil villain bent on destroying the entire human race and learning one of my moves is key to your evil plan."

"I'm not." Said Sasuke.  "I'm Lee.  Me and Sasuke traded bodies with the Shindainishin no Jutsu!"

"Lee?" Neji said with a raised eyebrow.  "I know it's not true now since the REAL Lee wouldn't be able to use the Shindainishin no Jutsu."

"No, Sasuke used it!" Sasuke said.

"Why would Sasuke switch bodies with Lee?" Neji wondered.  "If he were to switch bodies with someone, wouldn't you think it would be with a jounin, or the Hokage…or, if it had to be another one of us genin…me?"

"I don't know!" said Sasuke.  "He just did!"

"Right, whatever." Said Neji.

"It's true!" said Sasuke.

"Oh yes, I believe you." Said Neji in a very patronizing tone.

Since Sakura loves Sasuke OH so much, she had decided to stalk him as he ran off into the forest.  She had figured that since he loved her too so it would be okay if he caught her stalking him!  However, she had just so happened to overhear this conversation between Neji and "Sasuke".  Poor her!

"Oh my god!" Sakura whispered to herself as she turned around and tuned the two out.  "Then it was Lee the whole time who asked me out on a date?  And I said yes?"

She groaned slightly and was just about to run away crying when Sasuke, or Lee rather, came speeding by her, probably not even noticing her.  She peeked back around the corner to see Neji now all by himself.  After a few moments of debating with herself, she stepped out into the opening where Neji could see her… even though he could probably already do it.

"Did I just hear that conversation correctly?" she asked.  "I mean, how Sasuke was saying that he was actually Lee and that the real Sasuke used the Shindainishin no Jutsu?"

"Yeah, but it was probably just an attempt to confuse me." Neji said.  "Then, when he realized it didn't work, he just ran off."

"No, it was probably true." Sakura sighed.

"Why do you say that?" Neji asked.

"Because it's happened before." She replied.  "Naruto accidentally used the technique to switch with Sasuke and they were stuck as each other for almost a whole day.  What should we do?"

"Do we have to do anything?" Neji said.

"Come on!" she said, getting an idea.  "If you help me get them back in the right bodies then I'll tell you how I knew your blind angle!"

"Fine." Said Neji ALL too quickly.  

Meanwhile, Sasuke (the false one) was standing outside a store window looking at his reflection while holding a comb, looking as though he was about to attack his hair with it.  "Such bedhead!" he said.

It just so happened that the REAL Sasuke within Lee's body was walking by at that time.  "What are you doing." He said NOT in the form of a question at all.

"Oh, I'm just fixing your hair for my date." Said Sasuke.  "You look like you slept on your hair weird."

"I like it like that." Lee said.  "Don't change it.  I don't give you permission to do so."

At that exact moment, Neji and Sakura came out of nowhere.  "Lee!" said Sakura, pointing at Sasuke.  "I know it's you in there!"

"HOW?!" Sasuke yelled.

"Neji told me." Sakura said.

"NEJI?!" yelled Sasuke.  "YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T TELL ANYONE!!!"

"…What?" said Neji.  "I didn't make any promise like that.  Besides, I didn't even tell her.  She just listened in to our conversation when you were telling ME."

"Oh no!" whined Sasuke.  "Will you still go out on a date with me, Sakura?"

"No!" said Sakura, crossing her arms.

"WHY NOT?!" cried Sasuke.

"Because not only do I know that you're not REALLY Sasuke, but you tried to deceive me into think that you were so that I'd go on a date with you." Sakura explained.  "You've done it before."

"OH ALAS!!" exclaimed Sasuke sadly, which looked pretty hilarious.

"So does that mean I get my body back sooner?" Lee asked.

"Wait!" said Sasuke dramatically.  "Can't I just use the Sharingan really fast or something?!"

"Geez, is that everyone's secret desire, to use the Sharingan?" Lee sighed.  He looked at Sakura and Neji.

"Yeah…" Sakura said with a shrug.

"Not me." Said Neji.  But then it looked like he was battling internally with himself for a good ten seconds.  "Well…maybe… but just a little…"

"You won't be able to use it, Lee." Said Lee.  "It's not something you can just do because you're in my body.  It takes a lot of hard work and years to learn."

"I'm good at hard work!" said Sasuke.  "No one works harder than me!!"

"Well, I'm not about to wait years for you to learn how to use the Sharingan in your ninjutsu-less, genjutsu-less, Sharingan-less, huge eyebrowed body." Lee said with a sigh.

"That was just mean!" said Sakura.

"No, it's okay!" said Sasuke.  "He's been extra nice for letting me use his body for a few hours, especially since he had intentions of letting me go out on a date with you!  So, I guess since I can't use the Sharingan… I might as well just go back to my body."

"I'm glad this was a lot easier than with Naruto." Said Lee.

"Hang on." Said Sasuke.  "Are you SURE you don't want to go on a date with me, Sakura?  After all, you liked my personality back when I was pretending to be Sasuke's not evil brother and now I'm in Sasuke's body!"

"I don't have a not evil brother." Said Lee.

"Uh…you have a point but…uh…" Sakura said quickly.  "My heart belongs only to Sasuke!  I must remain faithful!"

"Very well." Said Sasuke sadly as he wiped a tear from his eye.  "I wish not to cheat in life since I worked hard to---"

"Lee, don't make this any more painful than it already is." Said Neji.

"All right then!" said Sasuke.

Sasuke and Lee finally had their loving embrace and then, all was well.


	56. Kiba n Shikamaru: I Have Your Pawn

Naruto Primer: Kiba/Shikamaru

I Have Your Pawn

Shikamaru was in his favorite thinking spot.  He was watching the clouds and thinking about why the clouds were white, and why they were so free.  Of course, he knew these answers but he chose to ponder about them anyway.

Unfortunately for Shikamaru, his favorite thinking spot was also Kiba's favorite playing with Akamaru spot.

"FETCH AKAMARU!!!" yelled Kiba at what sounded like the top of his lungs.  "GOOD BOY!!!  BRING IT BACK NOW!!  GOOD BOY!!!"

There was a short pause.

"What do you mean it's you're turn to throw?!" Kiba demanded.  "I'm not going to FETCH!  I'm the thrower and YOU'RE the fetcher!!  No, Akamaru, I do not play fetch that way!!  Give me that stick!!  Give it to me!!  Drop it, put it down!!  You can't even throw it!!!"

There was another pause.

"Okay, so maybe you can BUT THAT STILL DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING!!!" Kiba yelled.

"Hey Kiba, shut up!" Shikamaru yelled.

Kiba looked up from his quarrel with Akamaru.  "He started it." he said.

"I don't care." Shikamaru said.  "I'm trying to think and when you're screaming at your dog about who gets to throw the stick next, I can't do the boring stuff I love to do."

"Can't you go somewhere else?" Kiba asked.

"Can't you?" Shikamaru retorted.

"No, this is Akamaru's favorite spot." Kiba replied.

"This is my favorite spot too and I definitely am above a dog." Shikamaru said.

"Don't worry, Akamaru, he didn't mean it." said Kiba.

"So please, could you play with him some other day?" Shikamaru requested.

"No, Akamaru needs his exercise!" Kiba said.  He looked at Akamaru who had started barking.  "I never said you were fat!!  I was just saying that you should be out playing around more!  I didn't say that!  You're putting words in my mouth now!"

Shikamaru groaned and lied down on his back.  "This is troublesome…" he muttered.  "Kiba, can't we come to a compromise?"

"WE want to play." Kiba said.  "So unless you want to play with us too then I don't think there's anything that can be done."

"Play?" Shikamaru said, sitting up.  "Do you know how to play shougi?  I never really got to play against Ino and at this rate, I don't think I will."

"Actually, I am quite skilled at chess." Said Kiba.

"I said shougi."

"Chess."

"Close enough." Said Shikamaru as he pulled a chess board out that already had all the pieces set up as Kiba walked over.  "If you beat me, I'll leave.  If I beat you, you'll leave."

"I don't think I want to play anymore." Kiba said, and Akamaru immediately put in his two cents.  "I'm not a pussy, Akamaru!!"

"Are you playing?" Shikamaru asked.  "Cause if you don't then I win by default!"

"Fine!" said Kiba, sitting down.  "Deal me in!"

Shikamaru raised his eyebrow.  "You can go first." He said.

"Hm…" said Kiba, looking at his pieces.  "Let me just get this straight first.  The castles move forwards and sideways…"

"Rooks." Corrected Shikamaru.  "And they can move backwards too."

"And the horses are like L's."

"Knights."

"And the bishops are diagonals."  He waited.  "I got bishop right?"

"Yes."

"The queen can do whatever she wants."

"Except move like a knight."

"Which is a horse."

"Right."

"And the king can only move one square in each direction.  And the pawns can only move forward one piece but 'jump' the other pieces by moving one square diagonal…right?"

"Well, at least you know the rules." Shikamaru said, sounding relieved.  "Even if you don't know the right names of the pieces."

"No one knows the right names." Kiba said.  "Well, except you."

"So make your move." Shikamaru coaxed.

"How about…hm…I move the horse…here." Said Kiba, grabbing his knight and placing it in a different spot as Akamaru barked.  "Be quiet, Akamaru.  If you're not going to help me and be constructive then don't say anything."

"You're not supposed to move your knight on the…" started Shikamaru but then he shrugged.  "Never mind."

What ensued was a very enthralling game of chess.

"YOU TOOK YOUR HAND OFF THE PIECE!!!" Kiba yelled.  "AKAMARU SAW IT, DIDN'T YOU?!"  Akamaru barked passionately.

"I didn't take my hand off." Shikamaru said.  "I was holding it the entire time.  I never even put the piece down."

"No, no." said Kiba.  "I refuse to take my move until you put your piece back in that spot."

"Fine." Shikamaru sighed as he moved his piece back to the spot in question.  "The only difference is that I get a check now instead of a checkmate in the next turn.  That's all right though, I'll just checkmate you in two more turns."

"Wait…check and checkmate are…bad…right?" Kiba said slowly.

"In your case, yes." Shikamaru said.

"Fine, then I'll just take my castle and—"

"You have to move your king when there's a check." Shikamaru interrupted.

"But if I move my castle here I can jump your queen!" Kiba said.

"I know." Said Shikamaru.  "But it's part of the rules.  Besides, if you moved your rook from that spot then my bishop will take your king."

"I hate your bishop." Said Kiba.

"So move your king." Shikamaru said.  "The only spot you can move it is right there."—he pointed to a spot on the board—"Anywhere else and I can take it."

"I don't believe you." Said Kiba.  "You're just trying to get me to move there so you can take my king."

"I'll take it eventually anyway." Shikamaru said.

"No, I'll win!" said Kiba.

"Kiba…" Shikamaru said with a shake of his head.  "In case you have yet to notice, I have both your knights, one of your bishops, one of your rooks, your queen and all of your pawns.  All you have is a bishop and a rook and a king."

"You've just been playing with me, haven't you?!" demanded Kiba.

"My objective was to take all of your pieces but I accidentally checked you because you forced me to." Shikamaru said truthfully.

"Well I have your pawn!" said Kiba proudly.

"I had to let you take it so I could get your queen with less effort." Shikamaru replied.

"Fine, take my king then!" said Kiba angrily, knocking his king over.  "Come on, Akamaru!  A deal's a deal!  We have to go home!"

"No, it's okay." Said Shikamaru.  "I'm satisfied.  You can play more."

"Really?!" said Kiba excitedly.  "YAHOO!!  Come on, Akamaru, FETCH!!"  He then heaved the stick as far as he possibly could but Akamaru only stood there and barked.  "No, you can't throw it!!  I JUST DID!!  YOU HAVE TO GET IT!!!"

Akamaru argued.

"Fine then we can just stand here all day until you get the stick!" Kiba said, scoffing at Akamaru.  "You're NEVER going to get it?!  I'm going home then!  You can stay here and throw it all you want, see how _I _care!"

Kiba then stomped off in crazed rage.  Akamaru stood there for a second before frolicking after him.

Shikamaru lied back down and looked at the clouds.

Why were they white?


	57. Uzumaki Naruto: Photos

Naruto Primer: Uzumaki Naruto

Photos

Naruto's got a lot of free time on his hands when he's not training.  Ever since the incident in which all the so-called sexy ninjas of the group got selected to model for the Sexy Ninjas Unlimited, he's been bent on making a magazine entitled Awesome Ninjas Unlimited.

However, all of the people he was going to originally make the magazine was… meh…Lee… and… Chouji…

"I need to make a magazine dedicated entirely to me being awesome!" Naruto announced to himself.  "Of course, I'm going to have to get Sakura to get in a bunch of pictures with me and since Sakura seems to like modeling, I'll go ask her!!"  He sat there for a moment.  "RIGHT NOW!!" 

Then he sprung up out of his chair and followed his Sakura senses until he found her talking to Hinata.  "SAKURA!!" he yelled.  "Do you want to be in my magazine with me?"

"Yeah right, Naruto." She said.  "Now excuse me, I'm talking to Hinata!!"

"PLEASE, Sakura?!" begged Naruto.

"What did you want to say, Hinata?" Sakura said, trying to ignore Naruto.

"Well I have the—" began Hinata.

"PRETTY PLEASE SAKURA!!!" Naruto screamed.

"YOU ARE SO ANNOYING!!!" yelled Sakura as she got SO angry that she just ran away ripping all her hair out.

Naruto only watched her go and then looked at Hinata.  "Oh, sorry I made Sakura run away like that, Hinata." He said.  "I didn't think she'd react like that."

"It's okay." Said Hinata shyly.

Naruto noticed what looked like a Polaroid picture in her hand.  "What were you guys talking about?" he asked.

"I was going to give her this picture because she left it at my house." Hinata said.

"If you want, I'll bring it to her!" Naruto said.  "It's the least I can do for making her run away!  Besides, I need to chase after her anyway."

"No, that's okay." Hinata said, turning red.  "It's a little embarrassing."

"Who's it of?" asked nosey Naruto.

"Sasuke." Hinata replied because she's always willing to fork over all kinds of information and things to Naruto.

Just then, Naruto got a killer idea.  "If I'm going to make a magazine all about me being awesome then, just to show everyone how comparatively awesome I am to everyone else, I have to take pictures of other people being NOT awesome!!" he said all in one breath.  "Can I see the picture, Hinata?"

"Uh…um…" Hinata said as she handed it over.  She is a slave to Naruto.

"This is perfect!!" Naruto laughed, looking at the foolish picture of Sasuke drinking chocolate milk with a dazed look on his face.  "Thanks a lot, Hinata!  I'll repay you somehow!!"

With that, Naruto hopped off happily in search of people doing foolish things so that he could take pictures of them and make fun of their stupidity.


	58. Aburame Shino: Revenge

Naruto Primer: Aburame Shino

Revenge

Like every other genin in the world, Shino's biggest goal is to become a chuunin.  After all, he wouldn't have entered the chuunin exam if he didn't want to be a chuunin.

When it came to the test portion of the exam, Shino had the perfect strategy to get the answers.  He sent his little bug friends to learn the answers from other people and then they returned.  If the test hadn't been irrelevant, he would have passed with no problem.

Then, the Forest of Death was ALL him.  Not only was he the one who got the second scroll for his team, but he was the one who insisted that they go to the tower as fast as they could without bothering to get other scrolls.  He had to brave the Forest of Death, a place where MANY genins died, in order to win his chuunin hood.

Even worse!  He had to fight some insane guy with air valves in his arms.  It's not like he was a challenge or anything, but he still had to do it and many bugs lost their lives in the process.

In loving memory of the bugs who lost their lives…

In the month period of time between the preliminaries and the actual chuunin exam, Shino did nothing but work his butt off to train as hard as he could, learning all sorts of crazy new strategies and ways to surprise his new enemy.

Then…THEN…when it was FINALLY his turn to show off his mad skills, all his termites ready to eat away at the wooden puppet and clog the puppet's joints…

But Kankuro forfeited.  HE QUIT!!  Shino didn't get to show off his skills!!!

It was okay at first because Shino figured he could just fight against Temari and beat her so bad.  Then he would fight Naruto or Sasuke and WIN!!  It would prove to everyone that bugs ruled.

But that never happened.  The exam was cut short.  And Shino never got to show everyone what he could do.  Therefore, he did not get to be a chuunin even though he could have potentially been one of the people promoted!  BUT NO!!  KANKURO HAD TO FORFEIT!!!

Now he had to take the chuunin exam next time!  And take the written test next time!  And brave the Forest of Death next time!!  And go through the preliminaries next time!!  And FIGHT IN THE TOURNAMENT NEXT TIME!!!  IT JUST WASN'T FAIR!!!

Of course, Shino didn't really show his anger or sadness, but it was there.  Shino was out for blood.  He was ready to kill Kankuro.

He did…KIND OF.  But still, Shino was unhappy that his revenge wasn't fully complete.

You don't see this in the manga or show, but Shino has been harassing Kankuro lately.  Under the guise of night, Shino has gone to Kakuro's house armed with rolls and rolls of toilet paper and tossed them all about the yard!  Then, with many different colors, Shino would spray paint things like, "QUITTER!" and "FORFEIT!!" and "CHUUNIN!!" and "IT'S YOUR FAULT!!!" and "DIE DAN DIE!!!"

Except he wrote 'Kankuro' instead of 'Dan'.

I bet you didn't know this but a chapter was omitted from the manga in which we journey into the abyss that is Shino's room where he has many voodoo dolls of Kankuro scattered about his room filled with needles and pins and all sorts of other unnatural things!!

As you can see, Shino is not quite the calm collected one we have known to love.


	59. Hyuuga Hinata: Valentines

Naruto Primer: Hyuuga Hinata

Valentines

Valentine's Day: every girl's favorite and least favorite day of the year.  It's the one day in which they have an excuse to give a big red heart decorated with lace to the boy she likes, but then her heart gets crushed when she doesn't get one in return.

Hinata's not like that.  She's still stuck in the past where all the children make a Valentine's Day card for everyone they know so no one gets left out of the loop.

Of course, she can't deny that some Valentine's cards are a little prettier than other people's…

First she made Naruto a beautiful card.  She labored over it for about forty-five minutes, which doesn't seem like much, but it's a whole lot of fricken time to spend on a card that she probably will be too shy to give to him anyway.  It was shaped like a heart and it opened up down the middle with the simple words, "Happy Valentine's Day!"

Just looking at it embarrassed her.  She didn't know how she would possibly gather up enough courage to give it to him.

She also made Valentine's cards for her new friends, Ino, Sakura and Tenten.  It's not like she wanted them to be her Valentine, she just wanted to show them that she cared by giving them cards and a little Hershey's Kiss.  All of their cards looked reasonably similar to each other but were purple, pink and red respectively.

She simply HAD to make a card for Shino and Kiba since they were, after all, her teammates and everything.  The Valentine's were pretty, but they were nothing to scream about.

As for Shikamaru, Chouji and Lee…well, they didn't have any sort of special connection to her but it would be rude not to make them one as well.  So she just cut out a heart and wrote all their names on them and signed her name under, 'From'.

Sasuke couldn't be ignored.  He was the coolest and most popular kid around so if she didn't make him a card, she would look weird.  The last thing Hinata needed was to look weird.  So she made his nicer than Shikamaru's, Chouji's and Lee's, but not as nice as Shino's or Kiba's and most CERTAINLY not as nice as Naruto's.

Lastly…Neji.  Neji was ALWAYS an awkward subject for her but she seemed to be getting to know him better recently so she couldn't just NOT give him one and dismiss it that she simply didn't know him very well like she had in the past.  Plus, it would be mean to give one to EVERYONE except him.  She worked hard on Neji's so that he wouldn't get offended and think that she thought she was better than him because he got a dinky Valentine's card.  It was around the same level as Kiba and Shino's cards, effort-wise.

When she was done, she collected up all her Valentine's Day cards and went outside where she would find everyone and give them their cards.

First, she met up with Sakura, Ino and Tenten who looked like they were racing each other to get somewhere.

"Where are you going?" Hinata asked.

"We're delivering our Valentine's Day Cards to Sasuke!!" Sakura said.  "But MINE'S the biggest!!"

"MINE'S made with the most love!" Ino argue.

"Mine's the prettiest!" said Tenten.

"I made you all cards!" said Hinata as she handed out the cards.

"THAT'S SO NICE!!" yelled all the girls in unison.  They hadn't made cards for Hinata or anyone else for that matter, for they had been concentrating too hard on making their particular card the best for Sasuke.

The four of them went off to Sasuke's favorite thinking area where he was, well, thinking.  He was surrounded by unopened gifts, cards and candy.  "I need a new secret spot." Sasuke said under his breath when he saw all the girls run in and bombard him with their cards.

When they finally let him take a breath, Hinata handed him her card.  "Um… it's not as nice as some of the other ones you have…" she said, looking at all the pretty cards.

"No, this one is by far my favorite." Sasuke said.  "I like the small ones."

"WHAT?!" screamed Sakura, Ino and Tenten.

"Thank you!" said Hinata happily as she frolicked off to go and hand out the rest of her Valentines.  She just so happen to overhear voices and walked over to find that Lee and Neji were both training in Neji's favorite training spot… since he has one and all.

"Um…?" Hinata said in attempt to get their attention.

They both looked up.  Neji looked ESPECIALLY offended.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" she said quickly, handing out the Valentines to the appropriate person.

"A Valentine's Day card?!" Lee said.  "FOR ME?!"

"Uh…yeah!" said Hinata.  "I hope you like it!"

"LIKE IT?!" yelled Lee, getting waterfall tears.  "THIS IS MY FIRST VALENTINE CARD EVER!!!  I LOVE IT!!!"

"I'm glad!" said Hinata happily.  She looked at Neji who was still looking over the front of the card.  She decided to quickly leave before he actually read the card because she was afraid of what he might potentially do if he didn't think the card was good enough.  "Well, bye now!" she said, quickly running away.  "I have lots of other Valentines to hand out!"

She didn't know why she got herself worked up over nothing all the time.  But she stopped herself from having a heart attack and kept going until, suddenly, she found Shino bending over and collecting bugs.

"Shino!" she said, walking over.  "Happy Valentine's Day!"

Shino stood up and took the card.  "Thanks." He said.

They stared at each other for a moment.

"Well, bye!" said Hinata as she turned and left.

She didn't go very far before finding Shikamaru and Chouji playing a game of shougi.  Actually, just finishing up a game of shougi.

"I beat Shikamaru?" said Chouji, standing up.  "I BEAT SHIKAMARU?!"

"Oh yes, you beat me." Said Shikamaru but it was OBVIOUS that Shikamaru just let him win.

"I BEAT SHIKAMARU!!!" Chouji yelled as a wave crashed behind him.  As they stood there for a minute, there was a sudden CLICK and a flash of light from nowhere!

"Excuse me, but Happy Valentine's Day!" said Hinata awkwardly since she didn't really know Shikamaru OR Chouji so she only dropped the cards on their game board and ran away as fast as she could.

Hinata really wanted to give her special card to Naruto.  But wherever could he be?  She hadn't seen him all day!  Maybe he was avoiding her…maybe he didn't WANT her card!  What if he knew that she was searching for him with the card and was just running away?

"This is just stupid!" Hinata said to herself, pulling out the giant card that was for Naruto.  "I can't give this to him."  She walked up to a trashcan and was about to dispose of it when she felt a tap on her shoulder.  She turned around to see Kiba standing there with Akamaru on his head and his hands behind his back.

"Hi Hinata!" he said.  "Happy Valentine's Day!!  Akamaru and I were searching all day for the perfect Valentine's Day flower for you!"

With that, he presented a little red rose to her.

"I hope you like it!" he said.

"Oh, I do!" said Hinata as she took the flower.  She looked down at the Valentine in her hand that she had made for Naruto.  "Here, this is for you!"

She handed him the card.

"Wow!" said Kiba, opening it.  "It says Happy Valentine's Day!"

"Yeah!" agreed Hinata.

Akamaru started barking.

"Akamaru, that's rude!" said Kiba.

"No, I have one for him too!" said Hinata, handing the card that was originally for Kiba to Akamaru.

"Wow, Hinata, you're so nice!" said Kiba.

Talk about perfect timing, no?  So I think that pretty much everyone was happy this Valentine's Day.  And you need not worry about poor Naruto not receiving a Valentine's card for he is far too busy to even remember that it's Valentine's Day…


	60. Yamanaka Ino: Dear Diary

Naruto Primer: Yamanaka Ino

Dear Diary

_Dear Diary,_

_            Today I did something incredibly evil that I somewhat regret.  Only somewhat, though.  First, I possessed Sakura and told Sasuke that I hated him so that he would think that Sakura hated him.  Then I went even further and possessed Sasuke and told Sakura that I hated her so that she would think Sasuke hated her.  It seemed like a good idea at the time but now I feel kind of bad for them both…_

_Dear Diary,_

_            Today I was hanging around my flower shop and all of a sudden, Chouji came running in yelling about how Shikamaru was teaching him the Kagemane no Jutsu.  I sort of dismissed it as them both being foolish, but I started to wonder why he had just run in for no reason to tell me something like that.  When I questioned him, he just sort of left.  He didn't even buy a flower!_

_Dear Diary, _

_ I found Sasuke and Naruto talking today so I ran up and hugged Sasuke!  It's kind of shameful but that's the only way I can possibly get any snuggling with Sasuke in.  But then he said the strangest thing, Diary!  He said, all too casually, that he was actually Naruto and that he and Sasuke had switched bodies!  I didn't think it was very far-fetched, stranger things had happened, but I did think it was rather strange for him to just SAY that.  Then again, he WAS Naruto inside Sasuke.  I feel as though something should be done about that…_

_Dear Diary,_

_            I just challenged Sakura to a fight and I'm supposed to meet her in a half an hour.  But then I met up with Sasuke who is actually inside Naruto's body and I want to help him.  What now?_

_Dear Diary,_

_            Sakura and I called off our fight until another time so that we could help Sasuke get out of Naruto's body.  I went to Shikamaru to ask him for a plan and he said he'd only help if I did something for him in return!  He wanted me to play a game of shougi with him but I have no idea how to play that stupid game.  And then that pervert told me to take off all my clothes!  Luckily, that's when Sasuke and Naruto, still switched bodies, came out of nowhere and he ended up helping us out!  I got to… kind of… hug Sasuke.  And he told me he loved me!  That was, of course, the only way to break the jutsu and I was possessing Naruto who was inside Sasuke's body but that's besides the point!  He still said he loved me!!_

_Dear Diary,_

            _I got a letter from Sasuke!  I got a letter from Sasuke!!  This is what it says: "My Beloved Ino, please come to the café today.  Let's have lunch.  Love, S."  It's from Sasuke!  It's from Sasuke!!  I'm so excited!  I'm going right now!!_

_Dear Diary,_

_            Sasuke never showed up.  Instead, the not nearly as attractive or cool Rock Lee was there.  I'm thinking that he sent me the letter because he actually likes me.  What a jerk!!_

_Dear Diary, _

            _Asuma came to us today with a request that we participate in a competition against the other teams.  I couldn't decline once he said that it was a mission to become a better ninja.  So we went down there to find that we were in some sort of horribly elaborate competition that I can't even begin to explain!  First, we had a triathlon but my team did so badly that I didn't even get to do anything.  Then we had a brain competition and we won that one since we all know each other so well!  And because Shikamaru is inhumanely smart, I guess.  After that was a three-legged race, I think, and I would have won if I wasn't attached to Chouji who was definitely slowing me down.  A cooking contest was next and I had to sit out of that one but we lost that too.  Finally, it was a dancing competition with me and Shikamaru and because Shikamaru's such a loser and refused to dance more, we lost that one too.  We tied for last place with all the other teams except for Kurenai's team.  How embarrassing!_

_Dear Diary, _

            _I swear, Shikamaru really takes advantage of being a chuunin sometimes!  But I'm not complaining.  Because he's a chuunin, Asuma didn't make us train after we lost the competition.  Instead, we went out to eat!  Asuma and Shikamaru left early and then Hinata showed up.  She's actually really nice._

_Dear Diary,_

_            Apparently, Hinata thinks I'm nice too!  YAY!  She invited me to a slumber party!  I went and, unfortunately, Sakura was there.  Another girl was there, Tenten I think her name was, but whatever.  We spent the night doing regular girl stuff like stalking Sasuke.  It was fun and we actually got a picture of him changing!  Hehe!_

_Dear Diary,_

_            The girls and I were out for a walk when we suddenly saw a big group of people.  Among them was a guy that looked remarkably like Sasuke!  We quickly realized that it was Sasuke's older brother!  I guess he was killing everyone or something because he said he was going to kill us too.  Luckily, he didn't end up killing us since I am, after all, writing in this diary and everything!  We're just lucky that Neji's a wuss and had to take a nap after falling on his head._

_Dear Diary,_

_            Our teachers started another competition, but they split the teams up unevenly so that all the most powerful people were on one team, the worst people were on another team and then everyone else was on the last one.  Can you imagine how depressed I was to find that I was on the least powerful team?  I guess it's because Shikamaru's always getting us out of training with his chuunin vest.  We lost miserably…I expected to.  At least we came in second in the three-legged race!  But it was really only because both Neji and Hinata are directionally challenged._

_Dear Diary, _

_            The guys came back from their camping trip and most of them were sick except for Sasuke, Lee and Neji.  So, the girls, me and the three guys went out and played laser tag!  I named myself Rose and I was on the same team as Sasuke!  But he ended up shooting me about a hundred times anyway.  Actually, I think it was thirty-five, which is still a lot._

_Dear Diary,_

_            Suzume apparently runs the Sexy Ninjas Unlimited Magazine.  That's something I never knew about her!  She wanted some new people to put in her magazine so she asked Sasuke, Neji, Shikamaru and Kiba to be in it and sent everyone else away.  Later, she came to us girls and told us that we should be in the magazine too so we could model with the guys!  That stupid Sakura got paired up with Sasuke and I got stuck with Kiba.  It's okay, though, because all the guys ended up leaving so Sakura didn't even get to model with him._

_Dear Diary,_

_            ~sigh~ What a boring Valentine's Day again!  I gave my Valentine to Sasuke but he didn't seem to like it.  Oh well, at least he didn't like any of the OTHER Valentines he got.  But he did say that he preferred small Valentines to big ones so next one I'll make him a small simple one!_


	61. The Disembodied Head

**I guess we haven't really addressed you guys in a while.  Well, actually, I don't think we've EVER really addressed you guys!  HAW HAW HAW!!  But now we are.  And we request that you visit our new site that is dedicated to the one and only Kiba.  You'll find the URL at the end of this chapter.  That's right, you have to enjoy the chapter FIRST and then go to the site.  And you will enjoy this chapter.  It's one of our favorites.**

Naruto Primer: All

The Disembodied Head

"YEAH!!!!" Lee yelled, ripping off the plastic wrap of a movie and running into the other room and turning the lights on.  Everyone else (meaning the ten other genins and Shikamaru) was already in there watching The Ring.  "I GOT A MUCH SCARIER MOVIE!!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs as he turned off the scary movie.

"Lee, we were already fifteen minutes into The Ring!" said Tenten.  

"And we were fifteen minutes into Alien before that." Added Kiba.

"None of these movies are scary!" said Naruto.

"What's the NEW one?" asked Ino as Lee quickly fast-forwarded all the previews.

"It's called the Disembodied Head That Ate People!" Lee answered.  "I heard it was just the scariest movie ever!!"

He turned the lights off again and pressed play.  He slid back into his seat that was on the floor in front of Ino.  Ino was on a couch sitting next to Sasuke who was in between her and Sakura.  Tenten was sitting on the back of the couch behind Sasuke, and Hinata was sitting on the floor in front of Sasuke and next to Lee.  Kiba was next to Hinata and Neji was lying in front of Kiba.  On the armrest next to Sakura, that's where Naruto sat, holding his camera just in case.  There was another smaller couch on the side with Ino on it where Shikamaru and Chouji both sat.  Shino sat in front of Shikamaru and Chouji.  There were three bowls of popcorn circulating.  Shino had one of them, Sasuke had another and Kiba had the last one.

"All right," said Lee, pausing it and reading the back of the box.  "This movie is about this guy who died of unnatural causes and now his head is going around eating all the people who were ever mean to him!  OH WOW!!"

"How does a disembodied head eat people?" Shikamaru questioned.

"With his mouth, Shikamaru." Said Chouji.

"I think he means that a head doesn't have a stomach." Shino commented.

"Yeah, where does it go?" Ino asked Lee.

"I don't know, I've never seen it before!" Lee replied.

"Can this be the last one we turn on?" requested Tenten.

"I don't have enough room." Said Sasuke.

"Do you want me to move forward?" Hinata asked.

"Hinata, if you get scared, I'll comfort you!" said Kiba.

"Mmm…popcorn." Said Shino.

"Could someone pass me a pillow?" Neji said.  "My neck hurts."

"Here," said Sakura, tossing a pillow to Neji.

"Hey, I was using that pillow!!" said Naruto angrily.  "Now my butt hurts!!"

"I don't want to put my head on a pillow that Naruto's butt was on." Said Neji, tossing the pillow back at Naruto.

"Shh, guys it's starting!!" Lee said.

The movie began with an extremely bitter man who never had anything go his way.  Eventually, he ended up dying by decapitation and was buried and seventy years passed.  It was about forty-five minutes of background stuff that wasn't scary at all.  ~sniff~

But that's when the scary stuff happened.  One dark and stormy night, THE HEAD ALL OF A SUDDEN PUSHED ITSELF OUT OF THE GROUND AND WANTED REVENGE!!!

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" screamed Sakura, Ino and Tenten as they all jumped for Sasuke and squeezed him until he almost burst.  Of course, he wasn't about to show that HE was scared out of his wits too and didn't mind the comfort!!

"EEK!" Hinata yelled as she grabbed the closest thing to her.  After a moment of being nuzzled in the side of the person to her left, she looked up to see the extremely shocked expression of Neji who had sat up for a moment to get some popcorn from Sasuke.  Then there was another extremely awkward moment as Hinata was simply unable to move out of sheer fear.  Not from the movie, she was over that, but just from Neji's wrath.

Promptly, she let go.  "I'm sorry!" she said.

Neji, avoiding eye contact, cleared his throat, took his popcorn and then lied back down, trying not to look TOO fazed.

_"That would have been me…!"_ Kiba thought angrily as he shook his fist at Neji on the inside.

"Guys, why did you scream?" Shikamaru said, looking annoyed.  "That was really loud and troublesome.  It didn't even look real anyway.  You could see the strings that were making the head fly.  Besides, if a head was buried for seventy years, there's no way it would still have flesh, hair and eyeballs."

"Yeah, and it wouldn't be able to fly anyway!" Chouji piped.

"Right, Chouji." Said Shikamaru, sounding impressed.

"Don't ruin the movie!" Lee said.

"Sakura, next time you're scared, you can cling onto ME!" said Naruto.

"Not while Sasuke's here!" said Sakura as she leaned over to hug Sasuke again only to fall across the couch onto Ino.  "Where'd Sasuke go?!"

"He went to the bathroom." Said Tenten.

"I'm taking his seat!!" Naruto yelled as he leapt up off the armrest to take Sasuke's seat but Tenten, Ino and Sakura all beat him up.

"We're running out of popcorn." Said Shino.

Then everyone realized that they were missing the movie so they all quieted down.  Sasuke rejoined them later.  "I hope I didn't miss anything." He said, trying not to sound nervous.

"You missed the part where the head ate the guy's wife!" said Kiba.  "But we're not rewinding it."

"Yeah, it was REALLY scary!!" said Ino.

"That's too bad." Said Sasuke.

They continued watching the movie some more until the part happened where THE HEAD ATE THE GUY'S CHILDREN!!!!  ALL SEVEN OF THEM!!!

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" screamed the three girls as they went to hug Sasuke only to find that he wasn't there so they just ended up hugging each other.

Kiba scooted over towards Hinata just in time for her to lunge out and hug him while screaming too.  He wasn't scared at all.  He had seen things eat other things before.  In fact, he had even eaten a few things before in his lifetime so he couldn't see why everyone was so scared.

"We need more popcorn." Said Shino, handing the bowl to Lee.

"Hey, I'm going to miss some of the movie!" said Lee.  "Get it yourself!"

"Oh, I'll get it!" said Sasuke as he walked in.  He took the bowl from Shino and left the room again.

"That was such an animatronics head just there…" sighed Shikamaru.  "It didn't even look real at all."

"Yeah!" said Chouji, wiping some of the sweat from his forehead.

"I think The Ring was scarier than this." Said Neji, repositioning himself again since his neck hurt EVER so much.

"Thank you for comforting me, Kiba!" said Hinata as she let go of him.

"It's no trouble!" said Kiba, acting like he was some kind of big hero.

"Next time, I'll hug someone else so you won't be troubled!" Hinata said.

"I already said, it was no trouble at all!" Kiba insisted.  "Here, do you want to hold Akamaru?  He'll comfort you throughout the whole movie!"

"Sure!" said Hinata, taking Akamaru.  "I love Akamaru!"

"I love him too!!" said Kiba excitedly.

"SHHHH!!" hissed everyone else since they were being rather loud.

They continued watching the movie until the part when THE HEAD FINALLY CONFRONTED THE GUY AND LOOKED LIKE HE WAS GOING TO EAT HIM!!!

"What's going to happen?!" Ino gasped, biting all her nails off.

"I think I have to go to the bathroom again." Said Sasuke, standing up.

"That's your fifth trip already!" said Naruto.

"I really have to go!" said Sasuke.

"You have to stay and comfort me!" Sakura begged but Sasuke was out faster than the speed of light.  He went to open the door of the bathroom but it was locked.  

"Why is the door locked?!" he demanded.

"Oh, Akamaru's in there." Kiba said as he continued watching the movie as if it WASN'T terrifying.  "I think he's constipated or something.  Besides, I wouldn't go in there right after he's done ANYWAY."  There was barking from the bathroom.  "Be quiet, Akamaru!  You KNOW it's true!"

"SHUT UP!!" yelled everyone since they were currently at the climax of the movie.  Sasuke went back and forth from looking at the door handle to looking at the television to the door handle to the television.

"Sasuke—"

"WHAT?!" Sasuke yelled, jumping in surprise.

"Um…there's a bathroom upstairs." Said Lee, pointing upwards.

"Oh right then." Said Sasuke, clearing his throat and quickly going up the stairs.

"Sasuke must not be feeling well!" said Tenten.

"He's SO scared." Said Naruto.

"NO HE'S NOT!!" screamed Sakura, Ino and Tenten so loudly that Naruto got blown off his seat and onto the floor.

"I wish this would end." Said Shikamaru.  "The horrible quality of this movie is starting to offend me."

"You know, I was watching this documentary on Egypt the other day," Kiba began out of nowhere.  "It had pyramids and mummies and skeletons and stuff.  It was pretty scary."

"Hang on, what just happened?" Neji said, turning around and facing everyone.

"I was watching the documentary…" Kiba began.

"NO, in the movie." Said Neji, looking annoyed.

"The head just ate the guy's arm!!" said Lee.

"I saw that part but why did the head do it?" Neji asked.

"To get revenge!" Lee answered.

"Why?" Neji said, looking utterly confused.

"Because this guy is the product of an affair between the head's wife and the guy who killed him!!" Lee said.

"Oh, I completely missed that." Neji said.

"How could you have missed that?!" demanded Sakura.  "That's the basis of which this whole movie is about!!"

Suddenly, everyone, including Sakura but minus Neji, started laughing.

"Wait, what was so funny?" Neji said, looking at the screen.

"It was just a funny thing the guy said." Said Tenten.

"While his arm was bitten off?" Shikamaru said skeptically.

"What did he say?" Neji asked.

"Nothing." Tenten said.  "It wasn't important."

"I don't want to be the only one who didn't hear the joke." Said Neji.

"Then listen!" Tenten urged.

"How much longer is left of this movie?" Shikamaru said, looking longingly at the clock.

"I think we need more popcorn again." Commented Shino.

"Did someone say popcorn?" said Sasuke as he poked his head in, looked quickly at the television screen and then carried a bowl of popcorn in.  "I figured we might have needed more so I took it upon myself to make some!"

That's when Akamaru came back in.  "Welcome back Akamaru, it's about time!" said Kiba.  "How do you know Hinata wasn't scared?!  Hey…hey, did you turn the fan on?!  You KNOW you're supposed to!!"  He turned to Sasuke.  "If you need to use the bathroom again, you should go in the one upstairs if you know what I mean."

Then they continued watching.

"Wait, did that tree just rape that girl?" Neji said, sitting up and looking at everyone.

They all stared at him.  "…No." said Lee.  "What tree?  What girl?  The guy and the head are in a warehouse."

"Oh, my bad." Said Neji, lying back down.  "The shadow looked like a tree and the guy looks kind of feminine."

"I'm really scared of what might happen!" said Hinata.  "I hope the guy lives even though his entire family and his arm was eaten by a head."

"I still don't see how a head can eat something." Shikamaru said.

"Try to just enjoy the movie, Shikamaru." Said Chouji.

"I can't when there are so many continuity errors." Shikamaru said.  "I swear, his LEFT arm was the one bitten off a little while ago.  I remember because Naruto yelled out, 'Gee, I hope he wasn't a lefty!!'"

"Hey, you're right!" said Lee.

"What?" said Neji.  "What's going on?"

"You have to pay attention!" said Kiba as he barely resisted the urge to kick Neji in the back of the head.

"When did Sasuke leave?" said Ino, looking at the empty seat in which Sasuke should have been sitting.

"Hey, who's in the upstairs bathroom?" came Sasuke's voice from upstairs.

"God damn it Akamaru!" said Kiba, looking around for Akamaru.  "You're supposed to be comforting Hinata!"

"It's all right!" said Hinata.

BUT THAT'S WHEN THE HEAD POPPED OUT OF ONE OF THE WAREHOUSE BOXES AND ATE THE GUY'S OTHER ARM!!!!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" screamed the girls as they thrashed around looking for someone to cling onto.  Even Shino was surprised as he tossed his popcorn into the air and gasped.  Hinata latched onto Kiba like a leech.  Chouji also jumped out of his chair and grabbed onto Shikamaru who was FAR from impressed.  Naruto and Lee tried to lean over and get Sakura to seek comfort in them.

"Aw man, did you see that guy's face?!" Kiba came close to laughing.  "That was so funny!  Why do you think he looked like that?"

"Wait a second, what just happened?" Neji asked.  "What face are you talking about?  I thought they were in a forest!  Did the head get the scroll?"

"Neji, are you watching the same movie we are?" said Tenten.

"Can we rewind it?" Neji requested.

"NO WAY!!!" yelled all the people who were scared.

"I need more popcorn." Said Shino as he picked up the empty bowl.

"I'll get it!" said Sasuke as he ran in, grabbed the bowl and ran out.

"It's a good thing Sasuke's feeling so benevolent today or else I would have been out of popcorn a long time ago." Said Shino as he stated the obvious.

"Wait, how come this head is just a head anyway?" Neji asked.  "And WHO is this guy?"

"Don't bother, Neji." Said Tenten.

"I think it would be cool if the guy hit the head with a baseball bat." Said Kiba.

"But he doesn't have anymore arms." Said Ino.

"He would SO bleed to death by now." Said Shikamaru.

"He could kick it or something!" Kiba said.

"Kick what?" asked Neji.

"BE QUIET!!!" yelled all the people who wanted to watch the movie.

They continue to watch the movie.

"This is DUMB." Said Shikamaru.  "This guy has been running around in a warehouse on his leg stumps for almost ten minutes.  Why is the head having a hard time finding him?  Why doesn't he just follow the huge pools of blood that he's making?  Oh wait, he's not really bleeding all that much."

"Why is this death so drawn out?" complained Naruto.

"Because he's the main character." Shikamaru answered.

"I thought the head was already dead." Said Neji.

"It IS." Said Lee.  "He was talking about the guy."

"I don't see how he's going to get out of this." Said Sakura.  "He's got no arms and no legs…"

"Well that didn't stop the head." Shikamaru pointed out.

"Where's my popcorn?" said Shino.

"Good point, where IS Sasuke?" Ino said, looking around.

"Wha?  Sasuke's in the movie?" said Neji.

"No, he's not." Said Ino, slapping her forehead. 

"I don't get this movie at all!" Neji said.  "It's the most confusing thing I've ever seen in my life!"

"What's so confusing about it?" said Kiba.  "It's just a head eating people."

"Yeah but…WHY?" Neji asked.

"It's not important, just know that he IS." Kiba said.

"Hey, Shino, sorry, there wasn't any popcorn left." Said Sasuke, walking back in and sitting in his empty seat.

"That sure took long." Said Naruto.

"I was looking everywhere." Said Sasuke, glaring at Naruto.

"Yeah well—" started Naruto but he was interrupted by all the girls screaming.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" screamed the girls as they latched onto Sasuke.  He was trapped now so he couldn't go…and… um… use the bathroom!!  He really had to use the bathroom!!

"THE HEAD IS TEARING APART THE GUY'S FACE!!!" screamed Lee as he slapped his cheeks.

"Is that the same guy?!" Neji asked frantically, being utterly lost.

"Actually no." said Kiba.  "That's the guy's coworker.  He jumped out and saved the guy at the last second."

"And now the head's eating him too?!" Neji said.

"Yes." Kiba said.

"Oh, I think I'm starting to get it." Neji said, feeling proud.  "But what about the wife?  Why didn't SHE sacrifice herself?"

Kiba only gave Neji this LOOK, and decided that he didn't even deserve an answer.

"THE COWORKER IS TAKING A PIPE AND HITTING THE HEAD WITH IT!!!" Lee yelled. "HE JUST DID IT!!  WOW!!  NOW THE HEAD IS IN ORBIT!!!"

"I can't hear the movie!!" said Chouji.

Sasuke was, by now, hyperventilating and definitely not getting enough air especially since the women were squeezing him.

"Sasuke, you're sweating!" said Sakura.  "Are we too close?  Are you too hot?"

Sasuke didn't answer.  His response was vomiting in the popcorn bowl he was holding.

"EWWWW!!!" Tenten, Ino and Sakura said as they drew away from him and sprung off the couch.  Pretty soon, once everyone had seen what happened, they were all away from the couch as fast as possible.  Then, Sasuke fainted.

"He vomited and fainted because he's scared!" said Naruto.

"No, it's because he's sick!" said Sakura.

"Right." Said Naruto as he raised his camera and took a picture.

"I'll pause this so we don't miss anything." Said Lee, taking the remote and pausing the movie.

"Aw man, he puked in the popcorn bowl." Said Shino sadly.

"I don't get it." said Neji who was still lying down and looking at the television screen.  "They haven't moved for a while."

"They're thinking, Neji." Said Shikamaru.

Neji looked up at Kiba to see that everyone was standing.  "Hey, you guys paused it, didn't you?" he said, sitting up.

"We have a crisis!" said Tenten, Ino and Sakura as they arranged Sasuke nicely on the couch with a blanket and a head cloth and put a little pot next to the couch.

"This is awful!" said Hinata.

Then Akamaru came hopping down the stairs.  "Geez, Akamaru, you think that took long enough?" Kiba said.

"I want to see the end of the movie." Said Chouji.

Just when he said that, maybe even WHILE he was saying that, there was a knock at the door.  Since it was Lee's house (in case we haven't specified that) he answered the door to see Shikato, Inoshi, Chomaru.

"Hi!" said Shikato.

"We've decided to…" Inoshi continued.

"Pick up all our kids at the same time!" Chomaru finished.

"But dad!" said Ino.

"There's only five minutes left of the…" said Chouji.

"I'm not doing it." Shikamaru said, crossing his arms.

"You're no fun." Said Ino, Chouji, Shikato, Inoshi and Chomaru.

"You can rent it some time in the future." Said Shikato.

"But only if you behave!" said Chomaru.

"YEAH!" said Inoshi.

"Aww…" said Chouji and Ino.  But Shikamaru was happy to leave.  So then the six of them left.

"Is it really that time that everyone's being picked up?" said Lee.

"It's because you kept changing the movie at the beginning." Said Kiba.

That's when there was a knock at the door again.  This time, it was some random lady with pink hair.  Sakura's mom!

"I'm here to pick up Sakura!" said Sakura's mom who will be known as Blakura.

"Mom, is it okay if we take home Sasuke?" Sakura asked.  "He's not feeling very well and he needs some motherly nurturing!"

"Of course!" said Blakura.  "We couldn't very well leave him home alone while he's sick!"

"Just because he got so scared that he passed out doesn't mean you need to take him back to your house." Said Naruto bitterly.  Then Blakura scooped Sasuke up into her arms like every mother knows how and the three of them left.

"Okay…I'm going to go now." Said Tenten as she left.

"Me too!" said Naruto.  "I don't want to hang around here any longer!"  So he left too.

All that remained was Shino, Lee, Neji, Kiba and Hinata.  So the next person that came to the door was… SHINO'S DAD!  And he will be known as Auron.

"Shino, I'm here to pick you up." Said Auron.

"I know dad." Said Shino.  "I'm ready to be picked up."

"Then walk out the door to where I am standing." Auron said.

"I will do just that." Said Shino.  And he did.

"Now let's go home." Said Auron.

"Good idea." Said Shino.  Then they both left.  That sure was interesting!

The next person to arrive was Hinata's father…AKA Neji's evil uncle.  As Hinata got ready to leave and said bye to Kiba and Akamaru and thanked Lee for having a great party, Hiashi looked at Neji who was only standing there with this HORRID glare.

"Do you have a ride home, Neji?" he asked.

"I'll walk." Neji scoffed.

"We're going to the same place." Said Hiashi.  "I'll just give you a ride."

"I don't need one." Neji said.  "I already said I'll walk."

"I must insist that you let me give you a ride home." Said Hiashi.

"I don't WANT one!" said Neji.  "Who says I'm even going home?"

"It's a little late for a thirteen-year-old to just be wandering around." Hiashi said.

"I'm sleeping over Lee's." Neji said, grabbing Lee and pulling him over.

"YEAH!!" said Lee.  "MY FIRST SLEEPOVER!!!"

"Very well." Said Hiashi with a sigh.  "Come, Hinata."

"Bye!" said Hinata as she and Hiashi left.

"Bye Hinata!" said Kiba.

"Are you really sleeping over, Neji?" said Lee.

"Uh…I guess." Said Neji.  "I don't really want to walk home.  It's pretty far away and it's dark outside."

Just then, Kiba's ENTIRE family was at the door.  Meaning both his parents and all their dogs.

"Hi mom!" said Kiba.  "Hi dad!  Hi Kuromaru!  Hi Aomaru!  Hi Kiiromaru!  Hi Momoiromaru!"

"Hi Kiba!" said Kiba's mom.  "Hi Akamaru!"

"Hi Kiba!" said Kiba's dad.  "Hi Akamaru!"

"Woof!" said all the dogs in unison.

"Woof!" Akamaru barked in response.

"Did you have fun watching Goof Troop?" asked Kiba's mom.

"We actually watched the Disembodied Head that Ate People." Said Kiba.  To him, both movies were pretty much the same.  They were equally ridiculous!

"The Disembodied Head that Ate People?" said Kiba's dad.  "Isn't that rated R?  What have we said about watching movies?  You're supposed to ask our permission if its rating is any higher than G!"

"There was nothing wrong with the movie at all!" Kiba said.

"Except for the fact that the head ate people." Said Lee.

"Wait, it was the head eating people?" said Neji.  "I thought the guy was the whole time!"

"Young man, we're going to have to have a long talk tomorrow morning because it is WAY past your bedtime!" said Kiba's mom, shaking her finger at Kiba.

"Aw man!" said Kiba.

"Well, let's go." said Kiba's dad, looking really disappointed.  Kiba hung his head low and left with his parents and all the dogs.

"Well that sure was fun!" said Lee to Neji.

"I don't know, I didn't really understand the movie." Neji said.

"Maybe we could watch it again and you'll catch all the things you missed the first time around!" said Lee.  "And we could watch the end too!"

"Sounds like a plan." Said Neji as he and Lee erupted into warm chuckling and a black circle engulfed them.

**www.geocities.com/thekiba**


	62. Lil Neji: It Would Come

Naruto Primer: Lil' Neji

It Would Come

The death of a parent is hard for any child, but especially a child who was very close to that parent.  You see, a death could completely change a person in a good way or a bad way.  For Neji, it was the bad way.  He used to be very happy child when his father was alive.  I think this calls for the Magic Crystal Ball of the Past again.

It was the day before Hinata's birthday and Hizashi knew exactly what was going to happen the next day.  Hiashi, his evil twin brother, would take Neji, his genius of a son, and put that horrible curse seal on his forehead. 

Today was Neji's LAST day as a free bird.

So that meant that he had to take Neji out to have the best day of his life!

He woke the little tyke up at the crack of dawn to take him out.  "Neji, if you could do anything in the world today, what would they be?" he asked him.

"Hm…" said the little carefree four-year-old Neji.  "I want to get an ice cream!"

"Let's go then." Said Hizashi as he promptly took Lil' Neji out to the closest ice cream place so he could fulfill his wishes faster and take him somewhere else to have more fun.

"I can't decide whether I want chocolate or vanilla!" said Neji.

"Get them BOTH." Said Hizashi.

"Both of them?" gasped Neji.  "That would be a large, though!  I'm not allowed to get a large ice cream cone until I'm older!"

"You're old enough." Said Hizashi as he ordered Neji an ice cream cone that had two scoops, one of chocolate and one of vanilla.

"Wow!" said Neji.  "I'm so happy!  I don't think ANYTHING could make me happier!"

"Think." Said Hizashi.  "There have to be more things you want to do."

"Well…now that I think about it…I kind of want to ride a pony." Neji confessed.

"In that case, let's find a place where you can ride a pony." Said Hizashi as he grabbed onto Neji and quickly went in search for a pony-riding place.  He didn't want to take too long FINDING the pony-riding place and accidentally take up all the time in which he could be using to make his son happy!!

Finally, they found a place.  It was a quaint little area where small children came all the time to ride ponies.  Of course, Neji had long since discarded his ice cream cone since he was far too small to finish a large sized one, so he was all ready to ride a pony until the cows came home!

"Dad, are you watching me?!" Neji yelled as he rode around on the pony.  He was actually just being led around by some lady who owned the ponies and going around at about a half a mile per hour but it was still ever so fun!

"Yes, I am!" said Hizashi.  He was feeling truly unhappy on the inside but he had to keep happy on the outside so he didn't accidentally concern his son and inevitably make HIM unhappy too!!

When the pony-ride was finished, Hizashi asked Neji where he wanted to go next.

"Well…I think I want a balloon." Said Neji.

"Then a balloon you shall have." Said Hizashi as he swept him off to the closest party store in which a balloon could be purchased.  They left the store with the string tied around Neji's wrist so he wouldn't accidentally let go of it.  That would make him sad and Hizashi couldn't have THAT on this perfect day!!

"Now what, dad?" asked Neji.

"It's up to you." Hizashi said.

"Really?" said Neji.  "Then I want to go miniature golfing!"

"Then let's go." Hizashi said, taking Neji to the local miniature golfing place faster than you could say, 'miniature golf'!

They played a killer few rounds of miniature golf and Hizashi made sure that Neji won so Neji wouldn't get sad.  Neji had to be HAPPY!!!

"Well, now it's dinner time." Said Hizashi.

"Where are we going for dinner?" Neji asked.

"Where do YOU want to go?" Hizashi replied.

"You mean I get to decide where we go to dinner too?" Neji gasped.

"Yes." Hizashi said.  "This day is all for you."

"Why?" Neji asked.

"No reason." Hizashi answered ALL too quickly.

"Oh, okay!" said Neji.  "Then I want to go to the Ground Round!"

"Very well, that's where we will eat." Said Hizashi as he took Neji to the Ground Round.  They ate their dinner and Hizashi got Neji the ice cream inside the baseball hats that everyone loves!

"This day has been really fun!" said Neji.  "I feel like it's by birthday or something.  Oh right!  Hinata's birthday is tomorrow, isn't it?  We should get her a present!"

"No, Neji, this day is all about you." Said Hizashi.

"Well, I'm a little tired now." Neji confessed.  "But I want to stay up past my bedtime anyway."

"Then you can stay up until nine o'clock." Hizashi compromised.

"Wow!" said Neji.  "Nine o'clock?  That's a whole hour later!"

Of course, Neji fell asleep on the ride home.  So Hizashi carried the tuckered out little buckaroo up to bed and tucked him in to his little plastic racecar bed.  He didn't WANT tomorrow to come…but it would.  It would come.  Without presents or boxes or bags.  It would come.


	63. Lil Lee: New Neighborhood

Naruto Primer: Lil' Lee

New Neighborhood

Lee's always been high on life and thankfully hasn't overdosed yet.  Even when he was but a child of six years, he was easily excitable and unusually chipper.  Is it because he was a jerk in the times before he was born concerning an event with eyebrows?  You know what's coming, don't you?  That's right.  Another trip into the past with the Magic Crystal Ball of the Past.

You may not know this, but at the tender age of six, Rock Lee moved into a new neighborhood.  He used to live in a very different world but then his parents won the lottery and found the most peaceful place in the village to raise their precious son.

So, while the parents were out…shopping…Lee was home alone.  Yes, at age six.  His parents had THAT MUCH confidence in the new neighborhood that they left him home alone after first moving in.  But this is not a story questioning the morals of Lee's parents so let's leave them alone!!

Lee was chillin' when all of a sudden, the doorbell rang.

He ran over and opened the door without even bothering to look who it was or ask who it was or anything.  He had a lot of confidence in the new neighborhood too.

Standing there were two boys that looked similar, except one was older.  "Welcome to the neighborhood from the Uchihas!" said the smaller one as he handed Lee a big bowl of Jell-O.  "I'm Sasuke!"

"I'm Lee!" said Lee.

"Hi Lee!" said Sasuke.  "This is my older brother, Itachi!  He's a chuunin and he's eleven!"

"Really?!" Lee said.  "I want to be a chuunin someday!  And be a jounin even more!!"

"Me too!!" Sasuke said.  "Ninjas get to do cool missions!"

"Yeah, like beat people up and throw things!" Lee said.

"And deliver ice cream!" Sasuke added.

"We need the bowl back when you're done." Said Itachi.

"I hope you like orange Jell-O." said Sasuke.  "I put a scoop of ice cream on the Jell-O but Itachi made me take it off because he said I was obsessed."

"I love orange Jell-O!" said Lee.  "I wish you kept the ice cream on it!"

"Let's just go now." Said Itachi.

"Okay!" said Sasuke.  "Bye Lee!"

"Bye Sasuke and Itachi!" said Lee as he shut the door and ran over into the kitchen.  He placed the big bowl on the table and looked inside it.  "Hurray!  Jell-O!"  Then he touched it and watched it jiggle.  Right before he was about to start digging in with a giant spoon, the doorbell rang again.

He ran over to the door and flung it open.  Standing there were three small children each holding a different item.  First, a girl with blond hair was holding a huge bouquet of flowers.  The boy in the middle who was larger than the rest had a basket filled with food and other goodies.  The one on the other side who looked bored with the fact that he had to be there was only holding an envelope.

"Welcome to the neighborhood from the Yamanakas!" said the girl.  "My name is Ino and here are some flowers from our shop to decorate your lovely home!"

"Thanks, Ino!!" said Lee as he took the flowers.

"And these are from the Akimichis!" said the boy in the middle.  "I'm Chouji.  Here are some cakes that we made just for you!"

"I love cake, Chouji!" said Lee, taking the basket.  "Thanks!"

"And here's a card." Said the last boy.  "It's from my mom but I'm supposed to say it's from all us Naras.  I'm Shikamaru."

"Oh!" said Lee.  "That's nice.  Thanks so much!"

"You weren't supposed to say that, Shikamaru!" said Ino.

"Whatever." Said Shikamaru with a shrug.  "This is way too troublesome anyway!  I was right in the middle of doing something!"

"Well, enjoy the food!" said Chouji.

"I will!" said Lee.  "Thanks so much for coming over to welcome me to the neighborhood!  My parents will be so happy, yet so sad that they missed all this!"

"Bye!" said Ino as the three of them ran off.  Lee took all the new stuff into the kitchen.  He opened up the card and found that it said, 'Welcome to the neighborhood!' and then had the signatures of all the Naras inside.  He was just about to explore the basket from the Akimichis when the doorbell rang again.

"Wow!" said Lee excitedly as he went to the door and opened it to be faced with a little girl with white eyes and someone who could ONLY be her father who was definitely evil.  "Hi!" he said, not sensing the evil.

"I am Hiashi from the Hyuuga clan." Said the evil guy.  "And this is my daughter, Hinata.  Are either of your parents at home?"

"No, just me!" said Lee.

"Well, we are here to welcome you to the neighborhood." Said Hiashi.  "Please, make sure to tell your parents that the Hyuugas accept your presence in the neighborhood and hope that they don't plan on doing anything out of line."

"I don't think they're planning anything like that!" said Lee obliviously.

"Come Hinata, we're through here." Said Hiashi.

"Bye." Said Hinata.

"BYE!!" said Lee as Hinata and Hiashi left.  Then he shut the door.  "Wow!  I feel so welcomed in this neighborhood!"

He had barely walked two steps when the doorbell rang again.

He turned around and opened the door to see another small child who was obviously sent by his parents to welcome them to the neighborhood.  "Welcome!" he said.  "I'm Kiba from the Inuzuka clan!  We made you this fruitcake!"

"I've never had fruitcake before!!" said Lee.

"Neither have I!!" said Kiba.

"I didn't know people ate them, I thought they were just for decoration!" Lee confessed.

"ME TOO!!" Kiba exclaimed.

"WOW!!" Lee exclaimed.  "I'm going to go and put this on my kitchen table!"

"And I'm going to go home now!!" Kiba said.

"Good!" said Lee.  "Have fun!!"

"I will!" said Kiba.  "Maybe we can play a game someday!!"

"I love games!!" said Lee.

"I DO TOO!!" Kiba yelled.

"Well, bye!" said Lee.

"Bye!"

Kiba then left, and Lee shut the door.

As he brought the fruitcake over to the table and set it down, he thought about how lucky he was to be in a neighborhood with so many families with small children around his age.  He was already liking this neighborhood a lot better than his old one!


	64. Lil Naruto: Monkey Bars

Naruto Primer: Lil' Naruto

Monkey Bars

Ever since Naruto was just a child (and you know this will eventually lead to the Magic Crystal Ball of the Past) he's felt a need to prove himself in front of everyone else.  So we'll show you.

It was recess time at the academy and all the little boys were out on the playground while the girls were off picking flowers with their teacher.

"Hey you!!" yelled the young eight-year-old Kiba as he pointed at Naruto.  "I bet that I could run from one side of the playground to the other faster than you could!!"

"You're on!!" said Naruto.  "I'll prove to you that I'm faster!!"

"Not YOU." Said Kiba, looking offended.

Naruto turned around to see Sasuke standing right there.

"What?!" Naruto yelled at Kiba.  "You were talking to Sasuke?!"

"Well obviously." Said Kiba.  "A race against you would be pointless because I would win way too easily.  I want to at least challenge myself a little bit."

"I would beat you!" said Naruto.

"NO YOU WOULDN'T!!!" Kiba yelled.

"Then why don't you prove it?" Naruto said, crossing his arms.

"Fine!" said Kiba.  "Sasuke, I'll race you LATER after I beat Naruto!"

"Whatever." Said Sasuke since he never actually agreed to race Kiba in the first place.

Kiba grabbed some sidewalk chalk and drew a line across a part of the playground that was pavement.  "Okay, we'll start behind this line," Kiba explained.  "And race all way over there where Shikamaru and Chouji are playing checkers."

"All right!" said Naruto.

"On your mark…get set…" Kiba said slowly as he got in his running ready position.  "GO!!!"

With that, Naruto and Kiba were off.  They were speed demons all the way over to Shikamaru and Chouji!!  Unfortunately for Naruto, Kiba was much more demonic than he was and was much faster to the end point.

"See?" said Kiba, not tired at all.  "There's no way YOU could beat ME."

"Grr…" said Naruto angrily.

"Now I'm going to go and challenge Sasuke to a race!" said Kiba as he strutted away arrogantly.

"Aw man!" said Naruto.

"I beat you Chouji." Said Shikamaru.  "That makes fourteen wins and no losses for me."

"I just can't beat you, Shikamaru!" said Chouji.

Shikamaru looked up.  "Oh, you look like a good challenge." He commented.

"Me?" said Naruto.

"Uh, no." said Shikamaru.  

Naruto turned around again to see Sasuke standing there with his hands in his pockets.  "Not YOU again!!" Naruto yelled.

"Do you want to play?" Shikamaru asked as he started setting up the board again.

"He's not playing until AFTER you beat me!!" Naruto said, pushing Chouji out of the way and sitting in his spot.  "The winner gets to play Sasuke!"

"Do you even know how to play chess?" Shikamaru said skeptically.

"I thought it was checkers!" Naruto said.

"No, it's chess." Said Shikamaru.

"Go Shikamaru!!" cheered Chouji.

"Of COURSE I know how to play!!" said Naruto as if he was offended.  He really had no reason to be offended because, in actuality, he didn't really know how to play and Shikamaru ended up beating him in four turns.

"Check mate." Shikamaru said.

"Hurray, Shikamaru won!!" said Chouji.

"How…?!" Naruto demanded, looking at the board.  "I hardly moved any of my pieces!"

"That's how." Shikamaru explained.  He looked up in search for Sasuke.  "Great, now Sasuke's gone.  It's too troublesome to go and look for him though.  Chouji, do you want to play again?"

"Do I ever!" said Chouji excitedly.

"Don't you want to play me again?" Naruto asked.

"No." said Shikamaru.  "You're worse than Chouji."

"FINE!!!" said Naruto, standing up and stomping away.  It wasn't long until he stumbled across Shino who was…

On the swings!  That's right, he wasn't collecting bugs.  He was on the swings.

"Hey you," said Shino.

"Me?" said Naruto.

"…No." said Shino.

Naruto turned around to see Sasuke standing there again.  "WHY DO YOU KEEP JUST STANDING BEHIND ME?!" he demanded.

"Why do you keep standing in front of me?" Sasuke retorted.

"That's it!" said Naruto as he ran over to the swing that was next to Shino.  "Shino, I bet I can jump off the swings further than you!!"

"…?" said Shino.

"If you want to challenge Sasuke to a jumping off the swings contest then you'll have to get through me first!!" Naruto announced.

"I just wanted to ask Sasuke the time because I saw he had a watch." Shino said.

"Well now you're in a contest with me!!" Naruto said as he started pumping in attempt to get higher than Shino.  "You jump first and then I will and whoever lands further away from the swings is the winner!!"

"If I do this will you go away?" Shino asked.

"ONLY IF YOU BEAT ME!!!" Naruto yelled.

"Fine." Said Shino as he leapt off the swings with such grace and landed EVER so far away and so perfectly on his two feet.  It was pretty far, so Naruto would have to beat it.

But he didn't.

In fact, he only kind of tumbled off the swings and tried rolling so much to pass Shino but that didn't happen.

"Do over!" Naruto declared.

"No." said Shino.  "I won now go away."

"Swinging on the swings is for losers!!" said Naruto as he ran off to find a nice private place to cry.  But, instead, he found Sasuke sitting in a sandy area building a beautiful sand castle.

"HEY!!" said Naruto, stomping over.  Sasuke just ignored him.  "Hey, I'm talking to you!!"  When Sasuke didn't respond, Naruto wound up and kicked the castle with all his might so that all the sand went flying in all sorts of directions, including Sasuke's face.

Sasuke sat there in shock for a moment and then stood up, brushing himself off.  Then he looked at Naruto and pointed at him.  "I challenge you." He said.

"I accept!!" said Naruto.  "I'll beat you!"

"Meet me at the monkey bars in three minutes." Sasuke said.

"I'll be there!" said Naruto.  "So you better be!"

Word spread pretty quickly that Sasuke and Naruto were fighting and everyone wanted to be there to see it.  Not so much the fight between Sasuke and Naruto, they were just eager to see Sasuke beat up Naruto since he had been annoying them all so recently.

Naruto and Sasuke were at the appointed place at exact right time.  All the boys were there to watch too.

"What's the challenge?" said Naruto.

"Whoever can get further across the monkey bars is the winner." Sasuke said.

"NO ONE can do the monkey bars!" said Naruto.

Sasuke crossed his arms.  "No one?" he said cockily.

"EXCEPT ME!!" Naruto finished quickly.

"We'll see about that." Said Sasuke, jumping up and grabbing hold of the bar.  Then, ever so swiftly, he went all the way to the other side of the monkey bar area and then, just to spite Naruto, easily made his way back and jumped off.  All the boys clapped to congratulate him.  "Beat that." He said.

"I will!" said Naruto even though he knew he couldn't do that much monkey bar action in a million years.  He jumped up and grabbed onto the first bar.  He reached for the second one but his wrist that held him up started twisting and pretty soon, he was facing the wrong direction.  All the boys laughed at him as he fell off and landed right on his face.

"Do over!" Naruto yelled.

"Nice job." Said Sasuke sarcastically.

"Recess is over!" came the voice of Iruka.  "Everyone back inside!"

All the boys ran back inside in a big cloud of dust and flying paper, leaving Naruto to just lie there for a minute before getting up as well and slowly making his way back to the academy.  It's not like that recess was any different for all the other recesses he had had.  They were USUALLY like that.


	65. Lil Ino: Live in a House

Naruto Primer: Lil' Ino

Live in a House

Ino has liked Sasuke ever since she was a small child.  I don't think much more introduction is needed than that except for… The Magical Crystal Ball of the Past is coming!!!

It was the first day of the Ninja Academy and all the little five-year-old ninjas-to-be were being dropped off by their parents or guardians.  There were only eight students there and one teacher in the end.

"Hi everyone!" said the teacher.  "My name is Iruka.  The first order of business is to assign seats to help me learn your names."

"Aww…" said all the little children.

"In this first seat is Aburame Shino," said Iruka, pointing to the seat furthest to the left.  "Then Akimichi Chouji.  Next is Haruno Sakura, then Hyuuga Hinata, then Inuzuka Kiba, then Nara Shikamaru, the Uzumaki Naruto and finally, Yamanaka Ino."

Ino wasn't particularly happy about her seating.  She was sitting at the end and the other two girls in the class got to sit next to each other but they were far away.  The one boy who was sitting next to her, Naruto, had his back turned to her and was talking to the boy next to him, Shikamaru.  Henceforth, she decided to hate them both for ignoring her!

Just when Iruka was about to start his first lesson, two people walked in the door.  "Itachi!" said Iruka.  "I heard you passed your chuunin exam!  Good for you!"

"Yeah, I did, I'm a chuunin now." Said Itachi.

"Now, just because we're technically on the same level now doesn't mean that you can't learn a thing or two from me!" said Iruka.

"Well, I'm not here for me." Said Itachi, pointing to the smaller one.  "My mom told me to drop off my little brother, Sasuke.  He wants to be a ninja."

"Yeah!" said the little brother.

"Good!" said Iruka.  "The more ninjas, the better!  Why don't you go up there and sit next to Ino at the end there?"

"Okay!" said Sasuke as he went over to where Ino was sitting and took the empty seat next to hers.  Iruka and Itachi continued talking for a little while so Ino leaned over to Sasuke who was sitting attentively with his hands folded.

"Hi, I'm Ino!" she said.

"I'm Sasuke." He replied.

"I'm glad you're sitting next to me." Said Ino.  "Otherwise, I'd have to sit alone over here."

"Really?" said Sasuke.  "That's horrible!!  I would hate being alone.  My older brother dropped me off and he's a chuunin!  Someday, I want to be just like him."

"Me too!" said Ino.  "I want to be a great ninja."

"Maybe we'll get to sit next to each other all the time!" said Sasuke.

"That would be great!" said Ino.

"All right, everyone!" said Iruka.  "Listen up!  We're starting now!"

All that fell out of Iruka's voice from that moment forward was blah blah blah.  Ino was thinking about her new best friend ever.  She had never had a best friend that was a boy before.  Maybe that meant that they were boyfriend and girlfriend.  Did that mean that they were going to get married?  Well, he was a boy and she was a girl so it made sense.

If they got married then they'd be the best ninjas ever.  They'd work together as a team and have kids and live in a house.  She didn't know much about this ninja business and what sorts of things the life demanded, but she knew that she would be able to handle it.

"Psst, Sasuke." She whispered.

"Yeah?" he whispered back.

"What's your last name?"

"Uchiha."

"Okay, thanks."

Uchiha?  Uchiha Ino…hm, that sounded kind of weird.  But she could get used to it.  If it was going to be her new last name then she didn't really have a choice either way.

What about the children?  What would their names be?  It would have to work with 'Uchiha' because it would just be silly if their names didn't have a nice ring to it.  Of course the first one would have to be Sasuke Jr.  The next one could be named after his awesome chuunin brother, even though she didn't really know his name.  She would get to know it, of course, since she's going to marry Sasuke.

"Psst, Sasuke," Ino whispered.

"Yeah?"

"What's your favorite color?"

"Yellow."

"Thanks."

She happened to like yellow as well!  It was the color of her hair!  He must like her hair then.

"Do you like my hair?" Ino asked quietly.

"Yeah!" said Sasuke with a nod.  "But I like long hair better."

"Oh, okay!" said Ino.  She wanted to grow her hair out long but her mom said that she wasn't allowed to until she was older.  This was because her mom didn't think she'd be able to manage long hair at her age.  But as soon as she was allowed to, she vowed to grow it out because that's what her future husband liked!

"Sasuke," she whispered.  "Do you like my eyes?"

"Yeah!" Sasuke answered.

Good, then the children would have her eyes.  Not that she didn't like his eyes, but if he liked her eyes better than it would be best if the children had her eyes.  Then again, Sasuke could potentially like his own eyes better.

"Do you like your eyes better or my eyes?" she asked.

"I don't know." Said Sasuke.  "I can't decide."

What color eyes would the children have if he couldn't decide?!  Well, she already knew that she was going to have at least two children so they could each have different eyes.  But, since Sasuke's favorite color was yellow, then all their children would have blond hair.

"Sasuke," she whispered again.

"Ahem." Said Iruka over to where Ino and Sasuke were sitting.  "Do I have to separate you two?"

"No, that's all right!" said Ino.

"No problem!" chimed Sasuke.

Ino sat back in her chair and figured she could wait until recess to find out more about Sasuke.  Maybe she could even propose to him then too.  Maybe he would propose to her!


	66. Teachers: Hazing

Naruto Primer: Teachers

Hazing

"So anyway, Shikamaru's a chuunin…" Asuma said.

"Stop randomly bringing that up!" said Gai.  "We all KNOW he's a chuunin!"

"I just thought I would remind you all that I have a chuunin on my team and the rest of you don't." Asuma said with a sigh.

"That didn't even have anything to do with what we were talking about!" Kurenai pointed out.

"Yeah, we were just discussing what we were going to do on Saturday night!" Kakashi said.  "Either watch the Disembodied Head that Ate People at my house or call upon our students and give them random training exercises!"

"Shikamaru doesn't NEED to train because he's a CHUUNIN!" said Asuma.

"ARGH!!" groaned Kurenai, Gai and Kakashi as they threw their arms up in the air in frustration.

They were all sitting in a café having yet another one of their teacher and jounin parties.  It was then that Iruka walked in and noticed them.  He walked over to say hi.

"Hey guys!" he said.  "I never really got a chance to ask you but were you happy with how much character your students built after going camping?"

The four jounins were silent as they stared at Iruka.

"What…?" Iruka said slowly.  "Do I have something in my teeth?"

"No, no, it's not that." Said Kakashi.

"We just don't know what to talk about with you here." Admitted Gai.

"Why?" asked Iruka.  "I just spat out a great conversation starter!"

"Yeah but…you're not a jounin like us." Said Asuma.  "You have to understand how hard it is to create small talk with you."

"What, just because I'm a chuunin?" said Iruka, looking offended.  "You guys talk to chuunins all the time!  What about Shikamaru?!"

"He's different." Said Asuma.

"How so?" Iruka demanded.

"He just IS." Asuma said.

"So anyway, we'd like to get back to our teacher and jounins party…" said Kakashi, trying to get Iruka to leave.

"No, I'm not leaving." Said Iruka, pulling up a chair.  "You guys have to include me!  I'm a teacher!  And I'm practically a jounin, I just don't feel like taking the jounin exam!"

"Yeah but you're a chuunin." Said Kurenai.  "And we're jounins."

"That shouldn't matter!" said Iruka.  "Let me hang out with you!"

The four jounins looked at each other and sighed.  "Very well." Said Gai finally.  "But if you want to hang out with us then you have to prove to us that you're cool."

"Wait, isn't that hazing?" said Iruka since he IS a teacher and all.

"Think of it as initiation." Asuma said.

"Did you guys have to go through initiation?" Iruka asked.

"We're the jounins." Kakashi pointed out.

"Fine, what do I have to do?" Iruka asked as the scene faded and then reopened with the five teachers standing outside that restaurant with the grill in the middle where they could cook the food right then and there. 

"All right, my students are in there." Said Asuma.  "In order to prove that you're cool, you have to get them to leave the restaurant without eating."

"That is going to be very hard." Commented Kurenai.

"Yeah, he has Chouji on the team." Said Gai.

"And Shikamaru who could just sit there all day and nothing could happen." Added Kakashi.

"And he's a chuunin." Asuma finished.

"Now go!" said the four jounins at the same time as they pushed him in the restaurant and then peeked their heads through the window to watch him.  Iruka awkwardly walked over to where Chouji, Ino and Shikamaru were sitting having a grand barbeque.  Actually, they weren't having a grand barbeque yet, they were still waiting for their uncooked food to be delivered.

"Hey guys!" said Iruka.

"Hi…" said Ino, Chouji and Shikamaru.

"Shouldn't you be out training or something?" he asked.

"This is our reward for training." Said Chouji.

"You guys should go someplace else." Said Iruka.  "I hear this place is REALLY bad and expensive."

"We've been here before." Said Ino.  "It's not bad and it's pretty cheap."

"You still should leave." Said Iruka.

"Why?" asked Shikamaru.

"Because…um…because I'm your teacher and I will you to do so!" Iruka said finally.

"You're not our teacher anymore." Ino pointed out.

"Well…uh…" Iruka started.

"Excuse me," said the waiter as he put all the food on the table.

"YAY!" cheered Ino and Chouji.  Shikamaru only kind of…looked.

Iruka suddenly got another brilliant idea.  He ran over to wear the kitchen was and looked for the controls of the stove.  Finally he found the stove at the table the three were sitting at and turned it off.

Then he found a hiding spot where he could watch them fruitlessly try to set up their food.  "Hey, it's not cooking." Said Ino, waving her hand over the grill part of the table.  "It's not even hot."

Shikamaru waved his hand over the grill too.  "I wonder why that is." He said.

"The switch is on," Chouji observed, playing with the switch that turned the grill on.

After sitting there in a puzzled state for a moment or two, Ino finally let out a heavy sigh.  "This is stupid!" she said, standing up.  "I'm not staying here any longer.  I promised my mom I'd be home twenty minutes ago.  I'll see you guys later."

With that, she was out the door.

"Come on, Chouji, let's go play shougi or something." Said Shikamaru, standing up as well.

"But I'm still hungry." Chouji said.

"Then let's go eat someplace else." Shikamaru said.  "THEN we can play shougi, okay?"

"OKAY!" they both said.

So they left too.

Iruka watched them leave and then exited the restaurant as well.  "Well?" he said to the four jounins who were nodding their heads in satisfaction.  "How was that?  Can I hang out with you guys now?"

"Well…that was mildly cool…" said Asuma.  "I mean, even I can't get Chouji to leave a restaurant without eating!"

"But that was the easy test." Said Kakashi.  "Next, you will have to do something that you must look underneath the underneath to do!"

"Kakashi, stop saying that so much." Said Asuma.  "It's really really really annoying."

"Then you stop saying that Shikamaru is a chuunin." Kakashi said.

"No." said Asuma.  "Because he IS."

"Then I'm going to tell people to look underneath the underneath all I want because that's what I want them to do." Kakashi said.

"Oh, can he harass my team next?!" Gai asked.

"No, my team." Said Kurenai said.  "I already called going next while he was in the restaurant, remember?  All right, Iruka, my team is out running laps.  I want you to somehow…SURPRISE them!  All three of them."

"What?" said Iruka.  "Surprise them?"

"Yes." Said Kurenai.  "It's not as easy as you might think.  Kiba can sniff you out a mile away and has Akamaru just in case and Hinata's got her Byakugan.  As for Shino, he's not an easy person to surprise.  I mean, I was trying to surprise them the other day and they all just kind of laughed at me.  Except for Shino who just…stood there and Hinata who wouldn't do that.  So Kiba was just laughing and laughing and I said, 'Why are you laughing at me?!' and he just kept laughing."

"How is that involve looking underneath the underneath?" Iruka asked.

"Just ignore Kakashi." Said Gai.  "He's spouting nonsense."

"Look underneath the underneath!" said Kakashi.  "That's how you succeed!"

"He says that about everything." Gai whispered.

That being said, Iruka went to where Kurenai's team was running laps.  All the teachers hid someplace far away but close enough so that they could see what was going on.

Kiba, Hinata and Shino came running down the path.  Akamaru suddenly started barking.  "I know, Akamaru." Said Kiba.  "I smelled him too."

"What is it?" asked Shino.

"Iruka's in the bushes up there." Kiba answered.

"He must be going for a walk or reading!" said Hinata.  "Let's say hi to him!"

"Okay, Hinata." Said Kiba.  They continued running and just when they were about to turn and greet Iruka happily, they were suddenly faced with Iruka diving out of the bushes towards them and knocking them all to the ground while screaming EVER so loudly.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" yelled Kiba, Hinata and Shino as they tumbled to the ground.

"Did I surprise you?" Iruka asked.

"You sure did!" said Hinata as she shook like there was no tomorrow.

"Geez!" said Kiba.  "I didn't think you were going to jump out of the bushes!  What do you MEAN are we surprised?!  That's the understatement of the year!!  Of course we are!!"

Iruka looked at Shino who was sitting up.  It was the moment of truth.  "I think my heart stopped for a moment there." He said finally.

"YES!" said Iruka, jumping to his feet and doing a little jig.

"Nice job, Iruka." Said Kurenai.  "You three, keep running!"

"Right!" said her team as they got up and ran off.

"You have done the impossible!" said Asuma.  "AGAIN!"

"So can I join your club now?" asked Iruka.

"No, you have to harass my team!" said Gai eagerly.

"What do you want me to do?" Iruka asked.

"While you were off surprising Kurenai's team, we were digging this hole here." Said Kakashi, pointing to a giant hole that was in the middle of the path.  "You have to get all of Gai's team members into this hole.  All three of them have to be in at the same time.  Whether you get them in by pushing them, convincing them or some other method that you can think of, all three must be in it at some point."

"As a forewarning, I have tried this before except it was trying to get them on a rock." Said Gai.  "And I just could not get Neji to stand on the rock.  I don't know why, he just didn't want to stand on it."

"He's a defiant little bastard." Said Kurenai.

"Kind of like Kiba?" said Kakashi.

"Kind of like Sasuke!!" Kurenai yelled back.

"Not like Shikamaru because he's a chuunin!" said Asuma.

"Just so you know, they're all in Neji's favorite training area." Said Gai to Iruka, just to change the subject.  "We'll be waiting over there!"

The four jounins ran off and hid in a bush as Iruka made his way to Neji's favorite training area.  He knew exactly where it was because that's where he had seen Neji doing the Macarena.

"Hey guys!" said Iruka as he walked over.  Neji, Lee and Tenten all looked up from their current training exercises.  "Gai told me to tell you that he has this awesome new training exercise and he wants you to come with me."

"…Okay." Said the team more or less together as they followed Iruka over to where the hole was.

"He said that it was going to involve this hole…" said Iruka.  "I don't exactly know what it's all about but he said that he wanted you all to be in this whole by the time he got here."

"What Gai says goes!!" said Lee as he leapt into the hole.  "Come on, everybody!!  We don't want to disappoint Gai!"

"I guess." Said Tenten as she climbed down into the hole as well.

"I think I'll wait until Gai gets here." Said Neji.

"No, he said he needed you all to be in it when he got here." Iruka said.

"What could we possibly do while we're in a hole?" Neji said.

"I don't know, I'm not Gai." Iruka said.  "But he said it would be really beneficial to you all.  Especially you, Neji.  But you have to get in the hole."

"I don't think I want to get in the hole." Neji said.

"Come on, Neji!" said Tenten with a sigh.

"No, I'm wearing a white shirt." Neji said.

"You're ALWAYS wearing a white shirt!" Lee said.

"No, I get the feeling that Iruka wants us to get in this hole for some other reason and Gai has NOTHING to do with this." Said Neji.

"No, Gai asked me to make sure you all got in this hole!" Iruka said.  And it wasn't a lie either.

"I don't think so." Said Neji, crossing his arms.

Iruka looked over to where all the jounins were seated watching his every move.  Just when he thought he was going to have to give up, he just looked at Neji standing less than a foot away from the hole and not really playing attention to him.  Promptly, he extended his arms slightly and shoved Neji in the direction of the hole, making him fall into it.

"HURRAY!!" cheered Gai, pulling a confetti ball on Iruka.

"Wha?" said Tenten and Lee.  Neji was still in shock because his back was at the bottom of the hole and his legs were straight up in the air so he was quite stuck.

"Don't worry team, you'll all get special points for this." Said Gai.  "Especially you, Lee!  You got right in there!  But not you, Neji, because you had to be pushed and, even though we actually WERE up to no good, I don't like that you suspected me so quickly!!"

"…" said Neji.

"So I'm up for letting Iruka in our club." Said Gai as he wrapped his arm around Iruka.  "He has my vote!"

"All right!" said Iruka.  The five of them starting walking away as Lee and Tenten tried to help Neji out of the hole.

"But what about my team?" asked Kakashi.  "He hasn't harassed my team yet."

"Yeah, we can't officially vote until AFTER he's harassed Kakashi's team." Asuma agreed.

"I'm ready!" said Iruka.  "What do you want me to do to them?"

"I want you to make Sakura love Naruto and make Naruto and Sasuke become best friends and have Sasuke love Sakura." Kakashi said.

"…That's impossible!!" said Iruka.

"Come on, Kakashi, that's a little TOO hard." Said Kurenai.

"He's done everything else." Said Kakashi.  "I mean, he kept Chouji from eating, he got Shino to admit that something surprised him and he pushed Neji in a hole!  Why wouldn't he be able to do what _I _ask of him?"

"He's not a miracle worker." Said Asuma.

"Maybe if he looked underneath the underneath—"

"No, Kakashi, think of something else." Said Gai.

"Fine…" said Kakashi as he rubbed his chin.  "You have to make Sasuke laugh hysterically at something…but not even have Naruto crack a smile."

"What about Sakura?" asked Iruka.

"Uh…I don't care." Said Kakashi.  "Oh, I know.  You have to get her to do absolutely nothing the whole time you're there.  But don't worry, that part is easy since she doesn't do anything anyway."

"Kakashi, that first part might also be impossible." Said Kurenai.

"No, he MUST do this one." Kakashi said firmly.  "I refuse to think of another one."

"We could help you think." Asuma offered.

"No, he HAS to do it." Kakashi said.

"I can do this one." Said Iruka in a determined voice.

"I'll be rooting for you!" said Gai.

"Me too!" said Asuma.

"I'm on the fence." Kurenai admitted.

"It depends on how you perform in this last test." Kakashi said.

"Wait…is this some kind of looking underneath the underneath thing in which I have to find some sort of hidden meaning of what you said?" Iruka checked quickly.

"Yes." Said Kakashi.

"No, it's not." Said Gai.  "Ignore him.  What he said is what you have to do."

"But do you even know what I said?" said Kakashi.  "You have to look underneath the underneath!"

"SHUT UP!!!" yelled the other three jounins.

"So where can I find them?" asked Iruka.

"That's right!" said Kakashi, slapping his forehead.  "I told them to meet me at the bridge this morning.  They're probably still there."

"All right!" said Iruka.  All five of them went to the bridge but the four jounins hid in the bushes as Iruka walked over.  Sure enough, the three members of Kakashi's team were still waiting there.

"Hi everybody!" said Iruka.

"HI IRUKA!!" yelled Naruto.

"Hi." Said Sakura.  Sasuke only kind of looked vaguely in Iruka's direction since he was currently superior to the world.

"Naruto, I'm not going to buy you ANY ramen for a really long time." Said Iruka right off the bat just to keep Naruto from smiling.

"What?!" demanded Naruto.  "WHY?!"

"Because I don't feel like it." Iruka said.  "I've spent way to much money on you.  So anyway, Sasuke, why was six afraid of seven?"

"Because seven ate nine?" Sasuke said.

"RIGHT!" said Iruka as he pretended to laugh hysterically but when he noticed that Sasuke wasn't moving.  "Uh…why did the chicken cross the road?"

"I don't like jokes." Sasuke said.

"Um…" said Iruka, looking puzzled.  During all the time he had taught Sasuke, he had never really seen him happy…at least, not AFTER the clan was wiped out.  He had no idea what would make Sasuke laugh, if there was anything that would do that at all.

But then he took notice of a bee that landed on Sasuke's neck.

"Don't move, Sasuke." He said.  "You have a bee on your neck."

"It's crawling around on me…" said Sasuke, leaning over.  "I can feel it…"

"I'll get it off." Said Iruka as he watched Sasuke hunch his shoulder up from the feeling of the furry little legs of the bee scurrying around on his neck.  There's only one reason why someone would do that.  If they were TICKLISH!  Oh yeah, he had just looked underneath the underneath.

"I'll help!" said Sakura, stepping forward.

"Wait!" said Iruka, remembering that Sakura wasn't supposed to do anything at all.  "You have a be on you too!"  She immediately froze.

"I'll help you!" said Naruto to Sakura.

"NO!!" yelled Sakura, which made Naruto even sadder.

"I'll help you as soon as I finish helping Sasuke." Said Iruka as he walked up to Sasuke and started brushing at the bee.  It immediately flew away.  "Oh, it's still there!" he said as he continued brushing at Sasuke's neck.  "It just crawled down your shirt!  Don't worry, though, I'll get the little devil!"

He continued to brush Sasuke's neck, arm and back, and could clearly tell that he was trying not to laugh.  And, even though Sasuke was feeling extremely uncomfortable with the whole situation, his legs suddenly buckled underneath him and he fell to the ground.  But Iruka didn't stop!  "It's still on you!" he said.  "I can see it!!"

"Stop!!" Sasuke yelled but at that point, it was too much.  He burst out into hysterical laughter and, as soon as he did, Iruka stopped and stood up looking proud of himself.

"I did it!!" he announced.

"Is the bee gone?" said Sasuke, taking a deep breath and wiping the tears of laughter from his eye.  Naruto raised his camera and took a picture.

"Uh…yeah!" said Iruka.  "And yours is gone too, Sakura!!  And Naruto, I was just kidding about what I said earlier!"  Then he skipped off to where the jounins were waiting while singing the Smurf theme song.

"Dear lord." Said Asuma.  "You are incredible."

"Strangely pedophiliac, yet effective." Kakashi said.

"I can't believe you got Sasuke to laugh like that." Said Kurenai.

"I can't believe you got him to laugh period." Said Gai.

"Frankly, Iruka, I thought you were going to lose it once he shot down your jokes but then I saw you look underneath the underneath and I was all like… man, he has to be in our club." Kakashi said.

"I DID look underneath the underneath!" said Iruka.  "The rest of you guys were wrong!"

"Right…" said everyone else, avoiding eye contact.

"So, let's go have a Teacher and Jounin and Chuunin Party!" said Asuma.  "Okay?"

"OKAY!!" cheered everyone, including Asuma.


	67. Sakura n Neji: Blind Angle

Naruto Primer: Sakura/Neji

Blind Angle

"Well THAT was a completely wasted day!" sighed Sakura as she and Sasuke walked away from the bridge area.  "I mean, waiting around for Kakashi for all that time…I think it's a little unfair that he never even showed up."

"…Yeah." Said Sasuke.

"So…Naruto ran off so now it's just you and me." Sakura said.  "Do you want to…I don't know…do something?"

"Like what?" Sasuke asked.

Sakura beamed.  The response, "Like what?" was a step up from, "No, you're annoying."  She thought for a moment.  It was the moment of truth.  She had to suggest something good right off the bat so he wouldn't decline.  Then it occurred to her.  "Well, I guess we could—"

"Sakura," came a voice behind her.  She turned around to see Neji standing there.  "Could I speak to you for a minute?"

"Um…hi…Neji…" said Sakura uneasily.

"I need to talk to you about something." Neji said.

"This'll only take a minute," said Sakura to Sasuke.

"Actually, it might take a while." Neji corrected.

"All right then I'm not hanging around here." Said Sasuke with a shrug as he sauntered off.

Sakura watched him go and was just about to turn around and beat up Neji but then she realized that he was Neji and not Naruto so instead, she turned around and tried to look pleasant.  "Yes?" she said through her teeth.

"I must ask you…" Neji began.

"This better not be about your blind angle." Said Sakura, looking annoyed.

"How'd you know?" Neji asked.

"Look, all I did was shoot the gun randomly and it just so happened to be in your blind angle, okay?" said Sakura with a sigh.

"I don't believe that." Neji said.  "You said you'd tell me how you knew about my blind angle if I helped you get Sasuke back into his correct body so that means that you DID know it."

"I was just saying that so you'd help me." Sakura confessed.

"Sakura, just tell me." Said Neji.  "Make this easier for all of us.  Was it Lee?"

"Yes, yes it was Lee." Sakura said, hoping that he would be satisfied with that answer and leave and then she could potentially catch up with Sasuke.

"I don't believe that." Neji said immediately.

"Why not?" Sakura asked.

"He just wouldn't go around telling people where my blind angle is.  Lee isn't one to just go around and tell people's secrets, especially crucial ones like that.  He's too nice a guy."

"You're right, he is really nice." Sakura admitted.

"Yeah, I'm getting to like him better." Said Neji.  "I thought that he was really going to annoy me when he got assigned to my team and, don't get me wrong, he DOES annoy me, but not as much as I thought."

"He's pretty annoying…" Sakura agreed.  "And he's got an unhealthy obsession with me."

"I've noticed that." Neji said.  "He really wants to date you.  It's all he ever talks about.  Why don't you just date him?"

"Would YOU date him?"

"No, I'm a man."

"I mean, IF you were a woman."

"If I…wha…Sakura, this isn't about me being a woman!" said Neji suddenly.  "This is about my blind angle and how you got to know where it was!  Now tell me honestly this time, this is important!"

"Fine…er…Tenten told me!" Sakura tried.

"No, Tenten did NOT tell you." Neji said.

"How do you know?" Sakura said.

"I just DO." Neji answered.  "She may have excellent aim but she's never been able to hit my blind angle.  Ever.  So that means there's no way she could possibly just TELL you where my blind angle is!"

"How come she can't hit it?" Sakura asked.  "You said yourself she has excellent aim."

"I don't know." Neji confessed.  "I guess it's just a mental thing.  Think about it.  If she DID hit my blind angle, then I'd have a shuriken sticking out of the back of my head.  Do you think she wants that?"

"I guess not." Sakura said.  "She likes you too much."

"You think she likes me?" Neji said, raising an eyebrow.  "I thought she liked Sasuke."

"Who doesn't like Sasuke?" Sakura said, shaking her head.

"Well…I don't." Neji said.

"How can you say that you don't like Sasuke?" Sakura said.  "You randomly challenged him to a fight and when he refused, we could ALL see that you wanted blood."

"You could…you could tell?" Neji said hesitantly.

"Yeah, it was pretty obvious." Sakura said.  "So, while you may not like him in a sexual way, you like him as…a rival, I guess."

"As a rival, maybe." Neji admitted.

"I bet if you were a girl, though, you'd want to date him." Sakura said.  "There's no way you would be able to be a rival with him so you'd have the next best thing!  Plus, all us OTHER girls are in love with him."

"Well…I…" Neji said slowly.  "Wait…we're STILL not talking about me being a woman!!  We're talking about my blind angle!  Now tell me how you knew it!"

"How about Gai?" Sakura suggested.  "He's pretty loud."

"I don't think Gai would just go around telling people my blind angle, no matter how loud he may be." Neji said.  "And, no offence, I doubt he would tell YOU."

"What's that supposed to mean?" said Sakura, putting her hands on her hips.

"It's not like you'd be able to do anything with it." Neji shrugged.

"But I DID." Said Sakura even though she knew very well that she didn't.

"True." Neji said with a nod.  "But still.  Gai wouldn't tell you.  He's loud, annoying and talks WAY too much, but he wouldn't tell anyone.  Why couldn't I have just gotten a quieter teacher like yours?  Or ANYONE else's?"

"I don't know, Kakashi can be kind of annoying sometimes." Sakura said.

"You mean that whole look underneath the underneath thing?" Neji questioned.

"Yeah, but that's not the worst part." Sakura said.  "Take today for example!  He told us to meet here on this bridge this morning and didn't show up so we've been wasting all this time."

"You should be training or something." Neji said.

"That's the thing though." Said Sakura.  "There's the chance he might show up with this ludicrous training session in mind!  Sometimes, he might tell us not to eat breakfast and to not brush our hair and then focus training on the fact that we're hungry and our hair is messy!"

"Why would having messy hair matter?" Neji said.

"You should know!" said Sakura.  "You have to brush your hair every morning, don't you?"

"Well yeah, but it's not like going a day without brushing my hair would hinder my training performance." Neji said.

"If you were a girl it would." Said Sakura.

"Why does this keep coming back to me being a girl?" Neji said.  "We're talking about my blind angle!"

"Oh right!" said Sakura, snapping her fingers.  "I just remembered.  Hinata told me.  After all, we were on the same team!  She wanted to give me a heads up on how to beat you."

As soon as the shadow covered half of Neji's face, Sakura realized that her most recent plan to get rid of him had kind of backfired.

"I mean…" she started.

"Hinata wouldn't do that." He said.  "Because then that would be giving away one of the secrets of the Hyuuga, putting the Main House in danger because the Main House and the Branch House both have the SAME blind angle!  It's not like the Main House is any BETTER than the Branch House is, they're exactly the same.  In fact—"

"Your blind angle, Neji!" Sakura interrupted.

"Oh right." Said Neji, clearing his throat.  "What about Sasuke?  You guys are together all the time.  How do I know that he hasn't told you?"

"That's who it was!" said Sakura, completely acting.  "And I'm going to go and find him now and tell him not to tell anyone else."

"Wait." Said Neji, stopping her.  "Sasuke has never seen me fight before.  I know because I want him to see me fight because I want to fight him.  So that means he couldn't even possibly know that I even have a blind angle!  He probably doesn't even know I have 360 degree vision."

"I think everyone knows that." Said Sakura.

"Why?" said Neji.

"Well…after the incidents at the three-legged race, people would be kind of stupid NOT to know." Sakura said.

"Hey, that wasn't really my fault." Said Neji.

"How so?" Sakura asked.

"Lee and Tenten were the ones who were saying 'left right left right' when they should have been saying 'inside outside inside outside'." He explained.

"Why didn't it occur to YOU?" Sakura asked.

"Because I didn't know until Shikamaru told me." Neji said.

"Well fine, whatever." Said Sakura, throwing her hands up in the air.

"You know what?" said Neji.  "I have convinced myself that you really didn't know my blind angle and it actually WAS just a random shot."

"That's what I've been saying this whole time!" groaned Sakura.

"You weren't saying it convincingly enough." Neji said.

"So you're done?" Sakura asked.  "I can leave now?  You're happy?"

"Yeah, you can leave now." Said Neji and, before he had even finished, Sakura had tore off to find Sasuke.

He wasn't ACTUALLY satisfied, he just knew that Sakura wasn't about to surrender that information to him.  Obviously someone had to have told her since, after all, there was NO way she could have possibly been able to find out the location of his blind angle.

He would have to try finding out the answer some other way because the direct approach obviously didn't work.  So, he figured he'd think on it while he made his way back to his favorite training area where he would go and train.


	68. Shino n Ino: Photo Album

Naruto Primer: Shino/Ino

Photo Album

"Ino, I need your help."

Ino looked up from the counter as she stood behind her flower shop to see Shino standing in the doorway holding a photo album.

"Uh…yes?" Ino asked.  "Are you looking for a particular flower?"

"No." he said, walking in the flower shop and putting the photo album down on the counter.  There was no one else currently in the store, which was perfect for Shino.

"Then what?" Ino asked.

"I have an extremely personal matter I need to discuss with you." Shino said.

"With me?" said Ino, looking surprised.  "You're not in love with me, are you?"

"No, I'm not." Shino said.

"Right, because I've heard from a few people that you've been going around saying a few pretty weird things lately." Ino said.

"It depends on your definition of weird." Shino said.

"Well…" Ino said, thinking back.  "Hinata says that you told you were talking about ants in your pants."

"No, I was asking her for her opinion on why I was uncomfortable." Shino corrected.

"And Kiba said that…well, actually, never mind." Ino said.  "Why would you come to me anyway?"

"Well, you were actually my last choice." Shino confessed.

"Oh." Said Ino, looking slightly offended.

"Let me rephrase that, not my last choice." Shino corrected.  "Just the only person that was left after I eliminated everyone else."

"Eliminated?" Ino questioned.

"Yes." Shino said.  "I didn't want to talk to Sasuke, Hinata or Neji because, as you've already mentioned, I have previously spoken with them on a different matter and I didn't think it was fair for me to bother them again.  The same goes for Kiba.  I didn't want to bring it up to Naruto because…well, because he's Naruto and I didn't think he'd be able to offer me very good advice.  I don't really know Lee or Tenten very well because I didn't go to school with them so…well, that's it.  I originally went to Shikamaru but he said it was too troublesome to help me with my issue, and he was hanging out with Chouji at the time."

Shino paused at that point.

"And?" Ino said.

"So it was between you or Sakura." Shino continued.  "And I just so happened to know where to find you."

"Why did you let Shikamaru get away with just telling you it was too troublesome to help you?" Ino asked.  "He'd help you eventually."

"But I needed someone who actually cared about my problem." Shino said.

"What IS your problem?" Ino said.

"Well, it's kind of embarrassing to say…" Shino admitted.

"Then why did you present it to me?" Ino sighed.

"Because I really need help with it." Shino said.  "I've acknowledged the fact that I need help and I'm trying to get it."

"Does it have anything to do with this photo album?" Ino said as she went to open the cover but Shino reached his hand out and slammed the cover back down.

"You can't look in there." He said.

"So it DOES have something to do with this photo album." Ino said.  "What is it?  I can't help you if you don't tell me what the problem is."

Shino took the photo album off the counter and put it under his arm.  "You have to understand that I don't usually do things like this." He said.

"What, talk to people?" Ino asked.

"No, the issue I'm discussing with you." Shino replied.

"We're not discussing an issue." Ino said.  "We're talking about discussing an issue."

"Yeah…" Shino said.

"So, you have to tell me what the problem is." Said Ino, trying to get at least a little bit of information out of him.

"Okay." Said Shino, taking a deep breath.  "I've been taking a lot of pictures lately."

"That's no crime, though I kind of gathered that you were taking pictures since you had a photo album and all." Said Ino after she waited a moment for him to continue, but he didn't.  "You shouldn't worry about it."

"Not just any pictures." Shino said.

"What kinds of pictures?"

"…I don't know if I should say.  It's awkward."

"You can't drag me into all this and then not expect me to want to know the full extent of your problem.  If you want help, man I feel like I'm repeating myself, then you have to tell me what the problem is!"

"Fine…just look…" Shino said, putting the photo album back on the table.

Ino was a little worried at first.  What could possibly be making Shino feel so uncomfortable?  It couldn't be the ants in the pants this time around.  It was something about this photo album and now she was opening it.  Ever so slowly, she lifted the cover, but before she could, Shino slammed his hand down on it again.

"You can't." he said.

Ino gave a loud groan.

"Oh right…" said Shino as he took his hand off the cover.  Ino opened the cover more quickly this time and looked inside as Shino turned his head away in shame.

The first page had four pictures of bugs.  The next page had four more pictures of bugs.  The page after that had four more pictures.  And the page after that, and after that and after that.

"Shino, this book is filled with pictures of bugs." Ino said.

Shino didn't answer.

"So…yeah, I guess that's a little weird." Ino said, a little disappointed as she shut the photo album.  "But I wouldn't exactly call it a problem."

"You wouldn't?" Shino said, looking puzzled.

"Not at all." Ino shrugged.  "It's okay that you have an obsession with bugs, considering you're you and all."

"You think so?" Shino said, looking at the cover of the photo album and then back at Ino.  "You think it's all right?  But don't you think it's a little… I don't know… wrong?"

"No, not really." Ino replied, shaking her head.

"Oh." Said Shino.  "Well, I guess I'll be able to sleep at night now.  Thanks a lot, Ino.  I owe you one."

"Don't worry about it." said Ino as Shino left the flower shop.  Ino was left there to wonder WHY Shino thought that was such a problem.  All she had seen was a bunch of pictures of bugs.

Little did she know, those bugs were…FEMALE bugs.

**Okay.  Hi.**

**Just so you know, the story officially ends at 87 chapters.**

**HOWEVER!  We have 12 other chapters that we could potentially put up, making the chapters up to 99.  And then we'd brainstorm for another one just as a bonus so it'll be 100!  But…we need your opinion.**

**Are we dragging this on for too long or would you like it to be 100 chapters?  We would appreciate your feedback!**


	69. Akimichi Chouji: Angels and Devils

Naruto Primer: Akimichi Chouji

Angels and Devils

Chouji was on his way to training.  Asuma had declared that they were going to do some REAL training today and no amount of chuunin vest fluffing was going to get them out of it.  That made Chouji somewhat sad.

He didn't really want to train.  Of course he wanted to be a ninja, but he just wanted to wake up as an awesome ninja.  It's not like that was going to happen and, as much as he wanted to be as cool as Shikamaru, he REALLY REALLY didn't want to train.

He was now standing outside that restaurant with the grill in the middle where they could cook the food right then and there.

"Hm…should I blow off training and get something to eat?" he wondered to himself.  "Or should I show up and eventually end up back here anyway?"

Suddenly, the familiar little Ino devil appeared on his shoulder.

"Come on, pig out!!" she yelled.  "What's the point of training on an empty stomach anyway?!"

"Yeah, you're right!" said Chouji.  Then he looked at his other shoulder and paused for a second.  Then he looked back at Ino.  "What about Shikamaru?  Shouldn't he be here to tell me to go train?"

"I don't know." Said Ino, shrugging.  "But who cares?!  Go get something to eat!  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!!"

That's when a little angel Shikamaru appeared on Chouji's other shoulder.

"Thank god you're here, Shikamaru!" said Chouji.  "Ino was just about to convince me to blow off training."

Shikamaru sighed.  "Training is so troublesome…" he said.

"…What?" said Chouji.

"Just eat." Shikamaru said.  "The real me will probably be here any minute after getting out of training so don't even bother just walking all the way to the training spot only to have to walk right back."

"For once, I agree with Shikamaru!" said Ino.

"Well, if Shikamaru says so…" Chouji said slowly.  Suddenly, a faint little 'NOOOOOO!' was heard and then there was a poof.  The tiny figure of Lee in an angel outfit was standing next to Shikamaru.

"Don't listen to this shmuck!" said Lee.  "You MUST train!  By training, you can get better!!"

"Lee?" said Chouji, looking confused.

That's when there was a red poof on Ino's side and Neji in a devil outfit appeared.  "You can't get better." He said.  "You can try, but you can't change your fate.  You are what you are and what you are…is a loser."

"TRAIN!!!" Lee yelled, throwing punches.  "TRAIN!!  TRAIN!!"

"What's the point?" Neji argued.  "There are so many people who are better than you are.  You might as well just STAY a genin.  It's the life you're fit for."

"Right on!" said Ino.

"Well, that's not true, I'm just saying that you should blow off training TODAY." Shikamaru said.

"You should train EVERY DAY!!" Lee yelled.

"I don't know who to listen to!!" Chouji said, blocking his ears.

"Listen to me!" came a voice as an angel figure of Sasuke appeared.  "Neji's got a point.  You'll never get better than people who are awesome like me.  But you could always get better than people who are not quite as awesome."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Chouji asked.

"It means that you can be the strongest of the weak." Sasuke replied.  "Or the weakest of the strong.  But only if you train.  If you don't train then you'll only be the weakest of the weak.  Leave that position to Naruto."

"HEY!!" came Naruto's voice as he formed as a devil on Chouji's shoulder.  "I resent that!  Don't listen to him, Chouji.  Training's important and all, but eating is FAR more important!"

"See, Naruto?" sighed Sasuke.  "This is why you'll always be the weakest of the weak.  Don't listen to him, Chouji.  Don't let this happen to you."

"What do you mean?!" demanded Naruto as smoke puffed out his nose and he held his pitchfork threateningly.

"TRAIN TRAIN TRAIN!!" Lee screamed.

"It's your destiny to be weak, don't bother fighting it." Neji said.

"This is so troublesome…" sighed Shikamaru.

"Why bother killing yourself over this?" asked Ino.  "Just eat!"

"This is so confusing!" whined Chouji.

That's when a little angel Kiba appeared.  "Don't worry, Chouji, I'LL be the voice of reason around here." He said.  "You have to train!  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!"

As soon as he finished, a devil Akamaru appeared and barked.

"Hey, Akamaru!" said Kiba.  "You're not COOL being a devil.  Don't listen to Akamaru, Chouji, he has NO idea what he's talking about."

"Uh…" started Chouji but Akamaru started barking.

"It's NOT pointless!!" Kiba yelled at Akamaru angrily.  "Don't make me come over there and beat some sense into you, Akamaru!"

"You can't come over here!" said Naruto.  "The left shoulder is for devils only!"

"That is SO lame." Said Sasuke, rolling his eyes.

"Have you made up your mind yet?" asked Neji.

"TRAIN TRAIN TRAIN!!!" yelled Lee louder than ever.

"Come on, Chouji, listen to me!" said Ino.  "I was right last time, wasn't I?"

Shikamaru only had his fingers in his ears and his head down.

"Aw man, I wish someone would just tell me the right thing to do!" yelled Chouji.

On cue, two angel forms of Shino and Hinata appeared.  "Don't be a quitter." Said Shino.  "I hate quitters."

"Fight hard to change yourself!" said Hinata.  "I believe in you!"

In response, devil Sakura and Tenten appeared on the other side.  "Well I don't!" said Tenten.  "There's no way you could ever be as good a ninja as half the people who are sitting on your shoulder!"

"No matter how hard you train, nothing will really come out of it." Sakura agreed.  "I mean, look at me!  I studied and worked hard but where am I?  I am absolutely nowhere.  That's where.  Don't waste time and effort like I did."

"He's not wasting any time or any effort!!" yelled Kiba.  "No effort is wasted as long as he's trying hard!!"  Akamaru barked.  "That's it, Akamaru, I'm coming over there right now!!"  Kiba disappeared and then reappeared on the devil side, grabbing Akamaru and shaking him around violently.

"Hey, you can't be over here!!" yelled Naruto.

"Well, if he's over here then I'm going over there with Sasuke!" said Ino.

"Hey, so am I!!" said Sakura.

"Me too!" said Tenten as the three of them disappeared and reappeared on the angel side to find that Sasuke wasn't there.  Sasuke was hiding in Chouji's hair.

"Come on, Chouji, train train train!!" yelled Lee.

"That's getting REALLY annoying." Said Neji.

"I DECLARE WAR ON THE ANGELS!!!" yelled Naruto.

"Stupid Naruto…" everyone thought at the same time.

"I CAN'T THINK!!!" yelled Chouji as he started running around in circles.  When he stopped, it was silent.  There were no more angels and no more devils on his shoulders.  "Aw…" he said, looking on the angel side.  "I accidentally killed the Shikamaru…"

"No, I'm right here." Came Shikamaru's voice.  Chouji looked up to see the real Shikamaru standing right there.

"Oh, hi Shikamaru!" said Chouji.  "So… are you on your way to training with Asuma?"

"I've been there and back." Shikamaru replied.  "He says never mind.  Do you want to get something to eat?"

"You bet I do!" said Chouji as he and Shikamaru went in that restaurant with the grill in the middle where they could cook the food right then and there.

**If any one of you artists out there have MAD drawing skills, we would just love it if you illustrated this chapter.  Just one picture.  It would be awesome and we would worship you and give our undying thanks.  It's just that…well, we can't really draw all that great but we would love to see all these people in little devil and angel outfits on Chouji's shoulder!  Thanks!**


	70. Uchiha Sasuke: Ninja Pebbles

Naruto Primer: Uchiha Sasuke

Ninja Pebbles

Sasuke arose from his slumber one weekend morning, nice and refreshed.  He went into the kitchen and went to retrieve his favorite cereal of all, Ninja Pebbles.

He poured himself a big bowl and then added milk.  As he sat down and started munching on the tasty morsels while looking at the ads on the back of the box.  Usually, he would just ignore the ads and search for some mazes that he could do, but today, he spotted an ad for a watch.  A NINJA watch.  But this wasn't just ANY ninja watch.  This particular ninja watch had a ninja star where the twelve should be, the hands were shuriken, the face of the watch had the Konoha Village symbol and the straps were decorated with all sorts of hand seals!

But…most important of all was the button pressing action.  Upon pressing the button, the watch would spout out things like, "Kagemane no Jutsu!!" or "HI-YA!!!" and various other awesome sound effects that Sasuke could not go without.

All he had to do was send in four proofs of purchase and that watch would be his.  He would be the coolest kid EVER (not that he isn't already but now he would just be the man) if he had that watch and could just walk around pressing the button any time he wanted to.

Someone would say, "Hey Sasuke, what time is it?" and Sasuke would roll up his little arm warmers and look at the watch, making sure the random person without the watch could see it.  The person would gasp and say, "Wow!  That's the coolest watch ever!!"  And then Sasuke would just act like he always does when people tell him he's cool or something he can do is cool and then he would just tell him the time and…walk away.

He NEEDED that watch.  It wasn't just a matter of wanting.  It was a matter of life or death.

He looked in his secret stash of proofs of purchase but found that he only had two for Ninja Pebbles and, if he added the proof of purchase from his current box then that meant he had three.  He needed one more.  But he couldn't just WAIT until he got another box of Ninja Pebbles, especially since the store was closed at this early in the morning.  He couldn't wait at all.

Sasuke knew that he could get one from anyone just because he was Sasuke.  So he clothed himself and went outside.  Since he lived next door to the Hyuuga clan, he went there first.  At least one person in the entire clan HAD to have at least one box of Ninja Pebbles that they could surrender their proof of purchase to him.

He pressed a little buzzer on the big gate leading to the Hyuuga complex and, after impatiently waiting for a moment or two, Neji came to the door.  "What?" he said.  It was pretty early so he was still in his PJs and had sleepy hair.  He didn't look very happy about having to walk outside.

"Do you have a box of Ninja Pebbles that you could give me the proof of purchase of?" Sasuke asked.

Neji didn't answer.

"I need the proof of purchase." Sasuke said.

"Is that why you're here?" Neji said, looking annoyed.  Sasuke nodded.  "Out of all seriousness, that's why you made me get out of bed and come to this gate?"

"It's eight thirty on a Saturday morning." Said Sasuke.  "You should be up.  Now tell me, do you have a box of Ninja Pebbles?"

"What are Ninja Pebbles?" Neji said questioningly.

"Only the best cereal ever." Sasuke replied.

"Oh, well, we Hyuuga only eat Hyuuga Flakes." Neji answered.

"You guys have your own cereal?" Sasuke said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah." Said Neji as if every clan in the world had their own cereal.

"Okay then…" said Sasuke as he turned to leave.  He didn't bother saying sorry or thanks anyway to Neji since the fact that the Hyuugas had their own cereal seriously offended him.  That was another reason why he was just SO much better.  His clan wasn't petty enough to just make their own cereal to prove their greatness.

Well, except for Uchiha O's.  But those were cool.

But anyway!  He really had to get that proof of purchase.  He walked around for a little while until he finally came to a house that he assumed would definitely have Ninja Pebbles in it.

He rang the doorbell.

And waited.

He rang it again.

And waited.

Then he pounded on the door.

And waited.

He must have waited for a good five minutes before the door finally opened to see Shikamaru standing there with the sleepiest hair EVER and the sleepiest face.  Gosh darn, he just looked SO bedraggled that even Sasuke looked a little apologetic for waking him up.

"Sasuke…" Shikamaru said in a murderous tone.  "Why have you come to my door so early in the morning?"

"I need to know if you have a box of Ninja Pebbles." Sasuke said, getting right to the point so that Shikamaru could get back to bed.

"You woke me up at the crack of dawn to ask me if I had Ninja Pebbles?!" demanded Shikamaru.

"It's only eight thirty…" Sasuke said.

"IT'S ALL THE SAME!!" Shikamaru yelled.  Then he pointed to a little nameplate in the shape of a little fish that was hanging by the door.  "What does this sign say?!"

"Er…Nara Residence?" Sasuke said.

"Exactly." Said Shikamaru.  "It's practically screaming to be left alone!  How can you look at a sign that says 'Nara' on it and then knock the door at 8:30 in the morning anyway?!"

"Uh…" Sasuke said, kind of on the defensive.  "So uh…do you have them?"

"Ask me again at noon." Shikamaru said, slamming the door shut.

Sasuke decided to pretend that that didn't happen and just leave it at the fact that he was better than Shikamaru.  He may be a chuunin, but that certainly didn't mean that he was better.

He approached the door to the next house and knocked on it, obviously not learning his lesson from the previous two encounters.  He heard a few thumping noises and crashing and then loud barking.  Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a face in the window and then it quickly disappeared.  Then the door swung open and Kiba was standing there.

"You're not supposed to knock on the door." Kiba said.

"What?" said Sasuke.  "Was I supposed to ring the doorbell?"

"DEFINITELY don't ring the doorbell." Said Kiba.  "That will just send chaos throughout the entire house."

"Then what am I supposed to do?" Sasuke asked.

"Just wait, we were coming to the door." Kiba assured him.  "Now what do you want?  Why are you here?  It's a good thing you caught me, though, because I was just going out to play with Akamaru."

"I need to know if you have any Ninja Pebbles." Sasuke replied.

"Ninja Pebbles?!" Kiba said excitedly.  "I love that cereal!!  Who DOESN'T have Ninja Pebbles?!"

Sasuke had to keep his composure and keep himself from getting overly excited like Kiba was.  "Well…I was just wondering if you could give me the proof of purchase to your box…" he started.

"Sure!!" said Kiba.  "AKAMARU!!"  Akamaru ran around the corner.  "Hey, Akamaru, do you think you could go and get the Ninja Pebbles?"  Akamaru barked and frolicked off, soon returning with the box of Ninja Pebbles in his mouth.  Kiba picked them up and ripped off the proof of purchase without even hesitating for a moment or asking why.  "Here you go!!"

"Uh…thanks." Said Sasuke, pocketing it.  "I'm going to leave now."

"OKAY!!" said Kiba, giving Sasuke the thumbs up.  Sasuke then left and returned home where he placed all the proofs of purchase in an envelope and put a stamp on the envelope and wrote the address on the envelope.

Thankfully, he caught the mailman before he drove off and handed him the letter.  It was only a matter of time until that watch was HIS.


	71. Nara Shikamaru: Box

**Kurenai shall use her Jedi Master powers to make sure you DON'T notice the horrible, glaring plot hole in this chapter.  Work your magic, Kurenai.**

Naruto Primer: Nara Shikamaru

Box

"HEAR YE HEAR YE!!" the Hokage yelled as he slammed his hammer down on his table.  The murmur in the room slowly quieted down and everyone turned their attention to the Hokage.  "I have an extremely important mission for one of you, that is why I have called all the jounins and chuunins here today."

"What do you need done, Hokage?" asked some random nameless jounin.

"It's a vital mission that is crucial to my survival." The Hokage replied ominously.  Everyone in the room gasped.  "And I have already come up with the perfect candidate for the job.  Nara…Shikamaru."

The camera panned in on Shikamaru who was in the way back of the room next to his dadoo, not looking like he was paying very much attention.  The crowd gasped on cue again as they all turned around and looked at Shikamaru.  "Are you up for the job, Shikamaru?"

The entire room was hanging on Shikamaru's words.  "I guess…" he answered somewhat nervously.  He didn't think such an important mission that was crucial to the Hokage's survival should be placed upon the shoulders of the newest and youngest one there.  Especially since he was the newest and youngest CHUUNIN.  As the murmuring among the other jounins and chuunins there started up again, it only made Shikamaru feel even more nervous.  What if he messed up?  This sure was troublesome.

"Very well." Said the Hokage.  "Please come to my current residence after the meeting.  Everyone is dismissed!!"

The other high-ranking ninjas filed out of the room slowly, stealing glances at Shikamaru as they left.

"Shikamaru, this is your most important mission." Said Shikato, putting his hands on Shikamaru's shoulders.  "I have only one piece of advice for you.  Don't mess it up.  Got it?"

"Right…" said Shikamaru with an annoyed expression on his face.  Shikato and Shikamaru then split paths, Shikato going home and Shikamaru going to the Hokage's house.

When he arrived, the only other person who was there was the Hokage.  "Thanks for coming, Shikamaru." Said the Hokage.  "You're probably wondering why I have asked you to perform this extremely important mission for me.  Simply put, none of the other high-ranking ninjas qualify.  This mission requires youth, patience, strategic planning, stealth…" he paused.  "Actually, I just need a babysitter."

Just then, Konohamaru jumped out from behind the Hokage's back.  "I'M TOO OLD TO HAVE A BABYSITTER!!!" yelled Konohamaru.

"Uh…" said Shikamaru, backing up slightly.

"I trust you'll take good care of him." Said the Hokage quickly as he ran out the door as fast as he could.

Shikamaru and Konohamaru stared at each other for a good while.  Shikamaru couldn't possibly think of ANYTHING that could potentially be more troublesome than babysitting, even WITH his vast IQ.

"Well…" Shikamaru began as he grabbed the remote to the television.  "How about you watch television?"

"I don't want to watch television." Said Konohamaru.  "I want to play Box."

"Play Box?" Shikamaru said.

"Yeah!" said Konohamaru.  "I'M Konohamaru Princess Queen and YOU'RE the evil witch, Box!  Every morning you dress me in a pretty outfit to wear to school but, on my way to school, you kidnap me!  Then I have to escape and then you chase me around!  After that, I forgive you and then you make me a NEW outfit!  The cycle continues until I get bored!"

"Play Box?" Shikamaru repeated as he got the mother of all 'This is so troublesome…' faces.

"YES!!" yelled Konohamaru.  "If you don't play Box with me then I'm going to throw a fit!!"

"How about we play until _I _get bored?" Shikamaru suggested.

"No!" said Konohamaru.  "Until _I _get bored!!"

Shikamaru sighed and then got in his thinking stance.  He had to think of a way to avoid playing Box, but still play it so that Konohamaru wouldn't throw a fit.  He would also have to play in such a way that Konohamaru could quickly get bored, but not be suspicious of the fact that Shikamaru was attempting to get him bored.

"All right, Konohamaru Princess Queen." Said Shikamaru.  "I have the perfect outfit for you in mind.  What I need are belts and blankets and a large shirt."

"RIGHT!!" said Konohamaru Princess Queen as he ran off to retrieve all the things that Box required to make his beautiful outfit.  He returned with an armful of belts, blankets and the very largest shirt he could find and dropped it all right in front of Shikamaru.  "Dress me, Box."

Shikamaru picked up one of the blankets and Konohamaru stretched his arms out.  "No, put your arms down by your side." Shikamaru instructed.  Konohamaru obeyed and then Shikamaru proceeded to wrap the blanket around and around Konohamaru's body so that he looked like a little pig in a blanket, which is kind of, ironically, what he is.  Then, Shikamaru took the belts and put them all up and down Konohamaru to make sure the blankets would stay on.  Finally, he slipped the huge shirt over it all.

"There you go." Shikamaru said.

"I can hardly move." Said Konohamaru.

"What's the matter, Konohamaru Princess Queen?" said Shikamaru.  "Don't you love the outfit that Box has made you?"

"Of course I do!" Konohamaru insisted.

"Now take this basket of fruit to your grandmother." Said Shikamaru as he stuck the handle of a basket of plastic fruit in Konohamaru's mouth.  "Your grandmother is right upstairs.  After you're done doing that, I will chase you around and make you a new outfit."

"Okay!" said Konohamaru as he started hopping off ever so slowly.  Shikamaru then leaned on the windowsill and looked out the window at the clouds going by.

Who knows how long that went by for until Konohamaru was back in front of Shikamaru again with the basket of fruit still in his mouth?  "What happened?" Shikamaru asked.  "I thought you were going to deliver that fruit to your grandmother."

Konohamaru spit the basket out.  "I fell over too much!" he complained.  "I don't want to wear this anymore!"

"Well I'm not making you another one." Shikamaru said.

"I don't want to play Box anymore anyway!" said Konohamaru.

So Shikamaru took all the blankets and belts off Konohamaru.  It was actually a surprisingly long process that was quite annoying and troublesome, but at least he didn't have to chase Konohamaru around the room and make him a new outfit.

"I think I just want to watch television now." Said Konohamaru as he shuffled off to the television and turned it on with the remote.

Shikamaru walked over to the kitchen area to find a note on the counter.  It said, _"Shikamaru, in my rush to get out of there before you could argue, I was most likely unable to tell you that I will be back at 10:30.  Konohamaru's bedtime is 8:30."_

"10:30?" Shikamaru complained to himself.  You see, in the world of Shikamaru, there is no such time as 10:30.  Not at night, not in the morning.  He goes to bed at around 9:00 and wakes up at around 11:30.  See?  No 10:30.  Not at all.

In about three hours, Konohamaru would be going to bed so then Shikamaru would be free to do anything he pleased.  Which was nothing.  So he figured he'd just set Konohamaru up with a movie or two and then let him vegetate until it was bedtime.  He didn't even have to go into his thinking pose to think up that one.


	72. Hyuuga Neji: Get a Hobby!

Naruto Primer: Hyuuga Neji

Get a Hobby

One day, Neji was in his favorite training area.  He was training.

In fact, the day before that, he was training too.

And he would train the day after and the day after and the day after.

Forever and ever for all eternity.

On this particular day, Neji was NOT doing the Macarena.  He wasn't sneaking turkeys into anyone's bags, he wasn't going to Build-A-Bear and he wasn't watching movies and he wasn't going camping and he wasn't playing laser tag and he wasn't doing all that OTHER stuff that he's been doing.  All he was doing was training.

All of a sudden, Tenten and Lee came over.  "Hey, Neji, we're going to the beach now!" said Lee.  "This is your LAST chance to come!"

"I already told you that I do not want to go to the beach." Said Neji, stopping momentarily to look at them.  "I burn easily and I can't swim…" he caught himself.  "…Well."

"You could fix those two problems if you just went occasionally." Tenten pointed out.

"Well, no, I don't want to go to the beach." Neji said.

"You really need to get a hobby or something." Said Lee.

"I DO have a hobby." Said Neji.  "What do you think this is?"

"You need to take a break from this and do something else." Tenten said.  "Like…um… well, you could start a collection!  Of stamps or Magic Cards or something!"

Neji gave her this LOOK that just said to run along now.

So Tenten and Lee sighed and left.

Neji resumed his training.  After a few rounds of bird counting, he stopped again.  He started wondering…maybe he really DOES need a hobby.  He had tried to convince himself that he enjoyed training by himself all day ever since he got caught doing the Macarena, but he couldn't really lie to himself anymore.

So, after a moment of reflection, Neji began his long, treacherous journey to…The Hobby Shop!

"If I can't find a hobby here then there's no helping me." Said Neji as he opened up the door and stepped inside.

It was quite the large hobby shop…filled with…presents and boxes and bags!!…among other things of course.  So Neji began to wander up and down the isles, looking at all the potential things that could eventually become his new hobby.

He picked a model airplane off a shelf and looked at the back of the box.  He dismissed it as no fun at all and placed it back on the shelf.  As he rounded the corner of the isle, he spotted Kiba at the other end, picking up small containers of paint off the shelves and showing them to Akamaru.

"You like this color?" he asked Akamaru.  "I don't know.  It might make you look kind of femme."  Akamaru started barking and then Kiba looked up to see Neji.  "Hi." He said.

"Hi." Said Neji awkwardly as he pretended to be interested in some buttons that were in individually wrapped bags.

"I didn't know you had a hobby." Said Kiba.  "I've never seen YOU around here before!"

"I'm just…picking something up for someone." Said Neji.

"Oh." Said Kiba, turning back to Akamaru.  "Well anyway, Akamaru.  I refuse to use lavender.  You have to pick a more butch color."

Akamaru barked in response.

"Don't come crying to me when all the macho dogs say that you're gay." Said Kiba as he took the paint off the shelf and put it in a little carrying basket. "You're the one who's going to have to live in a lavender doghouse, after all."

Neji decided that he was above this conversation so he left that isle.

He entered an isle that had blank doll body parts in different packages and clothing that could be altered and applied according to the builder's needs and wants.  Dolls were only for little girls and Neji was NOT a little girl (no matter how much Sakura wanted him to be one) so he quickly left this isle as well.

He walked up and down all the isles, trying to find something that he might be interested in.  Maybe there WAS no helping him!  What if he had gone so far into the abyss of stiffness that he could never ever come back?

Just when he was about to exit the Hobby Store feeling very depressed and all around unhappy, he was stopped by probably the oldest woman in the entire world who was holding two bags.

"Excuse me," she said pleasantly.  "Do you think you could help me carry my bags to my car?"

"Uh…" said Neji.  "Um…"

As bastardly as Neji might be sometimes, he wasn't about to turn down an old lady who needed help carrying her bags to her car.  So he agreed and took the lady's two bags and followed her EVER so slowly to her car.  She got into her car that was probably older than she was and rolled down her window.  "Thank you so much, young man!" she said.  "It's nice to have young people in this world who are willing to do something to help a lady like me!"

She backed out of her parking space and drove off.

Neji was about to go back to being sad and depressed about not having a hobby when he looked down to find that he still had the lady's two bags.  "Oops." He said but by the time he looked up again to find her, she was already too far away, even for his Byakugan!

He sighed and looked in one of the bags to see two knitting needles and two balls of yarn.


	73. Uchiha Itachi: Amnesia

Naruto Primer: Uchiha Itachi

Amnesia

Kiba was playing with Akamaru quite contently when, all of sudden, Naruto just popped out from a bush.  "KIBA!" he yelled.

"WHAT?!" Kiba demanded.

"Look, I've been thinking about Sasuke's evil brother lately and I was just walking around and all of sudden…I SAW him." Naruto explained in a very quiet voice.

"He's back?" said Kiba.  "Already?  I thought he was going to let us live longer!"

"I guess this was long enough!" said Naruto.

"Then let's get out of here!" Kiba said.

"WAIT!" said Naruto.  "I was thinking…maybe we'd be able to beat him!  Then, we wouldn't have to worry about running away from him all the time!"

"Beat…Sasuke's evil brother?" Kiba said with a raised eyebrow.  "Not likely, Naruto."

"Come on!" said Naruto.  "It's not like we'll be able to run from him forever!  We might as well surprise him instead of him surprising us."

Kiba didn't look like he was going to budge.  Then Akamaru barked at him.  "I am NOT a pussy, Akamaru!" he yelled.  "You can say that because you don't have Sasuke's evil brother trying to kill you!!"  But Akamaru argued with him and they argued back and forth for a minute before Kiba finally looked at Naruto.  "Fine, we can try."

"Good, just follow me!" said Naruto as he ran off.  Kiba followed him around in the woods for a little while until they both stopped and jumped behind a tree.  Peering around the corner, they could see Itachi standing in the middle of a clearing with his beautiful flowery cloak, looking upwards.

"On second thought, I don't think I want to do this." Said Naruto.

"Just look at him!" said Kiba.  "He looks like he hasn't moved for a real long time.  He is SO zoned out right now.  If we're going to kill him, we should do it now!"

"I don't know, maybe we should get some people to back us up…" said Naruto nervously.

"Now YOU'RE the one being the pussy." Said Kiba.

"Fine." Said Naruto, not liking being called a pussy.  "How are we going to do it though?"

"Well, considering my brash and abrasive nature, the only idea _I _can think up is to blindly charge and then jump him!" Kiba answered.

"Since I have a similar nature, that's the only idea I can think of too!!" Naruto agreed.  "So, on the count of three, we charge him and try to knock him over!  One…two…THREE!!!"

Naruto and Kiba both leapt out from behind the tree and charged as fast as they could at Itachi while yelling their battle cries.  Itachi had time only to turn his head slightly before he was dove upon and then knocked to the ground.

After a moment of lying there, Kiba and Naruto slowly rose from their positions to find that Itachi was lying completely immobile.  "…Did we kill him?" Kiba wondered as he stood up.

"No way!" said Naruto as he sprung up as well.  "It's just a trick!!"

They stood there for another minute.

Finally, Kiba took it upon himself to hesitantly roll Itachi over onto his back to find that he was FULLY unconscious.

"Whoa." Said Kiba.  "That's him, isn't it?"

"No." said Naruto.  "It's a log or something."

After another minute of waiting for something to happen, Lee suddenly came running up.

"HEY GUYS!!!" he yelled, slapping them both on the back.  They both jumped a mile up in the air and spun around just as Lee noticed Itachi's unconscious body.  "GASP!!  ISN'T THAT SASUKE'S EVIL BROTHER?!"

"SHHHH!!" yelled Kiba and Naruto.

"We're going to try to sneak away before he wakes up." Said Naruto.

"Hey, I thought we were going to kill him!" said Kiba.  "Now would be the perfect time!"

"I think you should let Sasuke do it." said Lee.

Just then, Itachi's eyes opened.

"GASP!!" gasped Lee, Kiba and Naruto as they ran and hid behind a tree as fast as they could.

Itachi slowly sat up and put his hand on his head.  "Oww…" he moaned.  "What happened?  Where am I?"

He started looking around and stood up, looking rather distressed.  "Is anyone there?" he asked.

"Hey guys, he looks pretty sad." Lee whispered.

"It's just a trick!!" Naruto hissed.  "Obviously you don't know the whole story behind Sasuke's evil brother!"

"No." Lee confessed.

"He killed the whole clan!" Naruto explained.

"Well I knew that." Lee said.

"That's the whole story!" Naruto said.  "If you knew that then you should know that he's EVIL and obviously tricking us so he can kill us!"

"Let's get out of here!" said Kiba.  The other two agreed and ran off.

Itachi meanwhile, was utterly confused.  He couldn't remember how he had gotten to this random little place in the woods.  In fact, he couldn't remember much of anything!  But, now that he thought about it, he couldn't remember anything at all!

He felt the little bump on his head.  "I've somehow lost my memory!" he concluded.  "What am I going to do?"

He wandered around for a little while.  "Something's gotta jog my memory if I just look at familiar surroundings…" he said.  Then he was faced with a pleasant town, Konoha Village.  "Ah, a town.  This must be where I live.  I must have been out on a walk and tripped."

He entered the village and started walking down the streets.  He seemed to either not notice or simply disregard the fact that everyone was cowering in fear and gasping when he passed.  "Nothing's really ringing a bell." He sighed.  "If only I could find someone who knew me…I can assume that my family is worried about me…"

At the sound of an unusually loud gasp, Itachi turned around to see a boy standing there.  Itachi knew right away that this boy was somehow related to him, not by his memory but just by looking to see their uncanny resemblance.  "You MUST be related to me." Said Itachi.

"I am." Said Sasuke.

"Then YOU surely know who I am." Itachi said.

"Of course I know who you are!" yelled Sasuke angrily.  "You're my evil older brother who I have sworn to kill; Uchiha Itachi!!"

It was Itachi's turn to gasp.  "Evil?" he said.  "Sworn to kill?!  Why do you want to kill me?!"

"WHY?!" Sasuke yelled, looking more offended than he ever has in his life.  "WHY DO I WANT TO KILL YOU?!  WHY DO YOU THINK?!"

"Out of all honesty, younger brother, I have lost my memory." Itachi said.

All of Sasuke's battle aura deflated.  "What?" he said.

"I am utterly confused and all I wish for is to go home!" Itachi announced.

"How did you lose your memory?!" Sasuke demanded.

"I think I bumped my head…" Itachi said, rubbing the bump on his head.

"Aw man!" groaned Sasuke.  "I can't kill him while he's like this!  There would be no sense of satisfaction if I did!  Everything I ever worked for would be pointless!  It wouldn't be a REAL fight!"

"I'm sure mother and father are very worried about me." Itachi said.

At that comment, Sasuke was thrown into the deep end again.  Just when he was about to use his fire move that never works, all of the jounins in the entire village dropped down from the sky and landed in front of him.

"How DARE you show your face here!!" said some random jounin.  "…Again!!"

"Wait, no, this is my fight!!" Sasuke yelled, trying to get past the jounins but they were a brick wall.

"What do you mean?" Itachi asked, looking hurt.  "What could I have possibly done to make everyone hate me so?  Even my younger brother who is supposed to love and adore and admire me!"

"ADMIRE YOU?!?!" yelled Sasuke as he bypassed the fire move completely and moved right to building up for the Chidori.  Some random jounin who had obviously been informed about Sasuke's mental instability when it came to defeating Itachi, just turned around and tapped him lightly on the forehead.

"Sleep." Said the random jounin.  And Sasuke fell to the ground, sleeping.

"Don't do that to my brother." Said Itachi.  "I'm sure he's just playing."

"Were you JUST PLAYING when you killed the entire Uchiha clan?!" demanded some OTHER random jounin.

Itachi didn't respond.  All of a sudden, he got a rush of memories that all seemed to flow back into him at the same time.  "Oh right…" he said.  "Now I remember.  It's all coming back to me now."  Then he pulled the collar of his flowery cloak up so it covered all but his eyes which he promptly Sharingan-ified for the effect.  "Thank you, gentlemen." He said.  "I take my leave now."

With that, there was a swirl of cherry blossoms and other pretty flowers that matched Itachi's cloak and then he was gone.


	74. Surprise

Naruto Primer: All

Surprise

One splendid April afternoon, Tenten, Ino, Sakura and Sasuke were stealing away into 'The Big Party', the local party store.  Whatever were they doing?  Let us investigate!

"What's Iruka's favorite color?" Ino said as the four of them stood in front of the rows of streamers.

"I think it's pink…" said Sakura absentmindedly.

"I don't think that's his favorite color…" said Sasuke.

"Well we have to make the streamers match the balloons!" said Tenten.

"It's not like the balloons are pink." Sasuke said.  "Do we even have any pink balloons?  Then again, do we even have balloons?"

"Not yet." Said Sakura.  "But we'll get those next."

"So what color streamers should we get?" Ino said, still concentrated on the streamers.

"Not pink." Said Sasuke.

"What color do YOU think we should get?" asked Tenten.

"How about we get a few different colors?" Sasuke said, picking up three different rolls; green, blue and red.  "And maybe some yellow…"

"That's a good idea!" agreed all the girls at the same time.  They didn't know quite HOW they had all ended up with Sasuke, but they were happy.  The group moved down the isles to where all the balloons were.

"How about one of these 'Over the hill' balloons?" said Sakura deviously.

"Or a candle with a grave on it!" said Tenten, picking up exactly that.

"Iruka's not THAT old." Said Sasuke.  "He's only twenty-five."

"Going on twenty-six!" Ino corrected.

"He's going to be SO surprised!" said Sakura excitedly.  "He's going to walk in and he's going to have no idea that we planned a birthday party for him!  I bet he thinks we all forgot."

"I would have forgotten." Sasuke confessed.  "Well, actually, I never really knew when his birthday was in the first place."

"Me too." Tenten admitted.  The other two had to admit to this as well.

"If it wasn't for Kakashi, Kurenai, Gai and Asuma announcing that we were going to help them throw a surprise party for Iruka then it probably would have passed without my knowledge." Sighed Sakura.

"Let's just pay for this stuff and bring it home." Said Ino.  They took all their new party supplies and paid for them and then took them all back to the academy where everyone else was waiting around talking about different things they could do to spruce up the place.

"Finally!" said Asuma.  "Streamers and balloons!"

"That's all well and good." Said Kakashi, looking through the bags.  "But… where's the cake?"

Tenten, Sasuke, Ino and Sakura looked at Kakashi blankly.

"You didn't get a cake?" said Kurenai skeptically.

"Um…no." said Sasuke.

"HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO THROW IRUKA A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY IF THERE'S NO CAKE?!" yelled Gai as he went to punch them all but then he remembered that they weren't Lee so he stopped himself just before it happened.

"Well, you'll just have to go out and get a cake!" sighed Asuma.

The group of four sighed and trudged out.

"Okay, let's get to work on these streamers." Said Kakashi.

The eight students and four students began using all their mad ninja skills to blow up the balloons and make the streamers look all nice and pretty and symmetrical.

"Uh oh!" said Kiba, running over to the window.  "Iruka's coming!!"

"What?!" yelled Gai as he fell off his stepladder and landed with a crash.  "We're not ready!!"

"Hurry, Kiba!" said Kurenai.  "Go distract him!"

"Me?!" said Kiba.  "I don't know how!"

"I'll go too!" said Naruto.  "I'll tell him to buy me some ramen!!"  Kiba and Naruto then ran outside.

"Neji, make sure they don't mess it up because you know they will." Said Gai.

"Go with Kiba and Naruto?" said Neji, raising an eyebrow.

"That is an ORDER!" said Gai.  Neji rolled his eyes and figured it wasn't worth battling with Gai so he left as well.

"Shikamaru, you go too!" said Asuma because he didn't want to be the only one who wasn't sending a student out to distract Iruka.

"That is WAY too troublesome." Said Shikamaru as he casually tied a balloon that Chouji had just handed to him after blowing it up.

"I'LL go, Shikamaru!" said Chouji.  Shikamaru looked at Asuma for approval.

"Whatever." Said Asuma.

Chouji then followed after the rest of the folks who were going out to distract Iruka.

"Hey Iruka!!" yelled Naruto as he ran up to Iruka who was walking along minding his own business.  "Let's go get some ramen!"

"With all of your friends here?" said Iruka, looking at Neji, Chouji and Kiba.

"Uh…" said Naruto slowly.

"Besides, I'm too busy." Said Iruka.  "I've got some stuff to do.  Maybe some other time then?"

Iruka walked passed the four of them and Naruto looked to the other three for help.

"Um…!" Kiba called after him, but that didn't prove much.

"Iruka!" yelled Chouji.  Iruka turned around.  "I've been having trouble doing the… er… Bunshin…"

"With the Bunshin?" said Iruka.  "But Chouji…if I remember correctly, you did very well with that one when I was your teacher."

"Er…" said Chouji.  "I forgot…how I was supposed to…since I've been away from you so long…"

"Yeah, I need some help with the Bunshin too!" said Kiba.

"Why don't you guys just ask your jounin teachers?" asked Iruka.  "That's what they're there for!"

"But we need YOUR uh…well… your…" Naruto stuttered.

"Tutelage." Neji finished.

There was a slight pause.

"The…process of being tutored…" Neji said awkwardly.

"Well, I guess so." Said Iruka.  "Nothing is more important than teaching young ninjas how to be better ones!  I suppose I could put some time aside to teach you a thing or two!"

Hinata was looking out the window in the academy as Naruto, Kiba, Chouji and Neji led Iruka away.

"They did it!" she said.

"That was a close one!" said Lee as he blew up a balloon and tied it in record-breaking speed.

"We have to hurry up and set up these decorations!" said Hinata.

"Where did all our teachers go?" said Shikamaru suddenly.

"They left." Shino said, pointing to the door.

"Why?" said Shikamaru, looking irritated.

"They said they needed a break." Shino answered.

"Then I need a break too." Said Shikamaru, letting go of a balloon so it deflated and flew all around the room while making crazy noises.

"But Iruka could be coming back any minute!" Lee yelled.  "We have to finish setting up!!"  He grabbed the sign that said, 'Happy Birthday!'  "Where should we hang this?!  In the doorway?"

"That seems like the best spot to me!" said Hinata.  "But not too low or else he might hit his head on it."

"OBVIOUSLY I wouldn't do it like that!" laughed Lee as he grabbed the stepladder and plunked it down on beside the wall so he could climb up to get maximum tack-sticking-in-the-wall effectiveness.

"We have a cake!" sang Sakura as she hurried in with a cake.

"And we ALMOST forgot the candles…" Tenten added.  "But I remembered them at the last second!"

"And I couldn't resist this adorable little Big Bird candle!" said Ino.

"Let's just get this ready." Said Sasuke.  "Hey, where is everyone?"

"The teachers are on a break and everyone else is distracting Iruka." Shikamaru answered.

It was then that the teachers came strolling back in.

"Oh wow!" gasped Asuma.  "These decorations look marvelous!"

"What's up with this cake?" Kakashi asked.  "Why is it in the shape of a grave?"

"It's an 'over the hill' cake!" said Ino.

"You…DO know that he's only turning twenty-six…" said Kurenai.  "I sure hope that twenty-six isn't 'over the hill' these days…considering I'm…well, OLDER than that…"

"It's just a joke!" said Tenten.

"Where should I put the Big Bird candle?" Ino asked.

"On the skull!" giggled Sakura.  She was partial to the Big Bird candle as well.

"Are we ready to get Iruka now?" asked Hinata.

"Yeah." Said Gai.  "Who wants to take the responsibility of retrieving the four students and Iruka?"

"I'LL do that." Said Sasuke as he left the room before even consulting his decision with anyone else.  They shrugged and just let him go.

With Iruka, the group of four was trying their best to keep Iruka busy for as long as possible.  "So…if I want to do the Bunshin then I put my fingers like this?" asked Kiba as he balled his hands into a fist.

"No." said Iruka plainly.  "Look at my hands.  Do what I'm doing."

"I don't know…" said Kiba.  "I got it before!  I don't know what's going on now!"

Just then, Sasuke came strolling over.  "Guys, we're ready." He said.

"Oh!" said Kiba.  "Never mind.  I get it now!"

"Well…" said Iruka with a sigh.  "That certainly was odd.  To just randomly forget it like that…what about the rest of you?"

"We're good." Said Neji.  He was never too keen on pretending that he didn't know how to do the Bunshin in the first place.

"I STILL want ramen…" said Naruto.

"Me too." Chouji agreed.

"Well, I'm going back to the academy now." Said Iruka.  "I've got some things to do.  I'll see you all later and try to remember the Bunshin from now on!"

Iruka began walking back to the academy but didn't get very far before he started to realize that the mass of five students were following him.  "Don't you five have things to do?" he asked.

"Akamaru left his favorite toy in the academy!" said Kiba quickly.

"So you're ALL coming?" Iruka asked.

"Um…yes." Said Chouji.

"Whatever." Said Iruka.  It did strike him as peculiar that Sasuke, Naruto, Neji and Chouji were following Kiba to the academy to retrieve Akamaru's favorite toy.  After all, he couldn't really remember those five getting along during their academy days.  Well, he supposed a lot had happened in the void that he didn't have them as students anymore.

Iruka reached the door of the academy and quickly glanced in the window.  "That's strange." Said Iruka.  "I didn't turn off the lights when I left…"

He opened the door and the lights immediately turned on and the teachers and students jumped out of their hiding spots.  "SURPRISE!!!!" they all yelled.  "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!"

"It's your birthday, Iruka!!" yelled Gai as he put a party hat on the confused Iruka's head.

"The big 2-6!" said Asuma, wrapping his arm around Iruka as the students pulled their party poppers and blew into their noisemakers.  "How's it feel?"

The sound died down as they all waited for Iruka's response.

"Well…" he said slowly, looking around.  "I…wouldn't know."

"Oh, are you one of those guys who counts down to the last minute and doesn't actually say that you're not a year older until it's the exact moment you were born?" Kakashi said, looking underneath the underneath.

"Um…no." Iruka answered.  "I generally wait for the right day.  Or even… the right month at least."

There was utter silence.

"What?" said Kurenai.  "Isn't it your birthday today?"

"Uh, no." said Iruka.  "What's the date?"

"April 26th!" said Lee, pointing his finger up in the air.

"Oh." Said Iruka.  "My birthday is MAY 26th."

No one said anything.

"I mean…my birthday IS April 26th!" said Iruka, feeling bad for them.

"Oh happy day!!" cheered everyone as they pulled more party poppers and then partied into the night, celebrating Iruka's ALMOST twenty-sixth birthday.


	75. Lil Sakura: They Start With S

**No new chapters until Thursday.  We'll explain later.  Have a swirly day!**

Naruto Primer: Lil' Sakura

They Start with 'S'

I bet you thought that Sakura ALWAYS had a crush on Sasuke and that it started as far back as when Ino started liking Sasuke for the first time.  I think in order to prove this to you, we must gaze into the Magic Crystal Ball of the Past.

Sakura had a crush.

Even at the tender age of seven, Sakura knew that she was in love.  She loved his dark hair and cool disposition and how he always seemed to be so calm.  Yes, Sakura was simply taken over by these three important traits and it was especially awesome that both their names started with an 'S'!

Sakura knew she had to get to know Nara Shikamaru a little better.

Strike that, a LOT better.

It was the start of a brand new term and Sakura was lucky enough to be assigned a seat next to his!

"Hi!" said Sakura, sitting down next to him.  He had his head down on the table and APPEARED to be sleeping.

He looked up.  "…Hi." He said.

Sakura's heart pounded.  What was she supposed to talk to him about?  "Um…we're getting our tests back today!" she said, trying to start some conversation.

"Tests are so troublesome." Shikamaru said.

"They are!" Sakura agreed immediately.  "I hate tests!!"

Iruka started handing back all the tests until he got to where Sakura and Shikamaru were sitting.  He handed the test to Sakura and then looked at Shikamaru.  "Shikamaru, I am very disappointed in you!" said Iruka.  "I know you can do better than this!  You should at least write your name on the test!"

"My name is so long…" Shikamaru said as Iruka dropped the paper down on the table.  Sakura leaned over and looked at the test to see that it was completely blank.  She looked at her own test to see that she had received an 85, something she was happy about.

"Did you forget to study?" Sakura asked.

"Studying is troublesome." Shikamaru said.

Sakura felt bad for Shikamaru.  He must have really been struggling if he couldn't answer a single question!  He couldn't even BEGIN to answer a single question!

She promised herself from then on that she would study so hard that, from now on, whenever there was a test, Shikamaru could just copy her answers so that he could get a 100!

When it was time to go out for recess, Sakura went to find her friend, Ino.  Ino looked pretty sad for some reason.  "Ino, why are you sad?" Sakura asked.

"It's Sasuke…" Ino replied.

"He seems to make you sad a lot lately." Sakura said.

"Yeah…" Ino agreed.  "You know how he left school for two months?  Ever since he came back, he's been a completely different person…"

"I noticed that too." Sakura said.  "He's not very nice anymore and he never says anything during class.  Have you decided that you don't want to be his friend from now on?"

"I don't know if I can go on being his friend…but I still want to marry him." Ino said.  "The only problem is…all the other girls started liking him all of a sudden too!  It's strange.  It's like they like him better when he's mean!"

"He does seem cooler." Sakura admitted.  "He was kind of dorky before."

"But he was my friend then…" Ino sighed.  "But now I guess I'm just going to have to love him.  How about you?  Don't tell me YOU'RE in love with him too!"

"I'm not." Sakura said.  "I kind of like Shikamaru."

Ino raised an eyebrow.  "Shikamaru?" she said.  "Don't like Shikamaru, Sakura.  You're doomed to a life of uncoolness if you like Shikamaru."

"Why?" Sakura asked.

"Well OBVIOUSLY the cool thing to do is to like Sasuke." Ino said.  "And Shikamaru is SO not Sasuke.  It's so FAR from Sasuke it's not even funny.  Nobody likes Shikamaru."

"I don't want to start liking a guy if everyone else likes him too…" Sakura said.  "Wouldn't it be better to like a guy that no one likes?  That way, there's no competition."

"Whatever, Sakura." Said Ino.  "But don't be surprised everybody starts abandoning you when you start going out with Shikamaru."

Recess was now over and everyone had to go back inside.  Sakura took her seat down next to Shikamaru who had, apparently, decided that he would just stay in the classroom during recess and sleep.  Sakura watched Sasuke walk in the door and take his assigned seat next to Ino.

The more she watched him, the more she found him to be…well, a little cool.  And…cute, she supposed.  Then she looked at Shikamaru again and back at Sasuke.

What was she thinking…liking Shikamaru.  She was just being silly.  Now she knew for sure that the only person that she could POSSIBLY like was Sasuke.  Even the way he held his pencil was far cooler than anyone else in the entire class, including Shikamaru.  No, ESPECIALLY Shikamaru.

She used to think that Sasuke's hair looked like bed-head.  But now she could see that it was styled like that purposely to add to his cool look.

Ino whispered something to Sasuke but he didn't respond.  In fact, he turned his head away from her and looked in the other direction.

_"Good,"_ Sakura thought.  _"He doesn't like Ino."_

Shikamaru let out a loud yawn and then fell back asleep.

"Um…Iruka?" Sakura said, raising her hand.

"Yes, Sakura?" Iruka said.

"I can't see the board from my new seat." She said.  "May I please move?"

"Of course." Said Iruka.  "Why don't you…hm…how about right there?  In the empty seat next to Sasuke?"

"Okay." Said Sakura, gathering all her things and picking them up.  She carried them past Ino who glared at her and past Sasuke who glared at her as well and then sat down next to him, ready to begin.


	76. Lil Shino: Isolation

**What's happenin'…man?  You've might have or might not have noticed the lack of chapter one.  You also might have noticed that we haven't updated for a couple of days.  This is because chapter one, the Rules of the Naruto Primer, violated the fanfiction.net TERMS OF SERVICE.  It was a "list".  And lists are bad.  So not only was that chapter deleted but our account was suspended for a few days making us unable to upload new chapters for a while.  But that's all in the past now and we have learned our lesson.  We shall never ever EVER upload another list again.  **

Naruto Primer: Lil' Shino

Isolation

Shino hasn't ALWAYS…why bother with an introduction?  Let's just cut right to the chase.  In this chapter, we'll be using the Magic Crystal Ball of the Past again to check up on Shino.

It was one of the first days of the academy for all the little ninjas who were ready to learn.  Shino was only five years old and their new teacher, Iruka, was going around the classroom asking each child to introduce his or herself to the rest of the class.  You know, tell them what clan they're apart of, if they have any special abilities and a little on their family…so on.

The boy sitting next to him, Chouji, had just finished up.  Now it was Shino's turn.

"My name is Aburame Shino." Said Shino.

"Oh, you're part of the Aburame clan?" said Iruka.

"Um…yes." Shino answered, figuring that was obvious.

"I think that it's time for us to move on." Said Iruka pleasantly.  "Let's start our lesson for the day."

Iruka began his lesson as Shino only sat there looking confused.  Had he just deliberately cut him off before he could properly introduce himself?  Everyone else had a chance to talk about themselves.  He knew that Hinata was a Hyuuga, he knew that Sasuke had an awesome chuunin brother, he knew that Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji's fathers had been best friends back when they were at the academy, he knew that Kiba could talk to dogs and he knew that Sakura was shy.  But no one knew about Shino.  All they knew was his name.

About an hour passed, Shino feeling very isolated because he couldn't introduce himself.  That's when recess began and all the students ran outside.  Shino stayed after class until the room was empty except for himself and Iruka.

"Is something the matter?" Iruka asked.

"You didn't let me say who I was." Shino said.  "Now everyone knows each other but they don't know me.  Why did you do that?"

Iruka sighed and walked over to where Shino was sitting.  "Shino…I have had some Aburames in the past." He began.  "And most children are just… well, I don't know the word…"

He thought for a moment.

"A lot of people are UNCOMFORTABLE with the things that…er… go on in the Aburame clan." He said finally.

"Uncomfortable?" Shino asked.

"Yes." Said Iruka.  "I'm not saying that I don't want you to tell everyone about yourself, you should just form some friendships first.  Then, after your bonds are strong, you can tell them that you have a million bugs living in your body."

"Oh.  Why?" Shino asked.

"Well…frankly…" Iruka said.  "Sometimes it would make students so uncomfortable that they would end up ostracizing you from the group."

"Ostracizing?" Shino said.

"Um…isolating you." Said Iruka.  "Meaning, not letting you play with them."

"That's not fair." Said Shino.

"That's why I tried to avoid it." Iruka said.

"So you're saying that people won't like me just because I'm part of a certain clan?" Shino said.

"No." said Iruka.  "It'll just be awkward."

That's when recess ended.  All the little tykes came running back in excitedly talking about their fun recess experiences.

"So is your brother REALLY a chuunin?!" said Ino excitedly as she and Sasuke passed Shino on the way to their seats.

"Yeah!!" said Sasuke.  "I want to be a chuunin someday too!"

"I do too!" agreed Ino.

"So you can smell Iruka from here?" said Chouji to Kiba.

"Unfortunately!" said Kiba.  Chouji and Kiba both laughed out loud.  Shino attempted to laugh a little with them, but he felt really awkward doing so.  What if they were to randomly turn to him and ask him what he was laughing at?  Or even worse, what his clan was all about?

So he moved his seat over a little bit as Chouji sat down.  Chouji leaned over Sakura to talk across the room to the other boys.  He wasn't turning around to talk to Shino.

Shino had no one on the other side of him.  He was all alone.

But maybe that was a good thing.  That way, no one would know about the horrible secrets of his clan.  He didn't want them to be uncomfortable.  He didn't want to be ostracized by the other students so the best way to avoid that was to ostracize himself and not get to know any of them.  Of course, Shino wasn't exactly thinking of it that way, but that's the best way to make sense of what was whizzing around in his head at the time.


	77. Lil Itachi: Halloween

Naruto Primer: Lil' Itachi

Halloween

You read right.  This is Lil Itachi's chapter while Hinata doesn't even have one yet!  And, since it's a Lil chapter and all, we're going to show you that Itachi didn't always used to be a psychopathic killer…with the Magic Crystal Ball of the Past.

"Itachi!" called the Uchiha mother, looking around the house for her older son.  She found him in the bathroom kneeling up on the sink to see in the mirror while holding a little hairspray can that would turn his hair red.  "I told you to wait for me to do that."

"I didn't do it." said Itachi, handing the can to his mom.  He was seven years old and it was October 31st.  That meant that he got to go out trick-or-treating.  And, since he had recently done so well with his ninja training to the point in which his teacher stated that he was almost ready for even the chuunin exam, his parents decided to reward him with the responsibility of trick-or-treating without them, something that every child wishes for.

"Do you really need to put this stuff in your hair?" Itachi's mother asked as she started spraying the red dye in and Itachi covered his face.

"Yes!" said Itachi.  "I can't be a devil without red hair!"

Just then, three-year-old Sasuke came running over to the bathroom.  He was dressed in a store-bought airplane costume that was just the epitome of preciousness.  "Mom!" he whined.  "Dad says that he's too busy to take me trick-or-treating!"

"I can take him!" said Itachi.

"No, I'm nervous enough with you going out alone." Said the mother.

"Mom, I want to go trick-or-treating!" complained Sasuke, jumping up and down and continuing to whine.

"Please mom?" asked Itachi.  "I'll take really good care of him."

There was a bit of a battle, but the mother finally caved in.  "Fine…" she said.  "But you have to keep a really good eye on him and if anything happens then you'll never go trick-or-treating again."

"Okay!" said Itachi as he hopped off the sink.

After a few more minutes of getting ready, they grabbed their glow in the dark pumpkins and left the house.  It was still pretty light outside as the two of them walk down the front walk.

"Let's go to Old Man Uchiha's house first!" said Sasuke.  "And Mrs. Uchiha has a haunted house this year!"

"No, Sasuke." Said Itachi.  "We trick-or-treat in the Uchiha neighborhood EVERY year and they always give out lame candy.  We have to go somewhere else."

"But mom told us to stay in the Uchiha neighborhood!" said Sasuke, hurrying after Itachi.

"Mom won't know as long as you don't tell her!" said Itachi.

"I won't tell her, Itachi!" said Sasuke since he idolizes his older brother and would never do anything to get him in trouble.  So Itachi led Sasuke out of the safety of their neighborhood until they were in the regular neighborhood where all the other less isolated clans lived.

"Let's go to this house!" said Itachi as he ran up to the first house that wasn't decorated with the Uchiha symbol.

"Itachi, wait!" called Sasuke, but Itachi was far too excited as he ran the doorbell.  He quickly looked back to see that Sasuke was still making his way up the front walk, but then turned back around to gather his candy from the nice lady at the door.

"What an adorable costume!" said the nice lady as she reached into her bowl to give Itachi candy.

"Thanks!" said Itachi as he looked in his little pumpkin to see what kind of candy he got.  Then he turned around and walked down the steps, frowning slightly at the Almond Joy he had just gotten.  He figured he'd just have to trade with whatever kind Sasuke got.  The best thing about little brothers was that they didn't know what kind of candy they liked so it was easy to do an unfair trade with them!  Sometimes, he didn't even HAVE to trade!

"Sasuke, I'll be a the next house!" said Itachi as Sasuke started climbing the stairs.  "When you're finished here, go over there, okay?"

"The house with all the jack-o-lanterns?" Sasuke asked.

"Uh…yeah!" said Itachi as he hurried off to the next house.  He rang the doorbell and waited a moment.  The door flung open and a blue Power Ranger was standing there.

"OH NO!!" he yelled.  "MOM!!  YOU SAID I WOULD BE THE FIRST TRICK-OR-TREATER!!"

A woman with enormous eyebrows came to the door with a bowl of candy.  "I'm sorry, Lee, I didn't know that people would be going out so early." She said as she dropped two pieces of candy in Itachi's pumpkin without even really looking at him.

Itachi didn't really want to hear anymore with this family as he hopped down the stairs and ran to the next house.

He rang the doorbell.  He received the candy from the nice people at the door.  Then he went to the next house and received candy there too.  As he left that house, he started thinking that at this rate, he'd get more candy than he got last year.  Last year, they were going really slowly.

He had been with his dad and Sasuke last year.  Sasuke was REALLY slow and his dad had to carry him half the time.  That's what made this year even better because now Sasuke could walk on his own and keep up better.

That's when Itachi suddenly stopped dead and looked around.  "Sasuke?" he said slowly.  He retraced his steps slightly and continued to look.  "Sasuke?  Where are you?"

He walked up to a random guy.  "Have you seen a little airplane?" he asked the guy.  The guy shook his head and continued walking with his kids to the next house.  Itachi frantically asked a few more people but no one had seen Sasuke.  He knew he was going to get in trouble for not only leaving the Uchiha area but also losing Sasuke.  And then he'd never be able to go trick-or-treating again!

"Itachi, look!" came a voice behind him.  He turned around to see Sasuke standing there holding up his glow in the dark pumpkin.  "Look at what I got!  That lady gave me three Reese's Cups!"

"Three Reese's Cups?" said Itachi, looking at his Almond Joy.  "Hey Sasuke… how about we trade?"


	78. Pool Party

**AHOY!  "Cory", if you're reading this, we just want you to know that this chapter is dedicated to you, the advocate of pool parties around the world.  Even though we must admit that we had this chapter written long before you first reviewed us asking for a pool party, we've kept you waiting in suspense for way too long.  So, to repay you, we have decided to dedicate this chapter.  To you.  Cory.  Congratulations.  Without further adieu, read and be appeased.**

Naruto Primer: All

Pool Party

"Can we go in the pool now?" Ino complained as a commercial started.  Everyone was at Chouji's house watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as they waited for the final guest to arrive.

"No, we have to wait until Shikamaru gets here!" Chouji said from his position standing by the window, looking for Shikamaru.  "When he says that he's going to be somewhere, he'll be there.  Even if it takes him an extra long time!"  As soon as he finished saying that, the doorbell rang.  Chouji opened it to see Shikamaru standing there holding a little bag of clothes with a towel over his shoulder.  "YAY!!" cheered Chouji.

"Hi." Said Shikamaru.

"IT'S ABOUT TIME!!!" yelled all the people who were eager to get in the pool.

They all got up and changed into their bathing suits and met outside at Chouji's humungous pool.  For some reason, Chouji had decided to throw a pool party and everyone was invited!!

Of course, it didn't start out that way.  At first he was only going to invite Shikamaru but he figured he should invite Ino too because they're on the same team.  Then he figured that Ino would feel uncomfortable without any other girls so he invited the three other girls too.  But then there was an imbalance of girls and boys so he figured he'd just invite all his crazy classmates!!  Then he felt bad for not inviting Neji and Lee so he invited them too.

"FIRST ONE IN THE POOL!!!" Lee yelled as he leapt into the pool as if he was going to do a dive but then belly flopped at the last second.  He had a green Speedo, much to everyone's dismay!

"That's not how you do a dive, this is!!" said Naruto as he jumped off the edge clad in his red bathing suit and then ended up belly flopping pretty much exactly how Lee did.

Sasuke walked up to the edge of the pool and looked down at Naruto and Lee who were recovering just so he could see the full extent of their failure to impress everyone.  He was wearing his dark blue trunks with the little Uchiha fan on one of the legs.

"CANNON BALL!!!" yelled Chouji as he got a running start and then cannon balled into the water.  He didn't bother even attempting to dive because he knew he couldn't.  He was wearing one of those full piece man's bathing suits with the candy cane stripes.  No one was about to tell him that he looked like a fool child since he had, after all, nicely invited them all to swim in his pool.

That's when both Sakura and Ino came out of the house in their bathing suits.

"I'M READY!!" they both sang at the same time.

Then they looked at each other.

They had…the EXACT same flowery bikinis except Sakura's was pink and Ino's was yellow.  "HEY!!" yelled Sakura.  "You copied me!!"

"No, I got this bathing suit a LONG time ago!" Ino said, crossing her arms.

"Well it doesn't matter who got theirs first, it's just who looks better." Said Sakura.

"It shouldn't really matter." Said Tenten, wearing her green sporting bathing suit.

"Can anyone help me with the sunscreen on my back?" Hinata asked.  She was wearing a precious little bathing suit that had a little skirt and frilly sleeves.

Kiba suddenly appeared behind her and took a deep breath.  "I will." He said, sounding EVER so nervous.  He had on an orange bathing suit.  But this orange bathing suit was special.  It had DRAWSTRINGS!!

"Okay!" said Hinata innocently.

"Is it okay if I use this, Chouji?" Shikamaru asked, picking up an inner tube that was on the side of the pool.

"Of course you can, Shikamaru!" said Chouji.  "You don't have to ask every time!"

Shikamaru took the inner tube and got into the water via the stairs.  Then he put it around himself and hung over it.  He probably wasn't going to move from that spot and just allow the course of the water to take him.  He got in as fast as he could, of course, because he was a little embarrassed about the new chuunin bathing suit that his father had forced him to bring.

Shino wasn't wearing a bathing suit.  Don't be silly, he wasn't in his birthday suit, you goose!  He was still wearing all his clothes.  "I already said, I don't do water." Shino said as he whipped out a magnifying glass and started looking around for bugs.

"Why don't you do water?" Neji asked.  He was just standing idly by in his gray bathing suit and his waterproof bandana that not only kept his hair out of his eyes but hid his horrible forehead mark from the world!

"Just think about it." said Shino.  "If you had a million bugs in your body, then how waterproof do you think you'd be?"

"EWWWW!!!" yelled all the girls.

Neji was a little grossed out but otherwise unaffected so he sat down on the edge of the pool and put his feet in the water.  No one had to know that he didn't know how to swim.

"Thank you, Kiba, let's go in the water now!" said Hinata as Kiba finished applying the sunscreen on her back.

"I don't really like going swimming." Kiba said.

"Do you not know how?" Hinata asked, looking concerned.

"Of course I know how!" said Kiba.  "Remember I did the swimming event in the second triathlon?  I just don't like swimming all that much."

"But it'll be fun!" Hinata said.

"Hinata, are you going to tan with us?" Sakura asked as she, Ino and Tenten walked by Hinata.

"No, I'm going swimming." Hinata replied.

"That's okay then!" said Tenten.

"I'm going to go and tan over by Sasuke and maybe he'll look at me in my bikini that I look better in than Sakura!!" said Ino as she ran over to one of the lawn chairs that was closest to where Sasuke was just standing, LOOKING at the pool as if he wanted to go in it but part of him didn't.

"Hey!!" said Sakura as she ran over there as well.  "Then I'm tanning here too!"  Tenten soon joined them in the tanning near Sasuke.  It didn't really work because Sasuke was just about to get in the water anyway.

He sat himself down on the edge of the water and eased himself into the deep end right away.

"Sasuke, it took you long enough to get in the water!" said Naruto as he swam over to Sasuke and hung on the wall.

"Psht." Said Sasuke, looking disgusted.  "Just because I didn't belly flop in like you did doesn't mean a thing."

"HEY!" said Naruto.  "I bet you couldn't dive any better!!"

"Whatever, Naruto." Said Sasuke.  "I don't feel like getting into a battle with you right now so just leave me alone."

"You have to now!!" Naruto yelled.  "It's a challenge!!  You're just being a chicken if you back down now!!"

"Back down from what?!" Lee asked eagerly as he swam over.

"Sasuke thinks he can dive better than me." Said Naruto.

"I never said that." Said Sasuke.  "But, yes, it is true.  It doesn't take much to dive better than you."

"LET'S HAVE A DIVING CONTEST!!!" Lee yelled.  "ME AGAINST YOU AGAINST YOU AND THEN WE COULD GET OTHER PEOPLE INVOLVED TOO!!!"

"No." said Sasuke.

"Aw…" said Lee sadly.

"Let's at least play a game then!" said Naruto, looking around to see what was at his disposal.  "How about water basketball?!  Let's play that!  And me and Sasuke will be on different teams!!"

"And I want to be on the same team as you, Naruto, just so I can be on a different team than Sasuke!!" Lee said.

"But those teams seem a little uneven…" said Naruto, scratching his chin.  "We'll cream Sasuke if it's like that…"

"I know!" said Lee as he called across the pool.  "NEJI!!  PLAY WATER BASKETBALL WITH US!!"

"No, that's all right." Neji replied.

"You have to or else the teams will be unfair!" said Lee, looking determined.

"I don't want to get my hair wet." Said Neji.

"You're at a pool party." Naruto reminded him.

"I don't want to get my hair wet either." Sasuke said.  "It looks really silly."

"Then let's play in the shallow end!" said Lee since he was obviously really pumped to play against Sasuke AND Neji.  "Can you two deal with shallow end?"

"As long as we don't go in the deep end." Neji said.  "…Because…uh… I don't want to get my hair wet."

The four of them then retreated to the shallow end of the pool where Chouji and Shikamaru were hangin' out.

"What are you guys playing?" Chouji asked.

"Water basketball!!" said Lee.

"Can I play?" Chouji asked.

"SURE!!!" said Lee without thinking.

"Now the teams are uneven!" complained Naruto.

"I'll sit out." Said Neji who still hadn't got in the pool yet.

"Kiba, why don't you play?" Hinata asked Kiba.  They were both standing on the stairs that led into the pool, slowly easing themselves in.

"Play what?" Kiba asked.

"WATER BASKETBALL!!" Lee yelled.

"I don't really want to go in the pool…" Kiba said.

"What are you…a pussy?" said Naruto, trying to even out the teams.

"NO!!" Kiba yelled, shaking his fist angrily at Naruto.  "I'm playing then!"

"Now you don't have to sit out, Neji!!" said Lee.

"Oh…good." Said Neji, trying to save face as he stepped down the stairs.  It was okay as long as he didn't go TOO deep.

"I'll cheer you guys on!" said Hinata.

Meanwhile, the other three girls were tanning and doing girl talk.  "Okay, so if you had to marry someone on your team, and you could ONLY marry someone on your team, who would it be?" Sakura asked.  "Personally, I'm torn between Sasuke and Naruto."

"Shut up." Said Ino.

"So who would you choose?" Sakura pushed.  "Chouji or Shikamaru?"

"I don't know!" groaned Ino.  "I'd rather stay single!"

"What if someone had a gun pointed to your head and said that if you didn't marry one of them and let them father your children then who would you choose?" Tenten said.

"Oh…um…" Ino said, truly perplexed.  "I don't know!  I guess Shikamaru!!"

"EEEE!!" giggled Tenten and Sakura.

"Be quiet you two!" said Ino.  "We all know who SAKURA would choose, what about you, Tenten?  Either Neji or Lee!"

"I think we already went through this at the slumber party." Tenten said.  "I wouldn't want to bring more children in the world that looked like Lee and I just can't see Neji being a good father!"

"What if someone had a gun to your head?" Ino said slyly.

"Uh…" Tenten said slowly.  "Lee's just…so ugly…but Neji's…such a bastard… they're like complete opposites!"

"Are you so shallow that you'd go for looks over personality?" Sakura said but she was one to talk.

"Yeah…" Tenten said, looking somewhat ashamed.  "Out of all honesty, I think I would probably choose Neji…"

"EEEE!!" squealed Sakura and Ino.

"Well what about YOU Shino?" said Tenten, leaning over to Shino who was on the other side of her.  You could say that he was tanning, but he was still wearing his overcoat.

"Considering Kiba's both male and really obnoxious, I would choose Hinata." Said Shino simply.

"I guess those reasons make sense." Ino shrugged.

During all this nonsensical girl talk, the boys minus Shikamaru and Shino were all playing a kicking game of water basketball!  Kiba had joined the Neji and Lee team, so that could only mean that Chouji joined that Naruto and Lee team as Hinata cheered for everyone!  EQUALLY!!  Shikamaru just kind of floated around, trying to avoid the game so he wouldn't be pummeled with a basketball.

"I don't want to get too wet!" said Kiba, holding the ball as he looked at everyone else.

"Yeah, neither do I." Said Sasuke.

"You guys are so lame!" said Naruto.  "You come to a pool party and don't want to get wet!"

"I couldn't just turn down the invitation." Said Kiba.

"I am SO not lame." Said Sasuke.

"Prove it!" said Naruto.  "Dunk your head under water!"

"I'm not going to do that." Said Sasuke.  "I'm just going to beat you at basketball.  WITHOUT getting my head wet."

"You're on!!" said Naruto angrily.

"OUR TEAM STARTS WITH THE BALL!!!" declared Lee as he attempted to take the ball away from Kiba.

"No, we already have the ball!" Kiba said, protecting it with all his might.

"Kiba, pass it here." Said Sasuke.  Kiba turned around to see Sasuke standing upright on top of the water.

"What the?!" demanded Naruto.  "You can't do that!!"

"I can't?" Sasuke said cockily.

"Not a bad idea!" said Kiba as he jumped up and landed on top of the water as if it was solid ground.

Using the chakra focused in their feet, everyone else did that as well!!  Actually, everyone…except for Lee.  "Guys, this isn't fair!" he whined.  "I call no standing on water or using any other form of ninjutsu!"

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!!" Naruto yelled as he made ten copies of himself that all stood on the water.  "GET THAT BALL!!!"

All of the crazy Narutos jumped at Kiba at the same time but Kiba just passed it to Sasuke.  Then all the Narutos made a jump for Sasuke but he only threw the ball to Neji who was standing in front of the net.  He figured it was a good a time as any to get his team the lead so he took a shot for the basket but it appeared as though he was TRYING to miss.

Everyone watched the ball sploosh a few yards away from the basket.

"Don't tell me that you suck at ANOTHER thing." Said Kiba, slapping his forehead.

"I've never played basketball before." Said Neji.

"MY BALL!!!" yelled Lee as he started trudging through the water towards where the ball was but Kiba ran over and picked it up before Lee was even half way there.  "This isn't fair, guys!!  Everyone just get back in the water!  We're playing WATER basketball!"

"You're only saying that because you can't stand on the water like we can." Said Kiba.

"Well obviously." Lee said.

While Kiba was distracted by the argument with Lee, one of the Narutos ran over and stole the ball from him, made it's way towards the basket and did a very dramatic slam dunk.  "YEAH!!!" he yelled, doing a victory dance.  "MY TEAM IS THE BEST!!!"

"We can't cover ALL the Narutos." Said Sasuke.  "We have to take them out."

"I'LL take care of that!" said Kiba.

"…How about we ALL take care of that?" said Neji.

"I'll tell you which is the real Naruto." Said Sasuke, using his Sharingan.  "It's that one.  The one that made the slam-dunk.  Punch the rest of them so we can get rid of them."

"That was unnecessary!" Lee complained.  "Let's play this game as if we WEREN'T ninjas!"

"But we ARE ninjas." Said Chouji even though he was pretty much standing there watching like a fool like Lee was.

"If you guys can't play fair then I'm going to start playing dirty too!" Lee announced.

"How?" said Sasuke in a cruel tone.  "You can't use any ninjutsu or genjutsu so what are you going to do?"

"THIS!" said Lee as he grabbed both of Kiba's legs, lifted him up in the air and then tossed him into the deep end.  Kiba yelled the whole way and then was silenced by the water but as soon as he resurfaced, he was hopping mad!  He doggy paddled to the nearest edge and quickly got out, shaking himself off slightly.

"What was that all about?!" he yelled angrily.

"You guys aren't being fair and if you don't play nice then I'm going to be mean to everyone!" Lee said, crossing his arms.

"Kiba, are you all right?" Hinata asked as she came running over to him with her towel.  "I couldn't find your towel so you can just use mine!"

"Okay!" said Kiba, suddenly happy again as he took her towel gladly.  It smelled like Hinata all over.

"You're certainly a poor sport." Said Sasuke as he watched Lee trudge over to where he was standing.  Lee grabbed both Sasuke's ankles but Sasuke only WATCHED.  "Just try to pick me up.  I've got all my chakra focused in my feet."

"And that's your mistake." Shikamaru called from his inner tube.

"What?" said Sasuke just as Lee pulled DOWN and submerged Sasuke completely under the water.

"GO ME!!" said Lee, standing back up.  "I beat Sasuke!!"

When Sasuke resurfaced, he looked SO evil with his Sharingan eyes but no one could really take him seriously because his hair did look rather silly.  So then he just got kind of inferior and decided that he wanted to get out of the pool and pout in the corner by himself.

"I'll get your towel!!" said Sakura since she was watching Sasuke's every move and wanted to be the first to bring his towel to him.

Neji took this opportunity to get out of the pool so that nothing potentially bad could happen to him so he walked over to the ladder, climbed out and then started making his way around the pool to get his towel.  Unfortunately for Neji, Sakura came sprinting by, crashed into him and then knocked him into the pool.  Even MORE unfortunately for Neji, they crashed into each other while standing right next to the DEEP END and he is NOT the strongest swimmer.  So he sank like a rock.

"OH NO!!!" Lee gasped, slapping his cheeks as he shot himself off like a torpedo towards the deep end and grabbed Neji.  Then he pushed off the bottom of the pool and, now in the form of a rocket, smashed through the diving board and landed on the side of the pool.  "YEAH!!!" Lee cheered as he Judo chopped a giant rock that was off to the side in Chouji's yard just to show everyone that he had ninja skills too.

Neji was still a little bewildered as if he wasn't exactly sure of what just happened.

Everyone was in a similar situation.  They had heard a SPLASH then Lee yell then a SMASH of the diving board and then a CRUSH of the rock and then Lee cheer.

"Wha…?" said everyone.

"It was nothing!!" Lee announced.  "You may all go about your business!!"

When everyone had averted their eyes and gone back to their tasks at hand, Neji turned to Lee.  "Uh…thanks Lee." He said.  "But don't tell anyone."

"Hey, I didn't tell anyone about the so-called really fast current that swept me away when we were going camping, did I?" said Lee.

"Right." Said Neji as he went off to get his towel on, this time, a little further away from the edge of the pool.

"Sakura, did you even notice that you knocked Neji in the pool?!" Tenten demanded, stomping over to Sakura.

"Uh…no?" Sakura said obliviously, as she handed Sasuke his towel with a little Uchiha fan on it.

Sasuke wrenched the towel out of Sakura's hand and started drying himself off.  He was officially grumpy now and wanted to make sure everyone knew about it and suffered for it!

At this point, the only people that were still in the water were Naruto, Chouji and Shikamaru.  Lee also "dove" back in to join the fun.

"Hey, not only did our team win by default but Sasuke got his head wet!" laughed Naruto to Chouji and Lee as he lounged on the side of the pool with his arms up on the edge.  "I'd say that's a double win for me!!"

"Uh…Naruto?" said Chouji, pointing above Naruto.

Naruto looked up to see Sasuke looming over him.  He didn't have much time to react before he was punted across the pool, out of the pool and then into the rubble of the rock Lee had split earlier.

Everyone enjoyed a good chuckle at Naruto as Sasuke left again to continue wallowing in self-pity.  Of course, wherever he went to wallow, the girls would try to follow him.

"Hey, Shikamaru, I think it's time you got YOUR hair wet!" said Lee.

"No." sighed Shikamaru.  "I'll pass."

"Come on, Shikamaru!" said Chouji.  "It'll be fun!"

"No." Shikamaru repeated.  "Take a look at my hair.  Do you think I want to have to deal with it being wet?"

"Well Sasuke and Neji have to deal with their hair being wet and they didn't want to get it wet." Lee pointed out.

"Yeah but Sasuke's probably just going to let it dry and see what happens." Shikamaru said with a shrug.  Then the three of them looked over at Neji who was sitting by himself counting each stroke as he brushed his hair with, "Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven…"

Shino was starting to get a little bored so he grabbed the net on the long rod and started cleaning the leaves out of the pool.

"Hey guys, don't you think we've had enough pool fun for today?" Ino said as she tried to comfort Sasuke but he kept running away.

"I agree!" said everyone who had a bad experience with the pool.

"Aww…" said everyone who had a good experience with the pool.  But the people with good experiences were overruled since they were vastly outnumbered considering a bad experience for Sasuke automatically counted as a bad experience for the three girls as well.

"Wow, Shikamaru!" said Chouji, running up to Shikamaru as he wrapped himself in his towel that had the word 'Chuunin' lovingly scripted on it.  "That's such a cool towel!  Did they give that to you for being a chuunin?"

"Oh…yeah." Said Shikamaru, looking at the towel.  "My father insisted that I bring it."

"And you even have a chuunin bathing suit!" Chouji noted.

"It makes me seem a little obsessed, doesn't it?" Shikamaru sighed.

"I think it'd be worth becoming a chuunin just so you can get all the stuff that they give you for no reason." Said Naruto.

Later, Sasuke needed to use the little boy's room but Neji had been in there for the past ten minutes blow-drying his hair.  Poor Neji had forgotten to bring his forehead protector into the bathroom with him so he had to venture out to where everyone else was… WITHOUT IT ON!!  But they all knew better to not say anything about it because they had all seen the horrible curse seal before.

However, there was ONE person who hadn't seen it before.

"Um…Neji…" said Sasuke, staring right at Neji's forehead.  "Uh…you've got… er…something…"

"Do you NOT know anything about the Main House and the Branch House and the horrible curse seal that was placed on my forehead when I was only four years old?!" Neji demanded.

"Well…I do now." Sasuke said with a shrug.  "But I've got one too."  Then he pointed at his very OWN curse seal that turned him into a Sexy Zebra.

Neji actually looked speechless for a minute.  "Well, I was about to go on my forty-five minute long rant about how much it sucks to have a curse seal but… well, I guess you know." He said finally.

"Right, well, now I have to use the bathroom." Said Sasuke, pushing past Neji and shutting the door behind him.

Neji stood out the door for a moment before knocking on it.  "Mine's worse, Sasuke, because it's green and on my forehead." He said.

Sasuke opened the door.  "Yeah but is yours filled with evil?" he asked, officially in a competition.  "Was it given to you in a violent way by some evil guy who wants to someday control you?"

"Well yeah." Said Neji.  "My evil uncle."

"Your uncle?" Sasuke said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, Hinata's father." Neji replied.

"Oh, Hinata's father." Said Sasuke, nodding his head.  "Yeah, and I suppose Hinata's father is on the same level of evilness as Orochimaru."

"Uh…" Neji started.  "But…the Main House…"

"Orochimaru." Sasuke interrupted.  "Neji, just admit it.  My curse seal is much more horrible than yours.  Now I REALLY have to go to the bathroom."  With that, he shut the door on Neji's face.


	79. Sasuke n Kiba: Willy Wonka's Factory

Naruto Primer: Sasuke/Kiba

Willy Wonka's Factory

Sasuke was hanging around in his favorite thinking spot, taking a break from training and eating some Gushers and drinking some Boppin' Berry HI-C.  It was quite peaceful, finally having some alone time to think about things, but he could suddenly hear the footsteps of someone approaching him…FAST.  He quickly sucked down the rest of his HI-C, popped the last Gusher in his mouth and hopped up from his seat, in the ready position.

After waiting for a moment, he suddenly saw Akamaru run up and then run right by him.  Then Kiba quickly followed after him while yelling at him to come back.

Sasuke gave a heavy sigh that he had gotten himself so worked up over nothing so he pulled out his package of M&M's.  As he began to open them, he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder so, in surprise, he threw his arms up in the air, ripping the package in half and having all the M&M's fly all over the place.  When he spun around, ready to attack the person, he found it was only Kiba standing there.

"Sorry, you startled me." Said Sasuke, clearing his throat.

"I have to ask you something." Kiba said.

"I don't feel like fighting right now." Sasuke said immediately.

"Oh, I don't want to fight you." Said Kiba.  "If you can beat Naruto and Naruto beat me then I know I don't stand a chance against you."

"I see." Said Sasuke, looking a little satisfied.  "Then what do you want?"

"Well, it's a question about my love life…" Kiba began.

"I'm not gay." Sasuke said.  "I don't know what Sakura's been telling everyone but I am most certainly not…"

"Oh, neither am I." Said Kiba.  But Akamaru barked.  "No, I'm not.  Just ignore Akamaru.  He's just trying to be annoying."

"What could you possibly need to ask me about YOUR love life if you don't, in fact, love me?" Sasuke said.

"It's just that…" Kiba started.  "All the girls seem to like you.  And no girls seem to like me.  And I was wondering if you could give me some tips and pointers on how I could get people to like me…"

Sasuke battled internally for a moment as Kiba looked on hopefully.  "Well, okay, I guess." He said.  "But only because you're the only person who hasn't challenged me to a fight or is in love with me."

"That's good." Said Kiba, looking mildly confused.

"The best thing I can think up is that whenever a girl shows interest in you, you just have to pretend as though you wouldn't even care if she was tumbling off a cliff and calling your name." Sasuke explained.  Kiba thought this over for a few seconds.

"Yeah but…no girls have shown interest in me." Kiba said.

"Oh." Said Sasuke.  "Well…um…"

"Any ideas?" Kiba asked.

"I'm thinking…" Sasuke said.  "You have to tell me who this girl is that you like so I can work off of that cause all the girls are really predictable in their own ways."

Kiba looked a little embarrassed but Akamaru started barking.  "Shut up, Akamaru!" said Kiba.  "I SO do not like Shino!!  As a friend, yeah, but nothing more than that!"  He looked at Sasuke.  "Just ignore Akamaru!  He's being stupid!"

Sasuke sighed.  "Considering I can't understand him, I had no idea what he was talking about or if he was even communicating."

"You can't understand him?" Kiba said, looking puzzled.

"Never mind, just tell me who the girl is." Said Sasuke.

"Okay fine, but you can't tell anyone." Kiba said.

"Who am I going to tell?" Sasuke asked.

"Well, I just want to make sure it doesn't pop up during a conversation…"

"Out of all seriousness, what conversation would that potentially pop up in?  Who could I POSSIBLY be talking to that would remind me of the fact that you have a crush on some girl?"

"All right then…" said Kiba.  "It's…Hinata."

"Oh." Said Sasuke.  "I was hoping you wouldn't say her."

"Why?" Kiba asked.

"Because she is the ONE girl who doesn't have a crush on me." Sasuke replied.  "So I don't know how I could get her to like you."

"What should we do?" Kiba whined.

"Hm…maybe you could go and ask her questions about what sorts of things she likes and then change yourself based on that." Sasuke suggested.  "That's what all the girls do to me."

"I couldn't do that!" said Kiba.  "Then she'd KNOW I liked her!"

"You haven't even told you that you like her?" Sasuke said skeptically.

"I'm too embarrassed!" Kiba confessed.  "Besides, I'm still exploring my emotions!  I don't even know if I REALLY like her, but I'm pretty sure I do!"

"Hm, I guess you ARE sensitive then." Sasuke said.  "This is a side of you I've never seen."

"Yeah but don't tell anyone." Kiba said.  "Guys aren't supposed to know about this side of me."

"So if you're not going to ask her questions…"

"How about YOU ask her questions?" Kiba said.

"Me?"

"Yeah!  You could ask her what she likes about guys and then tell me!"

"All right, I'm done helping you."

"No!  You have to!!"

"What's in it for me?"

"Well, you'll never have me challenge you to a fight?  Ever?  Besides, you already said you'd help!  You can't just NOT help me!"

Kiba's current begging was making Sasuke feel very superior.  Then it occurred to him that Kiba had given him that proof of purchase to buy that awesome watch, so he figured that he owed him one.  "Well…I guess I'll ask her a few questions." He said.

What followed was a lot of shameless groveling that Sasuke wasn't ABOUT to stop!  Finally, when he was satisfied, the two went off to go and find Hinata.  She was in the local candy store, Willy Wonka's Factory.  No, you silly, it's not the REAL Willy Wonka's Factory, it's just the clever name of some tiny little store in the middle of nowhere.

Hinata was filling up a little bag will all sorts of sweets when Sasuke came walking up.  She was a little nervous at first because there was no reason why Sasuke should just WALK up to her so, at first, she tried to pretend as though she didn't notice him but when he got all in her face and clearing his throat loudly to get her attention, she figured it would be rude to pretend any longer.

"Hi, Sasuke, I didn't see you!" she said.

"I have some questions to ask you." Said Sasuke.  "Answer them as truthfully as you can, okay?"

"Um…all right!" said Hinata.  "I'll try!"

"Okay…" said Sasuke.  "What is an important personality trait you look for in a guy?"

"Uh…" Hinata said nervously as she started blushing.  She continued to stumble over her words frantically in search of an answer.

"Come on, Hinata, I'm not doing this for my health." Said Sasuke as he got momentarily distracted.  "Oh, chocolate covered pretzels.  Could you put some of these in your bag for me?  I'll pay you back."

"Okay…" Hinata said.

"Oh and put some of these in too." Said Sasuke as he reached the little scoop and started putting Gummi Bears in Hinata's bag.

Kiba, meanwhile, was watching from outside through the window.  "No, you're supposed to be asking her questions!" he said under his breath.

"Why Hinata?  Of all people!" came a voice next to him.  Kiba looked over to see Sakura peering into another window with a pad of paper in her hand.  "Well, at least I know now that he likes chocolate covered pretzels and Gummi Bears and Swedish Fish…"

"What are you doing?!" demanded Kiba.

"Nothing!" said Sakura.  "Just doing my daily Sasuke stalking!  What are YOU doing here?"

Kiba wasn't about to just admit to the world that he was, in a way, stalking Hinata like Sakura had just so openly admitted that she was stalking Sasuke so he thought up a lie…AND HE THOUGHT IT UP QUICK!  "Er…I just…uh…asked Sasuke to get me some candy because…uh…they don't allow dogs in this candy store and I didn't want Akamaru to have to wait outside."

"Uh…huh." Said Sakura, not convinced at all.

Back inside, Sasuke had gone back to interrogating Hinata.  "So, you like someone who thinks outside the box and can make you laugh." Sasuke recapped.  "You want him to be outgoing so he can help you change, yet still caring and sympathetic.  You like blond hair and he has to be taller than you.  I just have a few more questions.  Now…do you like dogs?"

"Oh yes, I love dogs!" said Hinata.  "Who doesn't?"

"I don't." Sasuke said.

"Oh." Said Hinata quietly.

"Finally, this one may seem a bit straight forward but that's only because it is." Sasuke started.  "What do you think of Kiba?  Do you like him?  Do you think you could ever pursue him as a boyfriend in the future?"

"Um…oh…uh…" Hinata said as she nearly dropped her candy bag.  "I think I'm just going to go and buy my candy now."

"Was that too straight forward?" Sasuke asked.  "Too specific?  Let me try again.  Do you think you'd ever pursue anyone on your team as a boyfriend?"

"I'm just going to buy my candy now." Hinata repeated as she made her way towards the cash register.

"Fine then." Said Sasuke as he dropped a candy necklace and a ring pop in her bag.  "I'll get my candy later and pay you back the money when I pick it up."  With that, he exited the candy store to find Kiba.  It wasn't very hard considering Kiba was standing there eagerly, waiting for answers.  Sakura had ran off as fast as she could in hope that Sasuke didn't notice her but you KNOW he did.

"What did she say?" Kiba asked.

"In my opinion, she has a crush on you, but you need to dye your hair blond." Sasuke said.

"Blond?" said Kiba.  "I don't want to."

"Well, that's what she said." Sasuke said with a shrug.

Kiba looked a little frustrated.  He didn't want to dye his hair blond but Sasuke said that Hinata had a crush on him so would he even need to?  Suddenly, he remembered that he had promised his mother he'd be home for dinner.  "Oh geez, Sasuke, do you have the time?" he asked.

"Actually, I do." Said Sasuke.  This was the moment he had been waiting for ever since before he could remember.  He slowly rolled up one of the arm warmers and revealed his awesome watch.

"Wow!  That's the coolest watch ever!!" Kiba exclaimed.

"It's 6:30." Said Sasuke as he turned around and…walked away.


	80. Naruto n Tenten: Stupid Ninjas

Naruto Primer: Naruto/Tenten

Stupid Ninjas

Naruto was shuffling through his gallery of pictures that he had taken of the four who had been chosen to be in Sexy Ninjas Unlimited.  He sure had a lot of Sasukes…

All the better.

He took his assortment of pictures to Johnny Rocket's since that was, after all, where he first got his idea to make Awesome Ninjas Unlimited.  He placed all the pictures, ten in all, on the table and began sorting them out, deciding which were the best ones.

"What are you doing?" came a voice above him.

"NOTHING!" Naruto said immediately as he quickly jumped on the pictures and tried to cover them up with his body.

Tenten was looking down on Naruto as he did this.  She yoinked a picture out from underneath his arm that had been sticking out.  "This is a good picture of Sasuke." She commented.  "He looks sexy even when he's pouting and wet."

"It's NOT a good picture!" Naruto yelled as he swiped the picture back and put it at the bottom of his stack.

"Why do you have pictures of Sasuke anyway?" Tenten asked, trying to see the other pictures.

"They're not ALL of Sasuke." Said Naruto, eyeing Tenten.

"What are they for?" Tenten asked, sitting across from Naruto.

"Why should I tell you?" Naruto said.

"Because if you don't then I'm going to tell everyone that you have a collection of Sasuke pictures." Tenten said.

"Well fine!" said Naruto, dropping the pictures down on the table.  "If you put it that way."

Tenten picked up the stack.

"I'm making a magazine." Naruto said.  "And there's a section in the back about stupid ninjas so I took pictures of stupid ninjas doing stupid things."

"Sasuke's not stupid!" said Tenten, looking at the pictures.  "Neji's not stupid!  Shikamaru's pretty stupid.  And, for all I know, Kiba might be stupid.  Is this all you have?"

"Yeah." Said Naruto.

"How did you get these?" said Tenten.  "I don't even remember you being there when Iruka pushed Neji into that hole."

"With stealth!" Naruto answered.  "I decided to spy on Kakashi since he was four hours late and all!  And then, once I saw Iruka push Neji in that hole, I took the picture and ran!  It was so funny!"

"What is going on in this picture?" Tenten asked, showing Naruto a picture of Shikamaru wrapping Konohamaru up in blankets and belts.

"I don't know." Naruto confessed.  "But it looks like they're playing some kind of really stupid game that Shikamaru probably thought up."

"I don't even know who that random kid is." Tenten said.

"Oh, it's just Konohamaru." Naruto said.  "He's just some kid who idolizes me for some reason."

"What about this one?" Tenten asked.  "Is Iruka molesting Sasuke or something?"

"You know, he's trying to get a bee off of him…" Naruto said, taking the picture and looking closely at it.  "But the more I look at it, the more it looks like he's molesting him.  Though, I was more taking the picture because Sasuke was laughing hysterically and it looked foolish."

"And I couldn't help but notice this picture." Said Tenten, showing Naruto the perfect Sasuke 'Got Milk?' ad.  "I was there when this picture was taken."

"Isn't it great?" sighed Naruto.  "Hinata gave it to me.  That's what gave me the motivation to take the rest of these pictures."

"Why does Kiba look so horrified in this picture?" Tenten asked.

"That's after he got out of the pool at that pool party, you know?" Naruto explained.  "After Lee tossed him in the deep end, remember?"

"Oh right." Said Tenten.  "If memory serves, you were in the water when that happened.  How did you get this picture?"

"My waterproof camera!" Naruto said as if it was obvious.

"I think this picture is kind of disrespectful." Said Tenten about the one of Sasuke all unconscious and dead at the Scary Movie party at Lee's house.

"Really?" Naruto asked, looking confused.  "That's my favorite.  He was so afraid of that stupid movie that he actually passed out.  I guess it's not the actual picture, more so the concept that makes it so great."

"He didn't pass out because of the movie, he wasn't feeling very well." Tenten corrected.

"Oh please." Said Naruto.

"Did you see how many times he got up to go to the bathroom?" Tenten said.

"He was hiding in the bathroom!" Naruto said.  "I didn't hear the toilet flush a single time…well, except for when Akamaru used it…"

"Maybe he just FELT like he was going to throw up." Tenten said.  "Since he did right before he passed out at the end."

"Sasuke ALWAYS throws up when he's scared." Naruto said in an all-knowing tone.  "Trust me, I know.  It happens all the time.  You might not believe this, but I'm the level-headed one in the group!"

"You're right, I DON'T believe it." Tenten sighed, looking at the remaining three pictures.  "Okay, I can't really see what's going on in this picture.  Chouji just looks really happy and Shikamaru's sitting there."

"Well, Chouji beat Shikamaru at shougi here." Naruto said.  "When I print this picture for everyone to see, they're all going to realize that he's not as smart as they all thought and he doesn't really deserve to be a chuunin if CHOUJI was able to beat him!"

"…Naruto, I get the feeling that Shikamaru let Chouji win." Tenten said.  "Just look at the way he DOESN'T CARE."

"He never cares." Naruto said.  "But he will care once his chuunin vest is taken away!"

"Naruto, you have to admit that Shikamaru is really smart." Tenten said.

"No, he's not, because he lost to Chouji." Naruto reminded her.

"He ALWAYS wins." Tenten said.  "I hardly know him and I at least know that much about him."

"He didn't win this time." Naruto argued, crossing his arms.  "He's dumb."

"What's up with this picture of Sasuke with wet hair?" Tenten asked.  "He's just standing there with wet hair."

"But it looks SILLY!" Naruto exclaimed.

Tenten gave a heavy sigh and looked at the last picture.  "Is Kiba painting a doghouse here?" she asked.  "What's so stupid about that?  It's probably for Akamaru considering his life revolves around his dog."

"Yeah but…did you notice the COLOR of the doghouse?" Naruto said.

"…Purple?" Tenten asked.

"LAVENDER." Naruto corrected.

"…And?" Tenten said.

"A lavender doghouse for a male dog?" Naruto said as if Tenten was stupid.  "Obviously Kiba has a gay dog."

"Naruto, I think you're trying a little too hard to find stupid pictures of people." Tenten said.  "I mean, you're even making inferences about what was going on at the time. Do you even know WHY Iruka pushed Neji into that hole?"

"No." Naruto said.  "But I assumed it was because Neji was stupid."

"Neji's NOT stupid and that's not the reason!" said Tenten because she's the only person who ever sticks up for Neji.  "It was because Gai and the rest of the teachers told him to so that they'd let him be in their club."

"Oh." Said Naruto.  "That's weird.  Is that why he molested Sasuke?"

"That would make sense." Tenten shrugged.

"I'm going to have to bring that up to Kakashi." Said Naruto, scratching his chin thoughtfully.  "I mean, Sasuke's stupid and everything but that doesn't mean Kakashi can go around telling Iruka to molest him or anything.  What if it's me next?  I don't want that to happen!"

"Wouldn't you hate it if someone took a picture of you while that was happening?" Tenten asked.

"Well…yeah…" Naruto said quietly.

"And wouldn't you hate it even more if it got published in a magazine?" Tenten continued.

"That's not the point!" said Naruto.

"I thought that WAS the point." Tenten said.

"I…uh…"

"You know, Naruto, this just isn't right." Said Tenten, standing up.  "Now you can either let me take these pictures to throw them away or I'm going to have to tell Kakashi what you did.  I doubt he'd be very happy."

"I guess…"

"I'll just throw them away for you." Said Tenten as she started walking out the door to Johnny Rockets.  When she looked at Naruto to see that his head was down on the table in shame, she quickly stuffed the pictures in her pocket and sprinted off.


	81. Teachers: The Training Piñata

Naruto Primer: Teachers

Training Piñata

Our four favorite jounins were all sitting in Iruka's classroom, waiting for him to return from the storage closet.  After he finished setting up for his next class, the five of them were going to go out and have a Teacher and Jounin and Chuunin Party.

"Are you almost done, Iruka?" called Gai.

"Almost!" Iruka yelled from the closet.

"You know, all this waiting kind of reminds me of…" Asuma began.  "Of… of that time when Shikamaru became a chuunin!  Do you guys remember that?"

The other three glared at him.

"EVERYTHING reminds you of when Shikamaru became a chuunin." Said Kakashi.

"Isn't he just the greatest ever?" sighed Asuma.

"I am SO sick of hearing about Shikamaru being a chuunin." Kurenai said.

Just then, Iruka came walking out of the storage closet with a big box in his hands.  Everyone watched him walk by, struggling slightly with the weight of the box, but none of them jumped up to help him.  He set the box down on his desk and began looking through it.

"Can't you look through it AFTER our party?" asked Gai.

"I have a class after our party." Iruka pointed out.  "I have to be ready for the class so we can stay at the party longer."

He pulled a colorful piñata in the shape of a little horsey out of the box and set it down on the desk.

"Good god, is that what I think it is?!" Asuma gasped.

Iruka looked down at the piñata.  "Um…the training piñata?" he asked.

"It IS!" said Asuma, springing up.

"Did you just say training piñata?" Kakashi said as he, Gai, Asuma and Kurenai all went over to look at it.

"I haven't used one of these since I was in the academy!" said Gai, picking it up and getting all nostalgic.  "I think I want to use this for my team.  I think it could really improve their ninja skills."

"Um…no, I think _I _want it for _my _team." Said Kurenai, taking it away.

"My team is older." Gai said, taking it back.

"Well my team won the competition." Kurenai argued as she snatched it again.

"MY team has a chuunin so I think that I deserve it the most!" Asuma declared as he yoinked it out of Kurenai's hands.

"And since I have the most prominent team, I should get it." Kakashi finished off as he swiped it from Asuma using his mad ninja skills.

"HEY!!" yelled all the other jounins as they leapt on Kakashi and then they all started fighting in a cloud of dust and flying paper.  The piñata popped out of the mess and landed in Iruka's hands.

"Guys, this piñata is for my students." He said.  "It's to help them train.  Your teams don't need this because that's what you guys are for."

"Don't be so selfish, Iruka." Said Gai, standing up and brushing himself off.

"Yeah, you just want it for yourself!" Asuma chimed in.

"I thought we were your friends!" said Kurenai, crossing her arms.

"Apparently not." Said Kakashi.

"There's no reason to get mad!" said Iruka.  "I'm just saying that this is a training piñata and you shouldn't be fighting over something so lame!  Look, I'm almost done getting ready for the class so we can go have our Teacher and Jounin and Chuunin Party!"

"Right, so that one of those three can just sneak back in at some point, take the training piñata and then use it to train their students?" Gai said, eyeing the other three.

"Only someone who was planning an idea such as that one would be able to come up with something so ludicrous!" announced Kurenai.

"That's not going to happen." Said Iruka.  "All I have to do is set up the training piñata and then we can go and have a fun time, okay?"

"OKAY!!" said everyone, including Iruka.

So, once again, the four jounins watched Iruka's toils in trying to do something by themselves when they could have easily helped him.  "That knot's not going to keep it up." Asuma observed as Iruka climbed down his stepladder.

"You should be more careful with that." Said Kakashi.  "Any slight bang and you never know what might happen!"

"Don't worry, I know what I'm doing." Said Iruka.  "I've set up the training piñata before."

Suddenly, entirely without warning, the string snapped and the piñata dropped from the ceiling, smashing on the ground.  Then, from it's mouth came four shuriken whizzing towards Iruka.  Iruka sighed and went to catch them very easily but all four of our jounins jumped out in sacrifice and each caught one of their very own.

"What did I say about being careful?" Kakashi said, shaking his head.

"You could have been killed!" said Kurenai.

"Good thing we were here." Said Gai.

"Guys, I may be a chuunin but I'm not incompetent." Iruka said.

"Yeah but you know that the harder you hit the training piñata, the more treacherous the outcome is!" said Asuma.

"I know that." Iruka said.  "And I dropped it.  That's why only four lame shuriken came out."

"I think four is little much for you to handle." Said Kakashi.  Iruka sighed and decided not to argue and JUST when he was about to suggest they go have their party, Gai put his foot on the piñata.

"For example," he said.  "If I were to stomp on the piñata very hard, there would obviously be more force than if I just dropped it!  Therefore, the level of attack would be much more advanced than the four shuriken that attacked you!"

"Gai, now I'm curious." Complained Asuma.  "Now you HAVE to stomp on it."

"Brace yourselves!" said Gai.  "I've got a hard stomp."

Before Iruka could stop him, Gai stomped on the piñata as hard as he could.  The piñata opened its mouth and four piñata shadows, like Bunshins, came out.  Each of the piñata bunshins surrounded Gai and shot off four shuriken at him.

"Ha!" said Gai as he dodged all the shuriken by merely jumping up in the air.  All the Bunshins retracted back to the piñata.

"That piñata is very skilled in Fuiuchi no Jutsu." Said Kakashi, rubbing his chin.

"All right…" said Iruka.  "Can we got to the party now?"

"Wait, I want a turn to hit it!" said Kurenai.  "Let's tie it back up!"  The other three jounins cheered and, with their combined effort, they tied the piñata back on the ceiling nice and secure.  Kurenai got a stick from the supply closet, wound up and then smacked at the piñata.

The piñata's mouth opened and then it started to spit out purpley colored smoke.

"Look out!" exclaimed Gai.  "It's poison gas!"

"We'll protect you, Iruka!" said Kurenai as they all grabbed Iruka and jumped to the ceiling using the chakra in their feet where there was no smoke.

"What now?" said Kakashi.

Iruka rolled his eyes and performed a hand seal.  "Kai!" he said and, immediately, all the smoke dispersed.

After a moment of hanging on the wall, they dropped down to the floor.  "That's cheating, Iruka." Said Asuma.

"Kurenai, you should know better than to hit it with the stick!" said Kakashi.  "It always makes the blows weaker so something easy like poison gas comes out."

"Well, I wanted to make it seem like I was actually playing with a piñata." Said Kurenai, looking satisfied.

"I'M going to try it now!" said Asuma.

"Can we just go?" said Iruka because he knew he would have to play with the piñata with his students all day.  Besides, it was kind of annoying that the jounins kept 'saving him' when he could do just fine by himself.  In fact, he was the one who supervised the young students when THEY hit it so why would he need to be saved?!  ARGH!

"But it's not fair that Gai and Kurenai got to hit it and I didn't…" said Asuma sadly.

"Fine, but THEN can we go?" requested Iruka.

"Well, I want to hit it too." Said Kakashi.

"THEN we can go?" Iruka asked.

"YES!" yelled the others.

Asuma cheered to himself and then leapt into the air.  Flying down at lightning fast speed, he smashed the top of it.  Out of the mouth came a giant net that wrapped around Asuma and then, following the net, a stream of fire came out, shooting right at him.  In the midst of the fire was also a whole mess of shuriken too!!

Before this got too out of hand, Iruka got the piñata to stop and the net to disappear.

"I would have been fine." Said Asuma.  "You didn't have to stop the piñata."

"You were just sitting there." Kurenai pointed out.

"That net was SO sucking out all my chakra." Said Asuma.

"Then you wouldn't have been able to escape." Iruka said.

"YOU might not have been but keep in mind that I'm a jounin." Said Asuma.

"You better not stop the piñata after _I _attack it!" said Kakashi.  Iruka turned around to see that Kakashi was standing there with a big ball of chakra in his hand that was emitting lightning and all sorts of other scary and dangerous things.

"NO!" said Iruka.  "DON'T USE THE CHIDORI ON MY PINATA!!  YOU'LL DISINTERGRATE IT!!"

But Kakashi didn't listen.  He wanted to top Asuma.  He wanted the piñata to attack him with something SO difficult that everyone would be impressed with him so he charged at the piñata despite Iruka's pleas and then threw the chidori at it.  What followed was a humungous explosion that filled the entire room.

When the smoke was all cleared, Kakashi was still standing in the same position with his hand extended and a string dangling above it.  His front was all black and charred and his hair had a little flame burning on top of it.

Iruka whined a little bit as he slapped his forehead.

"Was that the attack?" said Kakashi as he stood up straight and extinguished the flame in his hair as if it was a candle.

"No, you overwhelmed the training piñata." Said Kurenai, looking sad.

"It exploded." Said Asuma, looking even sadder than Kurenai.

"I told you not to use the Chidori." Said Iruka, looking sadder than everyone else combined.  "You all owe me a new training piñata."****


	82. Haruno Sakura: Toumeiningen no Jutsu

Naruto Primer: Haruno Sakura

Toumeiningen no Jutsu

I bet you think that Sakura has no special jutsu whatsoever.  Well, you're wrong.  Everyone has their own special jutsu!  Shikamaru has his shadows, Ino has her body switching and Sasuke has his little fire moves that never work!  The only reason why you don't know what Sakura's special jutsu is because she never does anything, therefore has never used it.  Isn't it good that we have all this insider information that we can share with you?

Sakura's special jutsu is known as the Toumeiningen no Jutsu.  Yes, it's quite the mouthful so maybe that's why Sakura has yet to use it.  But whatever the reason be, she's going to use it today.

Toumeiningen means 'Invisible Man'.  That's right!  Sakura has the ability to turn herself invisible!  Her one jutsu.  That's it.

It's not like she's using it in any sort of battle though, oh no.  Her intentions are sneaky and bad.  She has plans to spy on Sasuke!  That way, he wouldn't be able to see her even if she was standing right there!

She crept up to his house and, just before she reached the door, she performed her hand seals and put her Toumeiningen no Jutsu into effect.  Entering the house of Sasuke, she was completely undetected as she quietly made her way through the rooms in search of him.

Finally she went to his room, though she didn't really know why she didn't try there first.  She spotted Sasuke standing in front of his full-length mirror, staring at his reflection silently.

He crossed his arms.  "You want to know my name?" he said to the mirror.  "My name?  If you want to know my name, you have to tell me your name." He paused.  "No, I said name too much…how about…if you want to know my name, you have to tell me yours.  Actually, that sounds like I WANT to know his name.  Or…if you want to know my name so badly, you might as well tell me yours."

Sasuke realized he struck gold and quickly scribed down the phrase as Sakura only watched, admiring him.

"You want to fight me so badly?" said Sasuke, turning around and crossing his arms again.  "What makes you think that I want to fight you?  You're not even worth my time.  That's for the next time Naruto says the Uchiha clan's not worth anything."

He pondered for a moment.

"Maybe I should go out and find Naruto." He said.  "Make him pick a fight with me.  I think I'll…'accidentally' crash into him and then tell him he's a klutz and then everything will just go from there."

Feeling rather proud of himself, Sasuke strutted pompously out of his room, down the stairs and out the front door.  Sakura quickly followed after him, not wanting to miss a fight between Naruto and Sasuke.

But then she caught sight of Hinata since she and Sasuke do, after all, live right next door as we have stated in previous chapters.  Hinata had a brown bag in her hand and was hurrying somewhat towards her house as she ran right past Sasuke and Sakura, as if she didn't notice them.  Well, of COURSE she didn't notice Sakura, she was invisible after all.

Sakura's curiosity was piqued that someone could be so interested in something that was in a paper bag that they would fail to notice even Sasuke.  She realized that it would take a while for Sasuke to find Naruto so she figured it was all right for her to take a small detour to Hinata's house…

She followed Hinata into her house and into her room.  She was hoping that the Byakugan wouldn't pick up on her, but she had just walked through a house filled with people with Byakugan and had been thus far undetected so there was no chance that Hinata would find her.  Hinata set her paper bag down on the table and took a deep breath.

"Now I'll finally get to see what it would be like to not be part of the Hyuuga clan." She said.  Sakura looked on, intrigued, wondering what Hinata could possibly have in mind or, rather, in the paper bag.  "Instead, I'll just be part of the Uchiha clan!"

Sakura tried to keep her surprised gasp suppressed as Hinata pulled a small container out of the bag and opened it.  Inside there were two contact lenses.  Hinata applied them to her white eyes while looking in the mirror.

"Sharingan!" she said.  "I'm going to copy your moves!  Copy!"

Sakura had just experienced the let down of the century.  She wanted to leave the room, but Hinata had shut her door behind her.

Then there was a knock at the door.

Hinata frantically took the contacts out and shoved the container under a pile of papers.  "Yes?" she said nervously as the door opened and her father, Hiashi, was standing there.

"Hinata, what was in that bag?" he asked.

"Um…my lunch?" Hinata replied.  Sakura took that opportunity to sneak underneath Hiashi's arm through the opened door as he lectured Hinata about not being allowed to eat in her room.

Just when Sakura was starting to think that she had wasted her time, she overheard someone talking in a room she passed.  She backtracked to see Neji sitting on a couch with knitting needles.  "The bunny goes around the tree…" he narrated to himself.  "The tree falls…the bunny escapes…the lumberjack pulls the tree away…the bunny goes around the next tree…"

Sakura was quite intrigued.  Was Neji…KNITTING?

"This is too confusing!" Neji said, getting frustrated as he hardly kept himself from hurling his failure scarf across the room.  "I don't care about a stupid bunny.  What if…" He paused and looked at the scarf again.  "The Branch House member…goes around the Main House member and then the Main House member falls over and the Branch House member…"

Sakura couldn't listen to that any longer.  She had heard enough about the Main House and the Branch House to last her the rest of her life so she decided to leave Neji with his white and gray scarf.

She exited the Hyuuga household feeling unfulfilled, like she hadn't accomplished much.  Now she needed to spy on more people.

Who could she spy on?

Ino!!

She practically sprinted to Ino's house and ran up to Ino's room.  Before she entered, she could hear Ino speaking.  "Oh Sasuke," she heard.  "I love you so much.  What's that?  You want to kiss me?"

Just when Sakura was about to yell at Ino and tell her that she was a dirty tramp, she entered the room to see that Ino was all alone and was currently making out with her pillow.  Sakura was about to point and laugh but then she wouldn't be able to use it later as blackmail.  So she quickly left to keep herself from blowing the secret by laughing too much.

She staggered out of Ino's house nearly in hysterics.  When she finally calmed down, she continued walking to her next destination.  Who to spy on next?  Maybe Lee.  She liked Lee, but only as a friend.

On her way to Lee's house, she caught sight of Shikamaru lying down all by himself, looking at the clouds.  She decided to give him a minute to do something interesting and if he did nothing, she would just leave.  When his minute was about up and she was losing all faith in him, she turned to leave but then noticed that he started to move.

First, he sat up and grabbed the elastic that held his hair.  Then he pulled it all out so his hair was…dun dun dun…DOWN!!

"I am probably the only one who has ever seen that." Said Sakura since she was far enough away from Shikamaru to be able to say that out loud.  She watched as Shikamaru the preceded to separate his hair down the middle and then, oddly enough, braid the two sides into pigtails.  Dear lord, what she wouldn't give for a camera at that exact moment.  When he had succeed in giving himself two braids, he lifted them off his shoulders and held them up in little hooks like Pippi Longstocking.

After a moment's pause, almost as if he was trying to get the feel of Pippi, he let go of his hair, shook it around a little so it was out of pigtails and then pulled it back again.  With that, he lied back down.

"I probably just missed a really weird trail of thought that somehow ended up with Shikamaru thinking that he'd make a good Pippi Longstocking." Sakura tried to assure herself as she walked by Shikamaru as quickly as she could, in fear that his oddity might rub off on her, and continued to Lee's house.

She didn't know why she expected things to get LESS odd going from Shikamaru to Lee, but she ended up there anyway.  She wasn't comfortable with entering his house, even though she WAS invisible, so she just climbed up the side of the house while focusing the chakra in her feet and stood outside his room.  There was music coming from the room that sounded remarkably like 'Can't Touch This'.  You know, that song that goes…'Can't touch this, na~ na-na-na…'

She peeked inside to see horror of all horrors.

Lee standing on his bed, in his underwear, dancing and singing.

She nearly lost all the concentration of chakra in her feet and plummeted to her doom.  Luckily, she turned and ran as fast as she could.  She didn't care WHERE she was going, she just had to get away.

As she caught her breath, she overheard Naruto's familiar annoying voice.  She looked up to see him standing in the distance, looking like he was talking to a tree.  She couldn't help but get closer to investigate, so she did, and found that Naruto had a picture of Sasuke pinned up on the tree and was throwing pathetic insults at it.

"You are SUCH a loser, Sasuke." Said Naruto.

"Oh, I know, Naruto." Naruto replied in a high-pitched voice.  "I wish I was as cool as you.  I don't even have any real talent like you."

"I know, Sasuke."

"Any power that I might have is because I inherited it from my clan."

"I know, Sasuke."

"It's not REAL power like yours."

"I know, Sasuke."

"And my clan is dead because they're lame and let themselves get killed by a twelve-year-old."

"I know, Sasuke."

"I'm lame, too.  And the only reason why I'm not dead is because I ran away like a coward."

"Sasuke, geez.  Will you tell me something I don't know for once?"

"How can I?  You know EVERYTHING, Naruto!"

Sakura didn't even bother hiding her loud groaning noise as she threw her arms up in the air and walked away.  He had probably been doing that all day.  Which was good, though, because then he'd be revved up for when Sasuke came to fight him.

Not less than two hundred feet away, she discovered Shino who was pacing as if something very important was on his mind.

"Ten billion?" he muttered to himself.  "_Ten billion_?  I highly doubt that there are ten billion bugs in my body."

He stopped.

"I wonder just how many bugs are in my body." He said, scratching his chin.  Then, he reached into the collar of his jacket and pulled out a bug.  "One." He said as he pulled out another one.  "Two.  Three.  Four…"

"I don't know which is more disgusting, this or Lee dancing in his underwear." Sakura sighed to herself as she walked off VERY fast.  "Let's see… who haven't I spied on yet?  Kiba…Chouji… and Tenten.  Then I'm done.  Then I'll watch the fight between Sasuke and Naruto."

She made her way to Kiba's house.  The window was open, luckily for her, so she climbed into Kiba's room to find it empty.  "Aw man…" she said to herself.

She was just about to leave when, all of a sudden, the door slammed open and shook the whole room.  "You don't believe me, Akamaru?!" Kiba yelled as he stomped into his room followed by Akamaru.  "I'll just have to prove it to you then!  I would SO look sexy in a dress!"

Sakura nearly yelped with delight since that was the sort of thing she was waiting for when she noticed that Kiba's pace got slower as he turned around.

"Yeah, yeah, Akamaru." Said Kiba as he bent down and picked up Akamaru, stroking him lovingly on the head.  "I know.  I smell her too.  Sakura?  Are you in my room?"

Sakura threw her hands over her mouth to keep herself from gasping.

"I know you're in here." Said Kiba, shutting the window.  Then he reached out a hand in the general direction that Sakura was in as she quickly got out of the way.  "You're over here…you're in my closet, aren't you?"

He opened the door to his closet to find it empty.

Sakura wanted to know why he closed the window.

"All right, where are you?" Kiba said as he bent down and looked under his bed.

Sakura looked around frantically for a way out.  The door was open!  She made her way towards the door but was suddenly faced with Kiba's dad's enormous evil dog with a patch and an ear missing, Kuromaru!  He was growling.

"Kuromaru!" said Kiba, coming over to the door just as Sakura jumped out of the way.  Kuromaru barked at Kiba.  "No, I don't have a girl in here!  No, I really don't!  I'm serious!  Have I EVER brought a girl home?  No, I don't.  I know it smells like I do but I don't—no, just go!  Don't tell mom, I'm serious, I don't!  Akamaru, I don't have a girl here, do I?"

Akamaru barked in response.

"Yeah!" said Kiba. "See?  Has Akamaru ever lied to you?"

Kiba turned around and went to the window.  Then he opened it.  "Some scent could have been blown in the window!  It happens all the time!" he said to Kuromaru as he made gestures towards the window.

Sakura decided that she would run and dive.  So she did.  She would never go back to Kiba's house again.  And she was done with spying for one day.


	83. Rock Lee: Extreme Makeover

Naruto Primer: Rock Lee

Extreme Makeover

Lee was making his way to the training area.  Gai had called him there to do some little extra training before the day was through.  He arrived to find that he and Gai were the only ones there.

"Where's Neji and Tenten?" he asked Gai.

"This is a SPECIAL training session just for you!" said Gai, giving Lee the thumbs up.

"YAY!!" cheered Lee as he did a little dance.

"All right, the first thing you have to do is punch this rock in half!" said Gai, stepping aside to reveal a giant rock.

"That's EASY!" said Lee as he walked over and Judo chopped the giant rock so it split perfectly down the middle.  "Wow, that was even easier than I originally assumed it would be."

But then he took a good look at one of the halves inside the rocks and spotted some writing.  "You… have…" he began reading.  "You have been chosen for…FOR AN EXTREME MAKEOVER?!?!"

As soon as he read these words, a bunch of camera people jumped out of the nearby bushes.

"Congratulations Lee!" said Gai, wiping a tear from his eye.

With that, Lee was whisked away to Extreme Makeover Headquarters.

Meanwhile, while Lee was getting his new makeover, the cameramen went around to interview all of Lee's friends, acquaintances and rivals.

"Frankly, I've always known that Lee's a great guy!" said Gai, crying into his own sleeve.  "No one could ever really look past his appearance and give him a chance!"

"There's no beating around the bush, Lee's not a pretty sight to look at…" Sakura admitted.  "But he really is the nicest guy you could ever know!  He's probably been one of the best friends I've ever had!"

"I can't say I ever really cared what Lee looked like." Neji said to the cameraman.  "He is what he is and I'm above making his appearance part of my assessment of him."

"Sometimes I would have a hard time getting up in the morning." Tenten said, though she had a blur across her face to hide her identity.  "I knew I would have to go and face Lee.  He's nice, but there's only so long you can tolerate looking at something like that and still be able to smile day in and day out."

"What?!" demanded Naruto.  "Lee's getting a makeover?!  I LOVE HIS EYEBROWS!!  Why give him a makeover when you could give me a makeover?!"

"Lee who?" Shino said.

Time passed by and all the genins, Shikamaru and the teachers gathered around for the unveiling process of Lee.

"I'm kind of worried that he'll be sexier than Sasuke." Sakura whispered to Hinata.

"Why?" Hinata asked.

"Because then I might fall in love with him instead!" Sakura replied.

"Not if _I _fall in love with him first!" said Ino, intervening.

"Girls, hate to tell you, but if Lee turns out sexy then I get first dibs." Tenten said.

"Who is he in love with?" Sakura said.  "Me?  That's what I thought."

"You guys are all so shallow." Said Shikamaru.

"SO?!" yelled the women.

"Why are we here again?" Kiba asked Shino and Chouji.  They shrugged.

"Looks like the girls don't love you anymore!" said Naruto, nudging Sasuke.

"Oh well." Said Sasuke, though he was secretly angry.  He wasn't angry because the girls didn't love him, he was just mad because now he wasn't the best at another thing.

"It doesn't matter if Lee turns out better looking, he's still going to be Lee." Neji said.

"Stop being all righteous!" said Naruto, looking offended.

"Righteous?" Neji said with a raised eyebrow.  "I was just saying that no matter how good looking he is or how many girls are in love with him.  He still won't be able to beat me."

"Oh." Said Naruto.

"I'm so excited to see the final product!!" said Gai, jumping up and down.

"I watch this show ALL the time." Said Kurenai.  "These people are miracle workers when it comes to giving ugly people makeovers."

"Maybe we should get Gai the next invitation." Said Kakashi so that Gai couldn't hear.

"I've already called." Asuma replied.

"All right fellas!" came the voice of the man in charge of Extreme Makeover.  He came strolling out wearing his really tight shirt and his beret and his scarf to where everyone was standing.  "In just a few moments, we're going to call Lee out here so you all can see his makeover!"

"Bring him out NOW!" said Gai.

"Oh very well!" said the man.  "Lee!!"

"YEAH!!" came Lee's voice.  Everyone looked up at the top of the staircase to see Lee sliding down the hand railing with his back to the crowd.  When he reached the bottom, he leapt up into the air and did a flip, then landed perfectly in front of them.

Everyone was silent.

In awe.

"You look exactly the same." Said Sasuke finally.

"Yeah…" people agreed.

"Well!" said Lee, pointing his finger up in the air.  "They were going to pluck my eyebrows but they tried that for a few hours and decided to give up!  I told them I wasn't about to cut my hair because I wanted to look like Gai!  They said my nose and body were fine so they didn't touch those at all!"

"What about the plastic surgery?" Sakura asked, still a little shocked.  "Your eyes?  And your mouth?"

"I was a little scared." Said Lee.  "What if something horrible happened and I ended up looking stupid?!"

Everyone tried not to tell him that he already looked stupid.

"So…you got new clothes for your extreme makeover?" Neji finished.

"And instant tan lotion!" said Lee, rolling up his sleeves to show off his slightly darker and tanned skin.  "They also put blush on to accentuate my check bones and draw attention away from my eyebrows and eyes!"

Then he posed for them all.

"I'd say it was a success!" said the random man who had introduced him as he wrapped his arm around Lee.

"ALL RIGHT!!!" cheered Lee, jumping around happily.


	84. Inuzuka Kiba: The Most Pointless Chapter...

Naruto Primer: Inuzuka Kiba

The Most Pointless Chapter Ever

"AKAMARU!!" Kiba yelled at the top of his lungs.  "COME HERE!!  IT'S TIME FOR YOUR WALK!!!"

Akamaru came frolicking around the corner.

"Well I'm glad I only had to call you once this time!" said Kiba as he opened the door and the two strolled outside into the light of day.  "It certainly is nice outside today, don't you think so, Akamaru?"  Akamaru barked in response.

That's when Kiba noticed Hinata walking towards them.  "All right, Akamaru," Kiba whispered.  "Act natural.  No…no!  That's not natural!!"

But he was unable to get Akamaru to act more natural because Hinata had approached them both.  "Hi Kiba!" she greeted.  "Hi Akamaru!"

"Hi Hinata!" Kiba replied, waving awkwardly.

"I was in the candy store the other day…" Hinata began.

"I know." Said Kiba without thinking.  "I mean…really?"

"Yeah!" Hinata replied.  "And I bought a little too much chocolate."

"You did?" Kiba asked, sounding a little TOO interested.

"I did!" Hinata answered.  "So I was wondering if you would like any!"

"I would love some!" Kiba said happily as Hinata handed him a small portion of chocolate.  "Thanks, Hinata!"

"No problem!" Hinata replied.  "I'm going to go and give some to Shino and Naruto now!  Do you want to come along?"

"Um…no, I was taking Akamaru out on a walk." Said Kiba, suddenly feeling very sad that he wasn't the ONLY one who was receiving some chocolate from Hinata.

"Okay!" said Hinata.  "Bye Kiba!"

"Bye Hinata!" Kiba said as Hinata walked off.

Kiba stood there for a moment, holding his chocolate.  Then Akamaru barked.

"No, Hinata gave this chocolate to ME, Akamaru." Kiba said.  "She didn't give it to you."  Then he popped all the chocolate in his mouth at the same time.  "Besides, do you really want chocolate that's already been in my mouth?"

Akamaru growled slightly.

"I'm only teasing, Akamaru." Said Kiba.  "You can't have chocolate anyway.  It's bad for dogs.  You know that, don't you?  That would be like if I drank some expired milk!"  Akamaru, of course, knew all this so he leapt up onto Kiba's shoulder and the two of them continued on their merry way.

Until they came across Sakura.

"Sakura!" said Kiba, running over.  Sakura averted her eyes and sped up her walking in attempt to get away.  "Hey!  Sakura!  Wait up!  Stop walking!  I KNOW you can hear me!!"

Finally, he caught up with her and grabbed her shoulder.

"Oh!" said Sakura.  "Hi Kiba!  Sorry, I didn't notice you were calling me!"

"That's all right." Said Kiba.  "I forgive you.  What I want to know is why you were in my room the other day!"

"In your room?" said Sakura, trying to look puzzled.  "Me?  Me in your room?  I don't even know where you live!"

"Sakura, don't lie to me." Said Kiba.  "I could smell you in the room and your smell is still lingering in my room and around the window that you climbed in and jumped out.  I'm not MAD or anything, I just want to know why you did it.  And maybe even, quite possibly, how you became invisible."

"Are you sure it was MY scent?" Sakura said.  "It might have just been Akamaru!"

"Yes." Said Kiba.  "I know it was YOU.  Mixing up your scent with Akamaru's would be like mixing up Shino and Hinata!"

"…Okay…" Sakura said slowly.

"Or…mixing up apple pie and turkey." Kiba tried, realizing that Sakura didn't have an awesome nose like he did.

"Oh." Said Sakura.  "I hope I'm apple pie."

"You don't smell like apple pie, I was just making an analogy." Kiba explained.

"Well, I guess there's no sense hiding it anymore." Said Sakura.  "You obviously know it was me…and, out of all honesty, I just felt like spying on people…"

"Oh!" said Kiba because he had always wanted girls to spy on him as he stated earlier.  "Is that all?  You should have just said that in the first place before Kuromaru came in and yelled at me!"

"That dog is terrifying." Sakura said.

"Yeah, I could see why you'd think that." Said Kiba, rubbing his chin.  "Well, I have to go now!  Akamaru is on his walk."

"On his walk?" Sakura said.  "Then why is he on your shoulder?"

Kiba looked over at Akamaru.  "Akamaru, get off my shoulder!" he commanded and Akamaru jumped off immediately in fear of being scolded.  "That was sneaky!!"

"Uh…bye Kiba…" said Sakura as she left quickly.

"I can't believe you did that, Akamaru." Said Kiba in a disgusted tone.  With that, they continued their walk.


	85. Metaphor

Naruto Primer: All

Metaphor

One day, Kiba and Akamaru were sitting at a kitchen table with a huge bowl of ice cream.  They were sharing.  This particular bowl of ice cream was the biggest of the big, it was bigger than the Belly Busters at Chadwicks.

"Akamaru, do you HAVE to stick your face in my ice cream?" said Kiba.  "Do I have to teach you how to use a spoon next?  You're getting fur in my ice cream.  There is SO MUCH FUR in my ice cream."

Just then, Chouji came strolling in with an ice cream cone.  It had one huge gargantuan scoop on the top.  It was the biggest scoop ever.  He must have used a bowl as his ice cream scoop or SOMETHING because this particular scoop of ice cream was huge.  Now, he didn't have as much ice cream as Kiba and his certainly didn't have any fur in it, but no one has seen a single scoop as large as that before.

"That is such a huge scoop!" exclaimed Kiba.

"I know!" said Chouji, sitting next to Kiba.  "I used a bowl instead of an ice cream scoop!  Hey, you have fur in your ice cream!  That's gross!  How can you eat ice cream with fur in it?"

"It doesn't bother me that much." Kiba confessed.  "I eat around it."

Then Shikamaru came in with a ice cream cone.  He sat down next to Chouji.  His ice cream cone had two scoops of ice cream, both vanilla, but there was chocolate syrup on one of them.

"What's up with the chocolate syrup on only ONE of your scoop of ice cream?" questioned Kiba, leaning over.

"Well…I was going to put it on it all but…after the first one…it just got too troublesome." Shikamaru replied.

Just then, Sasuke came in.  "Hey, has anyone seen my banana split?" he asked, looking around.  "I made this awesome banana split and then I turned around to get the cherry but then, I looked at the banana split to see that it was only an empty bowl with a banana peel in it.  So now I'm stuck with a banana peel and a cherry."

He held up the banana peel and the cherry.

"Sorry." Said the three of them.

That's when Neji entered, looking angry.  "I took some ice cream out of the freezer." He started.  "I scooped out some chocolate ice cream for myself and I went to get a spoon but then my ice cream was gone.  Bowl and all."

"Why don't you just scoop yourself some more?" asked Shikamaru.

"Because there's no more chocolate." Neji answered.  "Only chocolate chocolate chip.  And chocolate chips offend me so much."

"What did chocolate chips ever do to you?" asked Chouji.

"You don't even want to know." Neji said, sitting down.

"I think there's an ice cream thief around here." Said Sasuke.  "Because someone took my ice cream and left only this banana peel and this cherry."

"I bet Hinata took mine." Said Neji.

"I don't think Hinata took your ice cream." Said Kiba.

"I think she did." Neji convinced himself.

That's when Sakura pranced in with an ice cream bowl.  It had a tiny little scoop on it, but that was all she needed.  "Hey, you guys all have ice cream too?" she asked.

"Not me." Said Neji and Sasuke.

"Well, I think some of you have very large portions and maybe should share…" Sakura said slowly, eyeing Kiba.

"No, it's mine!" said Kiba.

"Besides, it has fur in it." Chouji pointed out.

"How can you eat ice cream with fur?" asked Sakura.

"I eat AROUND it." Kiba sighed.

Shino was next to arrive.  He had a small bowl with some vanilla ice cream that had chocolate jimmies on it.  Lots of jimmies.  Probably more jimmies than ice cream.

"I like jimmies." He said before anyone could question him.

"I think that many jimmies is a little gross." Said Shikamaru as Shino sat down.

"I don't think so." Shino said.  "I've ALWAYS put this much jimmies on my ice cream so it's normal for me."

Hinata came in just then.  Neji immediately eyed her evilly.  She could feel his evil glare so she quickly walked past him to sit next to Kiba.  "Wow, Kiba, you have so much ice cream!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah!" said Kiba.  "I'll share with you!"

"No, that's okay!" said Hinata.  "I have my own."

"Is it chocolate?" Neji said.

"No." Hinata replied.  "I like chocolate chocolate chip."

"You would." Said Neji, scoffing her.

"Hinata, Shino, Sakura, have any of you seen my enormous banana split?" Sasuke asked.  "Someone took it while my back was turned and left behind this cherry and banana peel."

Just at that EXACT moment, Ino came in with an ice cream cone.  She had a small portion of mint ice cream on the cone that was not nearly as big as Chouji's, only one scoop unlike Shikamaru's, but they all had obviously gotten their cones out of the same little box.

"Is EVERYONE eating ice cream?" Ino asked.  "I thought I'd be able to rub it all in your faces that I had ice cream and you didn't…"

"WE don't have ice cream." Said Neji and Sasuke evilly.

"Oh…" said Ino since those were the two people she hadn't planned on being mean to even if nobody had ice cream.

Tenten and Lee ran in just then.  "Geez, Neji, are you still hung on your missing ice cream?!" demanded Lee.  "We have to train!  There's no time for ice cream!!"

"Is this an ice cream party?" asked Tenten.  "I'm lactose intolerant…"

"I will never get over my strange missing ice cream." Said Neji, shooting Hinata an evil glare.

"Whoever stole my ice cream is going to pay." Said Sasuke.

It was now Naruto's turn.  "Did I hear somebody say ice cream?!" he yelled.  "I want some ice cream!!"

"Oh no, Naruto, you don't get any ice cream." Said everyone together.

"That's not fair!" whined Naruto.  "Is there none left?"

"You could say that." Everyone replied.

Naruto was just about to run away crying when he met up with Iruka in the doorway.  "Iruka, do you have any ice cream?" he asked.

"No…" Iruka replied.  "I haven't had ice cream for a long, long time.  Instead, how about you and I go and get some sherbet?"

"Okay!" said Naruto as he and Iruka went off to get some sherbet.

"Well, I suppose it's pointless to just hang on to this banana peel." Sasuke sighed, walking over to the trashcan.  When he looked in it, he gasped loudly when he saw a mess of ice cream and bananas and all sorts of other things that he had put on his banana split.  "Hey!!  Someone threw my banana split in the trash!"

"That's awful!" said Sakura.  "How could someone do that?!"

"Whoever threw my ice cream in the trashcan is definitely going to pay…" Sasuke said, throwing the banana peel in the trashcan as hard as he could.


	86. Future Ino: Live in a House Continued

Naruto Primer: Future Ino

Live in a House; Continued

Things pretty much went exactly the way Ino had always hoped.  She was twenty-eight years old, though didn't look a day over twenty-one.  She was married to the man of her dreams and had taken on the name of Uchiha Ino.  Now she had two beautiful blond little boys, one at the age of four whose name was Sasuke Jr. and the two-year-old, named after her father, Inoshi.

She and Sasuke had successfully brought the Uchiha clan back to life after cutting it in half in their younger days.  That's right, she and Sasuke had ventured off after acquiring their new Jounin vests and finally brought an end to Itachi's life.  They were the ultimate ninja team.

The best part of all, they lived in a house.

This may seem unrealistic, but that's how it happened.  You never know what could happen in sixteen years.  Ino is living proof of that.  And as she sat there, waiting for Sasuke to come home from meeting with the Hokage, she reminisced about her younger days when she would compete with Sakura over Sasuke.  She had thought it was all over for her once Sakura had been assigned in the same three-man team as Sasuke.  But she proved that wrong.  It was exceptionally easy to get close to Sasuke after the two of them got their chuunin rank while Sakura stayed a genin.

Whatever happened to Sakura anyway?

"Mom!" came the whiny voice of her older son.  He was the spitting image of a blond Sasuke.

"Yes, Sasuke?" she said.

"Inoshi pulled my hair!" he whined.

"Let me fix it then!" said Ino as she bent down and started messing with his hair.

"Mom, I don't care that it's messy!" he said.  "I just care that he pulled my hair and he's getting away with it!!"

"Then I'll fix your hair and then deal with Inoshi." Ino said.  "Come in the bathroom."

She picked up her son and carried him over to the bathroom, standing him up on the closed toilet seat.  She started brushing his hair lovingly until it was all back in place.  Then, she picked up a hair clip and snapped a little piece of it back.

"That looks precious." She said.

"Mom, that's for girls!" said Sasuke Jr. as he went to take the clip out but Ino put her hand in the way.

"No, no." she insisted.  "It looks really manly.  Here, wait.  Let me just fix you up a little bit…"

"Mom!" said Sasuke Jr.  "Your make-up bag?"

"Yes, don't worry!" Ino said as she took out her lipstick.

"I don't want to wear lipstick, mom!" said Sasuke Jr.

"It's clear." Said Ino even though it was a lie.  "It's chap stick so your lips won't hurt."

She took a good while dolling up her son until he looked like a pretty little girl.  No longer was he the spitting image of Sasuke, more so the spitting image of Ino.  But things still didn't look right.

"Inoshi!" she called.  She needed the son with eyes like hers.  Inoshi quickly came running in.  Before he could even say anything, she picked him up as well and set him next to Sasuke Jr.  "We're going to make you look pretty!" she said as she started applying 'chap stick' to him as well.

"Mom, that's not clear!" said Sasuke Jr.

Inoshi looked at Sasuke Jr. and then pulled on his hair.

"MOM!" yelled Sasuke Jr.  "Inoshi pulled my hair again!!"

"I saw him." Said Ino, rolling her eyes.  She was a little concentrated on making Inoshi look pretty.  She didn't get much further than that because she heard the front door open.

Sasuke Sr. was home!

"Dad!" yelled Inoshi and Sasuke Jr. as they hopped off the toilet and ran past Ino so they could ambush their father.

There was a slight silence as Ino quickly packed up her make-up.

"Ino." Came Sasuke's voice.  "What have you done to my sons?"

Ino poked her head out of the bathroom.  "Sasuke, I want a girl." She said.


	87. Future Shikamaru: Sixth Hokage

Naruto Primer: Future Shikamaru

The Sixth Hokage

Shikamaru's twentieth birthday was in only a week.  It's not like he was excited or anything, but it was still invigorating to finally be out of his teens.  He tried to think of the first thing he would do as a twenty-year-old.  Probably quit being a ninja.  He was tired of being a ninja.

You see, Shikamaru became a chuunin when he was only twelve years old, but you all knew that.  He never knew what made him do it, but he took the jounin exam when he was fourteen.  Maybe it was the Asuma, maybe it was Chouji, maybe it was Ino, maybe it was his parents.  For whatever reason, he took the exam… and much to his dismay, passed.  So, while most of his friends hardly qualified for the chuunin position, he was a jounin.

But that was all in the past.  Now was the point in time of his life that he had to make a decision where to go.  Should he continue being a ninja?  Should he marry?

There was a sudden knock at the door.  Shikamaru looked up from his gazing out the window and sighed slightly, walking towards the door.  He opened it to see Chouji, clad in his chuunin vest that he had received just two years before.  "Hey, Chouji." Shikamaru said.

"Didn't you hear?" said Chouji.  "The fifth Hokage… she just announced it.  She's retiring."

"Really?" said Shikamaru.  "What now?  Who's going to take her place as the Sixth?"

"You're going to flip when you hear this!" said Chouji with a grin.

Shikamaru waited for Chouji to finish.  Then he looked upon Chouji's face.  Shikamaru took a step backwards and then groaned.  "That is so troublesome…" he said, looking the opposite of happy.

"Come on, Shikamaru!" said Chouji, grabbing Shikamaru's arm and dragging him outside.  "Everyone's already at my house waiting to congratulate you!"

"Chouji—" Shikamaru started, sounding very whiny but, since Chouji was now an adult, he was now very large meaning he had an easy time transporting Shikamaru to his house.  He opened the door and all his childhood friends, some of them genins, most of them chuunins and the occasional genins, were there with balloons and party poppers.

"CONGRATULATIONS SHIKAMARU!!" everyone yelled.

"Shikamaru, I KNEW you'd do well!" said Asuma as he ran up to Shikamaru and noggied him.

"How's it feel to be Hokage, Shikamaru?" said Ino happily.  

When did Ino become a jounin, Shikamaru wondered.

"What is your first order of business Mr. Hokage sir?" asked Kiba, saluting Shikamaru in a slightly mocking, slightly playful manner.

"My son!" said Shikato, wiping a tear from his eye.  "The Hokage!"

"SPEECH!!" yelled a voice from the crowd.  "SPEECH!!"  Pretty soon, the people started chanting 'SPEECH, SPEECH, SPEECH!!' until they cheered and then silenced themselves.

Shikamaru stood awestruck for a moment.

"Well?" said Chouji, nudging Shikamaru slightly.

"Um…" said Shikamaru.  "Er…when I first heard the news—"

"YEAH SHIKAMARU!!" screamed someone.

"Uh, thanks." Shikamaru said awkward.  "When I first heard the news from Chouji, I initially decided that I was going to decline the offer." The crowd 'aww'ed.

"Thought it over, didja?" said Asuma.

"Yes." Shikamaru said.  "And I've decided that I still have to politely decline the responsibility of Hokage."

Shikamaru abruptly turned, opened the door, stepped out and then shut it.  After a moment's pause, Shikamaru began to slowly walk away from the house.  No one exited the house to pursue him, so Shikamaru decided to go on a walk in order to reflect.

Somehow, he found himself on the ledge overlooking the faces of the past Hokage carved into the side of the mountain.  Why would the Fifth do something so stupid as announce SHIKAMARU to be her successor?  There were plenty of other jounins who were more skilled than he was.  In fact, there were plenty of other CHUUNINS who surpassed him.  This was the last thing that Shikamaru needed… he didn't need to be Hokage… he didn't need the responsibility…

Taking on this job completely shot down his plans for the future and now, as an almost twenty year old, he was the last person who anyone would expect to succeed, especially to become Hokage.

He moaned to himself as he leaned on the railing.

There was no way he'd ever ever ever EVER become Hokage, no matter what anyone said.


	88. Future Lee: How Much Longer?

Naruto Primer: Future Lee

How Much Longer?

Lee was staring at his watch and bouncing up and down while riding an escalator.  He appeared to be in a hurry but he wasn't about to WALK up an escalator.

"I KNEW I should have taken the stairs!" he said, waiting anxiously to reach the top.  Lee had been out training his three students when he had received the call.  The call that would change his LIFE!  At the age of twenty-five, Lee thought that the best day of his life was the day he passed the Jounin test.  But then he got married and decided that that was the best day of his life.  Now, after receiving THAT CALL, he thought maybe this would be the best day of his life.

If you haven't already concluded it, Lee was a father-to-be.

He reached the top of the escalator and immediately sprinted down the halls on his way to the delivery room where he would be reunited with his wife.  He reached the waiting room where he was confronted by a doctor.

"I have to get in there!" he yelled.

"Are you the father?" asked the doctor.

"Yes!" said Lee.  "Let me in there!"

"I'm sorry sir, but you appear to be far too frazzled to enter." Said the doctor.  "Your anxiety will only make things worse in there."

"Make things worse?" gasped Lee.  "Is something bad happening?!"

"No, no." said the doctor.  "Just gather yourself and then you're welcome to come in."

The doctor then entered the emergency room.  Lee stood there for a moment and then started pacing.  What was it going to be?  A boy?  A girl?  Was it going to look like him or her?  What were they going to name it?  All these pressing questions raced around his head but most importantly of all, "Why isn't it born yet?!" Lee yelled.

"Sir!" said the secretary.  "Please keep your voice down!  You have to calm down."

"I'm sorry." Said Lee.  "I am calm.  I'm very calm.  I'm Jounin calm."

The secretary went back to her business and Lee went back to his.

Lee has never once stopped loving being alive.  He only had to try twice before acquiring his jounin vest at age twenty-two.  Already he went on many important missions, including the destruction of Uchiha Itachi, and was one of the most trusted jounins of the sixth Hokage.  He could handle anything, even having a kid!

"HOW MUCH LONGER?!" Lee yelled, slamming his hands down on the secretary's desk.

"Sir!" said the secretary again.  "Please!  You have to calm down or I'm going to have to ask you to leave!"

"Right!" said Lee, giving her the thumbs up.  "No problem!"

Lee knew he would be a good father, he was good with kids.  After he turned twenty-four and finally married, he decided to go into teaching just like his hero, Gai.  So he took on the first three students he was assigned.  He performed the same strategy that Gai did by not allowing them to enter the chuunin exam until a year later.  That day was approaching soon and he would love to have a kid to watch his success in his teaching…

Speaking of his kid, how much longer would it be?!

"How much longer?!" Lee demanded of the secretary.

"These things could take all day." The secretary replied, looking slightly annoyed.

"ALL NIGHT?!" yelled Lee.  "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WAIT ALL DAY?!"

That's when the door of the emergency room swung open and the doctor was standing there with a bundle of blue blankets.  "It's a boy!" he announced.

"A BOY?!" gasped Lee, slapping his cheeks.  He then proceeded to dance around foolishly out of sheer happiness of his first child being born before he realized that he wanted to hold the baby so he ran over to the doctor and outstretched his arms.

Even though the doctor was a little worried about what was going to happen if he handed over the little boy, he had no right to keep him from Lee.  So he gave the baby to Lee.

"Aww!" said Lee.  "He's so cute!  …Hm…he doesn't really look like me…"

"In your case, it might be for the best." Said the doctor quietly.


	89. Future Hinata: Allergies

Naruto Primer: Future Hinata

Allergies

Inuzuka Hinata was at home one day performing her motherly duties.  Not only did she have a darling four-year-old daughter to tend to, but two adult dogs and four puppies to look after.  At the age of twenty-eight, Hinata couldn't be happier.

Except if only her husband knew a terrible secret…

She bent down to put some Kibbles and Bits into Little Akamaru's bowl but then erupted into sneezes and nearly dropped the bag all over the floor.  Quickly, she put the bag down and grabbed a tissue, wiping her nose.  How could she possibly go about telling Kiba that she was allergic to the dogs that he loved so dearly?

It was an extra tender subject for Kiba considering Akamaru had just recently passed away about a year earlier.  That's why they had gotten Little Akamaru.  Kiba had been completely devastated and could hardly even get out of bed.  For the longest time, Hinata didn't even know if he'd be able to go on living but after a good few months of rehabilitation with psychiatrists and plenty of Prozac, he was able to bounce back.  They had a formal funeral for Akamaru and buried him in the backyard with a proper grave and all.

So she finished up filling the bowls and went into a room that didn't have one of their many dogs in it.  She sighed a heavy sigh.  She was happy, yet uncomfortably miserable seemingly all the time due to her allergies that she had just recently discovered.  Secretly she had visited a doctor one day just last year while Kiba was out on a mission and he had informed her of her new allergy.  Hinata had long since stopped her ninja position, remaining only as a genin, while Kiba went on to become a chuunin.  He wasn't ambitious enough to go the extra mile and become a jounin, especially since he had to take care of his daughter.

Speaking of her, the sunspot just ran in the room complaining about her itchy eyes.  This little girl was the most hybrid-y looking little girl you could ever see with both her Inuzuka and Hyuuga genes.  I'm sure you can only imagine.

"Tashoku…don't tell me you're allergic to the dogs too…" Hinata said quietly, caressing her whining child.

Just then, she heard the sound of the door opening and then the bellowing voice of Kiba yelling, "I'M HOME!!"  All the dogs started barking and raced to the front door.  Tashoku leaped off her mother's lap and sprinted to the door as well to greet her father.

Hinata gave a deep sigh and stood up.  She had to tell him sooner or later, especially if Tashoku had the allergy as well.

When she got to the front door, the dogs had finished their hellos and had frolicked off as Kiba lifted his daughter up onto his shoulder.

"Hi Kiba!" she said happily.  "Did you have a good day?"

"So so." Kiba answered, putting his arm around her.  "There always seems to be an endless list of things that need to be done!"

"Yeah…" said Hinata.  "Um…Kiba?  I think we need to talk about something really important."

"Really?" said Kiba as he put Tashoku down on the floor.  "What about?  Hinata, you don't look well.  Are you sick?"

"Well…I've been meaning to bring this up to you for a little while…"

"Bring what up?"

"It's nothing to get excited about…"

"What is it?"

"I thought it would go away after a little while but it only seems to be getting worse each day…and recently, Tashoku's been showing symptoms too…"

Kiba stared Hinata down.  "Symptoms of what?" he said.

"Uh…this is hard for me to say…"

"What…is it." Kiba said, not really in the form of a question.

"I think we're…allergic to dogs." Hinata said finally.  "Me and Tashoku, I mean."

Kiba didn't respond at first.  Then he laughed slightly.  "Nonsense!" he said happily, patting her on the shoulder and walking by her into the kitchen.  "Now, Hinata, what's for dinner?  I'm starving!"

"Kiba, I don't think you heard me correctly!" said Hinata as she rushed into the kitchen after him.

"Of course I heard you!" said Kiba.  "But I'm sure it's just the pollen in the air or something."

"Kiba, it's winter." Said Hinata.

"I know that!" said Kiba nervously as he filled himself up a glass of water.

"What should we do?" asked Hinata.

"About what?" Kiba said.

"Our allergy to dogs." Hinata said.

"Don't be silly, Hinata!  We're not allergic to dogs!  We've had dogs in this house for five years and you've never had any problems with it before!"

"Kiba…are you crying?" Hinata asked.

"No, it's that darn pollen!" said Kiba, rubbing his eyes.  "I think I got some in my eye…"

Hinata could tell that this was crushing Kiba.  He knew something had to be done, but he didn't want to have to give up his dogs since they were practically part of the family.  In fact, they WERE part of the family.  Giving them up would be like giving up some of his children.

"I was just kidding, Kiba!" said Hinata.  "I'm not REALLY allergic to dogs!  I was just…er… psyching you out!"

"Right." Said Kiba.  "But er…just to be safe…"

He paused.

"How about we close off the basement?" Kiba said.  "And we won't get anymore new ones.  It'll be like an apartment and the dogs will live downstairs.  And I'll pick up some Claritin tomorrow."

He waited.  "Better yet, I'll pick up some Claritin right now." He said, moving towards the door.  "And I'll bring the dogs with me."

"And I'll go vacuum up the fur right now!" said Hinata as she whipped out her 8 Pound Oreck Excel and went right to clearing the house of any dog…stuff.


	90. Future Sasuke: Get a Life

Naruto Primer: Future Sasuke

Get a Life

Sasuke was sitting at his home, bitterly clinging on to his hatred towards his brother and his frustration because he was still alive.  It was now all he ever thought about it.  He had been seeking his brother's death for fourteen years, making him twenty-one, still the heartthrob of the village.

But he was not thinking of girls.  He was not thinking of anything except his brother for he was obsessed.

He was jerked back into reality by the sound of someone knocking at the door.  Upon opening the door, he found Naruto standing there looking slightly perturbed.

"That's a nice chuunin vest there, Naruto." Said Sasuke.  Even though he was obsessed with killing Itachi, he still had time to make fun of Naruto even at his age.

"Shut up!" yelled Naruto, crossing his arms.  "The Hokage wants to see you."

"Me?" said Sasuke.  "Why?"

"I don't know!" said Naruto.

"You SHOULD." Said Sasuke.  "YOU'RE the messenger boy."

"Shut up!!" yelled Naruto again.  "Just go!"

Sasuke got himself ready, putting on his jounin vest, and hastily made his way to the Hokage's office.  All the other jounins in the room left as Sasuke looked at the back of the chair that the Hokage was sitting on.  "You wanted to see me?" he said.

"Yeah," said the Hokage as he spun his chair around so he was facing Sasuke.  "Actually, I did.  Frankly, I've found your recent behavior rather disturbing."

Sasuke never really liked the idea of Shikamaru being Hokage.  Ever since he was elected for the position about a year ago, he really hadn't given Sasuke a reason to support the decision, or really go against it for that matter.  Just as long as Naruto wasn't Hokage.

"How so?" Sasuke asked.

"Let's just say that your attitude upsets me." Shikamaru said.  "So, I have a mission especially for you."

"A mission?" Sasuke said, approaching Shikamaru's desk.

"Over the past few weeks, I've been carefully observing your older brother's movements," Shikamaru said, shuffling for some papers.  "And I've found his set location."

"So I should go and kill him?" Sasuke said eagerly.

"Yes and no." Shikamaru said, handing Sasuke the paper he found.  "I assembled this team for you.  And this plan as well.  I want you to take that team and use that plan to kill your brother."

"What?" said Sasuke, taking the paper and looking at it.  "Ino?  Lee?  Shino?  That's my team?"

"Yes." Said Shikamaru, folding his hands.  "Is there a problem?"

"Well…it's just that…well, _I _wanted to kill Itachi." Said Sasuke.  "Alone."

"You will." Said Shikamaru.  "If you follow my plan exactly, you'll find that you need the others, but you'll get to deliver the final blow."

"When should I leave?" Sasuke asked.

"Immediately." Shikamaru said.

Sasuke turned to go and then stopped.  "Shikamaru…" he said slowly.  "Why?  I mean, why did you make this mission?  There's no reason for you."

"Yes, the process of tracking Itachi and thinking up that plan was quite troublesome as you can imagine." Shikamaru said.  "But, out of all honesty, you disturb me too much so I want you to kill Itachi and then come home and get a life.  As you can see it's part of the mission plan."

Sasuke looked on the back of the paper.  "Get married and get a life?" he read.

"And have children." Shikamaru added.  "Restore your clan, will you?"

Sasuke folded the paper and put it in his pocket.  He always thought that Shikamaru was the best Hokage ever.


	91. Future Neji: Alpha Hyuuga

Naruto Primer: Future Neji

Alpha Hyuuga

A little less than a year ago, there was a horrible attack on the Main House.  Many Main House members met their end, most unfortunately.  Among the casualties were Hyuuga Hiashi and Hyuuga Hanabi.

Yes, yes.  Most unfortunate.  Most, MOST unfortunate.

But now, with a good two thirds of their Main House wiped out, a new leader of the Hyuugas was needed.  Hinata was out of the question because, although she was part of that prestigious family, she had married outside the clan and they couldn't very well bring Kiba into the clan and have him rule over Hyuugas.

The closest living relative to Hyuuga Hiashi was…Neji!

So the new leader of the Main House was, ironically enough, Hyuuga Neji.  A Branch House member succeeding the family was unheard of…until now.

At the age of twenty-five, Neji was more than happy to make a few changes in the Hyuuga family.  First, the curse seal ceased to exist.  Unfortunately, it still existed on members who had already been infected, but no new small children were embedded with the seal.  Quickly following that new rule, the Branch House was abolished.  They were just one big happy house.

Except for all the folks who were original Main House members who didn't have green x's on their foreheads.  But it's not like their opinion mattered anyway since they were all old and crumbly and there only about eight of them.

Neji's rule as the new "Alpha Hyuuga" didn't end with making members of the Branch House happy.  He then went on to enlighten his clan members on the magic of left and right, as well as devoting much time and study into the blind angle and a way to potentially erase that single flaw from the Hyuuga's ultimate defense.

Of course, Neji knows that if it wasn't for Hiashi, he would never be in such a position of power so he frequently visits the grave of his evil uncle.

"Hiashi…" he said, looking upon the grave.  Then, at a loss of anything else to say, he would just turn and leave.  Occasionally, he would thank him for dying and leaving the clan behind, but usually he would just leave it at that.

Now everything was going smoothly for Neji.  But there was one thing that was always nagging him.  Sure, he had thanked Hiashi many times for dying, but had he ever thanked Hinata for marrying outside the clan?  Or better yet, Kiba for simply existing and taking her out of the Hyuuga clan?

Neji decided to pay his little cousin and cousin-in-law a visit.  It certainly was a different thing for Neji, to randomly go up to Hinata's house and thank her for marrying Kiba.  After all, he hadn't even spoken to her for almost two years.

"Um…hello?" said Hinata, peeking her head through the door crack.  She was still tentative of Neji no matter how old she got.

"Er…hi, Hinata." Said Neji.  "This may seem weird…but I've got some time on my hands…"

"Okay, come in then?" Hinata said nervously, opening the door.  He walked in and was immediately ambushed by a mass of excited puppies who just loved the sound of the door opening.  After Neji had successfully frightened them all away with his evil glare, he and Hinata looked at each other.

"So…uh…" Neji said, avoiding eye contact.  This was harder than he had thought it would be.

"Do you…want to sit down?" Hinata said, gesturing towards a couch.

"No, not really." Neji replied.

"Um…I've heard about what you've done with the clan." Hinata said.

"Oh?" said Neji.

"Yeah…" Hinata replied.  "Um…it sounds great.  I don't know why someone didn't do it sooner."

"You're telling me." Said Neji.

There was another awkward silence.

"Hinata!" came Kiba's voice from the other room.

Hinata jumped in surprise.  "Yes?" she called back.

"The dogs say there's someone evil at the door!  Are you all right?"  As he spoke, he came in the room that Hinata and Neji were standing in while carrying a tiny sleeping baby.  "Oh, it's just you."

"Hi." Said Neji.

"Hi." Kiba said.

"You have a baby?" Neji asked Hinata with a bit of surprise in his voice.

"Um…yeah!" said Hinata.  "Three months old."

"Four." Corrected Kiba.

"Oh right!" Said Hinata.  "Four."

Everyone twiddled their fingers for a moment.

"Well, I guess I'm done here." Neji said.  "I hope your child grows up to be a very manly, masculine and strong—"

"Girl?" Kiba said.

"Yes." Said Neji.  "I mean…well, no.  A very pretty little girl."

With that, he grabbed the doorknob, swung the door open and then quickly left.  It actually went a lot better than he had originally planned.


	92. Future Tenten: I Object

Naruto Primer: Future Tenten

I Object

Back when Tenten was younger, she was shallow and went after guys based solely on looks.  Then, at around the age of eighteen, she deepened and grew to love men based on their personality.  She suddenly felt herself attracted to Rock Lee.  He hadn't gotten any better looking in the past five years, but she came to understand that it doesn't matter what a person looked like.

But she decided to explore her emotions more and try to ignore it.  She came to like him even more after he acquired his jounin vest when they were both twenty, even though Tenten remained at the chuunin state.

Tenten found herself unable to contain herself anymore.  She wanted to tell Lee how she felt and apologize for the time that she was mean to him just because of his looks.  She figured she had all the time in the world.  Who would want to date Lee, after all?  Then the unthinkable happened.  A woman.  Someone nabbed him before she could.

Now, at the age of twenty-four, Tenten stood outside the church doors.  Inside, there was a grand wedding being held and it seemed that everyone was invited.  She had received an invitation as well, but she couldn't gather herself to go in.

For the past twelve years, she had had the opportunity to get to Lee first but she had never done it.  Now, she supposed, she was suffering for it.  If only she had realized how wonderful he was sooner then it might have been her in there wearing the beautiful wedding dress as the future Mrs. Rock.  Instead, she was only an outsider looking in with no last name at all.

Mustering up all her courage, she opened the doors just a little bit and entered the church area.  Up on the alter, Lee was holding the hands of his bride.  He actually looked sort of handsome in that tuxedo.

She stayed in the back of the church.  She could recognize the backs of her friends' heads, all turned up to watch the happy couple.  But was Lee really happy?  Tenten looked at his face.  He was smiling, but she could tell what he was thinking.  After all, she had trained with him for a good portion of her life.

Tenten tried to justify reasons why she didn't need Lee.  "That woman will have to wake up to that face every day," she thought.  "And have blemishes for children."

She looked back at Lee and decided that SHE wanted to wake up to that face every morning!

"If there is anyone here who knows a just cause why they should not lawfully be joined in marriage, I implore you to speak now, or forever hold your peace." The priest said.

Tenten looked at Lee.  Then she gathered up everything she had inside of her and shouted, "I OBJECT!!"


	93. Future Kiba: Anniversary

Naruto Primer: Future Kiba

Anniversary

The day Kiba had finally sorted out his emotions and realized that he DID have feelings for Hinata was a revelation for him.  What followed was much dating and then the eventual proposal.  And she said yes, oh HURRAH she said yes!!  And then, as if it couldn't get any better for Kiba, Hinata gave birth to a little girl not long after they were married.

Kiba loved his daughter.  He enjoyed buying the little clothes and toys and bows and all sorts of other things that he could appease her with.  He had always thought that he wanted a boy, but after getting a girl, he decided that nothing could possibly top that.  He didn't know whether or not he even needed another kid at that point.

Now, in the year that Kiba was twenty-six, he felt he was at the peak of his life!  His daughter was two years old and just as precious as ever.  Akamaru still lived in the house with him along with a bunch of other dogs that were loyal to the family.  He was a high ranking chuunin, doing all sorts of important missions for the Sixth Hokage.  And Hinata seemed happy!  Strike that, she WAS happy!  And Kiba had been counting down the days to the day of their anniversary so he wouldn't be caught forgetting.

He woke up so early that the sun had hardly begun to rise.  He woke up Akamaru and his daughter, Tashoku, and brought them downstairs while they were both in their sleepy discombobulated state.

"All right, we're going to make Hinata breakfast this morning!" Kiba said, looking around in the cabinets for the right egg pan.  "And you two are going to make Hinata a card.  Okay?"

He set a few crayons and a piece of paper on the table.  Akamaru barked at Kiba.

"Shh!" he said.  "Don't wake up Hinata!  And I know perfectly well that Tashoku's only two so that's why you're here to help her make the card!"

Kiba put the pan on the stove and turned on one of the burners.  He didn't know exactly how this was going to come out since he had never really cooked before since Hinata seemed to like it enough.  It was never one of his natural talents.  He could burn salad.  Ask Akamaru if you don't believe us.

"Daddy…" said Tashoku.  "Help me color…"

"No, Akamaru's helping you." Said Kiba as he pulled out a carton of eggs and looked inside it.

"But I want YOU." Said Tashoku.

"I'm making breakfast." Kiba replied as he hit an egg down on the side of the pan.  

He proudly looked down upon his beautiful egg that was frying in the middle of his pan.  After staring at it lovingly for a moment or two, he started to realize that he would eventually have to flip the egg so he started looking around for a spatula.

"Where does she keep those spatulas?" Kiba said to himself, opening each drawer and closing it.  Akamaru barked.  "The third drawer?" Kiba said as he opened the drawer.  "Oh, okay."

He pulled the spatula out and looked back at the egg.  "Do you think it's ready to be flipped?"

Akamaru barked to him.

"Yes, Akamaru, I'm sure I want to do this." Said Kiba, rolling his eyes.  "I've already started.  Flipping an egg isn't rocket science."  He tried to wedge the spatula underneath the egg but only ended up mauling the already burnt egg.  "Scrambled eggs!  Hinata LOVES scrambled eggs!"

"No, Akamaru!" said Tashoku.  "The heart is BLUE!"

"Geez, Akamaru, ALL hearts don't have to be red." Said Kiba as he scraped at the eggs.  Akamaru barked.  Kiba looked shocked and dropped the spatula, turning around and facing Akamaru.  "Yes it DOES look like a heart!" he said, marching over to Tashoku's card and picking it up.  "It is a beautiful blue heart!  What do YOU know, Akamaru?"

Akamaru barked in what sounded like an argument, but it was actually a warning.  Kiba sniffed a little bit and turned around to see smoke pouring out of the stove area.  "MY EGGS!" he yelled, running over to the stove and frantically turning dials in attempt to turn it off.  He only succeeded to turn on the oven, turn up the burner and turn on the rest of the burners.  This made the fire alarm go off and caused Tashoku to start to cry.

Akamaru dashed off to get the fire extinguisher as Kiba ran around in circles foolishly.  At the sound of the fire alarm and her crying child and her screaming husband and all the barking dogs, Hinata couldn't help but wake up and quickly run down the stairs to find out what happened so early in the morning.  Akamaru had handed Kiba the fire extinguisher and he was now putting out the fire as Hinata only looked on in horror.

"No worries!" said Kiba in response to Hinata's expression.  "Happy anniversary!  I'm taking you out to breakfast!"


	94. Future Naruto: Jounin Vest

Naruto Primer: Future Naruto

Jounin Vest

Naruto was feeling pretty good about himself.  He had just completed the jounin exam tournament about a week ago and, while he didn't actually WIN the tournament, he still felt like he did a good job.  Besides, Shikamaru, the Hokage, had just called him to have a meeting so Naruto felt now more than ever that he was finally going to get that jounin vest.

Ever since he became a chuunin, Naruto had taken every single jounin exam only to be turned down by the Hokage, whether it be the fifth or the sixth one.  But this time he had a good feeling.  He was twenty-four and in the prime of his life and after he became a jounin, the next step was Hokage.

Plus, he had put in more than three years of loyal service to Shikamaru, not to mention the fact that they were friends when they were younger, so he had that much going for him.  All he had to do was walk in there, get his jounin vest and then walk out.

Naruto opened the door to the Hokage's office to find Shikamaru consulting with some other ninjas while looking through the B-Rank mission scroll.

"You wanted to see me, Mr. Hokage Shikamaru Sir?" said Naruto, strolling over.

"One minute." Said Shikamaru as he finished up with his ninja friends and then they left.  Then he faced Naruto.  "Naruto do you think you could go and fetch Sasuke for me?" he asked.  "It would really help a bunch.  If Ino's available, tell her to come too."

Then he went back to his little scrolls.

Naruto waited.

Shikamaru looked back up.  "Are you waiting for something?" Shikamaru asked.

"What about me?" Naruto said.

"No, I need a jounin for this job." Said Shikamaru.  "It's an A-Rank mission."

"Well…" Naruto said slowly.  "What about the jounin exam?"

"What about it?" said Shikamaru, looking annoyed.  "It was entertaining but nothing special happened.  Now please go and get Sasuke for me, please."

"Why don't you ask one of your NEW jounins to help you out?" said Naruto slyly.  "What's this mission about anyway?"

"A distress call from the Hyuugas." Said Shikamaru.  "And there were no new jounins this time around.  I need Sasuke NOW."

"Aren't I a jounin though?" asked Naruto.

Shikamaru sighed and almost dropped all his little scrolls in frustration.  "Naruto." He said.  "No.  New.  Jounins.  Maybe next time."

"What do you mean, 'No new jounins'?!" demanded Naruto, slamming his hands down on Shikamaru's desk.  "I have been in all of these exams and every single time you say 'maybe next time'!"

"Naruto…" said Shikamaru, leaning over.  "You're just too reckless to be a jounin.  You'd get everyone in your entire team killed.  You and Kiba both.  Maybe you two should get together and train a bit."

"Shikamaru, you don't understand, I NEED to be Hokage." Said Naruto.

Shikamaru glared at Naruto for a moment.  "Do I have to get someone else to get Sasuke?" he said.

"No, I'LL get him." Said Naruto angrily as he stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

Naruto didn't see why everyone else got to be jounins when he didn't.  He should have been nicer to Shikamaru when they were younger.  "I bet the only reason why Chouji's a jounin is because he's friends with Shikamaru!" said Naruto.  "I can't be the LAST one to stay a chuunin!  Stupid Sasuke being a jounin… stupid Shikamaru being Hokage…"

Naruto figured that he'd just train harder than ever and become a jounin during the next exam.


	95. Future Shino: Best Man

Naruto Primer: Future Shino

Best Man

Shino chuunin-ified himself in the next chuunin exam he could get his hands on.  Then, after successfully being a chuunin for a few years, Shino decided to try his luck at the jounin exam.  At age eighteen, he became a jounin.  He didn't know what to do with himself after that.

He tried a year of teaching, but that didn't go so well.  He got his three students and tried to teach them things but… he didn't really know what to teach them.  They didn't use bugs like he did so he didn't know how to go about teaching them how to be ninjas to suit their own attributes.  So he passed his students on to a different jounin who had just so happened to fail his students.

So now Shino was a twenty-two year old jounin.  It was really just a name to him.  He just wanted to prove to people that the Aburame clan was worth something and now that he had done so, he didn't really have a purpose anymore.  He'd complete missions for the new Hokage who was, oddly enough, Shikamaru, and even went off with Sasuke, Ino and Lee to kill Itachi.  That was successful.  Kind of weird, but successful.

He never really saw his friends from the olden days.  Every once and a while, Kiba would call him out to have a little guy's party where Kiba would just talk and talk and talk and talk and argue with Akamaru and then talk some more.

It was time to get the mail.

Shino walked out to his mailbox and pulled out the small amount of mail.  "Bill… bill… bill… catalog… magazine…" He stopped at the last thing in the pile.  "A…letter?"

He took the mail back to his house and dropped the bills and junk on the table and then sat down.  "It's from Kiba." Shino read out, looking at the return address.  He opened the envelope and pulled out the piece of paper inside.  He read it over once or twice, making sure he understood.

"A…wedding invitation." He said.  "Kiba's getting married.  To Hinata, no less.  Who would have thought?"

Shino took his little magnet and pinned the invitation to the refrigerator.  He figured it was his obligation to go over to congratulate Kiba and Hinata even though he failed to even notice that they were going out.

Kiba's house wasn't THAT far away so Shino decided that he'd take a leisurely stroll.  He knocked on the door and it almost immediately swung open.

"Shino!" Kiba said happily.  "What a pleasant and strangely random surprise!  What are you doing here?"

"I got your invitation." Shino answered.

"Oh, my wedding invitation?" said Kiba as if that sort of thing happened every day.  "Yeah, I mailed those I guess.  You want to come in?"

"I just came over to congratulate you." Shino said.

"That was nice!" said Kiba.  "Are you going to be able to make it?"

"I suppose." Shino replied.

"Good because I was hoping you'd be my best man." Said Kiba.

Shino coughed a little bit in surprise.  "Your best man?" he said.

"Yeah!" said Kiba.  "I was going to ask Akamaru but…well, he's old and he said, 'No, sonny boy.  It's time you stopped relying on me so much and find some human friends your age!' and then I slugged him right in the jaw and then—"

"Kiba, are you sure you want ME to be your best man?" Shino interrupted.

"Well YEAH!" said Kiba.  "You're my best human friend!  You know what, Shino?  You should get a girlfriend.  I'd think you'd be a lot happier."

Shino coughed a little bit more.  "A girlfriend?" he said.

"Yeah!" said Kiba.  "Come on, you're a jounin and chicks LOVE jounins.  Besides, you're a stud!  I don't know why they don't love you already!"

"It's the bugs." Shino said.

"Oh right." Said Kiba thoughtfully.

Shino peeked under Kiba's arm to see a bunch of suitcases.  "Are you going somewhere?" Shino asked.

Kiba turned around.  "No, that's just Hinata's stuff." He answered.  "When she told her dad that she accepted my proposal, she was kinda kicked out of the clan.  Well, not really kicked out.  They just said that I couldn't live in the Hyuuga area because I'm not a Hyuuga and we can't very well live in two separate houses!  So Hinata's not the heir to the Hyuuga family anymore.  Can you imagine if I could have lived there though?  Man, I would have had so many enemies!  Namely, Neji."

"You probably wouldn't survive the first night." Shino said, thinking about what Neji would do if KIBA was accepted into the Main House when he wasn't even a Hyuuga.

"Yeah." Said Kiba.  "So do you want to come in?  Will you be my best man?"

"Kiba, I need to think about it." said Shino. 

"About what?" asked Kiba.  "Coming in or being my best man?"

"Um…both." Said Shino.  "Bye."

"Aww…" said Kiba sadly as Shino turned to leave.  "Do you really not want to be my best man that much?"

"It's not that." Shino said.  "I'm just trying to figure out WHY someone like you would choose someone like me to be the best man."

"Well Shino, I already said that it was because you were my best friend and if that's not a good enough reason then I don't know WHAT is." Said Kiba.  "But do whatever you want!  I could always ask Naruto I guess…"

"All right." Said Shino.  "I'll be your best man."


	96. Future Chouji: Nostalgia

Naruto Primer: Future Chouji

Nostalgia 

Chouji had it all.  At age thirty, he was a jounin and had a beautiful wife and the best of friends.  Speaking of his wonderful friends, he missed them ever so much.  It was time for him to visit them.

Of course, he visited Shikamaru first.  He could visit Shikamaru any time he wanted now that he was no longer the Hokage.  Chouji knew that Shikamaru would go through early retirement, but he had always expected Shikamaru to do so earlier.  The fact that Shikamaru had held onto that job for ten whole years was a huge commitment for the lazy Shikamaru he knew so well.

He knocked on the door and Shikamaru opened it.  "And how did I know it was you?" Shikamaru said.

"How have you been?" said Chouji as he entered the house.

"You mean since you visited me yesterday?" said Shikamaru, shutting the door behind him.  "Fine.  Just fine."

"That's great!" said Chouji.  "How's Shikataro?"

"Sleeping." Shikamaru replied.

"As usual." Chouji said.  "I swear, your kid is almost as lazy as you are!  I've never even heard him cry."

"He's only seven months old." Said Shikamaru.  "Give him a break."

"Where's the wife?" asked Chouji.

Shikamaru shrugged.  "I don't know." He said.

"Oh." Said Chouji.  "Well, you want to hang out?"

"Actually, I was just about to put myself down for a nap." Shikamaru said.  "I'm old.  I need that sort of stuff."

"Shikamaru…you're only thirty." Chouji pointed out.

"All right but…" Shikamaru started.  "If you had a seven month old, you'd feel old too."

"Well okay!" said Chouji.  "I'll talk to you later, Shikamaru!"

"Bye Chouji." Said Shikamaru as Chouji left the house.

Chouji walked around.  Now that he was finished visiting Shikamaru, he could visit ANYONE!  What about Ino?  What was she up to?  It had been a while since he had spoken to her.

He approached the bustling little house that was just EXPLODING with joy with a little Uchiha fan painted on the door.  He knocked a few times and the door was opened by what looked like a mini blond Sasuke.  "Hi Sasuke Jr." said Chouji.  "Are your parents home?"

"Yes." Said Sasuke Jr.

"Who's at the door, Sasuke?" asked Ino as she walked by.  "Oh, it's Chouji!  Hi Chouji!  What brings you around here?"

"I just wanted to see how you were doing!" said Chouji.  "How are your kids?"

"Good, good." Said Ino.  "Little Senjou is taking his first steps… sort of.  Inoshi's lost his first tooth the other day.  And Sasuke is at the top of his class at the ninja academy.  There's a fourth one on the way…and just between you and me, I've got a feeling that it's going to be a girl."

"That's great!" said Chouji.  "You're doing a good job helping restore Sasuke's clan."

"That's not what I'm doing intentionally." Ino admitted.  "I just want a girl."

Just then, Sasuke came walking over carrying a tiny black haired child.  "Senjou's sleeping." He told Ino.

"Then put him to bed." Ino said as if it was obvious.

"I was going to." Said Sasuke as if he was offended.  He probably was.  Then he disappeared up the stairs without even acknowledging Chouji.

"I'm really happy for you Ino." Said Chouji.  "Have you seen Shikamaru's baby yet?  He's adorable."

"No, I haven't seen him yet." Ino said, looking disappointed in herself.  "Well, I guess I'll have to go and say hi to him and his baby too.  Oh!  Speaking of babies, guess who else is going to have one!"

"Um…I don't know." Said Chouji.

"It's Tenten!" Ino said happily.

"Oh!" said Chouji.  "Maybe I should go over and congratulate her and Lee on their new child!"

"I hope to see you again real soon, Chouji." Said Ino.  Just before Chouji left, Sasuke came tromping down the stairs.

"Did you just get here?" Sasuke asked.

"No." said Chouji.  "I was here before."

"Oh, I guess I didn't notice." Said Sasuke.

"That's funny, I'm not one people usually fail to notice." Chouji said.  "But I'd love to stand around here chatting but I have some other people to say hi to!  Bye you two!  See you later Sasuke Jr.  Say hi to Inoshi for me!  Good luck with your little girl, Ino!"

"Bye Chouji!" said Ino as Chouji left.

"It's going to be a boy." Sasuke said to Ino.  "I bet it'll be two boys."

"Yeah right." Said Ino.

Chouji was going over to Tenten and Lee's house only to pass by what he recognized as Hinata and Kiba's house.  He figured he'd just poke his head in real quick to say hi and see how their little Tashoku was doing.  He knocked on the front door and waited.

The door slowly opened a crack.  "Oh, hi Chouji." Said Hinata.

"Is something wrong?" Chouji asked.

"Right now's not really the best time for visits." Hinata confessed.  "Kiba found Little Akamaru yesterday in the street… he was hit by a car.  We're mourning right now."

"That's awful!" said Chouji.  "How's Kiba taking it?"

"Well…" said Hinata uneasily.  "I'll just say that Kiba's quite the mourner."

"I see." Said Chouji.  "Well, in that case, I'd better be on my way.  I'm sorry for you and your loss."

"Thanks for stopping by." Said Hinata pleasantly as she shut the door.

Chouji was feeling kind of sad as he arrived at the Rock Residence.  He rang the doorbell a few times but when he got no answer, he figured that no one was home.  After a few laps around the house checking for a light that was on, he finally decided to give up and stop wasting his time.

"Well!" Chouji said as he made his way back to his own house.  "At least I got to see Ino and Shikamaru and how THEIR families were doing and that's all that REALLY matters!"


	97. Future Sakura: Black Hair

Naruto Primer: Future Sakura

Black Hair

Sakura…what had happened to her? She had lost Sasuke to Ino and decided that she would never love again. So she ended up isolating herself from the world and eventually ended up becoming completely and utterly insane, stuck in a time period where everything made sense and she was a twelve-year-old on the same three-man team as Sasuke and Naruto.

She was only thirty-six, but she looked like she was well over fifty. She was hunched over in her front lawn planting flowers to make her yard look pretty, her only escape from her insane mind. Suddenly, she heard the sound of footsteps coming in her direction. 

Far off in the distance, though not that far, she could make out a very familiar figure of the only man she ever loved. She rose to her feet and watched him approach, running happily while tying his forehead protector on his head.

"Sasuke…" said Sakura, reaching her hand out. The boy stopped and looked at her.

"Yeah?" he said. 

He looked like Sasuke, Sakura thought. But his hair was yellow. Why was his hair yellow?

"Sasuke…" she said again. "Why is your hair yellow?"

"It's natural." Sasuke replied, backing away from her slightly.

"It has to be black." Said Sakura, getting closer to him. Sasuke quickly backed away but she kept getting closer, mumbling about how his hair had to be black.

"Hey!" came a voice from the direction that Sasuke had come from. Sakura looked up to see another figure surrounded by smaller ones. "What do you think you're doing?"

The blond Sasuke ran over to the man standing there with four other little boys, two of them obviously a set of twins, and a girl in a carriage with little black pigtails.

"…Sakura?" said the man slowly, approaching her.

"Yes?" said Sakura absentmindedly.

"…Whoa." Said the man. "It's been… a really long time. You remember me? Sasuke?"

"You're too old to be Sasuke." Said Sakura, looking at the blond Sasuke.

"Sasuke," said Sasuke to the blond Sasuke who was OBVIOUSLY Sasuke Jr. "Take Inoshi, Shika, Cho, Senjou and Hana home."

"Who's that lady?" asked Sasuke Jr.

"It's an old friend of mine." Sasuke replied. Sasuke Jr. grabbed the carriage and pushed Hana off as the other four boys followed obediently after him.

"Sasuke?" said Sakura.

"Yeah." Said Sasuke. "Those are my sons and my daughter."

"Your sons and daughter?" said Sakura, watching them go.

"Yeah…" said Sasuke. "Sasuke Jr., the oldest, just graduated from the academy. Inoshi's number two, ten years old. Senjou is seven. Then the twins, Shikamaru and Chouji who are five. Finally, the girl is Hana. She's almost two. How have you…" He looked Sakura up and down. "…been…?"

"But Sasuke…" said Sakura. "We only just graduated from the academy…"

"Sakura, we graduated from the academy almost twenty-five years ago." Sasuke said.

"Twenty-five years?" said Sakura with a slight laugh. "You always struck me as the quiet…serious one. That's always why I loved you. But you married Ino."

"Yes I did." Sasuke said.

"But I loved you Sasuke." Said Sakura. "And we're on the same three-man team."

"We WERE, Sakura." Sasuke corrected. "Not anymore."

"Did something happen to Naruto?" said Sakura.

"No, he's fine." Said Sasuke. "Last I heard, he was a jounin working for the Hokage."

"That Naruto…" sighed Sakura. "He'll never be more than a genin."

Sasuke gave Sakura one more good look. "Sakura…I think I'm going to leave right now." He said. "You clearly are feeling unstable. I'll come back… in a little while… and maybe we can talk again."

"Sasuke…must have black hair…" Sakura said. "It doesn't make sense. Why was his hair yellow?"

Sasuke slowly inched by her and then, once he was past her, quickly walked back to his house.

Sakura watched him go and then went back to her garden, mumbling about Sasuke and his yellow hair. How it must be black. Sasuke must have black hair… he's not Sasuke without black hair… that would be like if Naruto had black hair… Sasuke must have black hair…

.

Whoa. Psyched YOU out. What WHAT?! Yeah, we rule. Okay, here's Sakura's REAL future chapter.

.

Naruto Primer: Future Sakura

The REAL One

Sakura grew up and got over Sasuke. She wasn't OBSESSED with him after all. In fact, she even went to Sasuke and Ino's wedding and was the Maid of Honor!! Well, we won't go that far. She wasn't the Maid of Honor but she DID go to the wedding and was in all the wedding pictures.

In the end, she ended up marrying Naruto. She got past the fact that she just blindly disliked him and finally saw him for all that he was! Naruto couldn't have been happier either.

The fact about Sakura's ninjahood was true though. After she failed to become a chuunin a few times, she figured it was pointless and just gave up. So she stayed a genin the rest of her life, but she didn't really care. She had her jounin husband to protect her. And besides, she had to look over their beautiful daughter.

Well...that's pretty much it. At least you all know that Naruto got a happy ending at least. And yes, we said JOUNIN!! JOUNIN husband. He did become a jounin just in case you missed it the first time around. And you know what? He's going to become Hokage too! Just not... NOW. When he's old and wise and more skilled. 


	98. Future Itachi: Salami

Naruto Primer: Future Itachi

Salami

Itachi had never really expected to grow up like this. He was twenty-six, a time in which he should be meeting girls and getting married, but instead he was hiding away in his underground lair in fear of his little brother whom he heard had become quite powerful over the past few years.

The more Itachi thought about it, the more he realized that it wasn't that great of an idea to kill the clan. As satisfying and amusing as it was at the time, in the long run, it just brought him unhappiness.

He was all alone in his lair that day since Kisame had gone out to get some milk. They couldn't eat Ninja Pebbles without milk. But he was hungry and it was taking Kisame an awfully long time to get back from the supermarket so Itachi decided to make himself a sandwich.

Unhappily, he pulled out the bread and the salami. He had always been partial to salami and he liked it especially with mayonnaise and mustard. But not the disgusting mustard, only the GOOD mustard. Sure, it cost a little more but it was all worth it so he could have a fine, fine sandwich. To his dismay, he found that the bread Kisame had bought was the disgusting grainy kind with the seeds in it because Kisame had randomly decided to put them both on a diet.

"I always choke on these things…" said Itachi under his breath as he pulled out two slices anyway. Unfortunately for him, there was only two end pieces left. As if it wasn't bad enough that he had to eat gross bread, but now he had to eat the END pieces!!

First he spread the mustard, then the mayonnaise and then he put the salami on it. He also decided to pop himself some popcorn to go with his sandwich so he put some in the microwave and set the timer. He took the first bite of his sandwich just as the door slammed open.

"I've finally found you!!" yelled Sasuke. How had he found him?!

Itachi jumped in surprise at the presence of his younger brother and three of his companions, Ino, Lee and Shino. He was so surprised that the bite he had just taken got caught in his throat.

"Now I will be able to put an end to your evil ways!" Sasuke said. "I have waited almost fifteen years to finally have my revenge for what you did to our clan! You were a fool to leave me alive because now I will be the one to kill you! Prepare yourself for the fight of—"

He stopped himself when he realized that Itachi was not paying attention. Itachi was paying more attention to the bread and salami that was lodged in his throat as was coughing, choking, beating his chest and keeling over.

"And…er…" Sasuke tried to continue. "Prepare yourself for—"

But Itachi collapsed to the ground with a wheeze.

"—the fight of your life…" Sasuke said hesitantly.

"Don't be fooled by his tricks!!" said Lee.

"Sasuke, now's your chance." Ino said.

Sasuke slowly approached Itachi's body on the ground. He kicked it lightly a few times and then rolled him over onto his back. After a moment of staring at his blank face, he looked at Lee, Shino and Ino. "He's dead…" he said.

The three of them gasped.

"I was supposed to kill him!" said Sasuke. "It's not fair that he choked to death!!"

"Well, you could say that you did kill him because you surprised him so much that he choked on what he was eating!" tried Ino.

"No!" said Sasuke. "I wanted to have the fight of my life! My one purpose in life has just been taken away from me! There's no way I'LL be able to go on living after this either!"

"You'll be all right, Sasuke!" said Ino, running over and trying to comfort him. Shino and Lee came over as well but Sasuke was beyond help. Just when he was about to stab himself, Shino Judo chopped him in the back of the neck and he fell to the ground, unconscious.

"What now?!" said Lee. "He's going to kill himself."

"We'll just tell him that the choking part was all a dream." Said Shino, picking up the shuriken that Sasuke was holding. He then made a few light gashes on Sasuke in various places. "We'll tell him that he sustained those injuries from his battle and that he actually killed his brother."

"Good idea!" said Lee.

"I still feel bad for him…" said Ino.

There was nothing else they could do so Shino and Lee picked up Sasuke and the four of them returned back to Konoha village, never to speak of the incident of just HOW Itachi died ever again.


	99. The Teachers: Our Chuunins

Naruto Primer: The Teachers

Our Chuunins

The Hokage was sitting in his room looking through his scrolls.  No, this is not in the future anymore.  This is actually in that paradoxical world that we created where Chuunin Shikamaru and Third Hokage can exist simultaneously.

SO ANYWAY, the door to his office suddenly flung open and surprised the Hokage.  Gai, Kakashi, Kurenai and Asuma came stumbling in, looking all beat up.  All of their clothing was ripped and torn in PG places so that means that while male chests were EVER so exposed, females were still conservatively covered.

"What happened to you four?" said the Hokage in a distressed tone as the four jounins slumped down in chairs.

"I'LL explain this!" said Asuma, standing up and readjusting his torn vest.  He cleared his throat.  "We had summoned our students to perform VITAL training exercises early that morning!  We actually planned to take them to you so that they could get a mission for the day."

"But then something awful happened!" interjected Gai.

"I'm telling the story!" said Asuma.

"Tell me, what DID happen?" asked the Hokage, folding his hands.

"We were attacked!" said Kurenai.

"I was going to say that!" whined Asuma.

"By whom?" asked the Hokage.

"We did not know his name at first, but he proved to be a very worth adversary." Kakashi explained.  Asuma pouted and crossed his arms like a baby.

"ONE MAN defeated all four of you?" the Hokage said.

"He didn't defeat us!" said Gai.  "WE won!"

"It was hard win." Said Kurenai.

"There's only one thing I can say, though." Asuma said.  "And that it was a good think Shikamaru was there or else we all would have been done for."

"Shikamaru didn't do anything." Kakashi said.

"LIES!" yelled Asuma.  "ALL LIES!!"

"Frankly, Kiba, Hinata and Shino did incredible work." Said Kurenai.

"But it was nothing compared to Lee, Neji and Tenten!" argued Gai.

"How about you all tell me exactly what happened?" suggested the Hokage.

"Okay, we started training them." Asuma began.  "When, all of a sudden, this huge cloud formed overhead!"

"It was massive!" Kurenai added, stretching her arms out.

"So very big." Kakashi agreed.

"ENORMOUS!" Gai yelled.

"Then, from the cloud, this Super A Plus-Class Ninja appeared from it!" Asuma continued.

"Super A Plus-Class Ninja?" the Hokage said with a raised eyebrow.

"That's what he called himself." Kakashi said.  "He said that he was such a great ninja that they had to think up a new name just for him."

"Oh." Said the Hokage with a nod.  "Go on."

"He said that his target was the village!" said Gai.  "And he was going to start with us and our students!"

"And that's when Shikamaru—" started Asuma.

"Didn't do anything." Kakashi interrupted sternly.

"We took it upon ourselves to do the fighting." Kurenai said.

"Even the four of us working together just wasn't enough!" Gai said, looking distressed as he stuck a pose of despair.

"What bloodshed, what horror!" Asuma added.

"Just when we thought that we would be toppled and the village SURELY taken…that's when it happened!" said Kurenai.  "Against all odds, our students joined the effort!"

"Simply put, sixteen on one was a little overwhelming for the poor guy." Said Kakashi with a wink.  But he could have been blinking.  You never really know.

"And even though our students are only genins—" started Gai.

"With the exception of Shikamaru—" Asuma said quickly.

"They were able to defend themselves and fight against a Super A Plus-Class Ranking Ninja!" Gai finished, throwing some punches while also trying to ignore Asuma.

"That's good to hear." Said the Hokage.

"They are probably chuunin level…" said Kurenai thoughtfully.

"Say…you're right!" said Gai.

"And I'd have to say that Shikamaru is jounin level." Said Asuma.

"Then they should all do fine in the next chuunin exam." Said the Hokage.  "With the exception of Shikamaru who will, in fact, be taking the jounin exam."

They all stared at the Hokage.

"Is that it?" the Hokage asked.

"I think our students are chuunin level." Kurenai repeated.

"So they should take the chuunin exam the next time it rolls around." Said the Hokage AGAIN.

The teachers frowned.

"I'm glad you all did well against this Super A Plus-Class Ninja…or whatever it was called." Said the Hokage.  "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some things I have to do."

"Right…" said the teachers sadly as they left the room and closed the door behind them.

"I thought for sure that our inside connections with the Hokage and that amazing story would get our students up to at least the chuunin level…" said Gai as he wiped some "blood" off his face.

"We ripped up our clothes for nothing…" sighed Kurenai.

"It was all because of Asuma." Said Kakashi.  "Your acting wasn't convincing enough."

"My acting was incredible." Said Asuma like a Shakespearean actor.

"I guess our students will just have to wait for the next chuunin exam." Sighed Gai.

"But I want my students to be chuunins NOW!" said Kurenai.

"Good thing Shikamaru's ALREADY a chuunin." Said Asuma.

Everyone glared at Asuma and decided that they could no longer handle his insolent behavior and it was officially time to smite him.

"Asuma, I swear if I have to hear the words 'Shikamaru' and 'chuunin' in the same sentence again, I might very well go insane." Said Kakashi.

"What if I said something like…" Asuma said, thinking.  "You know Shikamaru?  He's a chuunin!"

The teachers could no longer hold it back anymore so they pounced on Asuma and began fighting in a cloud of dust and flying paper.  "IT WASN'T IN THE SAME SENTENCE!!" Asuma yelled as everyone beat the living daylights out of him.


	100. The Optional Epilogue

Naruto Primer: Closing

Epilogue

Hi everyone. We would just like to say that we REALLY appreciate everyone following this story to the end! At first, we never thought this story would make QUITE the impression as it apparently did. If you could see what we originally titled it, you'd see that it was called 'Crack' because we thought the story was on crack.

Some of the inspiration we had for this story was from…you guessed it! Sideways Stories from Wayside School. The beginning sort of had the same format by telling you about each character and launching into random, plotless yet slightly plotful stories.

We had the twelve initial chapters and then we had twelve chapters where each character was sensibly paired up with another person that might prove to make in interesting plot. We planned on stopping right after Chapter 23, the one with Kiba and Naruto with the Uchiha Wallet. But then we decided we were having too much fun and hadn't quite yet had the teachers involved in any chapters so we wrote the first competition and the reactions afterwards.

There would be no ending it at 36 chapters, that was such a silly number! So we split them all into groups of three, alphabetizing them by their first names. Then we switched Neji and Lee. And, as some of you may have noticed, we failed to write Shino, Tenten and Shikamaru's chapter. Why? Because those are three extremely boring characters to be all together and it just wouldn't have come out all that interesting. So that's why you never found out what they were doing. Just assume that Shikamaru was looking at clouds, Shino was collecting bugs and Tenten was hiding under a rock.

To make up for not doing their chapter, we made three more chapters. The Slumber Party, Itachi's chapter and Gaara's chapter. Gaara and Itachi's chapters go back to the Wayside School format and the Slumber Party is just…well, on crack.

Then, since we enjoyed the competition to an unhealthy extent, we wrote a second one only we made is so we didn't have to think quite as much while writing it.

After, we figured that the females had a chapter so the men needed one. That's where the camping one came from. And what was our reason for poisoning all of them except for Neji, Sasuke and Lee? Hair color. Our next set of groups were arranged by hair color. Because those three had black hair, they got to play laser tag. Then we decided that we didn't want to work with the other hair groups and move STRAIGHT to the Sexy Ninja chapters.

That certainly was a crackish arc! We were originally going to make it so the teachers split them up according to their sexiness for one reason or another, but that seemed a little strange so we went to a character index and searched for a lady who could run the magazine. We got Suzume. Babykefka was kind enough to illustrate the chapter and now we shall pimp her picture because it's SO awesome! (at the bottom)

THEN, it's the Lil' chapters. We thought they would be a good winding down chapter so we moved back to the Wayside School formats…for a little while. What followed was a pattern, in case you didn't notice it; 4 Lil Chapters, 2 Paired Up Chapters, 4 Wayside Chapters. That continued until all the Lil people were done. We also threw in a bunch of group chapters like the Disembodied Head that Ate People and the Pool Party and the teacher ones…

We wrote the last chapter (Chapter 87 at the time) and we were done. 87 seemed like such a stupid number. To add twelve more would be 99 and that was an awesome number. Luckily for us, 12 was the amount of characters we had been centering around. But what would we do? We couldn't very well write another twelve regular Wayside chapters because it was hard enough to think up ONE chapter for Tenten.

So we thought up FUTURE chapters! Those are the ones you just read. Those were fun, but also confusing because they took place at different points along the timeline. At first, we weren't even going to submit these chapters because we thought you guys would think that it was being dragged out. But thanks to all your kind support, we decided to go the extra mile!

THEN THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED!! Chapter 1 was deleted because it violated the terms of service in fanfiction.net. That meant that, even though we had planned it all out SO perfectly, we still only had 99 chapters!! We couldn't leave you off with 99 chapters when we promised you 100!! We'd look like liars!! So we had to quickly think up another chapter. That's where the final Itachi chapter came from. You know, that one that you just read about how Itachi choked on a sandwich and died? Yeah, that one. Sorry it was so anti-climactic but you understand now under the circumstances that it was the best we could come up with. To the scum who reported chapter 1 as a list…your days are numbered.

The plot hole in Shikamaru's "Box" chapter: It was the wrong Hokage. If Shikamaru is a chuunin, then it should be the FIFTH Hokage, not the third, as it so obviously was considering he was male and all. We, of course, didn't realize this until AFTER the fact but it wouldn't have worked if the third was dead because I don't believe the fifth would want Shikamaru to baby-sit Konohamaru…AND, to all of you that felt left out of the loop when reading the chapter, thinking that maybe it was a metaphor or something clever, then don't worry. It's just a stupid game that we play with someone we baby-sit for. What? What do you MEAN you think that's on crack?! YOUR MOM!!

Anyway, in order to keep the orders fair so boring people wouldn't always go last, we'd usually pick names out of a little bowl. They started up being stupid tiny torn up pieces of paper but then they got pretty and professional looking. On the papers, Shino's name was 'Auron' and Lee was 'Rock Lee' and Tenten's name was 'Gaara' and then became 'TenTen'. We also drew on the Chouji, Sasuke and Lee papers with pink marker but it seemed a little unfair so we had to make new ones.

We just thought we'd now talk about how the characters developed, especially people like Neji and Sasuke. Well, for Sasuke's superiority complex, it was something that rooted back to the very first time we ever watched the show. Whenever Sasuke would come on screen and make an angry face (or any face for that matter) we'd dub in a little "I'm BETTER!" cause he looked like he was thinking that. So our little dub Sasuke turned into our REAL Sasuke. As for all the random things he was usually eating and collecting like Hamburgler and the Ninja Watch… I don't know. We just figured he'd be silly if he did that. But he IS twelve after all.

As for Neji… frankly, if he didn't have a silly quirk then he wouldn't be very interesting. So, instead of being cocky and bastardly, he ended up being rather whiny, self-conscious and awkward because we sort of overloaded him with quirks.

KIBA! We love Kiba. Go to our Kiba shrine. The link is at the bottom.

But anyway, we kind of overdid his sensitivity and his attraction to Hinata which might very well not even exist. But it was precious. As for his frequent arguments with Akamaru, it just wouldn't be interesting if he agreed with him all the time.

Chouji's obsession with Shikamaru was a little over the top, we know. But whatever. It was funny.

A lot of you were complaining that Shino was eating the popcorn and not Chouji! Well, what else was Shino suppose to say?! He's such a difficult character to work with. Go on, try. We kind of felt bad for the little guy so we ended up giving him quirks like we gave Neji, such as the Ants in the Pants and the obsession with bugs. In every chapter he seemed to have a new personality trait that wasn't real. Ants in the Pants, a crush on Hinata, taking pictures of bugs and himself, taking NUDEY pictures of female bugs, popcorn, so on and so forth…

The teachers now. Yes, yes, they were ALL out of character. But we tried our best to keep them from meshing into one omnipotent teacher by giving them their own way of speaking. Gai would usually SPEAK IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS WITH MANY EXCLAIMATION POINTS!!!!! Asuma, obviously, brought up the fact that Shikamaru was a chuunin a lot and would use one to two exclamation points. Kurenai was bitter and always seemed to be on her period while usually using an exclamation point but most of the time she didn't. As for Kakashi, he would frequently tell people to look underneath the underneath and we tried our best to limit his usage of exclamation points. He was also very blunt. He had the best one-liners.

I hope you all caught the metaphor. Ice cream=family. The bigger serving of ice cream, the bigger the family. Then you had Neji and Sasuke who HAD ice cream, but someone stole it and Naruto who never even had any in the first place but Iruka treated him to some sherbet which was just as good! We thought it would be more obvious… actually, we thought it would be painfully obvious. But no one got it! No one at all! sniff

And, just so you know, we don't HATE Naruto! Stop accusing us of being mean to him. We're just telling it like it is in the show. Someone else will always get the best of Naruto and it would be out of character for him to suddenly topple someone else! I mean, leave the out of characterness to Neji or Asuma or someone…

Some of our favorite chapters include; "The Turkey", "The Greatest Prank", "If You Mean…", "You Offend Me", "Laser Tag", "Ice Cream Man", "Revenge", "The Disembodied Head", "Hazing", "Angels and Devils", "Halloween", "The Pool Party", "Training Pinata", "Extreme Makeover" and all the competition chapters.

Speaking of "The Turkey"…we could explain to you where this came from… but we're not going to. We'll just leave it at the fact that we could not possibly think up a REAL idea for Tenten.

Another thing, this was another idea that never made it… KARAOKE! You see, Karaoke's a fun idea but how do you go about writing something like that? Someone walks up, sings and then walks down. But here's how we planned to have Team Kurenai sing their Karaoke session: Shino, oh Shino! What are we going to do wiss you? Makin' tha promises oh so big. How you gonna make 'em come true? (That means that Shino is rapping like Aaron Carter and Kiba and Hinata are the random background singers with fake accents.) It would have been great, but SO out of character. For all of them. ESPECIALLY… wait, no. All of them.

That's really it…as soon as we finish writing this we'll think of something else we want to put here… (we've already done it about six times) but anyway, thanks to everyone who read this story and reviewed and, without further adieu, we present to you the FINAL 100th chapter!!

linkandluigi.t35.com

www.deviantart.com/view/6493870/


	101. Grand Finale

Naruto Primer: All

Grand Finale

"Haha." Sasuke laughed to himself as the commercials to his television program started. "That crazy cat. He'll never catch Jerry."

Suddenly, he realized that someone else was in the room. He looked up to see Neji standing over him so he quickly sprung up and used the remote to turn off the television. "So is it all right to just walk into someone else's house?!" he demanded.

"Sorry." Said Neji. "I DID knock, but you didn't come to the door so I just let myself in."

"That's obvious." Said Sasuke. "What do you want?"

"Well, I figured you might like to know that your evil brother has been to town on at least five different occasions, each within two days of each other." Neji replied. "And it's been two days since he last came."

"Oh." Said Sasuke. "Thanks for telling me…um…Neji."

"No, I wasn't telling you." Neji replied. "I just figured this was the safest place for me while he's in town."

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Sasuke said. "He's out to kill me!"

"No." said Neji. "He's avoiding you, YOU'RE out to kill HIM. He's out to kill me for whatever reason. And Kiba and Naruto. And, actually, pretty much everyone who isn't you."

"WHAT?!" Sasuke yelled irrationally. "If he's in town then I'm going to have to go out and kill him!"

"No, no, if you went out then he'd probably leave town."

"And…if you went out?"

"Then he'd probably stay. And try to kill me."

"What if…you went out and then…I was with you?"

"I think he'd leave anyway. He REALLY doesn't want to see you."

"So the only way he'd stay in town for me to kill him is if I'm not there?" Sasuke said, slowly raising his hands in the form of a hand seal.

"Yeah, I suppose." Neji replied. But then he noticed that Sasuke was performing a hand seal and suddenly got on the defensive. "What are you doing?"

"Sorry, Neji, but some sacrifices must be made." He said. "My brother must die. Shindainishin no Jutsu!"

The two were overtaken with white light and, obviously, it eventually cleared. We've seen this done a few times before so we should hope that you would know the drill by now.

Neji and Sasuke stared at each other for a moment.

"What…did you do." Said Sasuke finally.

"Sorry, but if he's looking for you then this is my best chance to kill him." Neji replied.

There was another long pause until Sasuke raised his right and. "Right…" he said slowly as he looked to his right hand. Then, just as slowly, he looked at his left hand as he raised that one as well. "Left. Wow, you guys have it so easy."

That's when Neji began looking around. "I have never been so confused as to my location in the room in my life." He announced. "This won't do at all."

"So are you going to give me my body back?" Sasuke asked.

"No." said Neji. "If I went outside as myself then whose to say that my evil brother won't just run away then?! I'll have to go out as someone else, namely you, and find a different person who doesn't have such odd vision!"

"Some people would call 360 degree vision an advantage." Sasuke said.

"Yes but, I guess it's one of those things that you have to be used to." Neji answered. "As of right now, I don't even know where I am in my own house. I don't even know which direction I'm facing. I swear I will never make fun of you because you don't know directions again."

Neji then proceeded to stumble around foolishly in attempt to move towards the door. Then, being the battle genius he is, he concocted a brilliant plan and stuck his hand out in front of him. "Aha!" he said. "THERE'S the front."

"I usually base my position on my blind angle." Said Sasuke.

"Neji, be quiet, I'm on a mission." Said Neji as he followed the direction of his hand. "You stay here so that Itachi doesn't think that I'm trying to kill him and leave while I'm finding him." He followed his hand out the door and hurried off to find either someone to switch bodies with or Itachi.

After waiting for a moment, Sasuke realized that he wasn't about to just sit around as Sasuke, the real one, ran around in his body. He walked around for a little while, looking around, seeing what it was like to not have 360 degree vision. He was actually quite happy with it because he could always tell where he was and where he was going and he could observe that certain things were on the left side of him while other things were on the right side.

He quickly found himself (of course, Sasuke is inside of him) talking to Kiba (the real one).

"WHAT'S GOING ON?!" Neji suddenly yelled, turning around and yelling at Sasuke.

Sasuke jumped in surprise.

"I'll see you two later!" said Kiba. "I'm off to kill my evil brother!" With that, he ran off as fast as he could.

"I'm getting dizzy!" Neji yelled as he took some lame steps to either side of him and then almost fell over but Sasuke grabbed his shoulders to steady him.

"Are you Kiba?" Sasuke asked. Neji nodded. "So Sasuke switched bodies with you?"

"What, you're not Sasuke?" Neji asked.

"No, I'm Neji." Sasuke replied.

"How did that happen?!" Neji demanded.

"Come on, we have to follow Sasuke!" said Sasuke, grabbing Neji's arm and guiding him along as they chased after Kiba.

Kiba, meanwhile, was having his share of troubles. Not only did every passing dog have something to say to him but his ridiculously heightened sense of smell was overwhelming him to no end.

"Why isn't anyone normal around here?!" he demanded to himself. That's when he saw Shino off in the distance walking with his photo album of bugs.

"Hello Kiba." Said Shino.

"Shino, you don't mind if we switch bodies, do you?" said Kiba as he immediately performed the hand seals to the Shindainishin no Jutsu without even waiting for Shino's response.

Neji and Sasuke just so happened to catch up with him in time to see the white light.

It didn't take Sasuke (the real one who is inside of Shino) very long to realize that it wasn't one of his best ideas to leap into Shino. He stood there being horrified and appalled and didn't move for a minute.

"Oh." Said Kiba, putting his hands on his hips. "It IS the ants in the pants. I feel so relieved for the first time."

The REAL Sasuke had to get out of Shino's body. It was FAR too uncomfortable in there.

Shino used the Shindainishin no Jutsu on the first person who just so happened to wander by. And that was Hinata who was on a walk with Sakura and Ino.

"Sasuke, you have to stop this rampage!" Sasuke said, grabbing onto Hinata.

"No!" said Hinata. "I am on a mission to find my evil brother and kill him! You following me around is defeating the whole purpose of switching bodies with random people! He's probably running away!"

"Eee…" said Shino weakly as he waved his arms around. "I don't like this… What's going on?"

"Sasuke, did you use the Shindainishin no Jutsu again?" Ino asked Sasuke.

"No, I'm not Sasuke!" said Sasuke, pointing at Hinata. "That's Sasuke! Right? You are Sasuke, right?"

"No, I'm Sakura." Whined Hinata.

"What?" said everyone.

"I didn't want to be a Hyuuga anymore." Sakura said. "I can't handle it."

"It's not fair!" cried Neji who could hardly even stand up straight.

"Well I certainly can't beat Itachi in this body." Said Sakura, looking down at herself. "Now, I've been all of you already and you've all had your drawbacks. I'll switch you all back later, don't worry. I just need to borrow your bodies for a little while."

She turned to Ino and performed the Shindainishin no Jutsu and switched with her.

"Why'd you do that?!" Sakura demanded.

"Well, it's just that I've never really seen Sakura do anything so I figured anybody's got to be more powerful than her…" Ino replied.

"HEY!" said Hinata. "Ino is equally as unpowerful as I am!"

"Now I have a big forehead!" complained Sakura.

"I'm in a hurry!" Ino announced as she ran off, leaving the huge crowd only to watch her go.

"Come on, we have to get him…or…her, or er…" Sasuke said slowly. "Let's just go!" Then they all took off after Ino. Except for Neji and Hinata of course who turned inwards and crashed into each other.

"I can't see where I'm going!" said Neji.

"Neither can I!" Hinata said.

Ino was searching for Itachi when she spotted Chouji walking out of… you know, that restaurant. That restaurant with the grill in the middle. Yeah, THAT restaurant.

"Hi Ino!" said Chouji.

"Out of personal comfort, I think I'd rather be a man." Said Ino as she stopped and performed the hand seals.

"…Okay…" said Chouji slowly.

"Shindainishin no Jutsu!" Ino said as she switched with Chouji.

There was silence.

"Wha…?" Ino said obliviously after the switch had occurred.

"I'll return your body later." Chouji said, saluting Ino and running off.

Ino didn't have a moment to stand there in a confused state before she was jumped by a mass of people who were in the wrong bodies.

"Switch us back, Sasuke!" commanded Sasuke.

"I'm not Sasuke!" said Ino. "I'm Chouji! Ino stole my body!"

"I'M Ino!" said Sakura.

"If you're Ino than who…" started Ino.

"Obviously we're looking for Sasuke." Said Sasuke.

"And you're not Sasuke?" Ino questioned.

"No, I'm Neji." Sasuke replied.

"How did this all happen?" asked Ino.

"We don't have time for that." said Kiba. "In case it never occurred to any of you, but if Sasuke ruins just ONE body then we'll all be stuck like this forever."

Everyone gasped.

"We have to find him!" said Shino since he didn't like being where he was.

The huge group began their migration again and quickly found Chouji.

"You're not Sasuke, are you?" Neji asked.

"No, I'm Shikamaru." Chouji replied. "Chouji came up to me a few seconds ago and declared that he was out of shape. Then, I guess, he switched with me."

"No, I'm Chouji!" said Ino.

"If you're Chouji then where's Ino?" asked Chouji.

"We already went through this!" said Sasuke. "We have to find Sasuke and get us all back into our bodies!"

"And…you're not Sasuke I take it?" Chouji asked.

"I SWEAR we went through this." Said Sakura.

"Shikamaru, where did Sasuke go?" asked Hinata.

"Um…that way?" Chouji replied, pointing.

They turned around only to encounter Lee and Naruto.

"Don't tell me that you guys switched bodies too!" said Ino.

"We did!" said Lee. "How'd you know?"

"So which one of you is Shikamaru?" asked Sasuke.

"I'M Shikamaru." Said Chouji, sounding annoyed.

"Yeah but…then where's your body?" Sasuke said. Chouji shrugged. "Then one of you two are Sasuke?"

"No, you're Sasuke." Said Naruto. "I'm Lee."

"And I'm Naruto!" Lee chimed.

"Wait…you two just switched bodies with each other?" said Neji.

"Well yeah!" said Naruto. "We saw Chouji and Shikamaru do it and then Naruto and I got in a conversation about how cool it was when we changed bodies LAST time so we decided to do it again!"

The others could only look upon Naruto and Lee as if they were morons.

"So Sasuke's still out there in Shikamaru's body?" said Ino.

"No," said Shikamaru, coming up behind him. "He just switched bodies with me."

"Who are you then?" asked Sasuke.

"I'm Kakashi." Shikamaru replied.

"Does that mean we're looking for Kakashi now?!" demanded Neji.

"Yup." Shikamaru answered.

The mass groaned and ran off to find Kakashi.

Shikamaru paused for a moment and watched them leave. He smiled deviously and turned around. "Now that they're all out of the way, I can search for Itachi and kill him in peace!" he said, laughing to himself slightly. He went to take a step forward to search for his evil brother only to find that he couldn't move.

"Ha!" said Neji, facing the wrong direction, but it's not like it mattered.

"With my newly acquired dog-like hearing, I was able to hear you say that." Said Kiba.

"And I was able to catch you with my extra large shadow." Said Chouji.

"Shikamaru!" said Ino. "That wasn't nice!"

"I'm sorry, Chouji." Said Chouji. "I wasn't thinking."

"It's all right, Shikamaru." Said Ino.

"So now let's stop all this and return us to our regular bodies." Sasuke said.

"No, I have to find my evil brother." Said Shikamaru.

"If you were listening then you'd know that he's not actually in town, I just figured he would be because he had apparently been following a pattern." Sasuke tried to explain.

"What?" said Shikamaru.

"This was all just a huge misunderstanding?" complained Sakura.

"And we got stuck in the middle of it." said Shino, shaking his head.

"Are you serious?" Shikamaru said, looking more annoyed than ever. "I hate you Neji. And now I will kill you."

"Not if I kill you first." Said Sasuke.

"Well, I'm not going to kill you while you're in my body." Said Shikamaru.

"Let's just fix this, okay?" said Neji. "Because I really feel like I'm going to pass out or something. And I can't go back into my body until Shino's out of it."

"And Hinata has to get out of mine." Kiba said.

"I really want to." Said Shino.

"Wait, what exactly is the problem?" said Naruto. "You guys are all switched around? All of you?"

"Well YEAH." Said some annoyed person who was in the wrong body.

"All right, it looks like this calls for a big group hug." Said Hinata.

"And we all have to say that we love each other." Sakura reminded them.

Everyone latched onto each other as a huge mass of adolescents. They all yelled, "I LOVE YOU!!" It was very heartwarming even though it was filled with much hate. And the only reason why we had this chapter be so confusing and elaborate was because we wanted everything to end with a big group hug and everyone chuckling warmly as a black circle engulfed them.

Everyone chuckled warmly as a black circle engulfed them.

Then, as always, the circle opened up and Tenten was standing there.

"What about me?!" she demanded. "Why wasn't _I _included in the group hug?! Just because I don't even have a last name doesn't mean—"

But she was promptly silenced by the black circle.

And, in case you didn't catch that, it's over now. See ya'll next time!!

Like the Naruto Primer? Vote for us at

http:www.geocities.com/bikifriend/main


End file.
